windthread

the HouseDress i was looking for is not here.   But This WAS….i'd forgotten.   I was inspired to make it because of the Robe pattern,  learning that i could make clothing by Hand.   Is patterned after one of the many denim jumpers i wore to smithereens.   I don't know the term,  garment wise,  but the skirt of it begins somewhere around the hip.  My most loved.   It's raw silk,  Noile, from Dharma Trading,  dyed with walnut.   The piece on the bodice is a gift from Marti,  kantha stitched.    

 

i added the insert to the sides because it was too form fitting.  needed it to be very loose.   Never finished the edges there.  I see i did finish the neckline.   I'll try it out in the morning,  see if it might work for those little waking hours of Tea.   Past that,  silk is too warm.  It carries New Mexico in it.   I'll try that out too,   wearing New Mexico in Sierra Nevada.

Giving Water to B this eve i see that the Hydrangea has a bud cluster of BLOOM.  This is nothing short of a Miracle.

so.

we've made it so far.   No one is sick.   

Jenny,  who works at the hospital.   No longer comes when Alyssia and the kids are here.    This is a big deal.   You see Emrie's "office"…her fisher price phone and broken plastic adirondack   chair.   We called Jenny,  New Nana,  a few times.  Emrie said she was mad.   I said we would see her soon,  when her WORK said she could come.   There was no way we could find words or thoughts that would work.    So we left it at this.

Things shifted today.   Alyssia was up to doing a big shopping.  What that ended up meaning,  was,   she now is the designated Out Person.   She was 

care Full

about my sense of Agency.

how was it?   if she got Everything for Everyone?   How would i feel about that?   

she's not much for a lot of chitchat ahead of time and here we were.  I needed things.  She was ready.  The question to me was how did i feel about not going myself?,  did i mind that?   was i stir crazy?    

 

I don't ever feel any need to leave this Hill.  none.  but i also am concerned about a sense of burden for her….not only caring for herself and her kids,  but also for what i need…     We talked.   Honest and straightforward.   She is confident in her ability to maneuver in the  world….because of her physical  challenges with the autoimmune,  she has refined her "tools" to the utmost.  She is confident.   I asked her.   Do you trust yourself more than you trust me?   Yes.  

so here we are.  For the Long Haul,  as far as what we know.   I stay Here.   Emrie  and Julian,  when he wants to,  can come here.  They can continue to be Free on this Hill.  It will be a safe zone.  It will be the Other Place from their home where they can be…..6 acres of it.   Goats.  2 Gardens.  Trees.  Sky.   a chicken and a dog and cat.   an old Nana.   The day i spent with Emrie cannot be found in words.   at the end of it,  when she was in her car seat,  leaving,  i said to her…thank you for coming…she said i come here,  oush Nana.   There is nothing.  Nothing that could equal that.

Bless Us All.   This EARTH DAY.   we will go.   however we can.   

 

 

 

last roll.   Wishful thinking that this could work well enough.

 

When Lace Lady saw the post of the Being in the first pic,  it  reminded her of this Being who she had made some time back  and was just there.   She wondered if we might want her.   Yes.  We do want her.   She came.

going along with Jude's Robe work,   i don't need a robe.   The Blanket Robe is what i needed.   Warm days,  i have no need of a robe.  I live alone.  Often am naked,  or in a Tshirt and underpants.   If i am going OutSide,  it's for Goat work and a robe doesn't work.  But i love the idea of making  things using her pattern.   it's pure  Pleasure.   So…i'll measure this One above and make her a few things.   Because they are loose fitting garments,  Emrie will be able to dress her,  change her "OutFits".   The first will be made of Sky.   it might be a dress.   

 

tomorrow it will be one week since i posted this image.   It has been PRESENT to me,  as has the actual Plant Being,  every day since.    I need to say words.

