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put the bottle of wine on the Table just outside the door.  Left it there.   There is an umbrella to the Table so it's always shaded.  Didn't think twice till….there was a  "something is wrong with this picture" moment….  

Looked every where for the cork.    nope.   so,  tin foil.

 


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i give water,  but it is WE who are given to.  All.   the earth,  log borders,  me,  the Glorious Sun Flowers,  air,  weeds,   and on and on and on…i am able to  make this small fountain of water for Us….    Us.

ok…so what did i mean?   and i don't know how this will come out,  it's late and still Hot and i am loosing steam…eee,  oh,  funny,  loosing steam….

like as in this experiment of a travel trailer with no electricity mostly was what i was referring to.  There's all this "out there" about how the elderly should 

stay inside with their conditioned air,   be sure to hydrate.    i am an elderly.

Ok,  the hydrate part,   hard enough.  By nature i'm not a big water drinker.  But i am working at it.   I consume.  Water.  Watch the color of my urine.   I consume now,  WAY more water than i am naturally inclined to because they say it's critical?????  OK.  Stay inside They say.     Well….inside here is way warmer than OutSide.    have no thermometer so have no numbers…but it's true.    So…what do i do?    There is the Beach…up a little ways and Over.   the kid pool  the mist er.  Degrees cooler there.  Feet in kid pool.   TREES.  Trees over Head.    Over my head.    

this is what i meant.   it's all kind of experimental.   Wasn't intended to be this way.   Remember?  there was supposed to be a small wooden house with window sills.   Electricity.    Seemed easy but was not and instead,  there is this tin house and a brilliant array of usb batteries  and me,  figuring out stuff.    Just to say.   At any given moment i can give up on the experiment and move into town to Alyssia's.   This would make 

Goats

complicated.   

but could be done.

but i don't want to.   DON'T.   am committed to the experiment.   Some weeks,  then.   Some weeks of the year it will be hard and take thought.   and this is why i wished for another,  who deals with same.   Maybe they know more.  Maybe they can advise?  i guess that was what i meant.   ????   is it?   

when i go to Feed in the morning and evening…over at the Curry House,  i turn on the water first so it has a chance to cool as i do what i do.   It runs from the hose,  down into the Doe Forest.      It is the ONLY water in the Doe Forest this time of year.  ONLY. and i have heard….and now listen for,   the sound of the cricket people in that stream of wet earth.  they sing a very quiet song in the dark.   This sounds nice.   Cricket People singing in the Intense Heat.   Maybe.  Maybe not.   it's  "artificial"….the water.  But then….they sing.  a quiet singing.  So maybe they know how it is ephemeral and don't care,  sing anyway.   ?

 

 

 

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21 responses to “what did/do i mean?, lives like i do”

  1. Liz A Avatar

    hydrating sounds and feels like a chore … I recently read “drink when you are thirsty” and I much prefer that way of going …
    Alyssia’s place gives you a choice … being where you are because that’s where you want to be

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  2. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    So happy that if things do become to threatening to your health that you have Alyssiaโ€™s home to go to. Youโ€™ll know.. right?? Iโ€™m thinking it would mean a lot of back and forth for you. Do the schools have AC?? Gosh it truly is just one thing after another .. Iโ€™m sure you canโ€™t be living alone with these challenges .. hoping you can find others like you said to share ideas on ways to make things better even a little better would be welcomed. Love to you!!

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  3. Joanne in Maine Avatar
    Joanne in Maine

    I think back over all the years there…the things that were promised to happen..but did not.
    The building rules. Which were there before buying that land.
    Interesting that your daughter plans to build a house……..I always hope it will all come true.
    You have waited so long.

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  4. Greta Wells Avatar
    Greta Wells

    figuring out stuff. Thatโ€™s what you do Grace. And very Weil. Misting sounds a good choice at the moment.

