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maybe?????????

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so i tried something i've never tried before….Maybe?   and i also filled out yet another Help Ticket with Typepad.   We'ss see when i push publish.

Internet not good in general.   Takes forever to just get here.   keeps saying    This site can't be reached    or   No Data Connection.  Maybe snow.

and then,   the reality of where i'm at.   

i am  just Drifting.    I didn't go down for the Burning today.   Didn't have it in me.   it was cold and drizzly.     I spent time with this Spiral…that Center One that has such meaning.   you've all seen it many times before…nothing new….but i find i can keep looking and looking and looking.    Sitting with it.   Like i can with the whole thing here.   Other people,  jude, saskia, dee,  liz are just going with so many things.    I am not.   I am just HERE,  with these spirals,  with this thing of Staying Open which i don't know how to do.   With Rain and cold.   Just Here.   and it bothers me.   Nothing for blog Content in me.   I could make something up,  but it would be dishonest.   What to do?

so…let's see if the pic has stayed.

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15 responses to “maybe?????????”

  1. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    It did

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  2. Yvette Avatar
    Yvette

    Yes it did and is so soft!
    Be soft to yourself Grace….stay in touch….with or without blogcontent…stay in touch.
    You feel empty…I know
    Hugshugshugs

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  3. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Drifting is essential at times, what is not essential is comparing self to others…
    You, who give us so much, simply by being who you are, speaking truth, showing how it goes, this life of yours on the hill;that is what staying open is grace, and you have done this, over and over, through the years.
    Look at these spirals, look at how many you have made, with skill and thought and sometimes, just letting the spirit call to you in picking out the cloths,determined to make these blankets. Look at what you have accomplished with the beauty and work of these blankets and you have done all of this while herding your goats, caring for the land, being the great Old Nana that you are, Nurturing and showing Emrie how to live a meaningful life, standing and facing when life looms large and difficult. You continue to teach us all.
    You have suffered a great loss, you all have, for Tay was a guiding being in this life on the Hill, your other half, and if this were not enough, this weather in CA is so unbelievably tough right now…
    Lest any of you who come here think I am grace’s cheerleader, well yes because I have known you grace for many, many years and never, never have I ever considered you to be an idle person.
    I’ll end this by simply saying that even when we are “drifting”, we are contributing, because acknowledging this moment in time enables us to continue and to me, that is the essence of just going…

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  4. jude Avatar
    jude

    definitely internet, happens here on and off but less since we switched providers. phone is not good though. The mountains. We are all “here” tho.

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  5. Deb G Avatar
    Deb G

    Sitting is sometimes enough…you posted, good enough. That is continuing.

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  6. Joanne in Maine Avatar
    Joanne in Maine

    Ah, the internet……here in Maine ALL of Life and Doing is QUITE IFFY as there is so much land mass and so few people…….It’s all just flat and open and empty………..we, who come here for YOU…can tilt our heads to see the picture upright- or just enjoy it tipped onto it’s side. We come to read your words…see that you are going…….each day. Love to You…..and your cloth.

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  7. Liz A Avatar
    Liz A

    sometimes I just don’t want to (fill in the blank) … whatever it is … and I’ve come to realize it really is okay to just say no … to simply be where I am
    so I’m thinking your heart must be exhausted beyond words to tell with the loss of your true companion … “I am here and Tay is not” is not a one day or one week thing … I/we understand that … and will continue to come here, to witness that with you

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  8. CatherinE Avatar
    CatherinE

    Drifting is okay. I’m glad you didn’t go to the Burning. It sounds exhausting in the cold and drizzle. Last time I went to one, I ended up with burned holes in my jacket. Being here, as you say, with the Spirals is no small thing.

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  9. Deb Avatar
    Deb

    Fallow time here too. Nothing sparks enough to take me to the creative place. There are plenty of “gottas” that suck up time, especially online. Right now, I’m sitting with music, getting a sense of what everyone else is feeling and knowing I’m not alone in that nowhere space.
    It’s easy to forget that that we are vessels standing by, ready and waiting to be filled. The juice, when it comes, is slaking sweet. Thrilling.

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  10. Beth from Still Life Pond Avatar
    Beth from Still Life Pond

    (Grace) Sometimes just going doesn’t go very far or fast. It’s okay. Losing your partner is huge and healing takes time. Sending you love everyday. The peepers have woken up here. I always smile when I hear them. And I think of you when I hear them too because we share this love.

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  11. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Maybe I am feeling similarly?

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  12. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Grace~ Whatever you post…we come as friends to share in your life, to share with You. It is a fine dance to know when to push oneself and when to float…day to day or moment to moment…It is not easy to relax into the movement of this. I know it is not for me. Your posts have always been your journal, you can do what you like and I (we) will support with encouragement or in sympathy. The cold does not help, so I am glad for your choice to stay in. One can only do so much. Hold Tay in your heart and rock back and forth, one day that may rock you into standing and going.
    Big love to you.

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  13. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Marti~ As I began to read your comment, my mind first went to the “not all who wander are lost” part of that quote and then this part of the Rilke quote “Live the questions”…I almost didn’t put them here…feeling trite at just throwing out someone else’s words. But, I reconsidered.
    I’ll add that even if, when we are idle…that is okay too (like you said, we’re still doing of some sort)…be kind to yourself Grace.
    you are in our heart(s)
    xo

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  14. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    Drifting .. sounds a bit like charging up an old battery. My goodness you’re being rained on in the mist of horrific loss. Your battery is cold wet and maybe even a bit rusty but in time with sunshine and continuous movement you’ll feel better and back to feeling your old self. Hope you understand what I’m trying to say .. I suppose I could have just said I Love you Grace ❤️

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  15. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Truly. And well said, Nancy. Thank you.

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