What this image doesn't show is the hardship this Plant has experienced.  It is leggy and scraggly and is amazing that it was able to BLOOM as we see here.   Even MORE for it's one child.   It was over run by the vetch.   and i knew.  and didn't do anything.

i knew.  and didn't do anything.

i had planted the seed.  which is a commitment.  and i did not fulfill my part of that.   

the day i took this photograph was a hard day and i don't know why,  but it was.   Nothing seemed to be going right,  i don't remember what all,  but things and the Goats were Hard,  all day…nothing being enough,  they milled about,  wanting and i could not meet that wanting.  Talkie too and even Tay….and i was full of anxiety about how i could possibly do things to keep the kid goats safe,  to move toward seperating them from Caroline in order to be able to milk her which is the most primary desire for a herd of dairy goats…Dairy.   Milk.  It was all a tangle.  and Cloth Making….how does this fit in?  And i looked at this oh so earnest and steadfast Borage Plant,  covered in a mess of vetch,  which also is Beauty Full in it's fierceness,  but does not allow for much other than its Self    and i went early morning the next day and pulled the vetch.  tossing it over the fence and the Goats ate it as fast as i tossed it and the Borage was Exposed.    and all week i have gone there,  placing more soil around her base,  some stones to help her remain upright.  Giving her water with a glass.  and i planted new seed.  Her kind.  they have yet to germinate.  

the responsibility.

i googled Borage that day.   its meaning/use as an essence.   for heavyheartedness,  lack of confidence when facing challenges.  as a remedy is said to bring courage to the taker providing a condition of buoyancy of the soul….stared at these words.

Acey…sparklinglotusink.typepad.com  Acey talks about listening…to trees,  plants,  flowers….developing a sensitivity to their draw…..that they call out.   Responding to that,  finding relationship with them.    And i now see.  i now know this as experiential.  When i was lost,  Borage said….come here.   Be With me.   and  i saw a plant beleagured but blooming,  none the less.   And in caring for Her,  i care for All of It….clumsey and inept,  but i go.

Thank You,  Borage.   Thank You.

you can tell when it's around 4 oclock.   

Jenny and her man came…as they do,  on Saturday.   Brought pellets and a replacement hose for B.    We opened the Kidding House,  the Curry House door and Caroline and the 2 kids popped out.   Tay was on her leash….whinning and all beside herself.  i started to put her in the Box House,  but thought…no….she needs to learn.  and Jenny's man said….I'll do it.   He did.   as i transferred the leash to him,   and we began to set out,  i heard him say…behind me a ways….    I AM IN CHARGE HERE!   and so we went.   Him and Tay at the behind.   The babies zipping everywhere,  jumping on all the Goats backs with no regard.  Zipping ahead,  zipping over,  Black getting lost a little,  but figuring out how to find his way.   We walked through the forest again,  along the paths that are from the repetition of their hooves,  following Their Paths,  through and down again to the meadow,  stopping many times along the way.  Then….sitting.   in SUN and somehow the meadow smells like cucumber.  The Herd grazed,  babies moving confidently among them…no commotion….because of either them or Caroline,  no tension.  None.  How so great this is.   the little ones gravitate to Onday which is interesting…she is the Eldest,  the Boss. Snow Bunnys daughter.  it was She,  who watched them all slitty eyed from behind the tree.  She who has been known to have ZERO patience with kid goats,  her own or any other,  but with these….she just goes.   Nothing.   She just goes.  They like her.  Tay sat or layed next to Jenny's man and once,  the babies came zipping back from across the meadow and Black jumped and landed on Tay…..who didn't flinch,  just turned her head and looked.    At some point…Caroline decided and we began coming back,  she and the little ones directly to their door and in.  Everyone else just wherever,  Tay off her leash.   Practice.

I don't know if i've said this?   Jenny works at Enloe Hospital in Chico.   She is day supervisor of Central Supply….which now means gloves,  masks,  gowns,  gauze,  intubators,  respirators,   on and on.   They keep it coming to the patient units.  They are required to take their temperatures twice a day…by honor.   It's been a while since Alyssia  and the kids have been here on weekends when Jenny comes.   Somehow i'd thought it was just coincidence,  but i suddenly realized.  And asked.  Yes.   Alyssia is not bringing them.   Not coming.   Because Emrie wouldn't be able to understand    Social Distance  from her New Nana.  Which is true.  She would not.   She would insist on her New Nana's lap.   so they don't come.  We sat quietly after exchanging this reality.  We are sad.

