the feeling of green. the memory of rain. the faith that it will come again, while we breathe in Heat. it's just June. Come back from giving water…both gardens….it's dark. take off all my clothes. What is the experience of Trees? i close my eyes and try to empty of my self so i might wait for some kind of answer. just something, anything, some sense of it, they have no shade, only give it
Alyssia did a really big grocery shopping. on my list…cabernet sauvignon. She said she didn't know if i'd like the wine, but knew for sure i'd love the bottle. She is so right. and to find out about the wine????? i went to wikipedia…..his pic there is Priceless.
i tried…off and on through the day to get some link to the article…1988 Ann Arbor district library…Grand Opening, Falling Water Books, Ashley St. The whole pic shows the house we made into a bookstore. Sometimes the link worked, more often it didn't which just added to the Why of it….Why do i have to go back to here?
I have nothing in my mind for dates . I have uhhhh, periods of time. Illustrated, defined, identified by those Slide Shows in my mind… ie here, i know that Alyssia was born almost simultaneously with this bookstore. 1988. I took her with me there, in her baby carrier….we called it her showcase. That's Kay on the left. next is me. The four of us were the part owners. According to this article, the Grand Opening was June, 1988. Alyssia was born in July. Before the end of a year, i was
gone.
Why?. i ask. Why do we come back here? Because it's Raw is the answer….and it is.
There were hollyhocks, just like these that have volunteered here on this Hill…around that house on Ashley St. We were careful when paintng it to not disturb them. i took the pic of these a couple days ago…should have known something was up.
so i have two days…according to the article….the date of the grand opening….and then….Stuff will move on. I either accept
or lose
my chance.
i hope your laptop or phone can enlarge this….my phone is the best, it becomes larger, larger larger…the details remain….this body. the earthly body of an onion plant…..lying in a dry pile of pulled "weeds" of the Wall Garden….it had completed it's work and was self loosened from the soil…just came away and got tossed aside last year and i've passed it so many times….noticing, but not really. For some reason i picked it up and looking, really looking, i was spun back back back to the days when Kay Gould Caskey was teaching then and i became her student….DRAWING. as with Spirit Cloth, her group of students became a sisterhood and there was Dora….i have talked about Dora before….her Tai Chi, her silver hair with silver hair combs the tattoos on her arm, numbers from Buchenwald her sparkling eyes and Our Love for the dried forms of plants….drawing them. Nothing more beautiful than an iris than a dry, paper rustling iris….how we loved putting our pencils to paper and making our marks. Loved. and this now today….i carried it gently up the Hill. Cannot say how much this means to me in this moment.
and then…placing Her on this cloth that i love….Love on Love. What more could i possibly want???????????? and i thought, later in the day, almost end of evening, i would like to be a Museum. I would like to be a Natural History Museum. I would like to be made of small dioramas. I would like to be a diorama of small things…moments. Old boomeranging (Kay, a nod to Cas and tadpoles) Old boomeranging into Now and back out and back. I have no idea what i'm talking about.
Alyssia's friend Nathan, from when he and she were in the Navy….sent me an email. He has been following along here for a while…i don't know how long, but he wanted to say that and he wanted to encourage me to continue. It has meaning for him, all this. How amazing is this? a young man, i think a little younger than Alyssia, reading along here. He said he liked the telling of the DMV.
so….Nathan….Hello and thank you and love, for the encouragement. for helping me open to Meaning in seemingly stray energies that are rising up.
i want to memorize it by heart. Each trunk, limb, branch and twig. Each fallen leaf and stone. The Wind and the bells. Talkie, walking her way to her sleeping branch.
it all remains unclear but it feels like there's nothing to do but let it play out. Wait. I do know that these are Keys: the thing of Diorama….the ReMembering Krishnamurti and the Observer and the Observed.
off and on in the Spirit Cloth world, over the years, there is reference to our work needing to be UseFull. Nothing i have made, other than Cloths that went to Wendy Golden Levitt's children, has been usefull. Well…the denim futon cover. That . I think of this. These small cloths i am making now, that i Love….they are not usefull. Except in that they give me the feeling of loving them…the pleasure in seeing them take form…rising up out of no where and becoming. ……!……oh!……..maybe a KEY? i think this is a Key. I will have to wait. See what comes of it? if anything?
human beings think. and share their thoughts. it's just what they do.
i went. Very different scene than from when i was there before to do the driver's licence ordeal. You go in the door and a young woman asks you to state your business and provide paperwork. She's very nice. She checks these, then scans your forehead for temperature and gives you this sticker. It's at least a 45 minute wait. Probably more. you go back outside and numbers are called on a speaker….you had been given one on a slip of paper. I sat in the Nameless Vehicle with Tay. We looked at people. They sat on cement ledges and stood about. Some sat in vehicles like us. The flow was constant in and out the door. There are Sycamore Trees in the parking lot. We were under the canopy of one the first time around. I again marveled at the bark/skin. My number came up. I hand over my papers to the young woman behind the plexiglass she does what she does and tells me i need to get smogged. Come back then. OK….so off i go….back down Mitchell ave to Lincoln, to the Post Office where my kneadable eraser from Dick Blick has finally arrived after a month. in a huge box of air bags. it's the size of a postage stamp. I think. Had passed a sign that said SMOG. I go back around and down…it's one way streets…and pull in and a young man gestures into the garage. I hand them the paperwork and am tested. PASS. more papers. a decision. it's going on noon now and temp has risen. 75 degrees is the cut off for leaving a child or animal in a vehicle. They can break your window, even tho i leave the doors unlocked (who does that?) and the windows rolled down so she can put her head out. I chance it. Go in again and present my smog, she says ok…gives me a new number and i go back out to sit. This time not under a tree. We wait. All manner of humanity. California has everyone. All kinds of us. I watch. As they approach the door, masks are put in place. There is no negative energy about this. I ….feel/sense…..like the woman with the temperature tool….i feel/sense with my sensing tool….there is no negative energy. and
i thought, for the first time ever, how this might be a scene of a shooting. How similar public places are now. Some one human being having been driven crazy enough to need to hurt people. and i notice how i am not surprised by this thought…how it has become so common place that i just notice this, think this, with no alarm. just a quiet gratitude that all seems well. My number is finally called, an hour and a half later. it takes minutes. the new title will arrive in the mail in 2 weeks he says. I've DONE IT. We go. We get back on Olive Highway and head for the Hill. Turn in and drive up. Goats move out of the way…Talkie. Two distinct worlds, worlds apart.
do you see the small blue figure….arms upraised?, asking??????
a lot of time spent with just this….that angel figure…in its boat….adrift sails of flicker feathers and i Fed all beings, deep potted remaining 2 grow bags of potatoes, gave water to both gardens…not being impatient. Emtied, Washed the Altar shelf then rearranged. That's it. Day is done.
2 Things. Diorama. The Observer and the Observed Krishnamurti….only what i can remember…did not look it up….relied on memory and it's been many many years…30 something…..
