windthread

cucumber

curiosity

 

holly hocks….second year…They came from New Mexico.   How?    did they find me?

 

looking for a receipt….this

 

and looking…..open and inside ,   this photograph.    It's Memorial Day weekend,  the weekend  that is set aside to Remember those who have gone before.   how interesting….this pic,  in this unfinished card drawing…..Marjorie Burke Price.   My oh so so Be~loved friend.   I would have sent this card to her….telling her the News,  asking her to Tell me her Understanding of IT….How i MISS HER,  still…so so many years,  but she is still so much who she was then,  in my Heart,  when we would go off for two days on a weekend  to a campground maybe a half hour away.  Take what we needed.   Build a Fire.   Burn things,  set things Free….sit.   Stare off in silence.   I loved her.   I Love her.

On Being…podcast 5/21    Towards a Moral Revolution   Jacqueline Novogratz.    HOW We CAN.

 

 

sometimes all the way Down.  Sometimes half way and then Over.  Sometimes just as far as to visit the Hydrangea.  But we walk.   Us.   We walk.   I think.    What an incredible GIFT this is.   The words are trite.  over used,  Gift,  but it is nothing less.   I would have never imagined,  most of my life,  that this is how i would end a day.   Walking with Goats.  a chicken.  a cat.  a dog.  my shadow.  Walking.

that Manzanita

 

 

coming home today from the day In Town at Alyssia's home.

Please.  if you can.   listen to this "talk" with S.  Jenkinson.   I only listened once…need to repeat.  There's a LOT and some,  i'm unsure what i heard?   But in the last few moments,  he stated….   Totally succinctly,  exactly what i have been struggling with in the last weeks.   Am so grateful for this.   To hear my thoughts coming out of someone else's mouth.  What blessed relief.  Release.

Jenny and i saw this on last Saturday,  walking back.   SomeThing happened in the life time of this Manzanita.   Maybe even a very long time ago.   There is Repair.   Self Repair.   Yesterday when Emrie and i were Out,  i remembered the phone camera.  You can see her legs in the background.  I like them together like this…as if her legs are rootlings from an old wounded branch.

 

every thing was stitched down on the Land of the Rough gods.   I lay the softness of the pretty Cloth over it.  Wrote words on paper.  Rolled  them and tied  it.  Put them   at the feet of Crow   For now.    maybe i won't need it again,  if  i've  learned.     ?     I wrote to self about how all that i see in the World,  all the disturbance that creates such feeling in me  is a mirror of  disturbance in me.   Once again.  Go inward.    And too….Cloth is a way to SEE.   the making of it gives that gift.  Who'd guessed ?….stitching scraps 

 

ALL sentient beings.   

I muck out the corridor from the Curry House,  the kidding House,  where Caroline and the two bucklings,  the two Wethers still live.   There has been Long and Strong RAIN.   Steady,  deep seeping RAIN.   In May.

i rake and then lift and pitch it over the fence,  scattering it nearby.   What will that Forest  there make of this?….it's compost.   i move the feed bowl and underneath,  right there,  a large Jerusalem Cricket.    Nothing much unnerves me…not very large spiders.   Jerusalem Crickets do.   In  New Mex they are called Child of the Earth.   it doesn't budge.   Hunkers down.   maybe closing its eyes i think.    I scoop it up,   drop it over the fence.   It very well might make its way back.    There is suddenly Thunder.   When i was feeling more poetic,  i would say….Thunder Man.   Today again,   i say  Thunder Man.  and then   Heavy Heavy Hail.   May.  Sierra Nevada,  California.

Dee has a good Post.   Pattern and Outrage    deemallon.com     I was glad to be there,  reading…..thinking.   feeling.    

 

 

Manzanita

 

woke this morning to go read what i wrote last night.   I was not clear.    I was not clear because i was still trying to say things without actually saying them.   That's not going to work.   The urge to just let things go…as in stop showing up here,  taking a break or actually quitting blogging  remained.  I read again what i wrote.   what i meant was:  to not be honest with what i write here would be the betrayal.   that lack of honesty would betray this Hill,  Emrie, Jenny, Alyssia,  the Forest that holds us.   Would betray my own sense of what i am,  who i choose to be.   If i continue here,  i need to drop any filter.   i need to just say what appears to me in this time to be true.   If these pictures and words remain floating in a cyberspace  when Emrie is a young woman,  if there IS a way to access them,   i want her to know who i was,  what i saw   during this time of the Planet.  This time of this Earth.  this is what i will not betray.   So i am asking myself,  would it be better to just become quiet in the World.  Just let the living of the day be the day.   have no need to be witness with words that are clumsy.  To be constantly clear would take more time,  thought,  effort than i have.   so…i don't know.

So it's Cloth again.   Thinking these things,  i saw these two scraps from yesterday.  I thought…make something pretty, grace.  It wasn't much Light yet but i invisibly basted them together.

 

i love how Cloth talks to me.   I let them talk this way.

 

then i covered up the Land of the Rough Gods with the pretty thing.   Felt how that felt.   They can be NEXT to eachother,  both are Real to me,  but Next to.      I made another cup of tea and read the News,  the Google News.  I went to NPR Morning Edition to get that different energy that's always there and it's Friday,  Story Corps.   Today it is two mailcarriers interviewing each other.   I had to just sit after that….looking at these Cloths,  moving that pretty one back on,  then off and next to.    I remembered how on Google News they told us that there has been a 79% dive in Clothing Sales,  a record plunge.  Read how the stimulus checks from Donald are not being used to stimulate,  rather people are saving that money or using it to pay down debt.  How things are being viewed through the lense of Economy.    Economy for WHO?   Do you remember that old concept of the Haves and the Have Nots?   how we used to talk about it that way?…to make it palatable i guess?   and well,  here i am again.  Still in the same place as yesterday.   What to do.

 

 

so i fed Every One and walked down to the B Garden…see how it's going for the Hydrangea.   While i was sitting next to Her,  i thought about how just before all this shit hit the fan,   we had been talking a lot about how the Forest works.  How trees care for Each Other,  sharing,  healing.   How it's the Example of Community.  The brilliance of All for one,  one for ALL.    I'm having a hard time with things,  the beaches and nail salons,  the need to Open.  The need for things to go back to how they were.  Those people gathering in bars to celebrate their freedom.   This is the time i live in.  How do i do that with honor?   I don't want this blog to be a bummer for people,  make things worse for them.   But i cannot seem to find the middle ground between that and what feels to me to be …….uhhhhhhh,  what?……feels to me to be uhhhhhh….don't know a word.   So i guess i'll  think some more.  Come back,  read this later.    Maybe try again.