DSCN5384f

Ok.  ok then.  a flag.  ok.

 

i went to work and came home to read on Facebook,  i clicked in quick,  on facebook

"according to the new map,  the fire claimed our little piece of paradise last night.  we cannot get there to see the damage.  so we don't know the extent.  but i am not optimistic."   Jenny's Facebook.

then…there was a phone message from Alyssia.

it's good.  it's just as it was.  there is nothing.  no smoke,  no fire.  it's just as it was and is.

I call Alyssia.  She went there.  she muscled her way through the road closed zone…her,  8 + months pregnant and they let her go through and what she found was that 

everything was just as it always was.  Nothing changed.  For as far as she could see,  no smoke even.  She gathered all the gas cans all the keroscene cans and took them in her vehicle…away from her  retaining wall that they had worked so hard to create.  It was all she could think to do.

so…in this moment here,  6 something oclock,  my time,  5 something oclock their time,  there is Reprieve.  The Dragon went elsewhere.  

the fire is 35% contained.  Dependent on so much.

later a long conversation with Jenny.  My daughter.  who has never been Easy.  and i suppose i too,  have never been easy for her.  We are who we are.   so the conversation…meandering and weaving and we try to find ourselves in it all and it weaves and i say to her that i have believed so many things and i have loved so many things and i know that she had found so many of those things sticking in her craw over her young adult times,  but we aren't there any more.  We are HERE.  Now.  and it is FUNNY and my eyebrows fly up because at the end of this long and so heart felt conversation she says…."  i just think its Karma".    "i think it's just Karma."

 

oh and eeeee.

things can change,  like the WIND,  but for now,  we have this space of SAFE.  to learn from.

 

 

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35 responses to “this Toad with its flag”

  1. Kristin Avatar
    Kristin

    Years of creating fire safe zone around my homes, and my daughter has had to do that here in Montana as well. Fires do happen, biggest issue for me was always the smoke…fire safe zones kept my dwellings safe..thankful for that.
    So grateful to hear that you piece of family land is as it was left..the best news ever….and perhaps here, as in the conversation with Jenny, karma is alive…good karma for a piece of land being established to nourish four generations of strong, good folks.

    Like

  2. grace Avatar

    perhaps. i am not so fond of that word…perhaps…but, perhaps
    it IS.
    this is Emrie’s land. We see it that way. Emrie’s.
    and that it might be seen this way, as Karma of these generations of female, just going, these females, just going just looking, just wondering, just, just. if it can be. For Emrie. then, Yes.

    Like

  3. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    I’m thinking that the last 24 hours + have been beyond stressful. Times like this bring back all kinds of old fears and frustrations. Could be Karma but ….? I am so amazed and in awe of Alyssia … wowza she sounds even stronger than I imagined. It is this strength that will move you all forward towards a bright and beautiful future.

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  4. Deb G Avatar

    My mother says one of the things she remembers about my birth is the sound of the planes flying over with water to dump on the fires in the hills above…

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  5. grace Avatar

    so, it’s not New, then…..
    ?

    Like

  6. Deb G Avatar

    No, my grandmother who is now 90 has has always worried about fire in Northern California. Some part of it is new, probably. I’d have to ask my family…how wide spread, the frequency…

    Like

  7. grace Avatar

    o…please, ask her…your grandmother…
    i had hoped it would be New Mex for them. but, it’s Not.
    its N. California. so ok. this is where they have chosen to
    STAND
    Please….ask them.

    Like

  8. Deb G Avatar

    I will…It’s funny I am thinking about how my grandmother has always lived in one place, a few different homes, but always one place, never moving farther than 10 miles, how much she knows where she lives.

    Like

  9. johnson.mixedupmedia.margaret@gmail.com Avatar
    johnson.mixedupmedia.margaret@gmail.com

    So glad Emrie’s Land is safe, so glad for all of you…oxox

    Like

  10. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    I was worried about the fire but didn’t say so. This, however is good so far and Emries land is still there for those generations of just-going females. Whew!

    Like

  11. vicky aka stichr Avatar

    i too was concerned. but relieved, this time.

    Like

  12. vicky aka stichr Avatar

    there was fire near where i once lived in the sierras.

    Like

  13. Mo Crow Avatar

    such good news & love The Toad’s flag!

