windthread

next to the valve that turns on water to B Garden.   Second time in a week or so.   These pine cones are the size of medium pineapples.   Big.   they are tough,  woody fiber.   at the base of the ….oh,  eeeee,  i have no words …i need to research….but at the base of each segment are the pine nuts.  You can see the torn off segments  and then the oval shells of the pine nuts,   the FOOD.  Food also for the indigenous peoples here.   Food for Emrie, maybe.   Emrie's child.    or Emrie's child's   child.  should that come to pass.   Pine nuts …what we BUY to make Pesto.    or…in New Mex,  Pinion.   Searching for a gathered cache of pinion nuts,  gathered by animals….stolen.

but 

who does this here?   i suppose it is the squirrels…but they are not large squirrels…small Grey…?  if not tho,  who?   It's an enormous lot of work.   i might think porcupine,  but probably not,  they being rare now.  So probably the squirrel.  How amazing.  The concentration,  the ENERGY,   the persistence….like….BIG….

what you do when you are hungry

the directions say to  "fill carrier to full capacity,  while carrier is on the roof".    What constitutes Full Capacity?    so here, on the bed.   All the winter(Rain)season clothes i found so beyond useful.  the Wool blankets.   the "sandpaper" sheets.   one  under bed blanket storage container with a few oversize books,  some art of  grandson and son.  small treasures.   and otherwise,

cloth.  all those zip locks.   Hopefully on the weekend Jenny can help get it up there and positioned so i can fill it like this and we can strap it in place.   And i can……………i can…………live the present moments.  as they come.   as they Need.    Nogal didn't want his  3 tortilla chips yesterday.   and again this morning.    i glanced at his water tub,  was ok enough till this eve.   and when i went to change it,  there was a drowned lizard in it.   There is no excuse for this.   it's 103 and he has a dead lizard in his water probably since yesterday.  no excuse, grace.   

in between the above,  when i was sitting with the little fan blowing on me,  breathing,  i started this.   I want to SAVE those moments (again last night)  of feeling the trees reach down to Hold….i want to Mark.   it keeps just looking vertical and it is so much also horizontal and i've forgotten how to make that happen….if you want to get good at something,  you have to do it a lot,  not just once in awhile….

drawing

i remembered the classes that my So Loved Kay Gould~Caskey taught way back in the Ann Arbor, Michigan days,  forever ago in that other life….i think of them and can recreate them perfectly in my Memory…the Felt/Sense…  how she would come,  sit next to us,  each in our turn,  we would tell her what we were seeing in our Mind'sEye …what we didn't know how to get onto the paper and she would look long and say things…some direct about how  it  might happen,  sometimes just  wondering,  just questioning,    The vibration in those rooms of women,  her,  was  ~High~   and so so Beauty Full…..      i thought today… If Only….

Tomorrow…Trust Time.   5 minutes.   

the Beach.  over in the shade above B.   Probably the last year.  She's grown.  a plastic mat, kiddie pool,  sprinkler fountain.  Butterflies came,  a very small caterpillar.  Goats came and went.    we built  "architecture" with big rocks.  103 degrees forgotten. 

had this maybe 30 years,   from a National Geographic.   Sudan.   She was fleeing with her family and all but her were killed.  She continued barefoot,  walking and hiding for weeks until she arrived at this refugee center.   9yrs old.   The interpreter told the journalist….she says it is beautiful here.    

yesterday,   Rumblestrip Vermont    podcast    Erica Heilman   this episode:  story keeper  The Farm.   and then later,  YouTube,  Bread and Puppet Theater.    They are still there!,  Bread and Puppet people….i know them from when they began in New York,  my friend Sarah joined them a while after they'd moved to Vermont.   I watched and then  when it's over,  i sit in the dark and wonder what it might be like if many towns across this confused and divided country created their own Puppets,  baked their own Bread and created their own Theater??????    What could  come of that?????

