i don't think i can think of a way that those words apply. Opening Into. but they are the words that appeared.
Everytime i go out to feed in the morning there is the feeling of finding Gideon dead….i could call it dread, but it's not dread, and i know that when i do find him dead, i will be ok and do what needs to be done. It's just that single stark moment that i, uhhhh, dread.
But then, there he is, not great, but alive. and there is the space then of from then to when i go in the evening. and it's the undercurrent of the day……. Then, like just a few minutes ago, i go in to his yard and come around to his hut and yes, he is still alive, and we talk. But he eats less and less. And i know that soon, he will be gone. So…i am watching self as i go through this time….watching my emotional process much of which is habit…..the habit being, having something be the undercurrent for Worry. Something to worry about. I woke the other day to realizing that there will always be something. I can make a list now of a few or more things for sure, like Gideon, the tenuousness of Trump and N. Korea, how slow it's seeming to go for the Hill and that the kids start a new school next week…where the new house will be and there's no house there yet…. and the Realization was….it was almost humorous; well, grace, just pick one. Any one. There is Nothing to be done about any of them. Worry all you want, it will have ZERO effect, so…just pick one.
so I look at that.
looking at cloth…at the deep and rich beauty of color, like the deep and rich beauty of Loving things enough to be so drawn Into them. Would i want to love "less"? no.
windthread 
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