windthread

recent posts

about

proud

i'm Proud of my California Family.   Often,  the telling of things there comes as if they are talking about two different scenarios.  But with the final rendition today,  it was the SAME.  

8 adults.  3 in very early 40's.  3 in 20's.  2 around 19.   4 children from 1yr to 10yrs.  12 of them.  All very distinct sentient beings.   There are reasons why it might not have gone as it did.  But they all rose to their Best Selves and found that these Best Selves were GOOD and woven by blood and happenstance,  they celebrated.  Together.  Finding out that by going toward the GOOD among them,  nothing was lost and much was gained.  i sit here tonight with a deep pleasure and gratitude.

i spent most of this day working out how to afix the tarp onto the buck hut we built for Gideon when Sunny Ray comes back home.   If WIND returns i'll find out if it's good enough.  50/50 i'm thinking.  Split and hauled in fire wood.  Stitched the M for Metta with a light grayblue thread…Wind color.

 

DSCN3810f

worked on the Goat Eye.

I watched Kundun.  The incredibly FINE movie about the life of this 14th Dalai Lama,  Tenzin Gyatso.  The True story of his life.  UTUBE.  If anyone is inclined,  it's just so Fine.  I will watch it all this week,  some at a time,  just let it play through the days.  I never get tired of it.  It could be projected here in the sky overhead,  the musical score by Phillip Glass…it could be the soundtrack to this life.  I think about making prayer flags,  or maybe better yet,  getting some from the buddhist nuns?  I think of them being a canopy over this space,  fluttering above Us all.  

it was a gentle day, Cynthia…..

 

 

 

Posted in

12 responses to “proud”

  1. julie Avatar
    julie

    psst…sitting in a rented airstream one state over from you (az) catching up on your posts since it is 5 30 am and I cant turn on the light till the snoring next to me stops or I get bored enough to wake him up. We have this mobil life as a dream and are trying it out renting for just 10 days to make sure.
    We are sure.
    So about this post–we only know two of the 8 adults you mention. How about you fill in the cast?
    love to you in this desert with gaping skies. We are at the Mogollon Rim, where the earth fell off. Makes me think of you and your references to Rim.

    Like

    Reply
  2. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    beautiful

    Like

    Reply
  3. Acey Avatar
    Acey

    yes I feel your satisfaction “from afar” as you always put it when naming my place in your homegrown constellation of “Us”. Never sure if that makes me part of the “us” or an “other” but am even more not sure it matters, really, at least to me and how i do or do not comment here.
    Your words concerning your family make me believe this particular ‘season of miracles’ might have focused a lot on that kind of small-group, tightly knit connections. because i have heard some previously unimaged, not-dared-to-be-hoped-for other stories in the past day and a half. And have lived in such a story myself.
    Weighing in as the worst thing i have yet experienced at a personal level – my much beloved son (a/k/a the only close blood i have left) and i have been quite painfully estranged for about 14 months. We have both tried to break through the barriers at various times but it’s only seemed to intensify the source of the conflict. But then. After saying he would not and me saying i could not, we did on the Eve agree to spend christmas afternoon together. And the relatively small but very powerful thing that i have consistently realized that i needed in all of this in order to authentically move on occurred. no prodding or prompting or insisting – it just came and bloomed on its own. and it was just as i had imagined. my heart unlocked like it was never walled-off and afraid to just Be. My belly and brain released a ton of baggage as swiftly and surely as if it hadn’t existed. Not a magic bullet by any means but now i can finally move on from the holding of it which was so uncomfortable and unlike anything i’ve ever experienced or imagined.
    yes. think of this happening all over our divided traumatized country and outward throughout the planet. blood ties truly coming together and perhaps the stronger for pushing through at least the edges of whatever is wrong in our individual universes. As my son said, as we’ve all been saying in the past two months: there is ‘way too much toxicity, fear and rage all around us that we absolutely can’t control. So we need to come from love within ourselves most especially in the places where it’s hardest to do that. Close to home. Not just “out in the world”. Maybe the home actually needs to come first, whenever and however possible?

    Like

    Reply
  4. Cindy from Georgia Avatar
    Cindy from Georgia

    yes. yes. thank you, Acey.