Tay was Vigilant for hours starting about 10 p….not just down by the big gate,  but then over on the edge that overlooks the creek and around to behind in the old doe Forest….moving,  patrolling,  deep barking,  patrolling…concerned and finally around midnight,  i  got the Fat Max spotlight and went out in solidarity,   …walking the road down,  just making my presence known,  Goats watched with their luminescent night eyes .  Now and then yelling out….GO NOW!   Came back and sat in the resting chair half way and looking up,  into the dark but not dark night sky,  i saw how the branches of the trees lean over to hold the Hill in a kind of embrace.   

sarah O's pot,   Nancy's Boat with Emrie's dry blossoms.   Packed.

Liz….mentioned in passing that she'd received this as a gift.   I googled and  ordered on impulse.  Am so glad i did.   

It's a Beauty FULL book.  BOOK.  with covers and paper pages of photographs amidst printed word.  I love so so much books.  Holding them.  turning the pages.  writing in the margins.  leaving  slips of notes to mark a thought.  Books.  That Roof Bag is turning out to be full of Books.

and this one…so thoughtfully presenting her work and the work of others to  Show us things.   Show us ideas.   and i love that her work is a Celebration of the materials ThemSelves…a celebration of the pleasure in Partnering with them…..it feels so familiar to me…so similar to my felt/sense.   So much to Imagine.   I  very probably won't do a lot of it,  but  just looking through the images on page,  there is a transfer of Energy.   Her cloth,  paper, string, thread , organic matter, metal,  pencil, paint, found objects all speak.   and my own imagination joins them.   

starfish walking.  screen shot.    i visualized this….me as h/ir  fullbody sense of the Sea…just a little away,  walking,  to get there

i remembered.    the shelves in New Mex.   and the many baskets.  How i'd done it there.   Forgot.  Remembered.   

went through each bag,  rolling and tying,  sometimes with string sometimes with randomly appearing strips of cloth.   it's all different.   

Jenny came.  late day,  early evening,  and Alyssia arrived to bring ice.  just the 3 of us…unusual and the conversation is how it is when it"s that way…..fluid,  open,  changing,  bright, dark, fast, long pause,  sharp, soft, information share share share,  question and wondering.  She came to measure something of the "slant" here.   to begin finding a way to build a home.  

this brought me late to Give Water.  i finished in the dark.

only two of the zip locks were still functional.    It's 100 degrees today…outside.    Inside,   i don't know,  but more.  There turned out to be the EXACT number of unused bags for the transfer.    

they sent forward these three pieces to act as representatives.   their choice,  impeccable.   i could look upon this  "installation" 24 hours a day,  everyday for forever and be happy.   Walnut dye,   the moon from Deb Lacativa years ago.  piece of an old shirt

As i reach in to transfer to the new bags….handfulls of scraps;   it's a complete body/mind/spirit absorption…their energy flowing.   I very honestly feel them as Beings…it's not just something i say,  it's how it really IS.   Tonight i moved the bags from the bed to the bench across the Table from me…how it always was before an Emrie sleep over this spring,  when i'd put them in that back room and just left them there.   I don't know what to do.  

so.   here we are.  the CampOven.   it can accommodate the  large pyrex casserole for the Zucchini Pizza! etc.    2 stove top burners.    !!!!    and….bake a potato.   what more is there to want?   it's on the metal stand that belongs to the Wood Splitter that was brought from N Mex.   The wood splitter being a prized possession there,  but here…,  not strong enough to split Oak and even if it could,   a no burn world.   So…the splitter sits under this house as a form onto which various insects create homes but now it's table…perfect for this.   and you would never guess,  the test run…..a Banquet Turkey Pot Pie from the Dollar Store.   Knowing Alyssia was coming and knowing we were going to try it  out,   i'd brought one home.   I love them.  They are my poor food that is Happy for so many years…from in college and on….with iceberg lettuce and Kraft Catalina dressing….just sheer happiness.   and it 

worked.

