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so they left late Saturday afternoon and as they were leaving the Rain picked up.    Within in an hour or so,  it began…that  Atmospheric River.   Deluge.  but more.   There is  NOTHING  but Rain.   And i  went to sleep,  glad we had gotten the bedding straw.  Glad for the day.  Glad for the Us.    and somewhere soon after,   the Wind began.   I got up and listened.  RAINWIND had become one Thing.   Now there was nothing but RainWind.   I listened.   but then went back to bed.  Back to sleep.  Morning would come.   It did.  and there was no reprieve.  They say there were 60mph gusts.   I could see very little,  it was dark and thick with Rain,  not even Rain,  but Water just Pouring down  i could see the tops of the trees blowing, swaying….80ft Pines swaying.  Nearby.  Tay came away from her rug by the door to lie next to me here at the Everything Table.    i kept thinking,  it will let up.  But then it didn't and there was another sound…a soft clatter and it was the fiberglass cover to the bathroom ceiling vent.  It fluttered and then didn't then did.   and then there was a continuous clatter.   I hoped.    Please.   Let it stay.    I tried to read.  but couldn't concentrate.   i thought about sorting through this space next to me on the bench  but couldn't.  All i could do was listen.   Tay listened.   We sat here.  Listening.   The drawing book was on the table and i got a pencil and thought at least i could draw.  The Above.   not much.  each line seemed to take endless time,  each mark and probably because i was listening.   I was afraid.  In N Mex there would be Crazy Wind but it would be for a finite time,  from one direction to another,  not this Wind that was everywhere and all directions and hours now.   Suddenly the little vent cover ripped off and it all came IN.    Pouring in and i dragged Old Cowboy's Mother's chair in there and cut the shower curtain off  with scissors  and cut strips of duct tape and  stuffed it in to the square in the ceiling,  there's a screen at roof level and i knew it wouldn't work but it was all i could think of and i dreaded calling Alyssia  but i did.    Ok she said.  Electricity off in town.  soon as she could.  and i saw that the water was not pooling on the floor but leaking out somewhere under the sink cabinet.   Shower curtain on floor.


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these cloth scraps.     I sat down and reached over to find the stones in the basket.   Held them.  Then placed them.   Set this card that she had brought from her mailbox yesterday…from LaceLady.    And sat.   Listening.  And it all just kept up.   And i heard a cracking somewhere out there and thought..ok….this might be it.    What if      this was it for me?    What if that great Pine i have been watching FELL.    FELL here.   What if this was….the end.  ?    and  nothing changed.   The cloths were still there  in their Beauty,  the stones,  the same in the palm of my hand  or there,   the image of the Womb that i suddenly saw the center of as being her hands,  holding,  holding the thing of Life

and they came,  having found the exactly perfect tarp thingy and bongee cords and covered the hole  Alyssia on the roof  and fed the Goats and left and the RAINWIND kept going on into yet another night but there was no rain inside so i went to sleep waking off and on to get up and listen on into Morning and suddenly around 10 oclock

it quit.  

SUN came and all was sparkling diamonds.    tonight i made macaroni and cheese.

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26 responses to “and then,”

  1. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Absorbing how it must have felt, the fear, the questions, the worry for the goats, for self, but I can’t know how it is to be alone, on a Hill, the winds and rain never ending…Tay on alert, you on alert, reacting impossibly quickly to the rain pouring in from the blown away vent. Call sent out, help received and then it stopped, sun came out and your choice of food made me smile, macaroni and cheese, SUN on a plate.
    Today, all of New Mexico under high wind alert; windows will rattle, plants in containers will have to be moved but we are sheltered by buildings surrounding us. We do have some trees near by but having experienced fierce winds here on Memorial Day, only the thin branches of the apple tree in front of our place, toppled to the ground, away from us. In a sense, we are tucked away from the ferocity of exposure.
    So grateful and thankful that you are ok: Rain so needed for CA but when coupled with wind, it can also create its own problems. Most of all, May you continue to stay safe…

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  2. jude Avatar

    we had the same kind of night, wondering if the porch roof would fall. It didn’t but we have another 36 hours of rain here.
    The wind has picked up, hoping the trees can stay standing.
    The sun will undoubtedly return.

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  3. Liz A Avatar

    water and air … the things we must have, but such potent forces when unleashed
    I remembered sitting through my own storms … hurricanes, ice storms, torrential rains, tornado warnings … and yes, there is nothing one can do but wait and try to remedy whatever damage occurs … that you were able to draw at all is a wonder to me
    and then to see/feel sun and eat good/simple food … how those things nourish the very soul

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  4. maria Avatar
    maria

    oef… the human and the dog the goats the chicken , where were the birds how do they surrender , al had a shelter and ducktape , there is the sun again ALWAYS , that is who she is , cloths are gon …. for a time

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  5. Angie Avatar

    Riveting!! I am so glad you are safe…and all beings on The Hill are safe. Love.

