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the Fire seemed where it was and so they left.  Around 12 midnight,  a call….Chico had Evac Warnings.   Nothing here, yet. But Paradise was gone.  the Dragon was moving,  propelled by Santa Ana winds.  Ok.  So.  Get ready.  I packed one of those grocery tote bags.  Tea bags.  charger cords,  laptop that wasn't working cause there was no Internet,  Emrie's Farmers Market Basket that is home for Bear and Rabbbit,  with Bear and Rabbit in it,  her fav book,  Moo Baaa La La La.  Toothbrush,  I sat.  Thought.  the drawing journal book.  graphite pencils,  sharpeners, kneadable eraser. Intense Pens. I changed my under pants.  Added an additional undershirt.  Sat.  thought.  Night,  just quiet. No sirens.  really,  no traffic.  Completely quiet.  I went out to see Goats.  Buck Goats in particular.  Spoke to them. Spoke to Talkie tho i couldn't see her.  Puppy.  Tay came.

returned and sat.  Gathered all Deb Lacativa's threads.  Gathered what i'd put on that "wall" during the day,  rolled them and put them in the bag.  The spool of neutral silk thread, a cone,  needles stuck into the top of it.  Rolled the cloths i'd been working on for the last months.  Put them in. Put them in a bag.  I got the box of seeds., from many of You,  many from Joanne recently.  Seeds.  Into the side of that box,  the 3 plates.  And i made my bed.  The quilt that Tina sent,  all it's whirling pinwheels,  made my bed and lay me down.   

And what i am most Grateful for is that all these years of working at it,  all these years of Practice,  Gives.  I said my

 mantra,  the words equivalent…..I AM….and in between,  Metta.  And i was soft and just ok. and there was no fear,  no anxiety.  Stuff was just what it was.  Stuff was.

 

 

 

 

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that was about 3am.   I woke at first light,  6 something and it was a stellar ordinary morning,  as LiZ said…the leaves fluttering like sequins…sky was Blue.  Just Blue and all was so well.   I walked down to the car with these two books and with the pinch pot of Sarah Oh,  student of Debra   Price Agrums,  Artisun  Whitney High School,  Cerritos, CA  and i carried it down,  thinking STRONG,  how i really WANT to make pinch pots.  If we go through this,  i Will.  Come Spring.  And i loved Sarah Oh's pot,  her lizard,  so fat and of such Great Well Being…Sarah OH!…i love.  Love.  this pot.  It's now on the dashboard of the honda car.  For in case we need to go.

All day no internet.  The Fire  on that great new tower that gave consistent connection,  oh well and i went down to Lakeside gas and grocery which was packed.  Small talk in the line  and what i loved most is that no one said it would all be just fine and ok,  but instead we all KNEW it might not,  but were all there anyway.  I liked that a lot.

Around 3p internet came back on.  Jenny,  her man,  Alyssia and the kids came.  Did the EFFORT of hooking up trucks to trailers.  Positioning them.  It took a long time.  Good thing we had that time.  Done.

Alyssia and the kids sleep here tonight.  There are no evac warnings.  Wind is low.  There is no knowing yet.  It can go any way at all.  But for now,  it's quiet and soft and Peacefull.   For now.  And that's i guess all we ever have,  right?  For now?

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43 responses to “not knowing. Still.”

  1. Yvette Avatar

    Grace……..let’s trust.
    Let all of you be well
    I

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  2. Vicky Davis Avatar

    I have been thinking of you. Of others I still know in CA. I told Dan, I would be frightened down there. He said, I know.
    For the people staying in the Toy R Us parking lot, I hope they opened the store for them to stay inside, to shelter.
    I will keep you in my non-religious prayers, Grace. All of you.

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  3. joanne Avatar
    joanne

    Grace—-I hope you know how many of us are out here……..sending………love.
    But it is good the trucks are hooked up–ready. And the pens are packed.
    Don’t worry–we’ll replace any threads, cloth or seeds, as long as we still have you.

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  4. Nancy Avatar

    My heart is with you Grace. Fires down here, on the move and big! My sister is evacuated. Another fire all day near the LA Zoo, near my work. The air was bad, so was my breathing. That one got better later in the day, but the others rage. All of Malibu and Thousand Oaks evacuated. Thousand Oaks had a mass shooting on Wed. night. out by me, okay tonight.
    I’m glad you all were able to put your plan in place.
    Will be thinking of you all and checking in. xo

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  5. jaime Avatar
    jaime

    I’m in such amazement at how fast this fire started and traveled through the night. I am terrified for you as well as the others. I’m glad Alyssa is there with the kids and that all is hooked up and ready to go.If need be.
    May you be safe, May you be healthy, May you be happy, May you have ease in your life.
    As Joanne said, we will replace anything for you as long as we still have you.