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  5. grace Forrest Avatar

    hydrating….yes…when thirsty, in “ordinary” times
    but in times of
    sweat…like sweat…it running down between the sagging
    boobs, scalp, sweat…..it changes the picture
    Alyssia’s little house behind her house…and then…,
    always almost forgotten, the house in N. Mex…a regular
    3 bedroom house in Socorro
    yes. Choice. and again…the other day, waking to
    This is a Great Life…
    this is Climate Change. two words. then, the experience of it. it’s where we are, where we live and so
    to figure out how to Go.

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  6. grace Forrest Avatar

    yes. i’ll know.
    the other day when Jeff was here and was leaving and i wanted to show him again that Rock over at B Garden so he didn’t forget…
    and he drove down and i followed, walking fast….
    and when i got to the gate i was dizzy….eyesight blurring…feeling faint for the first time in my life, but i just kept going, hoping it would turn out ok and i did go through the gate and hook it behind me, make it over to where the rock is at Tazmeena’s grave and
    squat
    breathing and as we looked, stuff went back to normal…but i had the experience of how it might go as a LESSON…i’ve never been old before, never been in this kind of prolonged heat before, never the combination of the two….
    so i need to LEARN
    don’t know about AC schools….
    i watch those YouTubes about the ones who live on wheels. Peggy knows this. It’s the Other Life i thought about living before the advent of Emrie. I go there and it’s good.

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  7. grace Forrest Avatar

    it was not promised, but hoped. by them, not me…
    the codes came into play with the decimation of the town of Paradise by FIRE, that Camp Fire of 2018, were not
    an issue when they bought this Hill.
    The whole intent for me was for HER and ALYSSIA, if they chose to, to have a Place to root.
    it was a nice thing to imagine, windowsills, but i am not
    waiting…haven’t waited at all. My Life is other things that i am truly committed to, this Forest, the Garden, this life with All the Beings. my bed is good and open to the sounds and Things of the night…dry and Tina’s quilt. My very good screen door and i can go out….in this heat, naked. I can go out naked under a half moon. THIS
    is beyond good. This is a Great Life.

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  8. grace Forrest Avatar

    really…i realize today, it’s not so much figuring out, but just letting it happen, because it WILL happen whether or not i figure anything out.
    so…just Live. It will change.
    where are YOU?

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  9. Liz A Avatar

    I had a dream the other night … bordering on a nightmare … of being so hot and not able to find my way to any relief … my dream being your reality … I hope you at least have enough battery power for a fan
    all I can think otherwise is to hope for wind and low humidity … but yes, in that circumstance, replacing the body’s water as it evaporates would be life-saving
    and then I think wind and low humidity … fire weather
    there are no easy answers
    sigh

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  10. Nancy Avatar

    Grace~ Well, my comment of the other night was way off…no mater. Now, I better understand what you mean.
    I too am not good at water drinking. I try. But, I really have to focus, remember and push self. Some just like water and drink lots, not me.
    At work we fill simple sprayer bottles with water to spray the littles and teach them how to spray themselves too. They love this and it helps with cooling.
    Be well.

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  11. Joanne in Maine Avatar
    Joanne in Maine

    A great life and a good bed…….you have that.

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  12. grace Forrest Avatar

    no. there are no easy answers. and here we Are. no
    easy answers.
    i do. battery power…i have this little USB Fan..like the size of a small pancake, but it WORKS! and then…i am
    in the position of being able to sit in front of it…i don’t have a family of children, i don’t have a job that requires most of my life, i can adjust my day to Fit my little Fan…and am so grateful for that and it’s enough..carry it and it’s battery around with me
    and that is uhhhhh, a point……
    how many are caught in keeping an entire building that is their house, like two floors, many rooms, COOL, air CONDITIONED, 24/7 rooms not even used much….We need small spaces to be cool if we can, but that’s enough.

