windthread

recent posts

about

a white flower

20220911_191032

to just stay here.     with this White Zinnia that took forever to bloom.    i'd planted so many  seeds…scattered them….so few took hold,  i think they were 

eaten

but  here She is,  in all Glory,   how her petals curl into kind of tube form?   her interior,  so full of Mystery and Allure.  Beauty  Full   Zinnia.   White.  amidst the All.   

such an Intense Other Worldly day….it Rained.  Twice during morning hours,  once maybe 7 drops the second time maybe 13 and then at 4:56 to 5:09,   RAIN.  Fat Full Rain Drops fast and without hesitation.   the scent of Rain on dust dry Earth and Goat shit.  Perfume.

for those inclined.  Please go read Sarita's comment on the 9/3  post   What did/do I mean?  Lives like i do      I am not ready to find words for it yet.  Maybe tomorrow.  

an update on Kindergarten.   Last Thursday when Alyssia was waiting to pick Emrie up,  Ms.  Johnson and the Principal came through the doors and sat on the steps of the school.  Ms Johnson was sobbing and gesturing.   Alyssia couldn't hear all the words but it seems that in all her 30 years of teaching,  Ms. Johnson had HAD it.  TOO MUCH.    Friday there was a substitute.

today,  the Substitute again who said something to the kids about a new teacher tomorrow.   ?   

From the fragments of words between the principal and Ms. Johnson that Alyssia could hear,  from Emrie's 5 year old report,   one of her classmates,   Isaiah,  had been slapping  and strangling,  choking  others.   Emrie said it was not her because she had made him a Friend.  (we are unsure what to make of this).     Today,  Isiah was sent home early for same and for bashing Martin in the head…Martin having to go to the school nurse and came back to the classroom with an ice pack for the lump on his head.

She reported too that again,  she was wary of the school lunch.   She said it was a taco.  Alyssia questioned…a Taco Again?  and she said…well,  maybe not a taco,  but something folded and she gave  a demonstration of the folding which looked like origami.  She ate  carrots.  a lot of them.   She was not hungry.    Kindergarten.   2022.  Public School.   Covid kids.  Uncivilized.  Innocent. 

and i set INTO the Rocket Science.   I am on rectangle Nine.    Deb's Good Enough Quilt seems so uhhhh,   relaxed and Easy…but i am finding,  is full of Nuance that  makes it what it is,  that has mesmerized me all along  and that maybe i won't be able to replicate.   in the slightest.

Try to go read Sarita.   She was/is   the Center of this Day  

 

 

Posted in

22 responses to “a white flower”

  1. Deb G Avatar
    Deb G

    I set out thinking it would be relaxed and easy, so needed when I started it, but yes there is more. Keep going. 🙂
    And school…last year was so hard. I don’t know if I’ve ever been specific about that since I don’t really go into details about work on my blog. Some of the one and two year olds had never really been out of the house, never been with someone other that Mom, Dad, maybe a nanny or another family member. They had no resilience. We are still seeing some of this. And some of it isn’t Covid related, just made harder because Covid happened. There are children that are hard in group settings and not always enough support.

    Like

    Reply
  2. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    I was reflecting on public/private school: how I have twin grand children who are in each type of school (now in 8th grade). Last year,it made no difference, the type of school, in terms of the integration back from remote learning to in-class; both schools faced challenges not only with students readjusting but teachers as well and burn out,in both schools, was more than at any other time.

    Like

    Reply
  3. CatherinE Avatar
    CatherinE

    Sitting with all the thoughts and feelings of reading about teachers, schools, and how it is for Sarita… I returned to this post and saw the words “I am on rectangle Nine” and thought of “cloud nine.” Rectangle Nine is quite a place.

    Like

    Reply
  4. Joanne in Maine Avatar
    Joanne in Maine

    Teaching is HARDER than it has EVER been. Many veteran teachers are taking early retirement. No amount of money is worth the daily stress of children with very short attention spans and limited ability to control their emotions (including anger). Acting out and hurting others. My daughter gave up her career to pull weeds all day in seaside gardens. For her OWN safety and mental health.

