so it's taken all this time,  which really, isn't any time at all,  but seems like a lot of time,  to understand why i am so taken by this pic of self i took and put here yesterday.  I enlarged it and took another of the enlargement on the computer screen this morning

 

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i was talking to Alyssia and we were thinking about why i am so interested in this and it didn't come when we were talking,  but just now,  after we hung up….

it's that this is the ME in my dreams.  the ME who dreams,  who is in the middle of all of the dreams that i dream so busily every single night,  more busy often than any day might be.   There are old lovers,  there is often lately, my Mother,  there are many women in the dreams and this is the me in the dreams i dream.  Why this is particularly important now,  i have no clue.  But i look at this image and know it to be me and know it to be the me that shares some kind of life with many others.  Real and Dream others.  This is she who GOES.  even more than in the light of day.  OK.  OK.  and ok.

It RAINED all night.  NON STOP.  BUCKETS of RAIN dumped down

 

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Lake front property.  MISERABLE for Goats.  It continued all day,  like ALL day,  not in buckets,  but steady.  Steady rain.  It's not that they are picky,  it's that for some reason,  eating wet feed isn't good.  and wet feed was all there was.  They kept standing there looking at me like i could make it different,  make it ok.  I couldn't.

 

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i sat,  stood,  sat with this Cloth all day long…taking things away,  putting them back and in the end the only thing stitched on was the 

magician

that oh so small image…size of a postage stamp…made square…ish.  stitched.  firm.  the vagueness,  the small ephemeral quality of it.   Liminal.  Threshold.  This image,  probably never the same because how Could it Be?,  will continue.  the magician. 

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22 responses to “liminal”

  1. joanne Avatar
    joanne

    the Magician……dreaming? Your dreams?
    I was happy to see your face. It’s what I imagined it would be.
    I keep hay for the compost bins dry in black plastic garbage bags. when it gets wet it gets slimy (slippery).
    If I were a goat–I wouldn’t want the food to be wet and slimy either.

    Like

  2. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    How interesting…I never see a me in my dreams…I feel me but don’t ever actually see me. Of course you may have meant the metaphorical dreamer. But, it’s interesting. Mud! Yuck. I like the goat patch, and loved the magician too.

    Like

  3. margaret johnson Avatar
    margaret johnson

    Do you have pussy cat ears in your dreams?! Your goat sketch looks like a cave painting, gorgeous….ox
    Whenever I see an image of myself I feel so alien toward it, as I look nothing like I feel on the inside.
    Like Michelle, I don’t see myself in dreams..

    Like

  4. jude Avatar

    hello grace of your dreams

    Like

  5. Mo Crow Avatar

    your eyes shine with deep brave love

    Like

  6. dee Avatar

    your intensity looks capable of taking you absolutely anywhere. did you just feel that this is the you-that-dreams or do you visually recognize yourself? like Michelle and Margaret, I don’t see myself in my dreams.

    Like

  7. Joy Avatar
    Joy

    Grace, do the goats have anything dry to climb on or sleep on? Can they go in a shed? Do you have coverings over their hay/feed? I know this isn’t your first rodeo with goats, but just wondering if they have those options.

    Like

  8. cynthia Avatar
    cynthia

    i always know myself in dreams..but i am not always the same there..i love the magician..hovering up there..
    gentle day grace

    Like

  9. grace Avatar

    i will take some new pics and post them…OR go back into
    Picasa and find some…
    Yes. they all have dry shelters to sleep in…with that new
    bedding hay i got the other day.
    The bales of feed are stored well in that big shed thing i
    call the Albatross and also half of that is where the doe
    goats go at night or in rain. No one has to stand in the rain.
    i bring their feed twice a day to big tubs in their “yards”…
    there are now 3 buck yards and then the big doe areas…two
    yards connected by the migrational cooridor….
    i watch watch watch for a break in the rain and zip out to
    take the feed…alfalfa in the morning, grass hay in eve….
    if it starts raining again, i run out and turn their tubs over
    atop the feed to keep it dry till we can try again…
    some days like yesterday tho, there was no break in the rain.
    They finally were able to brave the modest drops and eat enough
    to feel like they weren’t starving. The bucks are better about
    it all, they don’t mind a light rain.
    it’s not often that it rains all day. OR hasn’t been that way.
    Usually here there are breaks of Sun and you just watch for
    that. It’s different now tho, in the last year or so, and
    if i was Sure i would be staying here Forever, I might put up
    some kind of covered area for the feed tubs. Still counting
    on Daughter coming to get them.

    Like

  10. grace Avatar

    well…they don’t even want 3 drops of rain on it…it never
    gets to the point of slimy but you’d think it was by how
    phobic they are about rain.
    am still not knowing about the appearance of that magician…
    what is she doing? or what is it that i want her to be
    doing?

    Like

  11. grace Avatar

    it’s an odd combination of both…”seeing” me interacting with
    the others in the dream, but really as if me is Behind the
    participating me…so i guess like there are 2. one doing,
    one observing, and i guess the observing one is the closest
    to the me that is the dreamer?????
    but then, no, because i have very physical dreams….FEEL
    it all, body wise, in a way like lucid dreaming, but i
    don’t want to do that…lucid dream…i used to a long time
    ago, but now…NOT.

    Like

  12. grace Avatar

    no…no cat ears…and just some kind of generic “me”
    well, it’s not like seeing myself as if i am Looking at
    myself, it’s like watching a movie that i am In again
    a kind of generic me

    Like

  13. grace Avatar

    hello Jude of your dreams

    Like

  14. grace Avatar

    it’s an interesting look, isn’t it…it surprised me

    Like

  15. grace Avatar

    it’s the “intensity”….it is a kind of visual recognition,
    but also not. I’m really becoming interested in
    trying to be more clear about how it happens

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  16. grace Avatar

    i think i’m always the same….but again…some kind of
    generic me,
    yes. i love the magician too….want to know more
    about why she has appeared

    Like

  17. Joy Avatar
    Joy

    thanks Grace.

    Like

  18. grace Avatar

    i like questions, remember? They clarify
    things for me, too…., so…Thank YOU!

    Like

  19. Ali Avatar
    Ali

    Love to see your face, such intensity and strength .
    Love to be part of the process, and so grateful for the generous sharing.
    Love this community of love.

    Like

  20. Nina Avatar
    Nina

    Love your photo and love the Magician. The goats will manage even with some rain.

    Like

  21. grace Avatar

    Nina, yes, they will. and this is partly the great GIFT of your blog, you have
    S N O W
    you have
    W I N T E R
    and yet you do all the things that are just so Goatly anywhere…, like i just read about the poop collection and the ear tag surgery…these things HELP me so much…having no one here to share it with…there’s You, way over there in Maine….
    this. THIS
    is Happiness…
    and add to that, that it is Nanette in Australia that linked me to you…..???????????? Oh, tra la. Here is a little JOY.

    Like

  22. grace Avatar

    Love back to you, Ali, the process of it is nothing if not for the sharing, the community. Which IS the process.
    which makes this Life. something WAY more than nothing.

    Like

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