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  13. grace Forrest Avatar

    i’m not sure what comment you are referring to…but if it’s the
    one i think it is…
    it WAS Beauty Full and i loved it very much….
    how i love you, very much

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  14. Nancy Avatar

    Yeah, tonight I see better how the specifics you wrote about above “..like as in this experiment of a travel trailer with no electricity mostly was what i was referring to. There’s all this “out there” about how the elderly should…” – is really just what I meant the details of the day-to-day…
    See what happens at the end of my day when tired? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Oy.

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  15. sarita Avatar
    sarita

    Dearest Grace. You are not alone. My life is nearly a twin to yours.
    Just passed the two-year mark of The Wildfire that took everything. Well, not everything…home, possessions, and left tremendous fear, anxiety, (PTSD I’m told). New challenges every day, steep learning curve.
    Home now = old rv, miserable bed, the shell of an old bbq for cooking, but no, not now. No open flames, cooking for now…Fire right over the hill, red flag warning, high winds so hot, no rain. Nearly received a ticket from Mr.Ranger for cooking dinner.
    Always dirty, everything. Laundry gets the “good enough” treatment in small kiddie pool.
    Spend the days trying to protect our two acres with sprinklers, caring for pets that don’t understand, scared for their health. Living in donated clothing, with donated bedding…a beautiful, once-white quilt now more like cocoa, too heavy when wet to wash properly.
    Post-fire, no money left for rebuildind, car has died. Tiny fridge means many more 50 mile journies to town for food water…bitter about having to pay for gallons of drinking water for self, pets…realizing how complacent I was about so many things before the fire came, makes it hard to look at self in mirror.
    Unable to focus my mind, creativiyy has vanished. Part of the “trauma response” Im told. Always, stitching, drawing has been a part of me, my life, has sustained me thru thick or thin. But not this time. I grieve. Will this missing piece return one day? And, if it doesnt? My heart is so very heavy, somes days I wonder how long can a person carry such weight.
    Every day, tears, still, beloved forest gone, new challenges to navigate.
    This is my life now, the new normal? But, life, living, is good. As compared to the alternative.
    You are not alone. I know. I understand. I am here (sometimes…internet, phone still unreliable…i miss the joy of visiting The Ragmates, you. Internet is a intermittent gift now)…if you need a shoulder, want to share, thoughts, hints, whatever. You are lovedโ™กโ™กโ™ก
    ~sarita, in oregon, or is it Mars, unsure anymore
    (Feet in tub of cool water helps cool, as does constantly getting head/hair wet. Envy your umbrella, no shade here.)

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  16. grace Forrest Avatar

    have read 3 times in these last moments. I sit with
    you in your words.
    I thank you. I will walk with them all day, be
    back this evening. Try not to go away.
    LOVE

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  17. grace Forrest Avatar

    so…all day and there is so much to ASK, so much to say
    and in this moment late tonight…i want to say so much
    gratitude that you chose to comment here rather than email…
    that we can talk of this here…Out, among us, in the light of day. I am so grateful for this…that we can tell of
    how it is…
    For many, life is not changed. Yet. it is important,
    critical, to share the changes because they will come to all of Us in one way or another. It is only when it touches Us that we are able to rise to meet It?
    you have a cockatiel?, parrot? is this a correct memory?
    Love…Sarita…Big Big Love and we will see. How to Go.

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  18. Liz A Avatar

    I don’t have words, but want you to know I am trying to grasp the enormity of this

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  19. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    In the midst of so much, you come Sarita to tell, to show us how it is and in doing so, you give so much to all of us. You may not feel that you are strong but your courage stands for you tell from your heart, your gut, your head pf how life is for you now. Who knows how we would handle, life interrupted…what I do know is that I thank you for coming here, to share with grace, your reality in Oregon.

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  20. CatherinE Avatar

    your post describing how it is for you touched me so much, Sarita. May we all rise up to meet It, in whatever ways we can.

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  21. Nancy Avatar

    Oh Sarita. First of all, thank you for sharing with us here. Your words, telling of your life are heartbreaking in the hardness of it all. You are not alone. We are all here listening, sending love.
    I only wish there was more I could do. xo

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