windthread

Is ….. Is.

Yesterday.  I'd taken the cat carrier that i'd bought out where they primarily are and left it for a day and a night,  imagining being able to load the two "kittens" in with some,  but not a huge amount of difficulty.  Wrong.   Wheat,  the female,  was like a Lion.  I got her in but she whipped around and slammed with all her might,  surprising me,  and the small door opening was somehow enough and she was gone.   Not.  and i knew something different would need to happen.  As the day went,  i packed the Altar…as i said.  Became totally focused on each item,  there were many and included the "treasure shelf" over the futon couch,  the bells and glass wind chime.  I dusted and cleaned each thing,  each part of each thing.  I held them.  I rang the bells.  I became so focused,  i forgot to breathe.   And at that point,  leaning over,  head way down toward the box,  not breathing…holding my breath…i had those sensations,  numb fingers, dizzyness,  blurred vision.  I know those things.  Over many many years they have become warning flags for me….that tell me to STOP totally and find a different way.    The minute this is acknowledged,  they go away.  OK.  Body is Friend.

the day went on…and Tay was completely absorbed with the Cat World of UnderHouse.  More than usual.  and at some point,  Goldie decided to just Go and came into the FRONT House Yard,  at one point even coming onto the front porch.  Tay was thrilled,  filled with Joy,  but i scared him away and he disappeared.  As i worked in here,  i could hear Tay crying softly now and then.  I thought it was because Goldie was near,  but at one point,  i went to the door and looking out….Tay was in the "drive way" flipping something into the air,  it fell, she picked it up again and i yelled and she put it down and when i got out there it was a very young kitten.  Eyes barely open,  not yet walking and i picked it up with my (best) dish towel and carried it to the way back,  to where the UnderHouse Cats come and go and tucked it in the slats there for the Mother to retrieve.  I didn't seem hurt.  

Eee

new Kittens.

Tay continues the soft crying and i look out again and there yet another kitten lying out there,  this time Tay is not there and as i go back,  holding this other kitten,  i see her coming out from under the house where she has torn a board loose.    Tucking the second kitten in,  who is even less slobbered on than the first,  i spend the next hour or so gathering materials to block Tay…wood boards,  nails screws hammer drill…i have to crouch and crawl under the porch in a cramped space to work,  all the while saying,  No, Tay.  No Kittens.  she watches.  Thinks.  Thinks whatever it is she thinks.  but incorporates No, Tay into her own thoughts.

So my Plan A or B  or whatever it is …to feed the kittens,  Goldie and Wheat,  find a willing household,  grab them and deliver….fell through.    And even,  circled back onto itself.  I am feeding 3 feral cats in a Perfect Environment for them.   I google.

a cat is able to conceive at 4 months.  Gestation is 2 months.  Wheat might even already be pregnant.  Their mother weaned them and has at least 2 new kittens.  I do the math.  it's exponential.  It's a nightmare.   Siblings mate.  Males breed their Mothers.  Goldie and Wheat.  Goldie and the Mother Cat. 

Today was Tay's vet appointment for her shots.  for what they refer to as her Wellness Appointment,  which is bull shit really,  but…which works to me because she goes into the Vet's Office and needs to control her excitement and be weighed and ushered into a small room where he appears and she knows him from all the Goat Stuff,  but still.  

and there are questions today about heartworm,  which i have not dealt with so far,  but in talking to daughter….there is incidence there in California…

and he looks at that thing on her wrist that i have been thinking is ringworm and says no.. it's lick granuloma and i say YAY and he says don't say Yay…and he is Sure it's not ringworm but because there are 3 other dogs on the hill,  i want the culture done.  Just to be sure.  And in the midst of all that,  he looks at the thing on my OWN wrist and says…probably ringworm and says use Iodine.  That it will STING…a lot.  But works.  And for the nightmare of lick granuloma,  a 50/50 combination of Green Apple and Heet.  and a lot of Hope.  A lot of Love.

you can google Lick Granuloma.  and it makes sense.  Tay's emotional tangle with the kittens has been beyond intense for her.  She wants to just lick them.  She really can't very much at all,  and the emotional intensity of that is huge for her.  So i am hoping that i can find a way for that to abate.  Maybe i can,  maybe i can't.  There is only just to try.

So i come away with knowledge.

Cats,  as the vet said,  are either in heat or pregnant.  the sexual maturity of a female is 4 months.  Gestation is 2 months with immediate heat,  which means zillions of cats born.

Iodine cures ringworm.

Bitter Apple / Heet  MIGHT stop Lick Granuloma

The bill today,  including the Out Call for Gideon was $371 something.

Tonight Wheat was on the porch…waiting for her canned cat food.  I can't keep doing that.  It's crazy.  It's painful.  I am way more Empathetic with animals than i am with humans,  even child humans.  We have common speech.

I left her waiting.  Not knowing why.  and it hurts.  I love her.  even in this short time.  I also love her Mother,  in a way and that love is hard….not in just the way of a Word…hard…but as a searing pull,  inside me,  pulling and a kind of ripping.

 

Tazmeena naps.