windthread

a better rendition

 

 

they came at twilight.  close to dusk.   much later than usual.   Bringing ice 

 

after their day going to Chico for a few things, one being dropping off saliva samples at a lab.  The naturopath.   looking into Cortisol.   Alyssia had to collect saliva samples every 2 hours for 24 hours.  as in all night too.    105 degrees.   Emrie wants to get in her pool.  Alyssia is exchanging ice thingys and rearranging refrigerater,   emrie and i go to the pool next to the Curry House.  There's a tree frog in it,  sitting on one of the wood scrap 2x4s  that become Emrie's floating tea table.   it moves closer to dusk.  Alyssia comes and sits.   The HEAT begins to dissipate,  palpably.  Everything seems  "palpably"…..We drink imaginary tea,  the little frog floats.  It is all so surreal.   I am with them but also almost not,  am a little distance away,  disconnected,  and i LOOK

at them….

We have changed in these months that don't seem like months at all,  but have been swallowed somehow and are gone…almost without memory,  a lot of it,  and i look at these two human beings….they have changed.   The one who was so girl like has changed to become almost matronly.   things have weighed on her.  almost matronly.   The one who was a toddler has become a Girl.  a Young One   of the Kind of the almost matronly one.  There is great similarity.   Time has been a blur  but change has taken place.   I wonder about my self.   i have become barely here.

 

 

there were 5 green bean seeds left.   I planted them at the B Garden  and lo,  and behold….     I am DETERMINED to grow at least a healthy Green Bean Plant if not green beans.   I could hardly wait to get there this eve to see how it was going.  It was

106 today.

it is fine.   and there are 3 others.

"the customs,  arts,  social institutions and achievements of a particular nation,  peoples,  or other social group"

a spirit house.  for and within a

culture 

What?   culture is this spirit house….For?   Within?   What kind of spirits might be drawn in?,  to? 

What kind of spirits might a member of said culture welcome?   with joy   and/or with trepidation?   

spirits of all kinds are necessary.

 

 

 

over at the plastic table.   This mat.  the plastic table which is white.   over  there,  just up the hill,  the sprinkler thing.   

i'd taken her booster seat over there a while back,  knowing we'd hook up the water.  Planned to scrub it so it can be let go of…via Alyssia on buy sell trade exchange.   But

she has feelings about it…likes it.  sits down and buckles herSelf in and plays.  it will be 104 on Friday.   

Alyssia went to Chico to have blood drawn…the new Naturopath  and while she was there did some of the weekly grocery shopping at Trader Joe's.   there were feelings about that….but she went.   What she found was 100% compliance with masks and distancing.   100%.  and saw a few people turned away for no mask.    On the way back,  she stopped at Raley's,  the bougie grocery here in Oroville,   store that is the option of Walmart,  store i used to frequent… and went in because she'd forgotten to get me ginger root.   she said maybe 5% masks.   5%.   this….with the govenor of CA calling for complete masking for the state in the last couple days.   This.  oroville.   the upscale grocery.   5%.   We are an interesting people,  us amerikans.

 

the Button Bush at the creek.   Click it to enlarge…enlarge as far as you can.   This is the ultimate.

there was intake of Breath.    i stared.   Suprised.

 

 

(an accidental space,  but….it's also…..true)

 

 Compassion.    not the familiar interpretation i know for three of wands….i stared.  Compassion it said.   then directly to the central image…Mudra,  something i do know and the agelessness of that and the agelessness of the hand,  at first seeming to be of Earth and then of Stone and then back to Earth, to Stone.    Hand.  Ageless Hand of Being.   on the right,  a palm print with heart center….child,   heat.    to the left a hand of age,  butterfly,  rainbow.  i am not any where done with looking at this Collage of  felt/sense images.   All day,  off and on i look.   Tonight,   the Longest Day,  i am looking still.   These two "cards"  say…..stay long here.  Just stay.   Let them speak.  It needs to take time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

