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today. another today. another bless~ed today

20220529_161312

this third scrap…..

internet works early….i wake at 6am or thirty and it works till maybe almost 9a.   Then the middle of the day,  not.  But this morning.  I listen about Teachers,  NPR.  There is a podcast…Rumble Strip….about the death of dogs.  and then i read of today's doings of this world and i think….

This day rising.  To have 

this day rising where there is no death here….this rising,    

i am understanding death differently,  yet,  i prefer just going,  continuing,  keeping same,  not ending    Yet

and i think…How to love this day of no death here.    I think how so much of the time,  i see my self  thinking …of what i do…as ….."Having " to do it:   I have to go feed    I have to make that peanutbutter molasses cracker for that crippled old Goat,  i have to change out and fill the water bowls,   all the effort it takes,  how i walk,  often bent,  breathe to and with the effort , how it is effort,  how it IS   Effort,  yes ….it Is.   and yes.   I have to do it.  They wait for me.   Every day.   They wait for me.   I DO.  have to.

and i look at that.   again….becoming my own Life Coach…as i did when need ing to give the injections to Sunny Ray…how i stopped and saw that I was spending hours dreading…dreading what i Had To Do and what actually Doing   took less than a minute…and how i CHANGED  THAT

so i 

saw it 

as what i do.   I walked and breathed into the effort.   Held this feeling:   let it take me Into it.  Let Life    live me.  See how that happens,   SEE.  really See  how life lives me.  

Journal Entry.  Scrap 3 is about this.

  

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21 responses to “today. another today. another bless~ed today”

  1. Joanne in Maine Avatar
    Joanne in Maine

    I – at 75 and nearly 76- have had to break down work into doable segments. Rest and then on to the next segment but keep moving forward with the work……I imagine filling water bowls…..with you.

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  2. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    “I sweep the steps when the west wind is done
    I make a path for the moonlight”
    Stonehouse 14th C Zen poet

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  3. jude Avatar
    jude

    yes, what we do…

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  4. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Just came in from doing my “chores”! This morning, having watered my bok choi, spinach, Hopi sunflower, Egyptian walking onions, assorted lettuce, Swiss chard, 4 tomatoes, my herbs: English and German thyme, rosemary, basil, Thai basil, my nasturtiums, my Dragon Heart Coleus, my pansies, soon to be replaced by red geraniums, I was so energized that I moved things around. Moved the patio table horizontal instead of vertical, placing my chair at an angle so I can see better…moved my Kokopelli planters filled with pansies to the table next to one of my Kokopelli statues. In the place of my pots in the iron work stand, I have rosemary on the top section and English thyme on the bottom by the front door. I just open the door and pick some herbs when needed.
    Valerie, my new neighbor in the next complex, yesterday early evening, so happy, brought over two little tomato plants in pots to show me. Asked me how to grow them. Told her sun is what is needed. She works for Big R, tractor supply and sundry store, said they have lots of scrap lumber, she and her husband will build a little platform for the tomatoes and place them against the wall that gets the most sun…told me to bring my tomatoes over to her platform….I smiled…I’m an old hand at growing tomatoes and she is so enthused. Has a 6 yr old son, Steven, who plays with the next door neighbor’s 7 yr old son, Rowan. His mom, Stephanie has never grown veggies, think she will follow Valerie and get some tomatoes in pots. Told her if you only grow one tomato, you are a gardener, that you don’t need a lot of land, just the joy of discovering how good home grown food tastes.
    The boys like to come and play by the apple tree, started to swing on the branches…their Moms gently told them to not do so, that this was an old tree, needed its energy to grow apples. I’ve told everyone they can come and harvest apples anytime they want, even though the apples will only grow to about 2 21/2″; still they are so good, sweet with a hint of tart. We have no idea what kind they are and I can’t find any info but I will keep researching.
    And I think of this life: how for me, it is about growing my veggies, my herbs, a few flowers and in so doing, I think, in this place, I am starting to grow a little community here…

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  5. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    so so Beauty Full, Marti…as i read your words i watched the
    story roll out in my mind…the mothers, their boys, the old tree,
    small plants in pots carried
    your Garden
    the garden of You arranging, rearranging
    Thank you

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  6. CatherinE Avatar
    CatherinE

    I identify so much with this, Grace. My chores can seem overwhelming. I can gloom and grump through the day. Every beautiful, precious day. I have become committed to changing this. And things gather to help me.

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  7. Faith Avatar
    Faith

    This made me think… Perhaps this is what my … I don’t know what it is, not a problem, really, but something slightly “off.” Anyway, I have no sense of “having” to do anything. I do have to cook, do laundry, clean occasionally, but those are such routine things and basically things I do for myself as much as anyone else. Those things you have to to because someone is depending on you are thing that make you feel needed, give you some purpose. And this is all just a mood, because I do know I am needed, though my sense of purpose is currently muddled.

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  8. Faith Avatar
    Faith

    This all sounds so delightful.

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  9. victoria Avatar
    victoria

    I think that Faith is right when she says “Those things you have to do because someone is depending on you are things that make you feel needed, give you some purpose. ” Without a sense of purpose a person just floats around, destabilized, wandering. We need to be stuck in to whatever life we have in order to have a reason to go on.

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  10. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    thank you for that…”with you”…i will imagine you here

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  11. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    yes. sweeping the steps

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  12. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    it’s quite Beauty Full, right? All of it…the doing and
    the feelings about the doing and then
    the doing

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  13. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    Marti…this is so Beauty Full i almost can’t bear it.

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  14. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    once i am OUT … the door…i am ok. it’s those initial moments…
    I look at them…What are they, Really?????????????
    “and things gather to help me”….??????????

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  15. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    purpose
    i think we see and resee our understanding of this over and
    over

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  16. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    i love the image i got from “stuck in to whatever life we have”
    like a seedling transplanted
    and we transplant ourSelves, over and over in a life time to Re New
    the life force?

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  17. Deb G Avatar
    Deb G

    I am thinking of “beautiful questions,” On being interview with David Whyte. I’ve listened to that interview so many times.

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  18. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    A wonderful kind of growth I do believe!

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  19. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Your own Life Coach…and one to others. In a sense, I thought you were going to say something slightly different than what you did say…in turn, I said it to self, which is perhaps just what I needed to hear. This is me telling myself that Yes, the things I do each day are the things I Have to Do, have to. Things that are not a “have to” are easily pushed aside and do not get done. But, the days are long, tiring and the Have To DO things are not always the Want to Do. But, I do have to…
    So in reading your words and the words of others here tonight…I realize that it is not only Have To…it is Have to and GET TO. I get to do some of these things (work things) they are things I get to do because I am able to physically, mentally…I am able to accomplish these things that need doing.
    So for me, this reframing from have to into (also) get to is very helpful for me to remember gratitude in the long work days.
    Thank you for this tonight.
    xo

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  20. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    i listened again today. I will never quit. He is beyond wonderful.
    i thought in the last days how i will so much MISS Thursdays with On Being. How i think, it is like church for me. How some people go to mass and are held up for the week to come. I go there.

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  21. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    the reframing
    yes.
    and how you will find it when you no longer “work” When you hit that retirement age….what will it be then?
    I have never known that. yet and still.
    it’s a beauty Full and complex part of Living. Worth
    spending time with the questions.

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