this is the large drawer in the kitchen. 2 ft by i guess maybe 15 inches or so give or take. It was the junk drawer. Little things. Very small nails, small srewdriver combo thing, plumbers tape, other tapes, masking scotch etc. Hose washers, stuff we don't know what they are but don't want to throw out, and on and on. A few months ago or more, it fell apart. The front weighing at least 5 lbs and attached to the flimsey arrangements in first pic. Why is a question would any one in their right mind create that?, but…why ask, too. It's all apart and i can't figure out how to put it together again. Its sat on the bed in that back room. it takes up an enormous space….there, where it actually IS and also in my mind. So i spent a CHUnK of time today trying to fit it together, the wood glue ready in case of success, but not. Next weekend i'll give it to Jenny's man, ask him to see if he can find a way and if not, will just throw it out and live with the gaping hole. Otherwise, i worked at trying to Order that back room. There are 4 gallon pails of paint that shouldn't sit outside during cold times, 2 50 bags of combo grain and alfalfa pellets, one 50 lb of just alfalfa pellets, a 50lb of dog food, a 30lb bag of cat food and a 10lb bag of meal worms that only weighs 10 lbs but is huge. There are BOOKs and then….there is CLOTH. a lot of CLOTH. So much CLOTH. Last Friday it was 90 degrees, a preview of what it's like in this tin house in Summer. Today it was 63 and will remain in 60's till friday when it will go back to the 70's. Now's the time to get things as orderly as possible back there before the onset of Fire Season. Getting things orderly means consolidating. Again, paring down. What can go?
and it rained off an on. This does NOT happen in May. It rained off and on. as it will for the next few days. I watched and in what seemed to be a sunny break, leashed up Tay and let Caroline and the little ones out. This needs to happen Every Day from now on until something resolves. Tay and i hang around, Caroline wanders the little ones WHIZ . And as also needs to happen, the Doe s returned and there it continued, them expressing themselves to Caroline by pushing, smelling, head butting and it was her and Celia again…who has never before made an effort to Challenge, but sure is now….i watched closely who just ignored it all, who intervened and how they intervened, the combinations….then it started to rain again. Back to the drawer. All the while the Diaries Cloth lie there, folded so Green Tara was there…watching. waiting. I watched her watch and wait.
and i collaged one of the little books that Acey had sent me …to send in response to a Mother's Day letter that my son's daughter Giana in Colorado, age 6 , had written to me addressed to Goat Gramma on the envelope….
so the heads up is about all the above. This blog was created as a place to keep track of my Cloth Making. In the beginning, to keep track of the work i was learning to do from Jude. Because Cloth is always about Life, there has always been some of that. And that's good. But for a while now, i have become uncomfortable by the lack of substance. What i'm feeling is a classic example of the Buddhist Teaching of Dukkha. You can google it, it will be worth your while, but the Wikipedia description is " suffering, un happiness, pain, unsatisfactoriness, or painfulness of mundane life. It is the first of the Four Noble Truths and is one of the three marks of existence. John Blofeld described it most commonly as …..dissatisfaction.
i do not want to blog about this. have this time and space become this.
so…we'll see. But it might be time for a sabbatical. Taking space in an ether that is overflowing with Stuff, offering up nothing that is really useful to me or anyone else, offering my opinions and FeltSense of the overarching grief of How ITs ALL Going, that too…
so i don't know. I really don't know.