T

Yesterday Acey  emailed about  co-creation in her Garden.   She said  it was indicated that it might have some unknown relevance for me.   She talked about using Chrysoprase  and that she remembered sending me a stone years ago.   She went on to other things.   There were specific sentences throughout the mail that  "tingled"….that said…take note.   I would reread these but there was nothing that actually Said SomeThing.   but first,  the memory of the Chrysoprase and i went to find it where it stays now in the  Container of Safe Keeping.   As i pulled that container toward me,  my arm brushed the cloth bag that holds 4 Tarot decks….that had been in the storage unit…but was finally brought here.   With the Chrysoprase in hand,  went back to continue reading her mail.  She mentioned a dream in which she and James Wanless,  Creator of the Voyager Tarot,  were sitting under the Morning Tree…the OAK tree,     Here    and he clarified for her that  it was  not her that had issues with someone,  but rather that They had issues with her….this is a loose paraphrase…but it was distinctly another of those Tingle moments that said…Take Note.   

That bag of cards…stretched tight because of the oversized Voyager Tarot.    There were a couple other references to this deck.  I went again and got it.   Sat it infront of me as i finished the mail and thought about all it had said.   Sat and wondered.   How might there be something relevant to me in all this?….specifically?   So i shuffled the cards.    Chose the first that would indicate the Situation at Hand.    XIV.   in this and the Toth Deck….ART.   In the traditional Ryder Waite,  Temperance.  this card ruled by Sagittarius….my sign.   I chose the second card that indicates what "crosses" the Situation at Hand,  things that factor in,  things that are necessary to consider.   The 3 of Wands…in this Voyager deck,   Compassion.   i stared.   and went back to her final sentences in her mail….

"if people do focus on their light and love and strongest world/human beliefs,  they are  putting that juice into the global matrix.  It doesn't just take us individually out of our darker aspects of what we see and feel at this specific time.   It RESISTS obliteration and energetic breakage and instead regenerates.  If our species is to have a reasonable chance of subsisting ~ this will all be SO SO important even if any of us individually are not around to witness the outcome."   

                                                                        And in that second reading,  after the cards,  i KNEW.   Heavy on my heart…me and Julian.    This is my third summer here.  he is 10 years old.  biologically.  The first two summers we talked about how he would leave a week after school got out and be gone to New Jersey to his dads until a week before school resumed.  We all talked about how we wished we had TIME in the summer.  We talked about all the things we might do…together.  He and alyssia, emrie,  jenny,  her man,  me,  his uncle Jeff and cousins Fate and Brinley,  Aunt Tiara…  and this summer…..this summer,  he can't go.   His gramma there,  who he stays days with when his dad is at work,  is in a Senior Apartment…lockdown.   He CAN BE HERE!   And all there is…face to face…is his mother,  Emrie,  and…..me.   so…sometimes,  me and him.  here we are.  me and him.   me and him who have an interesting and often difficult relationship.  He disagrees with me.  a LOT.  on a variety of things.   …we might notice:  i say…He disagrees with Me.   here's a funny example.   National Geographic arrives with a magnificent map of the world tucked in the pages as they do.   I whip it out….LOOK! i exclaim!  This so great map!   He does not look but continues glued to his phone and something of his world there.   I unfurl the map and say on the opposite side there's even a topographical view!!!!!!!!!!oh, eeeeeee!!!!!!!!  He ignores me.   I say,  JULIAN!   LOOK!  he finally says….i don't like geography.   I stare at him.   mind thinking,      it's not geography i say…it's our planet!  Its the planet upon which all of us stand,  our FEET,  we stand on it              He remains silent and absorbed in his whatever it is.   Done.

He's extremely bright.  When he was little,  we would refer to him as an old soul.    Now it feels like something different and yesterday that was weighing SO HEAVY on my heart.   Here we are.  We have all his summer break.  I,  me,  old nana,  am the only human being he will directly interface with.    HOW CAN I DO thIS?????????   

and there the cards fell.     I never had a book that accompanied the Voyager deck.  Interpretations differ and all offer different views.  The book i do have here is Mirror of the Soul..Gerd Ziegler   for the Toth deck which was the one i used.   So,  i  look there.

these are many words,  but these are the words that caught me and they are Enough.   Unification of opposites,  balance,  creative power,  the melting of contradiction is the major step toward oneness,  the bringing together of opposites in preparation for generating something new  and it goes on.  so much more.  But it redirects me.   not….how do i Fix Julian,  but how  do i fix ME…and how i fix me is to trust.  Trust intuition.  Trust looking Inside.   And i just go back to the Illustrations on the cards themselves.  No book needed.   Just the Illustrations of the cards.   