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  6. Dana Webb Avatar

    I am thinking of you and your extended family…including goats, Tay, Tasmeena, Talkie and Puppy…with love and concern.

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  7. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    You are ready, all of you. Most important, you are together…sending love from here in the desert to all of you on the Hill.

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  8. jude Avatar

    Here, if you need anything. all of us.

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  9. Deb G Avatar

    Sending love…

    Like

  10. Patricia Avatar
    Patricia

    Standing beside you

    Like

  11. Kathy dorfer Avatar
    Kathy dorfer

    Lots of love for you ❤️❤️❤️

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  12. Liz A Avatar

    I will stitch metta for you today …
    may you be safe … may you be safe … may you be safe …

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  13. velma Avatar

    may you stay safe

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  14. Alison Jory Avatar
    Alison Jory

    Thinking of you and all the family Grace, with love and prayers.

    Like

  15. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    I’m here too.. waiting with you

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  16. Deb Avatar

    You and your herd, your tribe are in my thoughts and heart.

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  17. Kristin Avatar
    Kristin

    You are all together, safe and ready for what may change. I am with you and know that all in your wide circle are sending love and just holding peaceful thoughts. Be well, dear friend.

    Like

  18. Suzanna Avatar

    Love to you Grace, and prayers for your safety🙏❤️🤞🏼

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  19. Beth Avatar
    Beth

    Grace, may you all be safe.

    Like

  20. elizabeth fortes Avatar
    elizabeth fortes

    Thinking of you, dear Grace : May you all stay safe and protected from inner and outer harm. E.

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  21. me-ml Avatar
    me-ml

    Thank you for the update, relief to know you all are ready! ..even to clean underpants! oh my, that so Grace, made me laugh out loud to tears!
    ..as Joanne says we will be here with “seeds”, as long as we have you !
    watching Chico t.v. .. will be here covering all with BIG LOVE! and waiting.

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  22. dee Avatar

    been looking at maps, following stories on line. hope you and yours will be well. your equanimity is an inspiration.

    Like

  23. Peggy McG Avatar
    Peggy McG

    HUGE thoughts of Safety and Love.

    Like

  24. RAE FULLER Avatar
    RAE FULLER

    SENDING LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS

    Like

  25. Greta wells Avatar
    Greta wells

    Way over here in Vermont, thinking of you and your family (furry included). May you all be safe.

    Like

  26. kate powell Avatar

    Found you through Jude. Praying for you and others I know in the area and everyone I don’t know….

    Like

  27. Nanette Avatar
    Nanette

    Holding space with you and all of yours,from across the big ocean. There’s been a fire raging on the western ridge of our Caldera, far from me, but the glow of it visible. Last night a woman alone on the ridge with her animals posted, asking for prayers,the fire had moved too quickly for her to evacuate. So prayers in the night for all threatened by the raging dragon.

    Like

  28. Doris Avatar

    Thinking of you and send all my wishes for your safety.

    Like

  29. Eliene Avatar
    Eliene

    May you and all you love BE safe……forever held close by those that look over you.

    Like

  30. grace Forrest Avatar

    EVERYONE…we are loading up.
    BIG LOVE….

    Like

  31. Nancy Avatar

    I’m thinking of you. May you all get out and stay safe. xo

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  32. ² Avatar
    ²

    asking the wind to calm down …
    so that the fire can stop ,
    the elements ….

    Like

  33. Acey Avatar
    Acey

    Grace you know deeply, i trust, that we will all pitch in and help you rebuild if it comes to that. it is the Other thing, this thing that we live in …

    Like

  34. roslyn cook Avatar
    roslyn cook

    Reaching out from Canada

    Like

  35. yvette Avatar

    Sending all that’s needed how it’s needed
    My ‘clan’ is with you too….

    Like

  36. Valerianna Avatar

    Thinking of you, Grace, and all your creatures – may you all be well!

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  37. sue Avatar

    thinking of you

    Like

  38. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    http://morewgalo.blogspot.com/2018/11/grace.html
    Deb has an update of grace on her blog: all are safe and are at the Gridley Fairgrounds. Gridley is about 16 miles from Oroville and this site is also taking in large animals according to one news report. Blessings all around.

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  39. cynthia Avatar
    cynthia

    watching and hoping that you are safe….be well gentle day grace

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  40. glennis Avatar

    Just returning to CA now and to all the fire and smoke. Many I know are in this same same space of unknowing( but what do we really know anyway?). Glad to hear you are doing ok and staying alert to the dangers. The loss of Paradise will prompt me to dig out the old family photos from when my grandmother and her sister grew up on a ranch there. That old covered bridge is gone too but I have the memories of it to keep forever.

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  41. Sandra Avatar

    Grace may you be safe.

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