windthread

jenny messaged yesterday….not coming.  She was exhausted,  both physically and of heart.   She messaged that the hospital where she works had only 3 icu units left.   The week had been grueling.  She couldn't move.    Today at around noon she messaged again.  Got called in to work.  Not coming.   They are full.   Will now need to redirect patients to nearby hospitals.  If there are no beds,  triage will begin.   placing very sick people on palliative care.   this is Northern  California.   United States of America.  

i got word from two Cloth/Fiber women….both are evacuated from the Fawn Fire.   Redding and Bella Vista.   Just North of here.

so….an open day.   i found self drawn to those manila  folders  in that Organizer Thing of the Old Cowboy…all those  little drawers…

I was looking for something…i don't know what the something is.  But it's somewhere here.   I can feel it.   

these folders that hold hundreds of pieces of paper…some directly drawn on,  many from printer (and drawn on) ,  most from N Mex,  and many from National Geographic    Julian's drawings from when he first drew,  before he got to that age when boys quit.    going through them,  i was surprised by how much of ME is here.   I have always intended to just leave them and have,  infact left them 3 times already,   but today…they are stacked here on the Table and destined…maybe…to that tub in the back of the truck.    This feels to be an 

iindulgence

but …..?    what is that?…an indulgence?    i look the word up and it's not easy….the meaning i'm assigning….the meaning i am looking for.   So…they take up a lot of space on this table.  Tomorrow they'll go either out to the truck or      back into the drawers.    ?