 

 

this is a substantial cloth of cotton.  has some stains.   from my beloved thrift shop in Socorro N Mex.  62 X 46.    I will

quilt

it.   

Squares.   edges stitched  under.   Maybe a central design?…or not.   but i will.  I will make a blanket quilt.  Why? to answer the question of the other day…..Why?   all i can say is because i love so much  the "Tina".  Tina made a quilt and sent it to me.  At the time,  i thought….oh!…it's BeautyFull,  but i have a comforter,  a wool blanket.   but since,  and this was right before the Evacuation of 2018,  the Campfire,  since,  i absolutely cannot imagine living without The Tina.    She is lightweight,  she is STRONG.  I wash her in Alyssia's washing machine and all her seams are FIRM and sure.   Every night,  even now,  when it's 100 degree days,   she is there in those few early morning hours to hold some warmth until it all begins again.   And   Tina herself is present.  Her great Heart and such Big Love….how she just did it.  Made it and sent it,  out of that Love.   And all the years i have watched Jude piecing together all her squares into BeautyFull forms,   the squares,  the squares……the squares….the ORDER of squares.   and 

suddenly…writing this….i think….to know how to go toward Julian.   He likes order.   He likes the Tina a lot.   So…maybe doing this will help me know something about all that??????  oh….eeeee??????????

 

went to Alyssia's house.   Her follow up appt. at the Spay/Neuter clinic was today.   For 'Julian's" dog.  Pickle.   I won't say much about that.   just basic facts.   Julian told Jenny that all he wanted for Christmas was his OWN dog.   She bought him an English Mastiff,    because Alyssia had said off and on something about wanting a Big dog.  They have an old fox terrier.   Pickle is big.    Julian likes the literary images of things…like  one's own dog.   or here,  on the Hill,  one's own Goat.   He imagines puppies that follow you everywhere.  He's not so much about the reality of things.  He's not interested in conversations about these things.  That said,  i went to Alyssia's and hung out with Emrie while she took the dog for his booster shots and chip.

there's a feral cat.   She's had 3 litters since they moved there,  only one had survived of the three litters until this pregnancy.  They let her IN.   3 excellent kittens.  She had them in Emrie's room.  From the beginning,  first day,  eyes closed,  Emrie held them.  She learned the concept of KEEP.   Alyssia repeating,  we can't KEEP them.  and a few days ago,  a person came and took all three.  

today,  Emrie and i drew with chalk  on the cement under their car port.   We floated stuff in the pool that we couldn't swim in cause it has green stuff growing in it.  We pretended a lot of things and sang a lot of songs.  At one point,  she was tired.  Her eyelids heavy and she wanted to sit together in the rocking chair,  the one of Alz. B;s that her husband Lee had built her.  We barely fit together but we do.  just enough and we sat.  Her drifting and me too.    She was looking up at me and into the grape vines overhead and she said

old nana.  Can I keep you?

 

the Cloth…it's the first spirit house Cloth.   is on a black rayon ground…from Dharma Trading,  maybe 15 years ago.  The image is edgy but the Cloth itself,  so soft of hand.

 

 

 

surprise.   Looking for cloth that might be the ground for the spirit house….deep in a basket.   Look!,  what i did.  i forgot.  and all neat seams…a kind of piping even!?   

 

i rinsed it out,  wet,  and hung it in Wind.   Watched all day as it fluttered.

 

WAY back,  in the beginnings of Jude.   The top is a shirt to which a skirt of an old sheet was attached.  Look at the little Spirit Cloth Nine Patch insignia there….Smile…..

what i love is that i stitched the squares neatly.  firmly.     some with turned edges.    Neat.   I see that i COULD maybe make a uhhhhhh, a normal blanket quilt.   One that could take repeated laundering as bedding must.    I could.   Do i want to?   Why would i want to?   This is a big question for me.   Why    would i want to?   I put this away in the closet.   But the question lingers,  hovering mid air.