    Like

  14. ali Avatar
    ali

    Fear, Relief, and hard won understanding and love. So much living! I’m glad for the toad and her flag. I brought in a bowl of toad tadpoles to save them from being eaten by the newts. Just one left now, waiting for her to finish getting all her legs before she goes back to the pond.

    Like

  15. jude Avatar

    whew. I guess we all live this sort of thing everyday but we do forget how it all works. Love your cave drawing.

    Like

  16. cynthia Avatar
    cynthia

    not new…i remember so vividly being on a summer vacation somewhere in the Mother lode above sacramento..and a huge fire…my dad driving us out in the smoke and the sounds of the fire behind us…and my mom letting us chew enormous amounts of gum to keep us occupied..(i never chewed a pieces after that day )..it must be over 60 years ago now…and still i can remember the smell of the sir..and the heat of it…
    so very glad ..for all of yesterday ‘s gifts
    gentle day grace
    cynthia

    Like

  17. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Emrie’s land held, the family held, stood and faced the worry of the Oroville Dam spillway crisis, stood and faced this most frightening fire. These unforeseen incidents that are now known, serve to strengthen the “just going” of asking the questions and moving forward in answering them, going forth, doing what needs doing, turning possibility into action, building knowledge and resolve. I look at Toad with flag and see a flag not of surrender but a flag that proudly marks and claims the land, life and legacy.

    Like

  18. Dakotah Avatar

    What a great story

    Like

  19. grace Avatar

    Alyssia said it’s all starting to feel Biblical

    Like

  20. grace Avatar

    Gum! who would have thought! OK. excellent info.
    Gum in the Bug Out Bag.

    Like

  21. grace Avatar

    it was actually since early Sat. morning that i knew of it
    first. till yesterday afternoon felt like a million years.
    yes. Alyssia is the Best. She just GOES. Gets things
    Done. I can picture her, wearing one of her odd outfits
    telling the road guard people that she NEEDED to be let
    through. She is very soft, her demeanor is soft, her
    voice. But somehow she makes things very CLEAR.

    Like

  22. grace Avatar

    Emrie is strong. We’re thinking she might be
    the strongest of us all.

    Like

  23. grace Avatar

    yes. we were just kind of blank. Worry being of no use.

    Like

  24. grace Avatar

    there’s always fire around mountains.
    what’s the Grateful Dead song…Fire on the Mountain
    and it’s an I Ching hexagram

    Like

  25. grace Avatar

    seemed to really want it there, this Toad

    Like

  26. grace Avatar

    ooo…i love you saving tadpoles
    i hope there are tadpoles there at the rooster swamp

    Like

  27. grace Avatar

    cave drawing…love that thought….

    Like

  28. grace Avatar

    that’s what Life is, yes? story. one after another.

    Like

  29. Saskia Avatar

    Can’t beat clear

    Like

  30. grace Avatar

    no. not something i’m good at. I always interject too
    much, always there are qualifiers. I admire her
    gift at this so much.
    and often how she does it is to ask a very simple question.

    Like

  31. Saskia Avatar

    Reading about fires whilst over here- middle of the night – the rains are pouring from the skies..I find myself wishing I could direct them westwards
    It s not how it works though is it

    Like

  32. Saskia Avatar

    She is so strong

    Like

  33. vicky aka stichr Avatar

    yes, fire. every thunderstorm had the potential to bring it on. the year i was pregnant with my youngest, 1990, i woke from a nap and found there was a fire on the mountain side above us. the lightening had struck and the embers had muttered until they decided to get strong. i took the clean laundry off the line, got the other 2 children into the car and drove 5 miles up and around the mountain, to Bassets Station, where Dan was working. from there, you couldn’t even see the smoke.
    no baby born that day.

    Like

  34. grace Avatar

    i don’t know how to say about Her. She is so young, still,
    really…28 years. I am constantly surprised by her.
    i remember looking at her when she was born. Looking at Jenny,
    lying there in recovery room…17 years old…or maybe, really, 16 still and just staring at them. wondering…HOW CAN THIS GO?
    but it went.
    and here she is. so much MORE than i ever was or can be. So
    GRAND and FINE. and i’m not saying that for whatever. She
    really is. How she will take herself Forward into her Woman Bloom, i hope i can see some. I will be gone before the most of it. But to see what i can…i so so so look forward to that.

    Like

  35. grace Avatar

    “had the potential to bring it on”
    you took the laundry off the line.
    you gathered the children.
    this is it.
    learn. watch. Go.
    perfect. learn. watch. Go.

    Like

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