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phone rang..or,  what it does,  and i didn't recognize the #,  but Detroit….?   It was  Jill  Zundel,  Pastor of the Central United Methodist Church in Detroit, Michigan.  Sorry to be calling,  but to tell me that Wendy had passed away.   They,  she and  a friend were at Wendy''s home and and had found things to indicate they should call.   There was an exchange.  and then they asked if i knew of any family she might have had.  No,  i didn't.  No family.  She was kind and also pragmatic and the exchange wasn't long.  She would be in touch.

Wendy.  Passed away.  Dead.  Wendy is dead.  I talked to her last Saturday.   4 days ago.  We don't do phone much.  But there was a space that late afternoon,  and i called.  She was her usual self as in the last couple years.  Nothing different.  Our conversation was also not remarkable.  Familiar.  

We do letters.  Many letters overtime.  We began together in 7th grade.  Then,  back and away for the next Life Years,  so…from 11 years to 72.  I was her maid of honor.  She came to New Mex once to visit.    In the last 15,  20 years,  we have cxchanged letters at least monthly.  She told of her life in Detroit  (where i was born)   working with the Swords into Plow Shares Gallery, with the Peace and Justice arm of that with a food kitchen.  When you call her phone the machine says " this is Wendy.  Without Justice there is no Peace".   

i have her last letter here.   The envelope has butterflies on it.

so the hard part today is that i can't call her.   Alyssia and Emrie were here and it was an ordinary day with them,  but off and on i was struck by the thought to call Wendy.   But i can't.  I want to call her and say Hey!,  what's the deal?  When i talked to you on Saturday,  and asked you…HOw is it for you?  ,  you  didn't say anything that let me IN on the reality that i wouldn't be able to call again.

i can' t call her.  I can't ever call her again.

i had sent her the pic above yesterday.  They weren't sure when she had died.  I dont know if she saw it?   She liked hearing stuff from here.““““““““““““““““

 

 

 

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44 responses to “like some kind of orphan”

  1. Kim Avatar
    Kim

    I have been fortunate enough that I have not lost any of my longtime childhood friends yet. Loved ones yes, family yes, but not those friends who know me sometimes better than I know myself. My heart is breaking for you.

    Like

  2. Michelle Slater Avatar

    The shock of it. The ‘never again’ finality of it.
    Stupidly but sincerely feeling for your loss.
    Sending love.

    Like

  3. cynthia Avatar
    cynthia

    i am so glad you had Sunday’s call,,,and i love Michelle’s words..all of them..but especially the stupidly but sincerely feeling for your loss..xox much.. gentle day grace

    Like

  4. jude Avatar

    there are no really good words for how it feels. I remember trying. Love.

    Like

  5. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    The butterflies on the envelope of her last letter to you, hold onto that… metamorphosis…No can’t call dear Wendy now but you know that you can still talk to her, still tell her of how it is in this new place on the hill…she will listen. Love to you in this time of sadness.

    Like

  6. Liz A Avatar

    I imagine you walking the land, talking to Wendy … but not to hear her voice except from within your self will be hard indeed. I’m so sorry, so sad for your loss.
    xxoo

    Like

  7. grace Forrest Avatar

    there’s a difference, isn’t there.
    i’m not sure of what all that is yet, i guess it will
    come slowly as the days go on. But like such a part
    of the whole me, that wasn’t known by many…or
    even Any? It might be any. so that’s a part of it.
    but really…i looked forward to going to the Post Office
    on Saturdays, seeing if there was something from her.
    Having the latest letter here next to me on the table.
    Making mental note of something i wanted to tell her.
    and lately, with the state of the union, the state
    of the world, we would ponder together how to hold
    strong to Peace and Justice. Our thoughts weaving
    together. She was a very pragmatic person, the most
    truly committed to Care ing for the city she lived in,
    all it’s members, that i have ever personally known. She
    walked her talk.
    thank you, Kim, for your words here

    Like

  8. grace Forrest Avatar

    i know that you have experienced this

    Like

  9. grace Forrest Avatar

    oh, gentle day, gentle day
    gentle day for her

    Like

  10. grace Forrest Avatar

    no.., no good words
    Love back

    Like

  11. grace Forrest Avatar

    i like looking at her hand writing on the envelope

    Like

  12. joanne Avatar
    joanne

    So sad to be 72 and the “beginning of the Time of Loss”. I have only one person from school who knew me when I was “just forming” we write letters in our Christmas cards to each other. I am reminded of visiting my father the last few years of his life and he would tell me–he had no one left who knew him. Love to you.

