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This is the Cloth of Continuing.  the Cloth of Going Through that i made in September of 2011 for Wendy Golden Levitt's children.   Wendy's original thought was a Cloth that could be for when a child was ready to,  …..  go.  When they had finished with their work in her Sacred Space Place.  But sometimes the kids would go through a few times,  i don't really know,  maybe even many.  And sometimes they would just part the opening and not Go through,  but just look through to the other side.

Today, Wendy sent me this

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here is the Cloth of Continuing,  placed by a child in the sand tray.   Wendy said it took the child two hours to choose and place the things on the Cloth.  For the child,  it's about Going.  Continuing on.  From a place she loves to a new and different place which has promise,  but is not the Place she loves and has loved.

How perfect that this mail should arrive today.  But then,  that's how it is with things from Wendy.

So,  I could just decide to take a Blog Break.   long and  indefinite or just put stuff here as it comes.  I am not sure yet.  But for now,  we'll see how it goes.

But in looking back through the Picasa Library of photographs,  and there are zillions and all are so heartfelt,  looking back for a pic of this cloth…it's like going back through days of my life as they have passed,  backwards………..Jude has cloths.  I have photographs.  both work.    But right at the time of this Cloth was the Magic Diaries Cloth.   From close to the beginning for me with Spirit Cloth.

 

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so i went to find it somewhere folded on shelves and spread it here.  How faded it had become.  It hung on the west window wall of the ROOM for some years till i took it down and folded it away.  It is full of dust too.  Since i never finished so much of the stitching down,  to wash it was ify so i didn't.  Just folded it up and set it aside.  And because all in that time was so exciting and new,  i just kept Going.  

So….from Jan.  2012.   Now unto today.  and i am like Wendy's child,  needing to go but ……

So…i am thinking this eve,  maybe i will work on the Magic Diaries Cloth for however long.    Today i went to the bank and had cashiers checks  made out to the kids of mine…all of the Old Cowboy's money that finally came.  They are in the US postal Service network at this moment,  probably already gone out of Albuquerque,  whizzing their way in trucks to California and Colorado.  To California,  where Jenny and Alyssia are going through real estate things…making lists….making appointments.  Sometimes Jenny sends me things like this and since it's taken from the computer screen….well….

 

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Real Estate pics.  Kind of hard to see.  But we can get the drift.  and i smile looking at them….Jenny is so not into "desert" but really…this is desert of a different kind.  So much of the land in that part of California is like this.  And yes,   not sand.  But here rocks and clay.  OK.  It's what they love.

Somewhere in the last few days i wrote this in the morning.  I set out.  To find the bottom line.  I worked hard making a Place and i made a Place.  I made it.  Now,  I will need to make a new place and i am nearing the end of my time.  This is new…..nearing the end of my time…Different than before.  

I don't know how to do this part…that has an End in sight.

 

 

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31 responses to “this or nothing”

  1. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    I’m back…and like what I see!

    Like

  2. Liz A Avatar

    Whatever you do … or don’t do … in the future, I will always be grateful for what is here, for what you have created.
    I wish you peace of mind and heart … and joy

    Like

  3. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    making new magic. . .

    Like

  4. kathy dorfer Avatar
    kathy dorfer

    please let us know where you land (:
    i am in california (:
    xxoo

    Like

  5. grace Avatar

    to know this. that YOU are already there and Living your Life
    there
    is like placing a stone
    I Place a stone, where Kathy is. a stone from Here is there.
    they are looking near Chico. The little kids have school at the Montessori school in Chico…1st and 2nd grade and important to
    Destiny with her challenges for this year and maybe the next.
    Jenny, my daughter, likes Chico…it makes her feel at home, like where she grew up in Ann Arbor Michigan, the college town of the University of Michigan.
    But their vision extends OUT into the country side…they want land…empty space land where those tiny houses can be built.
    a small compound of family on SPACE
    please stay close. It helps me in working this through.

    Like

  6. judy martin Avatar

    oh Grace
    that last sentence made me cry.
    x

    Like

  7. ² Avatar
    ²

    hey Grace it takes a long time
    a lot is past by and going on
    my pc stop has help me through a period of changing and going on
    life is beautyfull , the simple life
    yesterday evening a saw the swallows with more than 200 hundred together
    enjoy the fligt in the red evening sun before they go to sleep
    autumn is comming close the feelds become more empty
    i reed with interest wath is gooïng on at your place your life
    wish you a lot of courage and let things go
    it will be o.k. it IS ok
    you stay in our love
    with peace of mind and heart and joy ( like Liz says )
    greets the connecting sisters

    Like

  8. ² Avatar
    ²

    i know.. i know…. an end has a new start …
    more an goïng on in a other way of beÏng
    so feel alright just the letting GO is the hard way ,
    have trust there is love everywhere
    that’s all there is

    Like

  9. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    I just went to wiki and looked up Chico and Paradise…I love you where you are and I’ll love you wherever you are going. We all do. This virtual thing is helpful. Come to think of it, except for those few phone talks, we’ve always been virtual. But that’s no less real now. Still, it’s huge to contemplate what you are moving toward. I can hardly wrap my head around it and I’m not the one doing it! Funny you should go back to those early days with Jude. I just did that too…all the way back to the Magic Feather which is where I jumped on. I sure hope you can find a way and find it in your heart to stay in touch with us (with me). Goodnight at nearly 3AM on Thursday Grace.

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  10. julie Avatar

    All is true in what you write today. And yet, I think of that drawing of the Threes and I see you moving i to their arms.

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  11. jude Avatar

    that end is always there. and so is the beginning. just be in between.

