windthread

this is my pattern:  i go to sleep when it gets dark.   I wake at sometime around 2:00.  Wide Awake.  i Entertain thoughts spontaneously until i suddenly realize i am entertaining thoughts at which point i begin one or the other of the meditation practices.  Metta,  Tonglen,  Soham and   I wake at somewhere between 6 am and 6:30 again,  realizing that somewhere in the meditation, i fell asleep.

when i wake at 2 something A.M.,  everything is so just There…so clear and so staring me in the face.  Last night it was whether or not i'd answered the comment from Joy in Arizona…????   DID i???? and then the awareness of Emrie's well being and staying for a while with that and then…wondering…Where did that Cloth GO??????

this one.   hanging from the Cottonwood stick?  that this morning was called the Life Boat?  Where did the Life Boat go?  and i sat in the morning chair and tried to visualize where i'd last seen it…Not in the drawers,  because i'd looked at all the things in there last week

the wall next to the computer…going to look,  i find it all sticky with dust and cob spider webs. Had fallen off that wall and onto the floor between the wall and the computer desk.   I didn't know much about it at the time i was stitching it,  but this morning,  it was the Life Boat 

it's tied by a string,  suspended in the window from the curtain rod which is really just a QuarterRound stick….as i continue thinking about the boy across the way,  about Human Services,  i will look at this Cloth…the Life Boat in the Sea of Possibilities.  

ok.

i wanted to stitch.  I wanted to a Lot.  But this cloth remains a mystery to me.  So, i stitched in these small fragments.   ok   and then sitting,  looking at it,  i began stitching Roots.  Roots that have been a persistent image.  ok.  roots.  I don't know if they are visible to anyone but me in this pic?   But roots.  Still.  I don't know this cloth.

I received phone calls from both Jenny and Alyssia and stitched through them.  How we talk now,  not saying much,  just being on either end of the phone.  Sometimes with Alyssia i just sit and listen as she does her day with the kids…today,  they are Cleaning and the exchange between her and a 7 yo and 9 yo who are NOT happy with cleaning.  I just listen.

Jenny called because the Water Meter is IN!  …yay and the first utility for the Hill.  Next, electric.  She tells me that all around Alyssia's Campsite A there are small purple flowers Blooming.    and Alyssia reports this too.  and things are fragmented….i am here and there but really in some kind of limbo that is neither and Both.

I kept my agreement to go OUT and pull weeds for at least a half hour every day.  Knowing that if i get Out There,  i always end up just going…always an hour or  more…if i just get Out There and so it was today…WIND was strong enough,  but hunkered down,  squating close to the earth,  just easy.