windthread

on again off again night.  Which is ok.  It's how it would of course go.   Waking and for those milliseconds,   everything is just…well,  it just is,  and then the memory drops down…..OH!…ok,  the Going…..  So i got up this morning finally giving in,  and determined to take self in hand and Cut It Out.  Look at exactly what it IS and find a way to work with it.  

but mind was scattered and wouldn't stay anywhere for more than a moment.  And i once again looked at Jude's last few posts and wished that i could sew patchwork.   How good,  i imagine,  that would feel. Small square against small square,  growing,  going.   But i can't.  Square with square into path of squares is uncomfortable to me.  I just can't.   But thinking this,  i thought,  what Can I?    and then,  How can I?

and as it goes,  a piece of muslin was at hand.  The #2 pencil.  Ok.  

What came was Us.  Dog  Goat Woman Cat  and,  the Eye of Wisdom of the All.   And again,  i thought,  

we can't get there unless we go.

Cynthia had given us these numbers a while back,  but it was too soon for me to absorb them.  I google mapped.   17 hours 7 min   OR   18hours 27 min  depending on route.  

THIS IS MY FEAR.   it IS a long time for Goats to travel.  for sure.  nothing imagined about it.  Long.  But when i asked the Vet i also can hear him saying….."Goats are tough".  

So i took some time to remember bringing them back from California those 5 years ago and remembering how several of the doe Goats were so close to kidding.  Ginger kidded within a week.  They made it.  It's true,  that 5 years have passed and there are no young ones anymore,  but they also are healthy and strong.    and i then took myself through,  to after those hours of travel,  to the turning them loose into their new world,  how they will be surprised and unsure,  but also they will find themselves in a world beyond anything they might imagine,  of brush and bramble,  trees.  Trees.  How Tay will be turned loose.  to Surprise and Unsure.  Tazmeena.   same.   

and i went ahead,  just Holding this.  went ahead to  pack  plates,  all but one.  Bowls.  all but one.  Packed the radio.  the clock.  Stood and looked.

Except for the baskets of cloth,  it's ready.  All the caste iron pans etc can travel on the floor of the car and the truck.  All this rest can go in the Uhaul.  There's not much else undone.   There's the final OutSide…the raft.  Snowbunny's grave….some things there…like the Child Buddha.

But really…we are Ready.  We just need to Go.