windthread

till the Cloth says…..This way

and Crow appears

they came late.   almost dark.  All of them,  descending on this Hill that hasn't seen anything like this before.   They had been unavoidably gone to Sacramento ….way longer than anticipated and came LATE to bring the feed…the bales of Grass Hay,  the bags of Alfalfa Pellets

Jeff was standing,  we were talking,  when i noticed and saw…..the butterflies on his left leg….recognized them as T's pants.  Said that .   yes,  he said,  he wears her.  But tonight.   tonight,  there was a forward Energy to that.  Yes.  He wears her but also yes.  She is here in the Goingness of what there is.   We unloaded the feed,  the kids taking turns with the excellent FLASH light, the Fat Max,  easily and well,   taking turns.   Feeding Goats extra pellets,  Fate,  renaming Sunny Ray…..Darling.   I think of this.  Sunny Ray is also Darling.

Crow.  

for those with upcoming,   the Booster was more like the second.   Arm Sore.   a general sense of malaise….i took naps.  Had zero appetite.   it felt like my entire body was preoccupied.  Mid day the sore arm let up considerably.  Tonight…there's the sense that by morning,  all will be as usual.

too long since i've drawn Crow.   there are lines missing.

today was Covid booster day for me.    i  held Carnelian.    Alyssia, booster.   Jeff the anti vax,  his first.  Julian, 12,  first.  Soon Emrie and Brinley.   We all went together.   Almost 8 hours later and just sore arm,  mostly the injection site.   All is Well.

it's begun.  the Grass People….here,  so many of them,  but these,  the soft wispy kind….everywhere Sun Light falls.

 i agreed with myself some time ago to only include here things i have Done.  or,  am in the midst  of Doing.    Not intention to do because i am often not good with follow through.   But this, Today.   for 3 years probably i have said i will go.  and i haven't.  But today i say i WILL go.  And by saying that,  i will follow through.   It's past time.   Once a week there is a Work Day when all who volunteer are welcome to participate in whatever project is at hand.    I need this.   As a remedy  for  the  glut  glutt?  glut  of so much that  is toxic to me in  the world off this Hill…..of which i am still a part.  Still a citizen of.   and still Responsible for all that being a citizen of means.    

you can google….Verbena Fields  Chico CA  to read more easily.   

the rocks and log are in place and now stones.  she has one in her left hand.  the first.

with this,  i begin to be able to see what else will appear.   it's good.

if you google search:   vimeo Lisa Ross    there are three.   The one Joy linked us to:   To Mark a Prayer   Daylight

Living Shrines  Lisa Ross  uploaded by Mark Chase    in which she speaks about the Work

Uyghur Holy Sites  2002 -  2011   the Holy Sites and the people who care for them

i have spent a large part of this Rainy day watching and re watching.   Why i watch continues to elude me.  What is it i find in Uyghur that i am sure can 

help me

in my days.   The sense that i am somehow Related to what i am seeing.     to not necessarily  this Place on this Planet,  but this Experience of living?,  of expressing this experience of living?  of …………………….    of………………………………a Way to be with being alive,  for the short time that we Are?   i honestly don't know at all and i also can't stop looking.   

When i first came aware of the Uyghur ,  and subsequently got the book,  i was in New Mex.   It was when i was living uhhh,  in the world but not of it….take that out of the Christian context……my children were distant.   My life was minimally webbed with Other.    I went into the world a couple days a week and then retreated to Solitary.   Where i built that raft altar.  before seeing the book,  and being startled,  seeing the photographs in the book at how Kin my raft was.     And then,  4 years ago…months more,  4 some months ago,  things changed.   Changed with the conception of Emrie,  of her confusing beginning in utero,  my Love of Alyssia  and i am Here now.   I am in the world and i am of it.    But there's a Way,  i am sure,  to understand what i need to understand.   and these markers in the desert of the Uyghur speak of that.   of Earth.   of Sky.   of the most basic and simple "components"  to Mark Connection,  to Mark the way,  the Path through with the making by 

hand

from what might be said is Nothing.   but really,   is Everything.

Post of  10~29    Being Unable to Choose     the last comment there from Joy in  Az.   dear Her,  DEAR  her……..she gives a LINK to Living Shrines Vimeo…please.   Please go see.    I didn't go back there today,  to Uyghur China.     They came…Alyssia, Jenny and Emrie…part to bring the   "ordered" stuff"…..dog food   chicken food   groceries and then the ICE and BATTERIES , part to return the van and  there we were,  just Us for the first time in Days without Jeff and the other kids,   the Old Just US and  Emrie  wanted to know how she can Hug and Alyssia told her to get her mask from the van and i took that as a clue and got my mask…Jenny goes without,  Alyssia wears hers sometimes on,  sometimes hanging off one ear and  Emrie got her mask and came running and flung herself into me.  It's been just a little over two weeks but feels like a thousand years.   

for sure,  double click.  Please.

why do i love what i love?   

those Shrines….the 113 images,  photographs,  of sticks or wood.  to which raw fragments of cloth have been affixed.   in a STARK landscape.   What i feel

feel

as i look at them is just a deep and so sensuous LOVE.    Of what?,  exactly?   

and then this.  I knew i needed more,  if i were to take the photographs to SomeOne to ask questions.  i put , so gently,  pressure on the stem of the largest,  and found….there were 4.   4/one.   and how so gently they are attached to the Earth.   it took almost no pressure.   And there.  I had disrupted them,   ended them.   The excruciating  Beauty of this.   All of it.  The partial yellow pot.   The elegant partially decomposed cardboard that had taken on a slate blue hue,  the pine needles,  and then

the Beings itSelf,  themSelves…looking at the pic now i can smell it….the scent of wet Earth  of their bodies,  the ethereal quality of touching with finger tips   

these are Love Things to me.   How did this happen?   Why?   and Why is it so important to me to try to tell about it.  To find words for what i feel

don't forget to click the pics.

that post yesterday….i used the word installation.   incorrectly.   very loosely,  humorously,  and in accordance to my own interpretation.   Maybe just as:  materials gathered and arranged in a temporary form,  the interpretation of which maybe is only Seen,  Known to and by the gatherer but that may be recognized as Form by others in their own singular ways?   That's not the definition of installation,  but it's mine.   There must be a better word.  I wondered all day what a better word might be.    And as i continued with the dismantle of Things at B Garden i remembered what i was wanting to remember and found in one of the storage tubs….this book.   It needs to be brought Up and kept as an Evac Take.    Typepad only lets me post 2 pics at a time.  Tomorrow i'll put 2 more from the book and some words.    the Whole of the book,  the images,   takes me back to the Place i lived in New Mex.  Back to the Raft.   Which i called an altar.   I think about what Lisa Ross speaks of as Shrines.   Shrine.  Going to need to spend some time with that word too.  Shrine.   

My mind is occupying interesting territory since the Storm.  Since T's death and all that is evolving from it.   I find self  realizing  i am

gone.

as i refocus on what is at hand,  as in,  what i am actually  doing,   I  am unable to tell myself where i Was.   

tonight again,  the frogs sing.   Morning and Evening the Geese flew overhead.   Coming and Going  Going and Coming.  Same.

Snake and Crow discuss Toads