    Like

    Reply
  5. Martine Bos Avatar
    Martine Bos

    So happy you are happy.
    Came to say hi and bring love…………

    Like

    Reply
  6. grace Avatar
    grace

    the Us. You are the RoosterFlower Nebula. that brings
    words from LotusLand. Us.
    So deeply i receive the words that you have heard of other
    “previously unimagined, not dared to be hoped for stories”
    all your words of the personal exchange with you and your son,
    ….” release of a ton of baggage as swiftly and surely as if it hadn’t existed”…because…Did it? or Did it not? How do we know these things when what we can only know is the RELEASE…what
    the release is
    and to begin to have an appetite for the release, a craving
    so so strong that we look everywhere for it in these times…
    wanting to touch the release and give ourselves to it?????
    “to authentically move on.”
    what so Beauty Full words these are….”to authentically move on”
    Love to you

    Like

    Reply
  7. grace Avatar
    grace

    Martine…..the love you bring is Warm and Kind

    Like

    Reply
  8. grace Avatar
    grace

    eeeee…sitting in a rented airstream….o, eeeeeeeee. o
    Them. ok.
    the three “adults”…in their early 40’s…my daughter, her man, an the oddly attached extended, like extended, family member Lisa, mother to Veronika one of the l9 year olds. More of the Michigan people who are migrating who is living with Alyssia.
    The young adults, Alyssia, Her brother Jeff, the mother of his child, Ash. The nineteen year olds, Veronika who has lived with Alyssia since she was i think 14, give or take, is 19 now and her girlfriend who i really don’t know anything about.
    The children, Fate. Jeff and Ash’s son who is one. Julian, alyssia’s son, Destiny, the girl child from Michigan, and Ash’s son Elijah, 10 years old.
    they came together. they came together because for whatever reason and need, they claimed themselves. as PART of something.

    Like

    Reply
  9. Acey Avatar
    Acey

    really like, a lot, your words about release. Because that day i described also contained the very first time i was able to let go and allow myself to cry about anything connected to That Thing that’s going to shape so much and in so many ways that seem wrong, retrograde, and hateful. All this time I’ve been holding that in – telling myself i didn’t need to let go as much as everyone else around me seemed to need a relatively calm shoulder and listening heart/ear.
    Well. Now I know I can cry freely – give that gift to myself even though it’s one i don’t want to need. Especially for the all the ‘way too many reasons I/we do need it.
    And so I offer another link to a different very special friend of mine – to me she is very much to herbalism what jude is to cloth whispering. Robin Rose Bennett at her site wisewomanhealingways.com. Think you will LOVE the image of her at the top of the site page. Scroll down to the bottom to click and read the entry entitled Cry Me A River. So good. So in the spirit of what we need to be able to do just as surely as we need to be able to do a whole lot more. And we will. Because we can.

    Like

    Reply
  10. grace Avatar
    grace

    o i DO…i love the header pic of her, her in her sense of
    this world…
    and i read Cry Me a River
    “What would happen if millions of people around the world gathered at the same time for a mass cry for our beloved planet?
    People for whom tears don’t come easily could wail and keen….”
    and i loved her for adding that….could wail and keen….
    i don’t cry in the normal sense of it. I read your words that you can cry freely…what would that be LIKE?, i wonder…i have never known crying freely. I don’t remember crying as a child. as an adult, any time in between. There are times, like recently when SnowBunny met her death, there is that feeling in the face, the stinging in the eyes, maybe even a few tears, but not tears that flow down my cheeks. I don’t know that.
    the face contorts with huge Grief…i know this. The body
    becomes a larger container FULL of Grief but i don’t cry.
    I think i could wail and keen….
    could I?
    i thank you for these thoughts…they are important to these
    times and important to finding a way to allow the Grief its
    rightfull place so that i can. I can go forward from it, with it.
    Thank you and love…..

    Like

    Reply
  11. saskia Avatar
    saskia

    family
    such a small word for something so large
    so defining in a way of who we are, what we become
    what we allow ourselves to be
    I used to feel that I would rather choose who I am with, these days (not christmas and the like, more to do with the aging) I increasingly feel very much connected to family; not those I have chosen and in an ideal world would have wanted to be my family – that is easy- but the blood-related persons which is at times way more difficult: we too choose each other, because of what we (have) share(d) and also all those unnameable things, and we cannot fake our inner truths amongst one another, and making a go of it Matters, it matters

    Like

    Reply
  12. grace Avatar
    grace

    those unnameable things that cannot be faked and what comes
    from facing them and going INTO them

    Like

    Reply

Leave a comment