windthread

it wintered over.  There is one child.

 

 

these three pics might appear at first glance to be the same.   They are not.   They are the meadow yesterday when Caroline and the little ones came down.   Walking…or grazing,  as a Goat does,  there are such subtle differences just feet apart,  what is finding good and excellent conditions sometimes for particular need. What no longer grows there.    This meadow is changing.   The presence of the Goats,  their manure,   shit.   They eat.   They leave what they have eaten behind them as they go.   This third year of Goats is very different.   That first spring when i was here,  when the Goats were here,  the grasses and plants were knee high.   Now,  the third year,  it is a soft meadow.  Native grass and wild flowers.   I try to understand.

 

a few days ago…bemoaning no flat surface.   It had been some days of RAIN and then overcast skys.   Cold.  Moist. Like it goes these days,  there is a feeling that the moment might last forever.   That's not true.     Flat Surface.  Here is the Table,  just outside the door…long and flat.   It had been full of pots of last years dye material that i'd let lay waste.  Pliers and hack saw,  rags from whatever,  sticks,  a pine cone,  ….stuff.  just stuff,  set there and left.   I moved what was still of use.  I emptied the pots over on the poison oak stick pile.  Scrubbed it with a brush.   Here it is.  I can stitch a tree on this table.  PLENTY

of room.

 

 

Jenny arrived.  we talked.  sitting outside .  about how it's going at the hospital.   How it's going for her.   How It's Going.  and then at some point i said…ok,  so what's the Plan?    She said…open the door/gate.   See what happens.   

we did and Caroline came out right away,  the little ones right behind,  no hesitation.   The Herd was congregated just feet away and looked on.   I'd put Tay on a leash.   She is beside herself.     There was some head butting.   But almost as a formality,  nothing with any real energy and Onday,  the Boss,   who had been looking at the babies with slitty eyes from behind the big pine tree these two weeks,  looking like some kind of Yaga,  Onday didn't blink an eye.   

Jenny and her man set out up the hill into the trees,  Jenny calling  ComeCome and they came came the little ones running up and back like lightning,  FAST and as  Minnion flew past Tay she nipped him as is her breed,  and he squealed but kept going and turned and sped back past her also without blinking an eye and i repeated the Mantra to Tay….No Babies.  No Babies like i did for Talkie….No Chicken No Chicken.   So we walked behind them a while and then i put Tay back in the little tin house.   I caught up with them down at  the Meadow and  we stayed there.   Everyone  grazing that grass,  the little ones right at Caroline's mouth…smelling her breath,  learning what to eat.   We marveled at how their presence had so changed that meadow that was overgrown with Fire Fuel,  now a meadow with myriad  tiny wild flowers,  5 kinds or maybe 6,  not over grown and also not over grazed.   Balance.   There were Bees at work.   It could not have gone better.   Caroline set out first,  to return ,  and we followed.  The little ones running back into their familiar House,  Caroline too but soon she wanted to come back out and we opened the door for her.   They cried for her,  she was unsure what to do,  Jenny walked with her along the outside of the Corridor there and she began to graze the grass  and they ran in their Corridor and were ok.    More talking for us.  Sitting,  listening,  talking.  They unloaded the bales of feed  came back up and called Caroline back in.  Closed the door.    Said goodbye and left.

it's all quiet now.   

Day one of the not knowing how to do this.   Tomorrow we will repeat.   Will repeat with modification on into the next days until it becomes only a memory of a time.  a Time.   a memory.

I Love.  Love.   I love a LOT.  

 

 

i try to avoid drama.   here.   not talk about what might be.   Stick to what is.   

this morning,   Future Primitive podcast…interview with Stephen Jenkinson,  podcast Apr. 10.    TRY to listen.   It somehow pairs perfectly with the preceding podcast with John Todd on rethinking Everything.   Very different,  but perfectly paired for me.

i first "spent time" with Stephen Jenkinson during the Alz Betty,  Old Cowboy days.   Had his books.   that got left behind to the Socorro Public Library.   Die Wise.   his world,   Orphan Wisdom School.   there was something "old" in me that made him uhhhh,  uneasy to me.   Maybe it was the Theater.   But listening to the podcast this morning…that got set to rest.  it IS Theater,  and needs to be Theater.   We NEED Theater,  we NEED it.   so if you can,  go to Utube and type in Nights of Grief and Mystery Rough Gods World Tour 2020.   and if you can go further,  listen to the podcast.   

Scraps of cloth navigate themselves to the basket to my left somehow and the two above were waiting.

i picked them up,  listening to Joanna and him….stitched them together.  They are about Death.   How death is the giver.  There is something going on with all THIS,  THIS VIRUS,  an organic being,   that i can't quite see.   That i trust somehow in all it's fierceness,  its being the great equalizer.   There is a veil.  a veil and i can only see movement behind it….i want to see more.  Need to go there…behind it.

