windthread

alyssia had sent me a copy of this book  years ago.   i didn't read it.  took it  to the Library Book Sale.   First,  it's fiction,  but second,  it's dystopic fiction…….dystopic.   She handed her copy of it to me the other day.  Didn't say anything.

They took down the road blocks yesterday.  We all went.   There are a  zillion small stories that i just can't tell right now.  But Hill was there.  Just as we had left Her but covered in ash with some  foreign  fire blackened leaves that had blown in from Somewhere Else.  As i type that, i think….and probably,  many seeds.  I gathered some  things i'd left behind.   They watered the Plumcot and Asian Pear.  The grapevines.  Loaded up the big mower,  weedwhacker etc .   I gave water to the Gardens after 4 days of  none,  the Malabar Spinach had grown and is beginning to flower.  I'll go back today if  the roadblocks are still down and see how things faired…..the limp ones.  Avacado a little worn,  but   John Lewis,    John Lewis  was BRIGHT and PERFECT….Ash must slide off her slick leaves.  There is a change in Wind forcasted for the next 2 days that could be beneficial for the mitigation  or not.   No way to know ahead of the fact.  Wind is like that.  What i know and what i said to both Jenny and Alyssia is that i need to assume that this is now how it is.   That it is possible that even in THIS fire season,  we may need to repeat.  I want us to figure out how to get a larger horse trailer.  One that can hold all the Goats.  They have them that have dividers inside….bucks separated…room enough for Talkie and Puppie's travel crates.   Would reduce the time and stress it takes to Load.

Love to EveryOne,   to All of US.  Love and Love and Love.  and then,  more.

these are the pics i loaded Tuesday,  late afternoon.  I'd been thinking a lot of things,  all day.  Intensely.  Was lost in those things when it became darker,  the color of the world more metalic brass colored.  Alyssia arrived to change the Ice  and after just a very short time said maybe you should load now.  There had been only a few sirens passing.  No large trucks,  no helicopters.  There were no warnings on the phone fire channels.   But we began because it felt Imminent.  At least we'll be ready,  she said.  

there was that BLEAT sound,  no words…just the sound from the phone and Jenny called saying she was on her way.   We checked the Fire Channels and there was a Mandatory for our area.   We loaded for the next hour or so.  We left.  Ended up at Camalot Equestrian Park where we went last year.  In Paradise.  Paradise.   I stayed,  sleeping in the truck till yesterday but then came here to Alyssia's house in Oroville where there was only an evac Warning.  They had begun setting up temporary horse corrals,  all their barns had already been filled.  More Rescue trucks continuing to arrive,  unload,  arrive again,  unload and on. Camelot is very different than the Fair Grounds at Gridley.  No people stay.  I was the only one other than all the Volunteers.  As always,  they take such CARE of all the animals.   written Saturday late day.

Sunday  September 13.    Before First Light. We went back last  eve to see them.  They are divided into 4  maybe 8×8 stalls.  enclosed 3 sides.   Clean.  Water.  Hay.   Rescue trailers still were arriving.    

the fiber figures above.  I used to call "us" Essential Beings.   still have these three…in a storage tub over at Campsite B.  That tuesday,  some days ago,  i'd been thinking of the Grass Person…the one in the middle.   i had an urge to make a mask…used to teach maskmaking workshops….made with your own face.  Wanting to make one now…..to wear  walking  this Hill.   I no longer have oil paints.   but i can collage the mask with cloth scraps…yes.  and 

other things

and maybe i can build some kind of cape body.  i had gone online,  that Tuesday,  ordered the plaster casting tape.  it will arrive this week.  if i get back to the Hill,   i can begin.

the Situation,   the  Fire,  remains Volatile.  Very little "containment".    so there is just this much right now. What i DO have and DO SO MUCH LOVE is all the conversation here Among YOU,  that i read as it comes in,  that i sit with,  that HOLDS me.  That i hold close to  my heart.   i Thank YOU ALL for this.   I thank you.   times a zillion.   Love and Love……………………….

We are safe.  Fire about 2 miles from Hill.  It all depends on Wind.  

Thank you all for the love….love back

this doll arrived here some months ago  and has sat quietly in one of the scrap baskets,  seen and touched many times a day,  but faceless,   quiet,  simply,  here.    i have thought…..what is it i need to give her?

This morning,   in just a few minutes,  she had her

Face….as if it was always there.

and it turns out that it is  She that has something to give me.   so  i can then give back to Her and then,   we can Give something together

didn't have time to stitch a stitch today but just stopping now and then,  looking at the pile of this Blanket Letter,  just seeing how one scrap lays  next to  another,  just seeing almost all of those strips stitched in place and secured…enough.  More than enough for Happiness.  and how lucky is that.

right now,  on the left,  in the window,  a large fly got caught in a strand of remaining web that i actually can't see.   There was too much web there….the spider extending out and had attached to the cupboard door.   the whole window was webbed.  one of those cellar spiders….the skinny ones?   and the other day i tapped on it….called her attention,  indicated my intention and slowly began taking it out with the broom.  She took off.   Has been silent over there until just now and this fly but from the bottom of the window,  under the table,  a small one of Her appears….moves up on the web i can't see,  but doesn't go far.  I've changed everything.

