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there's Jack.   Jumpin Jack Flash.   He who aspired to become Buck of the Universe.  and sort of was.   so short a time he had his day.   but now,   back at it,  his old self that never learns.   repeat.  repeat.  repeat.    We covered the whole front fence line with a kind of chicken wire that worked,  sort of,  worked enough.  but now it's the whole fenceline along that side meadow.   There's no real reason for shoving his head through.  that i know of anyway.   an urge.     When i go to feed,  i'll find him like this and get my leather gloves,  the Big wire cutters and cut him loose….you cut first then bide your time till his head is in just the right position and pull the cut piece up enough for him to pull his head out….watching out for getting my hand squashed by his horns.   This is why we disbud Goats….prevent their horns from growing as babies.   Jack was disbudded by my Vet back in N. Mex.   as were others.   He wasn't good at it and several went on to grow Scurs….as we see here.   The hornless does, disbudded.  can stick their heads through and get back easily.    Sunny Ray has huge scurs…actually,  one is almost a full horn.   but he doesn't do this fence thing.

a crow has been coming.   i ache 

for Tay's presence in the old way

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12 responses to “and then”

  1. jaime Avatar
    jaime

    I saw a vet talking on PBS while neutering a bull and he showed how he clipped something to crush the blood vessels to the scrotum. Then he did it again saying that sometimes it doesn’t work well and you can have a bull with a small deformed testicle running around impregnating all the cows. If Jack was banded and a tiny potion of testicle was left that would be a possibility of what he was up to.
    I know you must miss Tay every minute you are awake. Just want to sit and rock back and forth til the pain is dulled some. And then rock some more. In my experience, when she comes to visit you will be when you least expect it.

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  2. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Time…it takes time, time will ease the pain… but the thing is that loss is loss and there are, I’m sure, so many memories of Tay running on the Hill that you can close your eyes and see her, as you walk the Hill…the pain of loss is eased but never leaves completely and from my experience, at times, our loved ones come when needed and as Jamie says, when least expected. To be open to both situations, is the gift of love everlasting…

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  3. Liz A Avatar

    oh good grief … seriously Jack?
    at least that’s what I imagine you saying … or words to that effect

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  4. Mo Crow Avatar

    Oh (((Jack))) you silly goat!

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  5. Cindy Avatar
    Cindy

    I’m sure you do ache for Tay, Grace. I’m so sorry…
    I add, just wondering … you have to cut the fence to help Jack out?
    We’ve had goats do that, again & again & again. Will this eat your fence? my love to everybody

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  6. Nancy Avatar

    Grace~ Oh that silly Jack!! In your early days of missing Tay, may you find ease in your routines and rituals and images of Tay with you. Also, for however it relates here…my mom has been in every dream, most sleeps, for the past weeks. It’s nice to have her with me. xo

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  7. grace Forrest Avatar

    in Jack’s case…it was all psychological. All the posturing, vocalizing, mounting etc. ….no erection, penis extention…don’t know the correct word….we call it
    The Pink….no pink.
    i don’t even know how to say words about Tay…her not
    being present of body, the great emptiness of that, she is not just next to me, there, lying down on the edge of that little part of the road, waiting. Taking up all the space inside the door, next to the bed. i am always turning around and being suprised to not see her beautyfull self just There….she was always There/Here…her form. i move through the day saying her name….
    there are things…i hesitate to say them here

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  8. grace Forrest Avatar

    i don’t think so. i don’t really expect the “pain” to ease. i am trying to understand it for what it is. it’s really not pain…it’s loss of presence of form.????
    it’s like that conversation i had with Emrie a while back
    when she said something about not wanting me to die and i said things about just being gone in a certain way
    and she looked off and was quiet and said
    yes. but i want you THIS way old nana.

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  9. grace Forrest Avatar

    i called him a dumbfuck

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  10. grace Forrest Avatar

    yes, eat the fence. weaken it over time. when we will
    need to replace the panels. We can get more of that
    flexible chicken wire mesh and put that. That last
    batch lasted almost a year. Fences are a constant labor
    of love, aren’t they. Am so glad you had Goats

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  11. grace Forrest Avatar

    my dreams are changing

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