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  6. Irene Avatar
    Irene

    Last night…coyotes howling; later, strong winds and rain came down from the mountain.
    Your drawing says so much.

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  7. maria Avatar
    maria

    clouths

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  8. Peggy McG Avatar
    Peggy McG

    Wind is my only real Fear…could FEEL your fear… and water coming In a camper… yikes! Alyssa is SO wonderful to be able to go Out in WindRain and fix it for the night… special lady!!

    Like

  9. Faith Avatar

    I usually love rainwind and, when it’s(I’m) warm, love to be in it, but I sense this was a lot more than I’d like… and I’m not alone on a hill in a small vehicle-home. I felt (at least some of) your fear as I read.
    Where you are… What I see in your drawing is you and Tay (your dog?) surrounded by the rainwind, but mostly not touched by it, protected. Metaphorically. — I’m sure you got wet in real life, but your family was there for you in your need. Even the drips from the torn vent drop down to what looks (to me) like a flower–the beneficence of rainwind.
    A scary weekend. So glad you’re still here!

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  10. Patty M Avatar

    I heard it up from sleep. I’m just alarmed…then Happy you are safe.
    Love and love, Patty

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  11. grace Forrest Avatar

    we are here. today. it’s Over. and i am now glad for the experience. I now know things that had not been tested before. I am ok. Very much ok. and very much Glad.

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  12. grace Forrest Avatar

    this is such a small space….what if the water filled the floor?????? but there it went…at the sink cabinet, there it went.

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  13. grace Forrest Avatar

    I am so glad to have that much of drawing…i spend time with it today.

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  14. grace Forrest Avatar

    here, HERE, then….gone….for a time.

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  15. grace Forrest Avatar

    yes. we are spared.

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  16. grace Forrest Avatar

    i wanted more but it was enough. I have it today

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  17. grace Forrest Avatar

    i wish so much for her….she gives so much and beyond probably what she should for her own well being
    but we are in this….together….and we go

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  18. grace Forrest Avatar

    yes…you SEE.
    i am used to Monsoon season, Spring WIND season in N Mex
    but this
    this is not that. this is Climate Disorder….36 hours straight, non stop an expression of Disorder, Disturbance, an effort to Release
    i drew it as protected, yes, in Hope
    and the leaves…because no matter what became of me,
    the Earth would
    grow

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  19. grace Forrest Avatar

    we rode it out.
    Love and Love back

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  20. deb Avatar
    deb

    I’ve been inside a rolling home in a short storm. I put my head under the pillows. The noise! Such a different threat this rain than fire. Do you wonder how the land might change with so much water so long overdue. Will the effects last?

    Like

  21. grace Forrest Avatar

    this takes it BACK to the post of Reciprocity. And i love so much that you do this….
    it’s the words…so long overdue. the drought. that we have and ARE causing.
    Yes. the land MUST change in response and WILL. And YES i do wonder and will it matter?, yes. all rain matters. Will it matter enough? not just this much, no. But if EARTH can find a way…can bring more of this…yes, it will matter.
    out There today….small green sprouts on the earth…even where Goats trod over and over, the sprouts rise, undaugnted and on the Tree bark the MOSS….the Moss is green and a forest in its Self…Everywhere…the response is Stunning but will need MORE. Even if it comes this way, with what almost feels like violence even that way

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  22. dee Avatar

    Sounds biblical in intensity. Climate disorder on all our minds. We made it out of LA right before their heavy rains and landed in Boston before the Nor’easter struck. A small window. Our storm was not so bad though lots of mostly small limbs littered the neighborhood after a night of wind. Read your post about being one with your dog and it made me glad that you have her company, her watchful presence. It must be enormously reassuring.

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  23. Nancy Avatar

    Grace~ I’m so grateful that you, all of you there, are okay. The storm has passed and you learned where the weak spots are. The way you continue, just go, floors me. I look at this face you drew, you and Tay, and I can feel you there. This is such a strong self-portrait. this is such strong storytelling, movie-like in it’s intensity. So much gratitude for who you are in this world. xo

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  24. grace Forrest Avatar

    biblical, yes. and yes…i watched you scoot through
    that window.
    Like Finn.

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  25. grace Forrest Avatar

    i some times wish it could be a movie

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  26. Deb G Avatar

    Catching up…this storm wasn’t as bad for us but I have been there. Scariest time sitting in the middle of the house with the dogs, away from the windows.

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