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you would've thought i was setting out for the Bering Straights.   All the mental preparation,  all the map study….when in actuality i was only going down down this slide of a hill into town and then across to find Nelson St or Ave  where i have actually been once before.   But it's Epic.  for me.   I STILL have zero sense of direction here.*    and i watch self saying to self….in New  Mexico,  it was……..    Well,  hey grace,  you don't live there any more.   You live here,  where all streets wind and curve and turn into other streets for no known reason,   like Olive Highway turns into Washington St  which turns into Bridge.   And there's the Round Abouts   where you can go in a circle,  yield,  yield, yield until you see what you need and the arrow pointing that way.  

i wanted to take my ballot there.   to the County Clerk.    Right outside her door.    After i put it in the slot,  i just sat a while in the parking lot.   Feeling the relief,  some,   feeling SOME relief,   my ballot was in that box,  right outside her door.      I thought and felt so sad.    i could try to find other ways more interesting to say it,  but i felt so sad.   I used to be happy on Voting days.   It's gone.   and there is no good to spending time on that here…it's everywhere and people will all make their choices according to their own sense of it all….no need to spend time on it here,  but it is so so sad.   i thought of the word      incredulous      .  is that a good word?    sort of.   but even incredulous has energy.    What's repeating and repeating is draining energy. and well,   we get back to sad.

so,  the Book.   I've only gotten part way into chapter 2.     But it came via Krista Tippet's Newletter…her On Being Newsletter on Saturdays.  You all know how much i have loved that podcast for so many years and  maybe know how bereft i've been without it since she has…."retired"….but in the newsletter last week,  if i read it right,   she spoke of a kind of group read of this book that she spent the summer with.   Will find out tomorrow.   I hope so.    Hope.   so.

*today there was a very vague soft Felt/Sense of  which way was "there",   then which way was "back".  and it was right.

and i should note.   Today was the first day of wearig Levis.    to mark the Time.  to mark the Season.

 

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17 responses to “not quite anyWhere”

  1. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    “not quite anyWhere” but the intention and direction of getting to There, the County Clerk’s office, is such an important destination.
    Not going to get into the overwhelming importance of this election because as positive as I usually am, this is tough, this wave of misinformation, mistrust, misogyny, that we have been living with for so long.I could write a novel about hopes, dreams, reality, taking it to the streets, equality but no…we all know what has occurred, what is occurring, how hard it is to rise above, yet we still put one foot in front of the other; still engage in conversations that matter in the hopes of reaching across, fostering understanding or at the very least, giving a moment to pause and consider and how we still use that black pen to mark our beliefs on the ballot, STILL…
    No, I am not going to write about this in depth BUT what I will put here is this from my beloved Dad:
    What I will do is tell of how he believed with all of his heart, having given up his own country, Spain, to make a better life here in his dearly loved America, that it was a privilege to live in America and with that privilege comes a citizen’s responsibility to VOTE.

    Like

  2. Liz A Avatar

    I have written and deleted so many comments … I just don’t know what to think anymore

    Like

  3. CJ Avatar

    Roundabouts are the big thing here now and lots of drama on the proper way to maneuver them. I still find tense. We voted absentee and I worry it makes it there. One of my favorite memories was my mother as an election day Judge in the 60s. I get fuzzy images of her standing in charge. When voting was an exciting, proud moment. Loved your map! Love maps!

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  4. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    I should say that I also voted absentee but did not take my ballot to the county Clerk, I mailed it and was able to track it from the time that it was sent to me until the time that the County Clerk received it.

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  5. grace Forrest Avatar

    Are you at Erica’s right now?

    Like

  6. Greta wells Avatar
    Greta wells

    We get to say. Important!

    Like

  7. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    No, here at home.

    Like

  8. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    Good for you .. I only wish everyone would Vote!! We’ll be voting on Tuesday .. for whatever reason we don’t have early voting here this year. Could have done the mailing but we’re such a small community voting in person will not be a problem. I so want it to be over but I also don’t want to let go of Hope!! I know what you mean .. when I visited my sister Caroline in Grass Valley I never knew what way was what .. here we always have the lake so it’s easy. I never drive very far from home .. do only one round about. I do wish I wasn’t so nervous about driving .. it’s my own doing but it still makes me sad. I need to find my can-do self. It’s hard always depending on others .. good for you Grace for getting yourself to the County clerks and back.

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  9. Deb G Avatar

    I am about finished with Chapter Two and then will read the newsletter. It is making me think of other things I have read, how it all ties together. There are supposed to be new podcasts in January. 🙂

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  10. grace Forrest Avatar

    your Dad, who i have adopted as my own
    yes.. dearly loved America
    and yes. one foot in front of the other. We Go.
    always, we go. One foot in front of the other.

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  11. grace Forrest Avatar

    i know what to think…it’s just knowing how to LIVE
    the thinking

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  12. grace Forrest Avatar

    yes…voting. an exciting, proud moment….said so Well
    YES.
    i co fo
    uld repeat it a thousand times
    John Lewis leans into me.
    oh, the maps. Hard to come by these days. I got this one from the AAA store here in town, went in and looked for a rack of them that i thought would exist but no…no rack of maps…so i waited politely until the place was empty and went to the woman at the desk….ASKING my BIG ASK…a MAP
    and she was Kind
    the phone apps….they are so great in a thousand ways but not for me…they go too fast
    although once last year when i was muddling around the phone just began Talking…out loud….i don’t know how it happened but SHE told me what to do….i did it and Got There,
    (reference this present reading…Ways of Being….AI)
    but paper maps. you can sit and study them….recognize certain streets, see how they connect or don’t
    take time.

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  13. grace Forrest Avatar

    YES!….we get to SAY
    it’s the Whole Thing.
    we say. one voice. Xs so Many. a VOICE OF MANY but
    because of One at a time.

    Like

  14. grace Forrest Avatar

    for you…the lake.
    in N. Mex…the horizons, the mountains. Toward the
    mountains or away from the mountains. all the land marks
    on that horizon. that clump of Grass People that always told me where i was
    it’s new this thing about not knowing. I don’t like it
    but it’s how it is. Maybe i’ll get over it. Maybe
    i’ll keep on keeping on

    Like

  15. grace Forrest Avatar

    it DOES. it all ties together. So much.
    is a Truth

    Like

  16. Nancy Avatar

    I too love maps! So many phases and memories come up…as a child I was always looking out the car window, noticing – so when I began driving as a teen, I knew exactly where I was going, as I’d been there before, just in the passenger seat. Where I grew up, The Valley, my mama would say it was all set up on a grid, which was true…major streets that ran N-S or E-W…made it so easy…on to Nevada – so big, open, rural…it was about finding a street off the highway…yard sales & maps helped me learn the streets…on to where I live now – streets with twists, turns & cul-de-sacs (sp?)…super confusing, but when we moved here I just went and found places, I was adventurous.
    Even now, I look to the mountains that circle my valley and The Valley, but have always had an inner sense of direction, one that only fails me in Vegas! lol When we’d go to visit my daughter there I could never get my bearings, mostly because all of the freeways have giant looping onramps…so you get on heading east and end up going west! man, it drove me nuts!
    J. and I voted today, in person as always…it was simple, quick and safe. We were the only ones voting at that moment – which I hope is not a sign.
    xo

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  17. grace Forrest Avatar

    some have an inner compass….i do have one, of a certain kind,
    but i haven’t been able to here…maybe in time.
    Maps. Just LOVE maps.
    am glad your vote time was peacefull. it is what is my great
    Hope for All of Everyone

    Like

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