and now we know what had been/is  eating the Garden.   They put a wildlife cam up last Sunday.  One of the motion sensitive things?   Took the thing home today to look on the computer and Lo and Behold….a deer.   Last Tuesday.    a Tuesday Deer.  The only thing i noticed this week ….missing…..were a couple large squash leaves.   There's one yellow crookneck and two zuchinnis growing and as of earlier today,  fine.  Since i've covered the jalapeno and the bell peppers with the wire frame and  cloth stuff,  they have been fine.   The bok choy remains uncovered.  ???   So…a deer.   I am filled with Wonder,  imagining her jumping the fence and quietly making her way to the Garden,  walking along,  tasting a leaf here and there.  They are so Big,  these deer…you'd think there would have been a telltale sign.  No.  None except missing leaves.

i  youtubed and came across a sure fire solution of mixing one egg yolk,  1 Tbsp baking powder,  1 liter water.  Spray on.  But then,  what about the blossoms?,  the Bees?,  the pollination?  she mentions sticky in the video…and so…no…..   So i'm thinking, maybe just share.  the Findhorn thing.   She is CareFull….does not ever walk on anything or pull anything out like the Goats do.  She just takes some.   Maybe we can be just ok enough.   No way to know but try.   

so one more day of extreme heat and then back to balmy low 90's.  It was ok,  really.  Jenny chain sawed some.  Moved branches.   Next week,  the Chipper comes.

they stayed later than Alyssia had intended.  Emrie had things she needed to do.  She needed us,  me and her,  to build a tower with her blocks.  A certain kind.   She needed to dump out the entire basket of her stuff to find all the parts she could of her little horse's  fence and gate and Stable,  but the floor pieces wasn't there…probably over at the sprinkler,  but she worked at getting it all to STAND anyway because she needed to.   Which borders on "demanding"  and legitimate Agency.   She'd worn her really great Daisy Dress which has the attached shorts…one piece,  and had to pee.   Entire thing needs to come off for that.   Refused to put it back on.  It is HOT.   strangely muggy.   and during this,  Puppy appeared outside meoooooowing in such a small voice. I told Alyssia to go see if she could get her and bring her in.  I don't know why….maybe the smallness of her voice?   She has been living pretty much down at Campsite A under the picnic table there.  She's always there when i arrive to give water.  She has stopped almost entirely eating her cat food which i put out for her every morning when i feed the Goats….she's fat.  There are voles and lizards.   There are 2 cats i see sometimes at the big gate.  They run away when i come.  Friends?  or is she guarding.

Alyssia brought her in.    Ordinarily when she has come IN,  she darts Under things,  keeps her distance except for the couple nights i let her stay because of RAIN and she slept on the bed with me.   But she's not an indoor being.   This time tho,  she jumped up on the couch bed.  Watched Emrie work and stayed still for petting.  ???????

Agency.     "in social science,  agency is defined as the capacity of individuals to act independently and to make their own free choices.  By contrast,  structure are those factors of influence (such as social class, religion, gender, ethnicity, ability, customs, etc) that determine or limit an Agent and their decisions. "   Wikipedia       I first was aware of Agency when i was hanging out with Alz B ….still in her home but beginning to act in ways that questioned the wisdom/safety of honoring her Agency.  And then on,  through her years at the "old folks home",  Good Samaritan,  when her Agency chipped  away  little by little.  And then there was the Old Cowboy's Agency as he moved toward his death and Into his death.   And then,  my Self.   Moving into merging my own Agency with  Jenny and Alyssia's.  

i watch the news.  a lot.  most often i watch people's faces.   sometimes i read the words.   sometimes i listen to them,  but not so much their words,  but the sound of their voices.  I watch how they stand.   Most of this is about the deep societal wound around Black Lives.  It has my complete attention.   I watched Biden at the community conversation in Kenosha Wisconsin.  There,  a young woman,  same age as Alyssia spoke.  Porsche Bennett .   She said to him…you need the truth and i am part of that truth.  She spoke, 5 minutes.  You can google this.   i watched her and felt her.   i could feel ….her.  So weary.   A young woman,  so soft spoken.  So so weary.    Agency.   Puppy CHOSE to come close.   To let us.  let us be close.   A cat.  

Tomorrow it's supposed to be 108 degrees.   Right now it's 9:18 pm and 99 degrees.   

SUNDAY MORNING CORRECTION:   88 degrees, not 99.

the Letter Blanket needs SPACE….needs space to spread out.   Can be on the PCV,   hanging,  but then needs space for stitching.

i try.   Try to work OutSide on this close table,  on the table in the forest,  but….Goats come.  Jump.  Climb.  Interfere. Goats. it's a Goat World here.  is just how it is.    All the elder Goats had forgotten jumping On but the two young ones reminded them and they are enjoying remembering and Doing.   

Walnut Looking Cloth washed and hanging out on the Cloth Line.    Green Tara there instead.  Freeing the wall on the right to lean against.   CouchBed  needed for the size of the Letter.   Builtin countertop:  the clock,  2 pitchers for feeding Goats,  a phillips screwdriver.  Fat Max Spotlight and one regular flashlight in a glass that is a night lamp.

Old Cowboy's  Drawer thing….this basket stacked with stuff that is now elsewhere.   These few things left will go elsewhere too,  and the basket.  Top will just be  empty of anything.

the Bell Pepper that were eaten down to nubs but resurrected THREE times….thriving.   The one on the right had 6 peppers in various states of growth today.   SIX.

Cucumber vines set out to the Forest