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  • uneasy…edgy…..ears pricked

    20200314_210149

    something…maybe a sound?,  maybe nothing,  but something woke me in the DarkRainNight,  i clicked on 3 flashlights when one would have been enough,  but i clicked on 3…….    Went to sit at the table after turning on the heat.  Put my socks on,  boots,  located the sweatshirt,  made sure i knew where the gloves were,  the Fat Max big spotlight flash.  Sat down to listen.  Like an animal.   Very Still.   Breathing light and high in the chest.    Nothing more and so for a while i just looked at the Altar that is shared with a 2  1/2 year old person.   Thought about that.  Sharing an Altar with a two and one half year old person.   The Luck of it.    and how she innately understands about Altar,  about  things we keep there.   She has her toy basket and all that,  that gets spread all over and sometimes not put back…left when it's time to go home.   She has her pencils and papers stuff on the table that gets moved around sometimes falls on the floor.   But ….her stuff on her side of the Altar,   stuff she likes of mine on my side,  stuff on my side that she does not touch and does not wish to.   The stuff on the Altar….things with deep personal meaning and connection…representational and also alive in and of themSelves.   She understands the difference and works with that difference in her own 2 and 1/2 year old  mind/heart.   I think about this.   All the while,  listening, still……listening to the Dark,  the Wet Dark.

     


    20200315_135828

    can you see her?   Down in the bottom left,  just above the pin?   Reaching UP?   Barely there?

     


    20200315_161926

    Day 2 of all day Rain.   I spend time reading words my phone provides.  I  touch cloth.   I  continue to listen and watch out the window,  Goats,  i watch Caroline closely.   I make very slight marks on the Cloth with a #2 pencil.  Feed self.  Read more.  Write a letter of response to my friend in Magdalena New Mexico inside this craft paper card and then close it.   Begin to draw on the face of it.   That Eye,   a Plant.   Late in the afternoon  the Governor of California issues a call for all persons over 65 in the state of  California to Stay Home.   But what feels the most Intense is that all public schools in NYC are now Closed.  Indefinitely.  

     

  • so, what if this was All i had

    20200314_145903

  • i don’t know what to say

    20200313_162607

    there's no date on this.   I don't know when i drew it.  i remember it was a time of not knowing what to say.  

     


    20200313_164346

    Caroline.    Facial recognition,  Goats.  Markings.   She passes these to kids.   The most perfectly,  to Jude's Magic who i gave to the young woman in New Mexico because i believed in her and then she left for somewhere,  i think Maine and took the goats,  Jude's Magic and the little buck i bought her and was there a while and then left them behind and returned to N Mex.  Above drawing refers to times like that.   i don't even want to say it,   because we were so WRONG a while ago,  but it does look like Caroline will kid.   Probably next wednesday.  We get totally READY this weekend.   Yesterday it was 72.   Tomorrow high in the 50's,  RAIN for the next 5 days which is NEEDED.   There was no measurable precipitation in the month of February,  a Rain Month.  

     


    20200313_184051

    a few days ago i  "decided"  to not make any more Cloths because there's nothing to do with them.   But…as i am,  as it goes,  it's pretty much what i think of.   Making Cloths.   Today i washed and hung these pieces on the line in the WIND,  the same  WIND that will bring the Rain,  in that Wind to maybe be ground for

    small ones.

    maybe it's ok to make small ones.   ?

    Peggy called today.   Peggy McGrail who sold everything and got herself a Van and set Out.   Has lived in the desert.   a part of the  Bob Wells Cheap RV Living tribe.   I know her like i would know a sister.   I am so PROUD of her.   She may be driving up the California Coast.   We talk.  if it works,  she will stop here.   The Virus maybe and maybe not will factor in.  Even with this.

  • living

    20200311_164432

    "not what is not there         and yet not what is there now       but what is coming"

    Jan in Nagasaki….Jude's friend


    20200312_174901

     


    20200312_174855

     


    20200312_174836

    Alyssia had a long scheduled appointment at the VA Hospital in Sacramento.   Kids were here.   We did things.   The Goats came and went as did Talkie,  Tay and Puppy.     She came back with a yellow plastic thing on her wrist that designated her as safe to enter there.   And so , we will assume,  safe to Return from there.

    All i can say,   at the end of this day of reading,   

    Anything we can do.   To ease the burden.   Anything we can do,   

     

  • slowly being turned

    20200311_102921

    because of drawing them      and because of eating them every day,    i look more.   and so….i see more.

     


    20200311_103114

    the flowers become seed pods!!!!……duh,  grace…..

     

     


    20200311_114256

    do you see anything different?

     


    20200311_163656

    looking back

     


    20200311_164432

    and back even more

    Patty,  Listen to the Road,  roadlistening.blogspot…..her post today.   She re~found  Dark-Mountain.net.    I remembered,  way back in Spirit Cloth days,  Rima Stains  Hedgespoken.   some how Dark-Mountain Project arose then….and i looked,  but couldn't go there.   I wanted a different outcome.   I wanted to walk on the sunny side.   Not wanting to go there,  way back then,  but there is where we are.  We're here/there.    Go look.  I won't say anything here,  right now,  need to go read there a while.  But you might go read there a while too.  

