windthread

this oh so elegant …..book….was gifted me.   i am sad to say that i don't remember Who sent it.   Are YOU there?   Was it You?  Please tell me.     

because it's time now that I use it.   Perfect time now.   I've kept it and waited.  but….Now.

Alyssia has a suitor.   I smile as i use that word…   but that's what he is.   They talk.   long distance…he is in San Diego…some hours away.    He is determined and so is she.    She Holds.   to all the reasons why she is not interested in pursuing this potential.    He goes on about how and why he thinks it is WORTH taking the time to understand any possibility.    Her first reason is Emrie.  She is not at all interested in working through any "relationship" that would involve Emrie or Julian.  She thinks in terms of a SomeDay…like 10 years from now.   Maybe.    and in the conversation last night she also said      and then there is you.   This….in regard to her moving.     Me.    so we go there.   the thing of Me….where we've been before now and then….

her uhhhh,  commitment to doing what might be needed.   This is nothing new,  but before it didn't have the added factor of a Suitor.   

it bothers me…and that's an  easy way to put it…bothers….but i am lazy,  so it will do….it bothers me that she includes Me into the mix when thinking about her own Future.    I have always said pretty much the same thing.   I used to say it to Jenny when i still was in New Mex.   When "it's time",   just take me up to Good Sams….that "old folks home" where Alz Betty spent the last year or so of her life…and i said that honestly…i knew what it was like there,  having spent many days there hanging out with Alz B  and i was ok with it.   If i reach that point…just take me there.   At the time i said…with some paper,  my colored pencils,  my 2B and 6B pencils…i will be ok.  She always said…no.   We will come and bring you here.    Whether or not you want to go.

so…i'm already here.    there must be  a place  like Good Sams    here.   And we talked a while…and this is nothing new,  but we talked again     about what i think about all that.   That "when it's time" it won't matter.   I will be  "at loose ends"…and we defined what that might be
and she said….what about if you are    lucid   and    frail?    More talk.   and i realize that there is no way to know.  No Way.  i can say what i say now but really….will i be able to hold to it?,   if i am 

frail but Lucid?   i hope

so i told her i would write my thought down.   And then,  each New Year that i am still here,   write an Update.

I remembered this book and looked and found it.   It's perfect.   I would like to thank YOU…who sent it,  let you know that it's time has come.

Love and Love