    Like

    Reply
  5. sarita, on Mars, pretty sure Avatar
    sarita, on Mars, pretty sure

    Oh Grace…♡
    Funny, your comment about posting here, not email. I thought I was emailing! 😂 This last week was especially hard, emotionally, must have finished off my brain cells. I am grateful for, and thank you, for nurturing this safe spot for sharing. Obviously it’s still the internet, so I may perhaps be vaguer than I would like.
    So many thoughts swirling through. First, re-reading my comment, I feel it sound pretty negative, whiney. Let me be clear, No Whining here! Yes, fire came, took things, left others. And yes, always challenges, needing to find new ways to do the ‘old’ things.
    BUT!!! My heartache lies not in the loss of possessions or the ‘easy’ life. The part that is just killing me is the devastation of my beautiful home land. The incredible, most magical, majestic forest, the incredible loss of wild life.
    WE DID THIS! Humans. We were warned, we have known for so many years the pain we were, and continue to cause our Mother. She won’t stop. It’s my firm belief that Mother Earth has HAD ENOUGH! And who can blame her? I think everyday, wonder…once She has shed us, will she recover? She has renewed Herself many times, but….we have been greedy and selfish for so long. So many of us care deeply. Too many don’t. 😭
    My intent in commenting was really to share with you the way it is, continues to be. Really, was hoping to offer what you were seeking…another who lives similarly. The biggest difference, one chose a path, one was presented a path. Does that matter? I don’t think so.
    I spend most of my time outdoors, listening, watching, appreciating.
    Green began to return, the undergrowth surrounding the blackened tree trunks that remain, some grass, flowers, mushrooms. Then, summer. Dry, yellow, brown, danger again. Rain will come, things will begin to renew, return. I have no words for the heartswell I feel watching. I cry…a lot! At the devastation, but mostly at the beauty, and life, beyond that. It is so, so very incredible to have the freedom to…..sit and watch the river all day if I wish, see Mama’s teaching their young The Ways of Life…baby ducklings, goslings, osprey, eagles. To walk this property each day and spy new varieties of fungi, flowers that I didn’t plant, but are such a light in the darkness. The list is long, and mostly very, very good.
    And then, as well, the…startling, alarming, equally cherished…coming face-to-face with Mama Bear, grateful she doesn’t eat my wee pup. The mountain lion and bobcat who visit regularly, leaving their marks outside the rv, chitty-chatting and chuffing as they wander. Raccoons who forage the rubbish bin.
    These Blessed Creatures lost their home as well, are struggling to survive, feed their young. I begrudge them nothing. Secretly, quietly, I ‘accidently’ drop nibbles in out-of-the way spots.
    (Sidenote…although we technically live in what was once a town of roughly 400, we are completely isolated. No neighbors anywhere near. I would not knowingly but others in danger).
    Confession…the freaking mice make me INSANE! They are thriving in this environment, took up residence early on in the walls, undercarriage of the RV. The buggers love to use my clothing, linens, for nesting..🤬 Every piece of cloth has holes chewed, all food/dishes have to be kept in lidded storage…I have my limits, and REFUSE to eat with utencils that might share a space that they believe is their toilet!! 🤢
    Haven’t found a successful way to humanely remove them unfortunately. And when my little puppers drops a newborn at my feet, I come completely undone!
    Life is hard now, constantly throwing new challenges at us. But…most days, the pure joy of being alive, high fives when finding success in meeting the tough times, is…an incredible, most amazing gift. I don’t know why the Creator-of-All spared my life that night. It was a very close call, to be sure. But I do know, with every fibre of my being, that my life is better for it, I AM BETTER for it.
    Our life is very fluid, with no foreseeable end in sight. There is a possibity this could be The Way it Is for the rest of our days.
    And….I am mostly okay with that. My husband, not so much, lol.
    Grace, I would love, love, love to share with you. Tips, hints, pain, joys…the stuff of living this simpler, isolated life. I have no friends, by choice. I am, have always been, a loner. I like it that way. I find the trees, river, stones and wildlife, have much more interesting things to say, share.
    I believe you, dear Grace, and I, have similar souls, spirits, and welcome nurturing this budding gift. If you wish..♡
    One final thought…to all the Ragmates, who form the amazing community Jude created, enables and encourages…THIS is the new normal. Climate change is real. It is not going anywhere. My life is an example of how this can go, what it might look like. The learning curve is steep. I am happy to share, teach, answer any questions that I can, with love and compassion. Like it or not, we ARE all in this together, and I wish to be a positive participant to the extent that I am able.
    However, I am also a very private person, and would respectfully request that that is recognize, honored. With that said, I send you ALL my blessings, and ♡.
    ~s.
    Sent from ProtonMail mobile

    Like

    Reply
  6. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Your privacy is respected here, and your life story is appreciated.
    Love always.

    Like

    Reply
  7. maria Avatar
    maria

    Thank you Grace and thank’s Sarita ,
    i read it twice and will read this more , it IS necessary, we forget SO quick , it is not the world i live in , but it IS MY WORLD to, our planet .
    here it was hard for the plants the weeks months it was dry no rain for a long time , we had rain water in the container , we used carefully , now we have rain for day’s , i see people clean there cars , wash the drive to there house because they think it is needed to be /to have it all clean . they does’nt understand it , there are only a few who does ; we have lived for the economy -economie for more and better in the material world than you have made make it, you are sommeone ; This is not our my vision….
    i will stop now to match words to difficult for me in your mottertong
    know that i do respect you all and thank you for sharing