    Today was my once a week drive into town…groceries,  post office,  and today the Feed store.   I reviewed what i know.  Hands away from face.   3ft courtesy.  hand sanitizer.    There was a bottle in the bathroom from Alyssia.   She and the kids use it.   I took it with me.   Came home and wash hands with soap through 3 Happy Birthdays.  Ok.  

    I stopped first at my local Lakeside Grocery,  down there at the corner.   I buy mushrooms there.   they're always fresh.  ?   I asked Chris,  my favorite cashier who i would now call a friend,   i asked her how she's doing.  Told her that i'd thought about her…how she stands there,  at her work station 8 hrs,  5 days a week,  facing whatever presents.   I told her i wanted to thank her for that…..that it matters to me.   That finding her there has been a touchstone for me since moving here.   We pack all manner of conversation into the few moments it takes to ring my stuff up and if there's no one else in line,  we go on.   Conversations with her in the beginning helped me remember who i was in such a new and different world.    So i told her i appreciated her standing there.   That if something went wrong and she couldn't be there,   that she has my phone number….they enter it for a frequent shopper discount…she memorizes them.  Not just mine,  everybodys.  Got a mind for numbers…..and that she should CALL if she might need anything and i would see to it that either Jenny or Alyssia would get it to her.  She lives in Berry Creek…a ways up the mountains.  She got all misty eyed and said that earlier that morning a customer had gotten all angry and loud because she saw her wipe her  "stuff"  with Lysol Wipes , was extremely offended and told her she was crazy and shouldn't be working there.   We said…..hug hug.    I went off  to the big grocery in town,  to the post office where she still had Frog Stamps,  and on to the feed store.   Sanitizing between stops.   It was business as usual in Oroville California.  LESS business than usual,  but, still.  I read a NYT article about Italy now and the response to the shutdown…this sentence…."they shed their nonchalance and holed up with a mission."

    What will Americans do?

     

     

  • just things

    20200309_164322

     


    20200309_164459

    from yesterday.    The first is how they sometimes become,  the Chaparral Whitethorn.   An arch.

    Sometimes they continue to curve completely.   An Eeyore.   Before we came,  the turkeys used them for shelters and the quail.  Maybe others.   There were rabbits.   Some are quite big,  one near this home,  a Goat fits.   Just Going likes to stand in it.   As i mentioned,  there are many in various stages…partially blooming and partially dying.   It seems to be just how it is with them.  There used to be Many on this Hill.   There are some new ones,  just beginning now.   But not like it once was.

     


    20200310_143748

    i began Jenny's book.   Just a few minutes….really quick.   But a start.

  • we walked

    20200309_163830

    Manzanita

     


    20200309_164057

     


    20200309_164601

  • Love. As wide as Sky, as deep as Ocean….and then, more

    20200308_135856


    20200308_135840


    20200308_135834

    i could  not ask or hope for Anything more.  Ever.    Salamander.   So young.  New.   Born Here.   Born for this Hill.

  • Rain day, bless~ed bless~ed Rain

    20200307_114244

    just light,  but steady almost the whole day.   Jenny came this morning to bring grass hay for the buck goats,  Feed Store not open on Sunday.   We walked in the Rain,   i showed her all the Chaparral Whitethorn transitioning to Eeyores i had found.  As we walked,  we found more.  As we walked we also found new Whitethorn,  especially down at the edge of the  A meadow.  A very small new one,  you say…oh!,  a baby,  when actually it could easily be many years old.   We don't know.  Because Rain makes things stand out,  we saw many   "young" trees of all the kinds this Hill has.   so we walked and looked a while but the Rain continued so she went home.   This…a piece of wet bark,  not sure whose,  but so BeautyFull

     


    20200307_162225

    i stitched.   the whole rest of the day.  To get the spokes steady so i can keep it here,   at the Table,   and the bees can begin to come in earnest.  

  • a day of Feelings

    20200306_133951

    i'd thought the rhubarb didn't make it.   I couldn't see the ID thingy anywhere and neither the little plant.   All through the months since September.   But today….the ID was turned sideways,  just a thin line of it under some overgrown grasses.  Rhubarb.

     


    20200306_134010

    There are 3 of these,  maybe a few inches over a foot tall?    Does anyone know what they are?  Volunteers.  BEAUTYFULL plants

     


    20200306_133633

    The second try at a Fig.   That first one…the root system eaten to a nub by the Whatevers that burrow in the grassy hillside at A.  This has 4 branches.   All with leaves…this branch the fewest leaves but…..!!!   a FIG.

     


    20200306_133717

    Madder.  Grown from seed last year.   Robust and established now.

     


    20200306_132031

    Plumcot…Apricot/Plum.   Both it and the Asian Pear are  FULL of blossoms and have recovered the carnage by the deer last summer.   This will be their 3rd year.   If it's like where i've lived before,  the first year is when the tree decides to live or die.  The second,  to establish the root system.   The third,  they begin to Grow.   

    it went on and on like this.   Many more things happening,  like a Miner's Lettuce self planted at the Wall Garden.   A BIG  Storksbill at Tazmeena's grave.   There was SO MUCH and the Willingness of all these Plant People to share space…..I just lay down on my stomach in the grasses there smelling the Earth.   Feeling SUN.   Feeling so incredibly Grateful for this life