    Like

  13. grace Forrest Avatar

    it is…the time of the beginning of loss. As it is
    for all of us. as alyssia says, developmentally correct.
    I want to learn from it.
    Love back….

    Like

  14. Patty Avatar

    The connection is lost but perhaps in dreams? It’s so hard. Take care.

    Like

  15. Angie Avatar

    Dear Grace, sending hugs of love and compassion in this time of wrenching loss. You are an amazing woman and teacher. I look to you for learning how to live in this alien world in this country now….and learning how to live in this time of the beginning of loss. Namaste

    Like

  16. grace Forrest Avatar

    still this morning, now, wanting to call.

    Like

  17. grace Forrest Avatar

    the envelope is right here

    Like

  18. grace Forrest Avatar

    Angie..YOU are an amazing woman and teacher. We look to and
    with each other. All of us, in solidarity of love of this
    Life we have been given…

    Like

  19. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    Your shared feeling echo almost word for word how I felt when I got the call that my sister Caroline was gone ..Gone! It is a bit overwhelming to realize that you’ll no longer be able to pick up the phone .. go to the post office. Grace I know .. I know … Big big hugs.

    Like

  20. grace Forrest Avatar

    Yes..i thought of you…Caroline…how she “went”

    Like

  21. Mo Crow Avatar
  22. beth Avatar

    (((Grace))) My heart aches with your loss.

    Like

  23. grace Forrest Avatar
  24. jaime Avatar
    jaime

    Grace, I am so sorry for your loss. It is amazing to me that you were so blessed, as was she, to be friends for so long. But for now you are probably feeling the empty spots that you had shared with her. I am so sorry. Love to you.

    Like

  25. Dana Webb Avatar

    Me too, Grace. Me too. I am so sorry you have lost such a long-time friend.

    Like

  26. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    It doesn’t really help to know it is part of this time of life. It just feels empty of that person.
    I am thinking of you today…
    love to you

    Like

  27. grace Forrest Avatar

    just so Unexpected and then too, there’s no one there,
    Detroit, no one who i know that knew her

    Like

  28. grace Forrest Avatar

    didn’t see it coming

    Like

  29. grace Forrest Avatar

    empty. a blank space.

    Like

  30. Peggy McG Avatar
    Peggy McG

    Oh Grace, so sorry to hear of your loss of a long time friend. Love and hugs to you. Such a string of butterfly signs, all wrenching at your heart and all giving purpose to carry on.

    Like

  31. grace Forrest Avatar

    they flutter through the canopy of the trees

    Like

  32. Saskia Avatar

    so sorry for your loss…losing such a friend is heart breaking…the finality of it..
    love to you

    Like

  33. grace Forrest Avatar

    yes, the very Unexpected finality

    Like

  34. Deb Avatar

    Wendy. The Wendy from Peter Pan. She took care. cared. I’m sorry for this loss. Yours.
    I know so well about needing to talk with the missing ones about your missing them. Some of them, you can still talk to, almost reconstruct conversations, phrase for phrase, they were so well worked over the years, over the phone lines. The comfortableness, the touchstone comfort of those conversations gone. Some come in dreams. Some wait for you to reach out. I hope you get both the send and the receive. love.

    Like

  35. dee Avatar

    I’m so sorry to hear about this great loss, Grace. Back when I made a quilt about the Indonesian tsunami, which had a butterfly print repeated through the sky, I learned that some cultures believe butterflies are souls flying free of the body. I hope your friend is at peace and free. And may you also be peaceful. šŸ¦‹

    Like

  36. grace Forrest Avatar

    i know you know. and i look again..many times…at the last letter from her, how she signed out
    always,
    Wendy
    i’ll take her at her word.

    Like

  37. grace Forrest Avatar

    i hope that for her too. Her body had become a burden.

    Like

  38. Hazel Avatar

    Dear Grace, I’m so sorry. A life long friendship, so huge…Hoping the emptiness is filled with comfort soon. Love and thoughts being sent your way, oooxo

    Like

  39. grace Forrest Avatar

    i think it’s ok if it is not filled. That there will remain a space there
    thank you for your love

    Like

  40. Kristin Avatar
    Kristin

    Hard news to hear…and I am thinking that you will in your way find a place to visit where you can have the conversations with her…their is a spaciousness in talking in that place of no restraints.
    Holding you in love and light as you walk this now challenging new road with a long-time deep friendship.

    Like

  41. Dakotah Avatar

    A 61 year friendship. How blessed you are. What a joy to have had such a kindred Spirit

    Like

  42. grace Forrest Avatar

    finding a way to a Place….for now, just loss still.

    Like

  43. grace Forrest Avatar

    we both went through changes over the years, but
    always, we held hands of the heart

    Like

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