    Like

  12. Mo Crow Avatar

    the cloth of continuing… the boat in the opening… the B&W lizard… and snakes… the nun… the flowers, love this exploration of the liminal, the space in between here & there where anything is possible

    Like

  13. Kristin Avatar
    Kristin

    Dear Grace…as this time of transition and change and growing into more of a family community is unfolding and calling you, it is lovely to read and breathe in the thoughts and visions along with you. Knowing that one day there is an end is enough for me….lots of space between now and then, perhaps, or not….to live fully, explore and appreciate what is with us, around us, through us…well that is what seems to be working for this elder one…73 very soon and things seem more open and alive today than a year ago…just enjoying the journey….and loving being a part of your story as it unfolds in the universe and cyber space for me to breathe in and delight in.

    Like

  14. Dana Avatar

    I find an empty place opening inside as I read your posts. The changes you are planning project you into an in-between place and I am floating with you…untethering from the home where I have known you but not yet immersed in the future. Your family and your feelings have put this in motion and I have no doubt that it is proceeding as it should. The Cloth of Continuing is so appropriate with its gated river and attendant animals, including the transformational snakes. Just Go with it Grace. Go where the waters take you but remember that we are with you.

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  15. dee Avatar

    Just read backwards several posts to here and my throat tightens at the thought of the changes you face. Maybe each of us, your dear readers, inevitably holds some part of the experience of transition. I want to hold the expansive part, the excited part, the willing part, but my body has other ideas. Tight, tight, in the throat. Where creativity lives. Where voice comes out.
    I know you haven’t asked for advice, but the idea of breaking from blogging feels like a terrible idea. This cyber place holds beauty and meaning and you have built it with as much care as you constructed the goat pens and coffee table desks and quilts and compost piles. It’s a kind of home, and not only a kind of home, but one you can take with you to California.
    But then again, maybe I am just being selfish, not wanting you to disappear.

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  16. grace Avatar

    am Glad you got back…is there Prairie wind in your hair????

    Like

  17. grace Avatar

    peace of mind and heart, yes,

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  18. grace Avatar

    first to secure what’s here, then continue in the Now…

    Like

  19. grace Avatar

    it’s not a tearful thing for me, just the way it IS.
    and i want to honor it

    Like

  20. grace Avatar

    these words are true
    but sometimes for me, i need to go through things as
    they come. I might be clumsy.

    Like

  21. grace Avatar

    finding the way. it’s finding the way.

    Like

  22. grace Avatar

    this is the inevitable thing, i think

    Like

  23. grace Avatar

    i am not in control of it in the moment

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  24. grace Avatar

    it’s just amazing, isn’t it, the choices, the placements

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  25. grace Avatar

    i think maybe things like this are easier for you than i am
    finding in the moment,

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  26. grace Avatar

    the in between place….

    Like

  27. grace Avatar

    Dee…i appreciate very much you offering here the “not so
    beautiful” it’s where my inbetween is, in that not so
    flowy place…there is fear where i am.
    the thing of breaking the blogging ,,, Everything seems hard
    enough already, all the goings on in the world, hard Enough
    and there is already enough for Us to have feelings about…
    for me to add to this uneasiness…and if it turned out that
    i might make a mess of it all….
    where is the Goodness to bring to this screen and to Us?

    Like

  28. dee Avatar

    Your approach has always struck me as enviable : an open-hearted open-minded telling of things as they are — not siding with reality as good or bad. Maybe you have filtered more than is guessable? Fear is an energy just like love or lightning. It can be documented just like the lizards or goats. The Goodness you bring is YOU, not your circumstances.
    I just don’t see how telling about even a big fucking mess would harm any of us. Or, I’ll speak for myself: I’d rather hear about the mess than face the silence.
    But if the burden of carrying on here is too much, I understand. All summer I seem to have lacked the will to blog and it feels linked to the mind-bending state of politics and a certain precarious feel to it all…

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  29. grace Avatar

    oh….how good laughing is. the burst of laughing “a big fucking mess”…
    THANK YOU FOR THAT.
    I don’t know…i do filter, but really not much. There’s nothing worth
    talking about if it’s filtered.
    I love this….
    “Fear is an energy just like love or lightning.” Just love this. a lot.
    There is. There is, for me too, a certain precarious feel. And maybe
    it would be ok to “go there”…because really, that’s part of the
    Willingness to go…to partner up with them….like it’s going to
    take all we can put together to weather the precariousness. All our
    combined creativity to carry the little kids forward

    Like

  30. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Oh so many thoughts here…the cloth. I remember this cloth and the early days with Jude, when you were already there when I arrived. Connections…so many of those too. Paradise, my exMother-in-Law and brother-in-law and family live there…and Chico, a cousin’s daughter was just married there…on her new in-law’s sheep farm! And the blogging, the way I grew to know you. I agree with Dee and I am thinking of the years I have read your very open words and read you process every detail of your life there in NM. I’ve watched cloths grow, through your photos and words, I’ve learned – had my mind expanded (new music, new ideas)…I’ve watched and celebrated family with you and cried when Alz B & Old Cowboy passed (closing and opening doors in your own life). There is a lifetime here, a LIFE here. This feels important. Be well Grace and take care. xoNancy
    PS I’m in CA too, there are things to love here, honest.

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  31. grace Avatar

    your words are so heartfelt here, Nancy, a Story of Finding, from
    those early days with Jude and going on through years…and now you send these reassuring threads that will take me further into what’s next….
    WE ARE important, Yes. And i always think that, how you walk your
    path in California, i have People there, don’t i.
    Today, this feels really really good.
    Big Love to you and Thank You so much

    Like

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