windthread

and today…It arrived.  Like some kind of Entity,  moving next to me as i did the morning things,  sitting next to me when i sat for tea.  Yup.   The Urge.  the Urge to just let it go.  

I remember so well,  from when i left Michigan.  All determined for a while and then, suddenly,  NOT.  and Just Leaving.  Just driving away.

InHale.  ok.  

so i made a cup of coffee and just began.  Folding those Bankerboxes and filling them.  Like with Like.   with room at the sides and tops for sheets and towels.  Shock absorbers.    Lable contents with pencil so someday it can be erased and used again.   I kept going.  

i think i won't take the table.  but then i think i will take 2 chairs…the Old Cowboy's mother's black one and that strange high metal one.  WHY??? would i take them?   I thought about eating around a cloth on the floor.  Maybe we might have a cushion to sit on?  OR…maybe i would cut the legs off the table,  make it very short,   the cushions around that?  But no,  no table.  There will be no room.  The cloth on the floor.  Folded up and set aside.  the cushions stacked.  All this,  not even full thoughts,  just flashing and passing images as i went through things,  dusted them and put them in boxes.  There is a Goat stuff box.  an Art stuff box.   a big Goat cheese making stainless steel pots box…2 of these.  A clothing box….where those skirts are now.  

This clunky dresser.  Bill's father, Lee made it.  It was a left behind from when Alz B died.  Big drawers.  and i will take it.  I am thinking that the Uhaul people have those straps that go around things like refrigerators.  I can leave the drawers full.  Strap them closed,  once its loaded in the truck.  We can take the drawers out and move them one by one when it's body has been loaded into the truck.  Strap them closed.  Inside the drawers….Cloth stuff.  What's left of the "dolls"….3 of them.  It probably won't make sense in the new hut.  But it can stay out in the storage shed.  either way.  OR,  the back of it….used as a design wall?  Anyway,  it's going.   

on top,  the old singer i bought from Montana Joe.  Never used.  but could.  I want the kids to see this,  see it making stitches as they turn it by hand.  Then…we can let it go somehow,  or whatever.  and the Large and so elegant POT made by a localish potter,  Scott Gowrey,  who came with his wife,  a weaver,  every week to our farmer's market,  hauling pounds of beauty full pottery,  and everyone here in the area so cheap,  buying so little and i remembered thinking what Deb Lacativa says…"buy art,  it's good for you"…and when i was making some money taking care of Alz. B at the nursing home,  I bought it from him…it was very expensive,  maybe his most expensive piece,  but also worth it and so elegant and i bought it not because i had a "place" for such a thing,  but because i loved him for his love of his Art.  I won't have a place for it there.  Maybe Jenny might want it in her small home?  Maybe Alyssia?   if not,  at some point i'll send it back to him,  telling him of its journey and he can resell it to someone with an appropriate dwelling?  

the bedroom.  the two utility shelves.  Can they be stacked on their sides and into their spaces,  the Cloth Baskets?  There are twelve cloth baskets.  I don't want to cover them,  pack them.  I want them to move OPEN.  I really want them to move OPEN.  Can i lie these shelves down?  and in the spaces put the baskets?  I think so.  That folding divider thing on the right…belonged to the Old Cowboy…it somehow did something to modify his TV reception.  Alyssia wants it.  eee.  ok.  The bed,  which you can just see the end of,  folds up…it's a cot.    Not much here to deal with.  the bottom two shelves on the right are my every day clothes.  Two shelves.  That gives me a smile.

so.

OK.

there's kitchen stuff.  Plates.  Bowls.  stuff i continue to use now to feed self as days go forward.  There's stuff like a blender.  the expensive electric hot plate for canning OutSide.  the thing i can't remember the name of in this moment…OH…the Dremel.  which is under the bathroom sink.  This kind of stuff.  But not much.  In the next few,  like FEW days,  these need to be packed and ready to go.  It's October 1.  I want the last couple weeks here being NO PACKING.  Being just Being.  Here.  Just Being Here.  Getting the Goat's stuff ready.  The Goat's ready.

it's getting REAL.