windthread

in a way,  the drawings come from the same place as Cloth.  But Cloth takes time.  Drawings are FAST, moments,  and they are There.  They begin with just the point of the pencil on the paper…no fore thought,  point of pencil on paper and they Go.  so this one,  a picture for me of the Inevitable.  OK.

My sense of my daughter and granddaughter is not normal.  I don't feel "motherly".  They,  to me,  are individual human beings.  We are no less and no more.  Really,  since their births.  All through their childhoods,  young womanhoods.  We are equal.

We have tried,  each of us,  in our own ways,  to DisConnect over time but it now is seeming at this point that there is something Inevitable about us.  OK.  

This goes back to the post of 8~8~2016…Things that don't go together but then somehow can.  The stories we tell ourselves.   Here,  the story of how i need to live alone.  Like,  totally alone.  Away from.

I am not good at keeping things to myself.  So I'll just tell it how it goes and we'll find out how it goes as it goes,  Together.  I am driven to Say Outloud what's happening,  even if it's just thoughts…but if the Thoughts are at the Center of Days,  they need to be spoken to allow Space.

So this is where we seem to be.  Drawn,  as in kind of magnetized into Something.  The Something being living 

Near

They are looking at land.  It would need to be a minimum of 10 acres.  Would be nice if there were more, but there's not enough money for that.  So…Ten.  Good Enough.  Each of us would have a corner of it.  There would be a common area in the middle.  

I am visualizing how it might be for me.  I sit and wait.  Eyes closed for something to come.  I see a deck.   I am sitting on this deck.  Tay lays a little distance away.  There are trees,  those Mountain Oak.  There is a path worn in the native grasses that goes Off and comes To.  Behind me,  attached to this deck is two rooms.  Small.  Maybe 12×12.  Haven't  "seen" them much yet, so i don't know.  Really, am not all that interested in them.  It's the deck that is important.  But…..i went back and looked for something i'd seen some months ago,  more than a year,  

Utube

DIY recycled pallet house with Ikea style assembly instructions.  Suzan Wines and Azin Valy.  ideal refugee housing in Kosovo.

this would be it.  Pallet house.  Because it would be in the "back" of the acres,  no electricity.  No sewer.  So daylight and compost toilet.  I'd need to go down that path to shower,  to use the computer maybe in the common area.  Also,  there i would cook.  I would cook for All of Us and this would be easy for me and good.  This is something i love.

The GOATS would be up there,  near the front,  near the common area.  I'd go,  with Tay,  to turn them OUT and walk with them.

Back where i am,  there would be chickens.  They need separate space from Goats.  Ok.

I Imagine them,  me sitting on that deck,  they,  coming, walking up that path…Jenny,  Alyssia,  the kids.  They will come.  We will figure stuff out.

It's a world of Climate Crisis.  This is the world they will inherit.  How do we go into that Together.