    Like

    Reply
  8. hermosa Avatar
    hermosa

    Dear Sarita,
    I feel. I remember and live with Fires touch upon our life here in southern oregon. 2020 was the harshest of times, when at 70, Fire returned with another round to wake up. Our human home survived this time. But so many, were not as lucky. My heart to you. My heart to all. My heart grieves for mama Earth. We bear the gravity of Big Change, Fire specific here in the northwest. Oh, but every where, Earth is shaking us up.
    And still… there is vast beauty and Wonder, vastness that is undefinable and very much felt…. while we plod along living the one Life we have walking upon this ground. I choose to smile much of the time, even tho I’m still pretty exhausted from 2020’s Fires. (not to mention this years reminders).
    Take heart dear ones. Aren’t we lucky to be connected in this web of Life?
    hermosa

    Like

    Reply
  9. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    SO MUCH
    to respond
    but first. I hope it is OK for you, how it worked out. For me…Perfect. Because it’s exactly what i’d been hoping for…YOU are exactly the person i wanted to find, and you are already here…
    I LOVE so much that there are BOTH these messages from you, the first…NOT whiney, But REAL and HONEST and RAW.
    and then today, the RAW moves into the TENDER, the SOFT, the LOVe
    i hope so much you are ok with this because i think it’s the only way Change can actually happen…if somehow we SHARE experience, or, story, but story is a light term for what it is as it is Happening…
    So many of Us here are relatively unaffected by Urgency but nonetheless deeply aware and CAREing….to give things a Face, a human, one that we are connected to…it matters and strengthens the bond. Strengthens Possibility. Strengthens CHANGE. the NEON lights are flashing, we need it now in every way it can come.
    still…there is so much to say…in Both Comments and as i
    gave water today, i thought of you …. is your water source contaminated? things like this…i want to ask…you are living now what i might live.
    I visualize you there, at the River. All your Kin, of Winged and Bear and and and…how you are among them, with them, OF them in a Pure way, by circumstance that changed everything.

    Like

    Reply
  10. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    it is what we Have now
    Kindergarten.
    the first foray into Community. My love and hope for Isaiah runs deep.
    Emrie is not afraid of him. Nor does she judge. She
    witnesses and is
    Her
    Self.

    Like

    Reply
  11. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    it’s bound to happen. How do we Just Go…..

    Like

    Reply
  12. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    Nine is Jude’s Magic Place
    but then i continued.
    It’s all just so Good in some odd kind of way

    Like

    Reply
  13. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    it is harder
    but/and the children NEED opportunity to LEARN community now, more than ever

    Like

    Reply
  14. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    again…your
    SISTER TONGUE
    is quite enough and Beauty Full and always i am humbled
    for not even trying in the Mother Tongue of Belgium
    Love to you, Maria….

    Like

    Reply
  15. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    we are. we are so Lucky for this. So Lucky.
    Thank you so much. so much. for your words For being here.

    Like

    Reply
  16. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Hermosa…we are indeed so lucky for this circle. How good it is to see you here 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  17. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Sarita, thank you for this half too…both sides now, a fuller picture. Love to you.

    Like

    Reply
  18. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    The overwhelm for teachers, and rightfully so, is huge…but I keep thinking of the children. Who will care for and teach the children? It is a complicated time of change. xo

    Like

    Reply
  19. Liz A Avatar
    Liz A

    I came back here to read again about Ms Johnson … Kindergarten teachers are a special breed, greatly respected within the ranks of those who teach … they love the kids so much, especially the ones that bring the hardest challenges … my “adopted” daughter-by-choice is a Kindergarten teacher of 30 years and attended the high school graduation of her toughest-ever student this past June … I taught him in library center, and remember how Heather asked for him to be retained and placed with her for a second year so she could continue to teach him … she followed him throughout his school career, keeping in touch with him and his mom … and cheered as he made his way all the way through … a triumph for all of them
    and now they can’t even find substitute teachers for the days when the teachers rightly need to take a day off for illness or to care for a family member … there is no room for error and the pressures are so great, the stakes so high, the needs of the children so very real … it is no wonder Ms Johnson weeps for all of it … I salute the principal who is enabling her to be home to heal and who is likely overseeing the counseling and consideration of how best to help Isaiah … and the rest of the class will watch and will learn a different kind of lesson … one that will strengthen them as they learn how to live in a world of hurt and make the best of it

    Like

    Reply
  20. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    all of Us. we begin as children. Children are
    our SEEDS.
    it is. so much complicated and of CHANGE

    Like

    Reply
  21. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    I LOVE YOU FOR THIS RESPONSE…having lived it…knowing…
    I LOVE THIS
    it has such huge meaning to me right now…as never before
    I see it all through Emrie as i couldn’t or didn’t with the children on mine before , including her mother
    i see it all as so AMAZING…as we walked toward where the benches

    Like

    Reply
  22. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    i lost a chunk of comment to you, Liz. and will let it go.
    but
    thank you so much for your words

    Like

    Reply

Leave a comment