windthread

the day was hoped to begin to ReSet my self.    I got up at 4:30.   purposefully moved along with all my morning things,  an eye on the list of  possibiities i'd prepared.    This pic from last years seed catalog  has nothing to do with anything except maybe is an image of passion?  and the day Was,  about Passion.  Not my hopes or my intentions.  Goat Passion.   I have no energy left for many details and even if i could give you all of them,  you still wouldn't have the Real Picture of how it was…only a movie with SOUND could come close.   

some back story:   for the last weeks,  maybe a month and a half,  and yes,  whenever any let up,  all through the RAIN days,  there has been all the activity that is a part of these Goats winter Heat.   The ones that want to,  WANT to be bred.  They hang around the bucks,  offering their fragrant rear ends,  "flagging" their  tails,  which acts to fan their fragrance to the nostrils of the bucks.  Some vocalize.   Ours do.   There's more,  but that's enough.  The bucks will respond with urinating on themselves and tasting it,  practice erections,  blubbering and snorting,  loud gutteral and sometimes shrill vocalizations,  getting whatever contact they can through the fencing that the Does press against.   Problem here is that Sunny Ray is now the only intact buck but he is too old for much of this.   Nogal was intact,  but for whatever reason,  had little committment to the show of all of it,  was a gentleman.   He IS the sire of the two wethers we have,  Black and Minion who will be 3 in March.   Anyway…he didn't do much to entice.   And now he's gone.   So,  crazy,  the Does have turned to Jack Flash who is probably 8 years old?  Wethered since a baby,   kept for the company of an intact buck who till a year or so ago was Sunny Ray until the day he discovered he was stronger and began to become a bully.   So he's been alone.    Today he made up for it.       Late morning all those sounds were suddenly Out Side this door and there they All were.   Including JACK.  BIG COMMOTION.     Alyssia got here as soon as she could and to make a long long day short,  we reconfigured gates,  feeding areas,  added another board to Jack's Catch Pen that being how i thought he got out…jumping over…. and watched them all afternoon,  trying to figure out all the possible scenarios . Our last and almost given up effort finally ended with him back in his own Forest.    I tried     one more thing    one more time  and     it worked.  Done.  But then,  of course,  Black jumped into his catch pen to steal his hay and because of the new board,  couldn't jump out.  That took more time.   But also got done.   Then,  Alyssia's car battery was dead…she'd left the door unlatched and all the interior lights were on all day and so Jeff had to come to jump her.    Complications with that,  but finally.   

it's dark out.  

i walked down just before this.  Everyone is so quiet like Goats are at night,  their eyes all glowing in the dark as i approach.    Them wondering What On Earth I'm Doing

and i thought about how it was Jack's truly BEST MOST MAGNIFICANT DAY  EVER.   He spent the day with them,  walking their trails with them,   being so FANCY and mounting mounting mounting over and over and over even tho he doesn't have the equipment…but for some crazy reason,  the Spirit is there .   I am searching the internet…nothing so far.   But it Happened.   If he were an intact buck,  all 12 of these doe Goats would have been bred in 5 minutes.  Ta Da

Baker Creek seeds…for 2 years.    i will need more.  but some,  i never even used last year…the Agastache,  Blue Spice Basil,  one whole packet of Cilantro….

Every Circle of Seasons,  Circle of a Garden,   all these Plans.   Some carry though   some not at all.   It's always been that way.   I begin again this time.  But this year is even different.   it's as if a spell is slowly being dissolved.   From those weeks of RAIN,   slowly releasing   slowly allowing breath.    Allowing the flow of Light and Air.   Two towels hung on the cloth line to become dry enough to sometime take to wash.   for now…just breathing in Air.   i realize that i feel a little crazy.    able to acknowledge that….  a little crazy.     Odd things.  Today i missed the Moosewood Cookbook.    ?????    i am very nostalgic for New Mexico…my wood guy,  Evan.   I wish i could give Evan all the downed Oak here.   He would love it.   He would mix it with Pinion and truck it to Texas.  His young family would benefit.     I miss Evan.   

B Garden.     i righted two chairs ,  gathered pots that had been blown around.   emptied things that were full of water.   Found the container of Seeds from last season  (brought them back here)  and just

sat.     Birds.  a slight breeze.  warm.   and just this sense of  some kind of  Waiting….?……is that it?    Left but then walked back to take this pic of the Daisey Bushes from outside the fence.    Year round  they Continue.      Beginning a regular meditation practice again,  the Emptiness kind.   Maybe that's it.  waiting for me to settle.   the day felt very Yellow.  

