it is just a mystery why this spiral, this Cloth is so perfectly what i need. i could never have planned such a perfection. It was mindfull but still, of its own accord…the slow finding of the pieces that came to be what it is. It's still here, taking up most of the Everything Table. i wake to it, go to sleep to it. Spend the days with it. All day, i look and am cared for by it, like a homeopathic. a remedy.
i went to sleep early last night, well, earlier than midnight. 10:30…because i couldn't bear it any more. The WIND. the WIND. i remembered when i was giving in to moving here from New Mex and i said to Jenny…the Wind, i'll miss the Wind and she said yes. We don't have much here. that was before things changed. When they were looking at the real estate listing for this Hill…she also related in one of the conversations that the part where insurance was discussed…there was nothing remarkable about any ….ummmm i don't know the terms anymore, but….no flood insurance, no other insurance for "natural" events…at that time even fire threat. just plain old property insurance. we were feeling good with that Assurance. In five years….IN FIVE YEARS….how much has changed. How could that be true?, but it is. The three of us keep asking eachother now and then…is this really true?, and it is.
when i woke up this morning it was all still out there and it was NOT raining and i just layed there feeling my eyes open and no wind and no rain and i wanted to be angry. I wanted to say Metta, yes, but i wanted to be angry. Why are we left with Metta? Why have we watched as our government is dragged through all the bull shit it is, dragging its self through it, spending zillions of dollars on elections of people who are less concerned with the Well Being of the Planet than i am… i wanted to be ANGRY. i wanted to tighten myself, squinch my eyes, bare my teeth, threaten….STOP IT!!!!! Feed people, feed Children, build homes and spigots that give water to drink that is pure and clean. HELP US, STOP. STOP. the craziness of this capitalistic Shit!!!! and i thought…i want to hang out with Dee. Pattern and Outrage wordpress. like at her house. I want to get on a plane and take a uber and get to her door and knock loudly, calling…..DEEEEE and she'd let me in and i'd start up with my angry grief and she could take it, the raising of my voice, the bottled up feelings that want to take the form of Anger, but really….are worse than anger. Are a deep deep grief. She wouldn't get hurt. I wouldn't hurt her with this. eeeeeeeeeee.
30 some years now i have lived on the edge of normal. I walked away from Normal. Normal wasn't working for me. I left it. I have lived differently. Marti knows some of this, she was where i lived the most normally of not so normal. and normal is defined by
the usual. Nice. i left nice. What do i mean?
it's dark now. the batteries are running low. i depend on batteries. it is
choice.
it is not normal. tonight sometime, the Wind is forecasted to return. it's still in the moment. the faucet drips. i look above and see that i wrote…. why have we watched as our government is dragged ……'
passive. saying Metta. watching. saving the zip locks and grocery bags for multiple use. doing our part as best we can. Caring, but
just watching. passive.
windthread 
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