Drama here was Jack Flash.   Down at the Wall Garden yesterday was a SCREAM.   Walking up the road,  again,  twice,  that SCREAM.   Jack had gotten his right front hoof tangled in the deer fencing on the Chicken Palace side of his own cattle panel fence.   WHY????? didn't matter…he was trapped,  his leg askew.   I ran to get the cutters that are always at the ready on the Hay House for cutting cattle panel when Sunny Ray gets his head stuck.   I got there with them and he was so afraid and Sunny Ray hoped i was there to bring some kind of treat and pushed his way between the fence and Jack wrenching Jack's leg and i couldn't get the cutters positioned because of Sunny Ray's pushing and there was a final terrible scream and Jack ripped his leg out and stumbled off

He was putting weight on it at evening feed.  Miraculously.   But this morning, he was in the Calf Hutch…looking out.  I gave the hay and he didn't come,  didn't stand.  Didn't move.  Just looked.   The day went on.  I did not go back.  There was nothing i could do if things had gone Wrong.  Jenny comes tomorrow morning.   The two of us.   

but coming up late day from the evening feed down there,  not knowing what to expect,  after a day of imagining,  there he was.  Standing and moving and coming for the evening hay.

i look at myself.   that thing of uhhhhh,  needing everything to be ok.   How that really isn't real.     ………………..what comes next?,  what words….i don't know.   so,  i will stop.    

if you can….go listen to the podcast.   

 

 

 

how will i do this.    ?    .      ?      the tree is over 3 ft.    i have no surface to accommodate that.  

at the top of the vertical post…you need to click on it to enlarge….that one,  of the "military"  the push up lizards…the one i think is the same one all the time….the Wall Garden Lizard….  this was as close as i could get.   They are very wary of form and movement.   Even tho i state my intention ahead of time,  this was as close as was comfortable for this Lizard.   I believe they "know" me.   Know my presence.   But have requirements for their Beingness.   Just this much.  ok.   i am ok with that.  Was happy to share space.

 

Pomegranate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   oh,    EEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

two more little prayers.   And looking,  i realize that my imagining of this Cloth needs alteration.   This is a Blanket.  or           will be a blanket and so,  will be washed.    at the laundromat.    things will need to be STRONG.    Stitched firmly,  tho they are Tender.   ok.

 

 

in the build up of manure and feed refuse by the Chicken Palace.   Glorious leaves and so much make me think they are FOOD.  Like spinach,  or arugula,   but some kind of wild thing?????   

Goats are going through a  "stage"….doe Goats.   Am feeding the evening feed down at campsite A because of Caroline and the little ones being up here in the Curry (kidding) house.   Since i've been planting,  i am down there in the afternoon and they show up,  in anticipation from about 2:30 on….loud.  Milling.   Wanting.   Wanting NOW.   If i ignore them they will go off for a short time,  but are back again to repeat.   I need to wait till they are gone  to put the pellets in the bowls.   There's a tension.   
Soon,  Caroline will need to be set free from the Curry house.   Soon too,  the little ones will need to be set free for the day.  Free Range Goats.   We have no idea how to do it.   Never done that before.   I WORK.  Like WORK.  with my concern which borders on anxiety about it all.   I know that it will just go as it goes.   But that part of me that wants to make it all safe is a big player now.  Breathe.   repeat.  I will do the best i can.  Breathe.  repeat.

 

 

 

these little blues are everyWhere.   and little pinks and whites

 

this little Prayer.   Wants to be Everywhere.  ok.

 

in yesterdays comments,  Maria wondered…where are his roots?   are they cut off or are they dried up?  and this wondering realized that the second component would be the Mycelial world.   Lizard is later.   Forest.  Under world of Forest/Earth mind.

Which brought wondering that i carried all day,  an undercurrent to the doings,  mind pulling back into it……………………………? What was it like There?   that Earth,  what was my perception/sense/feltsense of Earth there?   on the right here are the plant bodies of two of the Grasses.  small root systems on each.  and then?, below that?   it was Desert.  True Desert.    Sand.  and deeper,  clay. Then more sand.    In many instances a plant or trees tap root would extend down to an aquifer.  But only where i'd planted those 20 years was any evidence of deomposition of plant matter,  compost,  and anything more than sand.   I WILLED things to grow.   Is this true?      I think and remember.    I am simplifying.  There must be More,  either that i don't remember or didn't ever know.  Maybe didn't ever know.   I knew of the concept of a mycelial world all during the time there.   But it was an understanding,  not the Reality that i found upon arriving here.

it is very clumsy….the Tree,  but it will be good.   It will be what needs to be here.  it's the Beginning of this Other Side.  The Now side.

the all day of Rain…a lot of just standing and looking at all the stitches from the First Life Side,  the New Mex side,  they are a kind of thread braille.  They are an active Remembering,  not memory,  but an active Remembering,  still alive,  still moving.  This side must move among them,  the  unselfconscious otherside marks.  Then   makes Now    possible.   

I think.   What needs to be portrayed here,  on the Now Side?   What are the core components of Now.   I looked at the Then side the other day and all the lizards there.    Thought about that on this rainy day,  lizards….how every day of Wall Garden,  i am in the company of lizards…right now,  mostly the plump dull brown ones with short tails that run along the top of the Wall,  doing that up/down exercise…like push ups…i told Alyssia i call them the military.   I think they have territory,  that i am seeing the same ones over and over because it is their territory.   There are 5 kinds of lizards,  a skink and then that salamander.   I remember talking with Wendy Golden Levett when i was feeling angst about leaving New Mex,  leaving the lizards.   Her kids used to read this blog.   and One boy told her to tell me to go.   That there would be lizards here.  I believed him and he said the truth.   There are so many….so…..from the Then Side,  Lizards came through.  one thing i know to begin.  Lizards.