windthread

Today is November 8.   I'd thought to write a LOT about how i realize things about the Fire in Paradise.  The imprint on me.  The imprint on Everyone anywhere near.  There's a lot to write.  A lot to feel.   It was this day last year when Paradise began burning  and the fire kept moving,  uncontained,  in this direction and we watched and listened to  all the info there was about what was happening and then on the 11th,  we fled to the Fairgrounds in Gridley.  Because it was all so imminent.    It didn't get this far but so easily could have.   I was going to write a lot about the imprint of this.  The cellular imprint.   But then things went how they did.  Alyssia has a class that she drives 4 hours to somewhere around Fresno,  i'm not sure exactly,  every Thursday.  Ordnarily she takes the kids and they stay with an old Navy friend and her family.  Drives  back through the night.    How it goes,  like a Fire,  the whatever it is that burdens her body…Lupus….there was a flare and she was laid low and her arm couldn't work and then she got email from her Medical that a space was set up for a dental appointment today to pull two teeth that had been done something to when still deployed,  out in the ocean somewhere near Korea,  this in Sacremento which would have meant a lot of confusion.  So the kids stayed here.   

i love Julian,  the 10 year old.  He knows that.   And defends against it for whatever reason i don't know.  He and I are one thing.  A work in progress.

But Emrie….Emrie is my Solace.  My total Pleasure and Joy.  Her instinct is fine honed.  She is made for This.

Her beauty Full curls,  just after a shampoo are exquisite and the next day begin to dread of their own accord…she wanted to play beauty shop this morning,  she combed  my hair and i tried with hers,  we took turns and i ended up braiding some little black girl braids in the back  and we went down to the B Garden and gave water.  double click to see the WATER,  in it's beauty.

i look at these.   The images,  the figures,  the beings,  in the cloths i end up making are images of FEELINGS.  Not me.  Not anyone.  But FEELINGS that i think are maybe universal?    The first here…how it feels to me when i am alone and with my Self in this Place,  the Freedom of being with one's Self,   merging.

The second…at an interface with all the rest of what life is…the confusion and helplessness there,  where it's impossible to know what to do next

tonight there are small BATS.  Fluttering.   Just overhead.  I'd never seen this before.  Everything feels so ify,  and so Beauty Full,  all at the same time