Since Earth had become so sodden,  they had changed their pattern.  Early morning spent Up Here and some away from this Tin House.   Sun begins warmest there.    and today was a most Beauty Full day,  55.  i was able to keep the door open almost all day.  Everything was BRIGHT…inside here,   Airy,  Clear.   It felt like  i'd been  "gone"  a long time and just returned.     that feeling of having been gone…a sense of things being new…like the Garden will all be New.   Tomorrow for that.   

the last few.   spirals.   not in keeping with how it's gone all along the way,  but have been stories of the days as they have gone along.   Soon,  i think,   that will be over and i will be able to go back to the original plan.  But these have been for me.  For my own blanket when that might happen.  i'll remember them as specific memory spirals…stories.    There is temptation to write on them,  but i've not so far.  i might.   

today Jenny and Alyssia measured.   One of those long crank roll things that measures   land.   She is writing all the numbers down to submit to the Permit people.   It's beginning to go forward.      she also has all the maps.   turns out that part of this parcel of land extends much farther over on the other side of CareFree Way than it seems.    up into peoples places across the road….their back down hill land that they had at some time fenced off as their own.   for instance the rooster swamp.   Alyssia said this eve that there's enough there to build a house.   So there is thinking.   None of it will be involved now,  but this is so much a multigenerational  Place, this Hill.    All of us see it extending into a future we can't yet  even imagine.  

yesterday, in comments,   Liz said   "sharing is an intentional act"

so this morning.   upon waking.  still,  the book…Bad Cree.   And i thought about how i don't want it in my mind.   Wish it wasn't there.   and how i had shared it,   put it here.   Do i wish i hadn't?   yes and   No.  because it's a perfect example of something i need to understand,  so as a Journal Page….Good.   But the Sharing?,   too few words.   Not enough words.    

i listened again…5th time….to the NPR interview of her,   young writer of first book Jessica Johns,   and understood it was    Her,  that i wanted to know.   The story i thought i would move through.   move through whatever   "horror" is.   i moved through the final crescendo of horror at the end….skipping fast,  thinking i wasn't taking it in,   but  i did.  enough.  and it was Horror.  and i woke to it.   felt it in my stomach.   and i am thinking.   i always think….about books….,  what is it that the writer wants me to come away with?   So,  this is where i am now.   What is it?,   that she wanted me to come away with.  

so,  there's the Power of the written  word.    and it IS  power.

and there is also,   the Power of cloth.   

Bad Cree.    From listening to  NPR   Weekend Edition Sunday  January 15   Ayesha Rascoe segment with author Jessica Johns. 

Alyssia and i talk a lot about books.  We are readers.   We also talk about writing,   Writers.   a lot.  we are not writers,  but we love writers.   a lot.   i thought to read Bad Cree because of the interview,  because it is her First Book…and here she was…an interview on NPR.   How fortuitous is that?!   and it,  its  "genre" being….Horror,  Native American/Indigenous  Supernatural.  Horror,  i thought….ok.   Alyssia loves fiction.   I do not.   and i thought…this is good.  A first book,  a young author,  a sensitive interview about the topic of….Horror.  Hmmm.   When i uploaded these two pics today i had 50 pages left to go.   What i thought i might say about it is not at all what i might say now that i have done what i always do with fiction…be IMMERSED in its world start to finish,  even tho i strictly intend NOT to do that and with this one,  thinking Horror would help me read incrementally.  It did not.  it took all of 24 waking hours.  Start to finish i did not live here on this Hill but in the plains of Alberta Canada with a family of women and a bad spirit.   it's finished.   i don't know what i think.  that will take some time. 

waiting for me is Crazy Wisdom.   more "me".   and that will take some time.   i read it long long ago when i was a different person in many ways.   i look very forward to what i read now.   Book is the same.   person  different.    

Books.  i love.   books.

It's Raining right now.    Heavy.   beginning in the morning,  the next 6 day forecast changes.  Instead of 90 something or 100% chance of Rain,   the percentages are   13,  2,  4,  5,  3,  1  %   I am Ready for this.   NEEEEED this.  Am grateful for this.  

cc

it has a message.  i don't know what it is.   finished it last night.   today,    ToDay   i stayed  

OutSide

S U N     all day.   Brilliant  SunShine,  no clouds.   The warmth of It.    Alyssia and Emrie came bringing ice and pellets to fill the pellet barrel.   Emrie spent time,  a lot of time,   feeding handfulls of pellets and then brushing as many Goats as would let her…most of them…brushing Tay inbetween,  and then with a large spoon digging a drain trench by the horse trailer,  like her mom  and her New Nana Jenny did a few days before.    She brought mending of a plush cat.   Stomach and tail.    used my small small needle.  Noted her own improvement.   She is competent.   Small talk for A and i.    Could not have been a more excellent day.   

words keep disappearing as i write them.   Maybe i should leave it at this…these first words upon waking this morning.

but also…a GLORIOUS   Thing….

email from Lacelady.   Sue of ColourMart,  Featherbed Lane,  Shrewsbury UK  did Indeed find thread that matches the 

snippet

we sent.       She estimates it to be 70 grams.    2,100 yards/1900 meters.

!!!!!!!

Royal Mail at this time has suspended all export but when that is lifted,  she will send.  

and so.    Here we are.   Tomorrow there will be      S U N  .