so much more to say here but the day began with   NPR Morning Edition about Near Death Experience  and Bruce Grayson,  professor emeritus of psychiatry and neurobehavioral sciences at University of Virginia….there is no proof but the conclusion he finds is "the universe i a friendly place.  There's nothing to be afraid of.  and there's something greater than us that is in control of things.  I can't say i believe that, but i certainly have absorbed the feeling of that,  that this is a safe place to be"

and i rested in the Safe Place for Trust Time

then…off and on as body would allow,  i  arranged things in the vehicle called Friend,  the minivan…not a van,  not a car….ending up with a smaller than original tub and a milk crate.   Taking a lot out that will just stay out.  Taking some out now to see how it might go but bringing back in.   It's good.  it will be ok.    And mid day today,  i decided to NOT bring the 13 Xtra Xtra large bags of cloth.   All along,  the back…under the "trunk" hatch,  there…was to be filled with these.   But today…i thought not.   Leave them.   Leave them to fate.  and this set into motion so much….that remains in motion as day disappears.   The question…WHY?

the Madia.   double click or enlarge the photograph.  Such an elegant plant.         Down in that small area by the Plumcot and on the other near side of the beginning of the road up…the side by the creek.   only there.   Alyssia and i brought it up now and then,     that the Madia was not creating flowers this season….we wondered why.   but after a while,  quit wondering,  out loud anyway.   And since i don't spend a lot of time down there anymore,  having abandoned the Wall Garden,   the Plumcot and Asian Pear having developed  enough tap root to be self sufficient water wise…,   i would just notice the tall plants as i come and go that maybe once a week at most …to town.   Sometimes stopping to touch a leaf on my way to open or close the big gate…and how there weren't as many plants as usual…why?   But today,  mind's eye said….Hey grace….something is different….and sure enough,  they are beginning to develop flowers.    

from Native Seeds   Klamathsiskiuou seeds.com

Madia elegans,  common Tar Weed.   the flowers curl up during daytime,  opening late in the day and remaining open until the middle of the next morning.  The foliage exudes fragrant oil and the plants are sticky,  hence the common name, Tar weed.  Seed eaten by many birds and small mammals…an important late nectar source for butterflies and bees.  Seeds used as food by indigenous people…pounded or rolled into flour….

and i am wondering…maybe i am seeing a beginning of an adaptation….to Wait…a little longer in order to continue to Provide a little longer?   or….well….i don't know….but i would need to continue looking.   More seasons.   

and somehow,  in a way that i have no words for because i have no actual  "thought" for,  i see all this along side those pictures from the Webb.   in my mind,  they are somehow related.   or maybe it's the thing of  "not seeing"  and it doesn't exist ….but suddenly,  you see   …..and it Does.   ?

i sat staring at that first released photograph from Webb telescope….. mesmerized,  leaning forward into it,  leaning back,   to distance from it.   i woke this morning to repeat  and looked for this ….threaded the needle with Deb's thread and finished the butterfly's antennae    retreating   into a small cloth about seeds and cocoon,   genetic codes of flowers and leaf  and stem.   old torn cloth.   scrap.   cloth.  collage.  

there is just SO MUCH right now…so so much to take in,  to Be With,   and then,   Be.    Place self somehow IN it and turn slowly to see what surrounds.   I watch MOON rise this dusk into dark,  a plain moon tonight,  after that telescope image….a plain   round   luminous   glowing   Reliable moon.   a Reliable Moon.  a Moon that can be trusted.  it feels so personal,  Our Moon.   the planet earth…what we have named it*…the planet earth,    in the midst of IT ALL….we look "out",  but we are also IN…….all that we know being not much at all but

all that we know   

*and i think…by this…."we",   this culture,   american european,   our name   When there are so many Other names of other peoples that i don't even know and who all call the ground they stand on Home         Oy….all this,  so Big.