i am so dependent on this Earth.
when it's not Soaked with Rain, Cold. Soaked again. More Cold. when i can kneel.
i didn't want to put anything here tonight. I wanted to drink a glass of wine and go lay down. And if it was too early to sleep, then just lay there until enough time passed and sleep would come. But here i am. it's a Discipline that is most times joy full but sometimes not, the discipline being in that. Both.
the "world" is too heavy. too disturbed. and in this small sphere, there is so much work needing done with a little girl, a not so little but little enough boy that find themselves mother Less. I go back again to the On Being with Christine Runyon.
i watch Jenny today. Her interaction with Brinley. So far, Jenny's name to the kids has been New Nana. Brinley has begun calling her Nommy I watched her hold her today. She's four. big. but Jenny held her, Brinley wrapping her arms tight, her face pressed into her chest, Jenny adjusting her stance to maintain this. Jenny is my daughter. I watch my daughter. Take her Place. in her family. For HER children. for their children. it's how it goes with animals.
Jenny's car has been down at the bottom of this Hill, for a couple years now since one of the giant pine cones broke the oil pan. It sits. Next to my old loved, so loved that words are dumb Honda. they sit together, near Carefree Way which is a private road to three "properites". but also allows access to opposite properties across the way. Who use it. When they came up today they saw that there was a Jack under her car. To make a long story short, there was an attempt to take the catalytic converter. that failed because the jack sunk into the earth. So at the end of the "visit", they dug out the jack, let the tires go flat which lowered it even more. Took the battery that they could not charge on site and tomorrow they will air up the tires, start up and bring her car Up Here.
so. stuff right now is Full. Too much so. There's more. I wonder how to do it.
windthread 
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