Alyssia still brings the kids here.  Brings her  Self here.    It's been 2 weeks since i've left the Hill.  She brought groceries a few days ago.   i was suddenly aware of my position in all of this….remaining a Safe Person for the kids,  for Alyssia.   How critical my attention to protocol is      when i leave the Hill.   That it might change as this all wears on and on.

So many questions.  So much unknown.   In ….still……a world of Goats and Goodness.   ???????????????????????

 

 

 

 

 

off and on i have said.   The Creek of my childhood was my Mother.   The National Geographics in the attic,  my Father.

it's an interesting thing to say.  But it is also true.  for me.   and my Father arrived in the mail at the threatened United States Post Office.

i opened this edition in  "celebration",  in honor of,   Marking the month of,   Earth Day and quickly riffled through when suddenly it all went upside down!….??????   such a huge printing error?   National Geographic?   But then…..i got it.   

it's divided.   

it's divided.  yes.

how will it play out? ,  Evolution?    We WILL evolve.   These times WILL change things.   How. ? .    It's up to Us.  

 

 

 

this was made in Jude's Contemporary Boro class…years ago now.  I have used it every winter and back in the cold nights of New Mexico,  wore to sleep…over a heavy hooded sweatshirt under other blankets.

it looks Big in the first pic ,  which i guess in a certain way it is.  Made from an old thrift shop Linsey Woolsey single size blanket  (jude taught me Linsey Woolsey)    to the incredible pattern she provided then and again today.   Linen warp,  wool weft.  a gentle weave that allows,  with the pattern,  an incredible drape.  that is beyond comfortable and retains body heat.  I could have never Bought such a robe.   and Sewn By Hand.   down on the lower lft of the robe is my FishBird…i was inlove with integrated applique…Jude again.  

i think what i have learned and am so grateful.  There is so much love in it all.

i like days that have Gaps.   Gaps of drift.  Drift that has no agenda,  goes where ever of its own accord.   Monday wasn't like that.    and i woke Tuesday  thinking.   Was it just me?  or??????   So i decided to write it down.   because it wasn't just Monday,  it is "lately"…accentuated since the kid Goats have been born,  but also before that.    So i wrote the date.  like i do,  in the stenographers pad i use as written journal…wrote the date and wrote 9:25 am.  Finished morning feed and water.   I intended to record the whole day,  hour by hour or,   task by task.   Thinking i might see more clearly,  Time.   Maybe there WERE gaps and i was just not appreciating them???  Maybe the days are not so FULL as they seem?   So.

i woke this morning to look at that entry and there it was and then

it was blank.   The day ran away with itself.

The day was FULL of Everything.   The Goats are more complicated now with different feed events because of Caroline and the kid Goats.   Because we have shifted to evening feed being pellets instead of hay.  That in itself.   But beyond that is the constancy of the Goats  uhhhhh ,   their sense of no schedule,  so they are constantly checking,   IN CASE it might be feeding time…which i find crazy…there is food all over these 6 acres,  but Goats are Goats and they like Easy.   They like very much being Fed.  So they are aware of me and my movements through the day….come check.   Just in case.  And they are Loud when they check.   11 Doe Goats make a Lot of sound.    And over There,  is Caroline and her kids,  separated,   making their own selves known.

so Goats.   and then,  there's the Wall Garden where seeds have been planted and now just beginning to come up from their little coverings of earth…some not yet…and it NEEDS attention and WATER.   

and there's no Gaps.

it will even out in days to come.   But for now,  no gaps.   no drift.   Coming up from late water at the Wall Garden i thought about the many many women who have tended land.  Tended life in times of great challenge.   How all over the Planet Now,  women tend to life.   with no gaps of drift in much more dire circumstance.     ok.   what else is there to say.

 

i wiped off the table over and over and continued to collect dust on the cloth….the fine fine invisible dust from Goats trekking back and forth over earth.   Got a sheet.   

 

Pinned to the cloth Wall with excess on both sides to the cabinets with push pins.   Tomorrow will hang OutSide.  It's good.  Seeing it in its entirety like this,  the perspective has shifted with the thing of Evolution being primary.  Tree assumes its Place.  There are only two layers.  This is before i knew about harem cloth,  about the third layer.  I also didn't have any then.  This side is stitched to only the one layer,  stitching will not show through.  Because it is Now.