windthread

the scrap at the bottom.  4 1/4  X  1  inch at the widest.   A scrap from Jude some years ago.   I hadn't seen it for maybe 2 years until the second day of sorting.    It would be one of what i would so regret losing,  leaving behind.   Now i won't.

the joy of wrinkled cloth,  how alive it is,  free,  unstitched.

 

small scraps i've not seen in a long time….the pleasure of finding  them,  reuniting.   This is the same wrinkled piece as above.  Just the difference in time of day it was photographed….the first color is close to true,  except with a soft green cast from the Coyote Bush.   was at first light this morning.   All the cloth is sorted.  What seemed such an impossible task took two days  and everything is Good.  For Sure,  enough for my lifetime.

 

there were two baskets of cloth on the bench outside.  They got rained on.  and when i looked,  these two pieces were so stunningly BeautyFull…as if i'd never seen them before.

i said i was finished with the Evacuation a couple days ago.   Seems it is not true.  The Rain spoke of it.   

I took practically Nothing when we left.    Last year,  for the Paradise Fire,  there was more time,  just a little,  but more.  And i drove the Honda car.  More room.  I took things like a few articles of clothing,  my coffee cup,  box of tea bags.   a towel.  Sheets and 3 pillows.  I took two baskets of cloth.  I don't remember what all else.

This time,  it was just Jenny and i and time was consumed by loading Goats,  their bowls,  some feed.  Getting Puppy and Talkie crated and secured,  feed for them.  Water bowls.   Setting up the portable fence things that we use to baracade  Goats  in or out of places for loading.   Positioning vehicles and hooking them to the hitches.  We were not prepared.

What were we thinking?,  that because last year it was so all consuming for the entire Community,  miles around,  that we would have a break?   Like at least for another month or so?  I guess.  It took us by surprise.

Evacuations go two ways.   You are evacuated until they are able to "contain" the Fire,  which means create barriers that prevent it's forward advance.   This is done by air drops and on ground firefighters.   OR,  you are evacuated because there is no way to contain the Fire and the land is Consumed.   You can return when there is only a burn scar left.  All else of human endeavor is gone.  It goes both ways,  all the time.  It's called Fire Season.  It repeats every year.  the 5th Season.  Every year.

In the last few days i have realized that this really was my first Evacuation.  Last year,  i was still a little numb from the newness here,  a little stunned by it all.   It was one foot in front of the other.    This time,  though we let it surprise us,  i knew better,  had a sense of it and had CHOSEN in a certain way to be dumb.   So i took almost nothing.  

In these last few days,  i have faced the fact that if i lost Everything,  I would have regret.   It's possible NOT to lose everything.  I would regret that i did.   The Rain helped me with this.  I'd gone down to B on Sunday and gone through things there from the Storage Unit.  I'd collected all the paper things…spiral drawing books,  envelopes,  random kinds of paper,  exotic note pads, PDFs from Jude's Classes,  folders of stuff i love,  the Old Cowboy's family bible that i never sent to his niece,  on and on and i put it all in one tub.  Because i care about these things.  I want them.   It was very late and i knew it would Rain the next day but it said 7 am and  i couldn't find the lid for that tub but told self i'd come Early in the morning and find it or switch it all.    And i didn't wake in time.  I wake now again ordinarily around 4.  But this day,  it was so close to 7 and  RAIN.   It all got soaked.  Including the little pic of my son's First Grade photo when he insisted on wearing the stewardess pin on his shirt.  I'm drying it all out today.  Regret?  Regret.

This morning I knew.  I went through all the cloth stuff in that back room.  Sorting,  deciding.  It's all OF USE,  but some of it i LOVE and would never be able to replace.  I've told myself that it would be ok if i coudn't.  And it would.  BUT if i don't HAVE to take that chance,  Why would I?  So…now,  i have 5 of the baskets from Africa that the nomad people there weave and use.  Full to their brims of cloth i LOVE.     Ready.  I can flip them into garbage bags and into the bed of the truck.  It might take 10 minutes.   I cleaned the shelf that is the altar behind where i sit at this table.  All extraneous has been moved to the back room.  Only what i would TAKE.  Small,  quick things.  Rocks,  the Crow,  prayer things,  the Inktense Pencils,  the small czech vase for water.   Tomorrow morning i will think more.  Maybe do more.  But for now,  it's good.  And it's different.  I am Claiming things.  Back to that word,  Claiming.  I am Claiming that i Love stuff.   and so,  Claiming responsibility for that Love.  

?

 

 

 

it RAINED.   RAINED.  

Rain

It was forcast for 7 am.  and at 6:58 it began.  Rain.  I could say that word a hundred times.  Rain.   With the first drops,  Its scent rose and filled the air.   Rain.  I didn't close the door and it Rained IN and i put a towel on the floor.   It hasn't rained i think since last March.  April for sure,  but i think March.   All these months.  I watched out the morning window as the branches of the trees darkened with Wet.  I listened.  Smelled.  Felt.  Rain.

Emrie loves rocks and stones.  Every day,  through the days she picks them up and gives them to me to hold and i do and she carries them too.  The walking up and down the road takes a long time because of picking up rocks and stones.  Last week we gave her a pouch for carrying.  Still,  she gives them to me to carry,  or her Mother.  The smallest plain ones are of great delight for her.   The ones that look the same as any others are a delight for her.  She needs you to exclaim over each…OH!  Beauty FULL!  you must say,  OH!  YES!,  Great Stone!   and she nods in satisfaction,  her eyes kinda slanty.   She licks them lately.  I know licking stones.  I have done that all my life…to see their patterns better.  But that's not what she is doing.  She is somehow knowing them.   We discourage this,  saying that sometimes there's Goat poop on the stones,  or Talkie poop,  things that can give you a stomach ache.  She pays no attention.  We hope she gets over it.

this morning her stones and rocks were washed clean by Rain.  Rain.

 

 

Mid day i finished Irene's prayer.  What can i say about that?

i went to the scrap basket thinking i was looking for one more.  4 rose up.    

The Intensity of the stitching is all there is.  No thought.  No sense of anything outside the stitching.  I love this so much.  So different from all else.   And when it was over,  i looked.  I would never have imagined.  It simply is.   I love this.  A lot.

 

Tina sent this.   A stone from Lake Superior.   Held within this pouch.  

it took a while,  to have the Sense of it all.   and the sense of it all made sense when she told me.  

"the small pouch with the snap came from my dad.  it held his rosary.  He prayed the rosary everyday for as long as I can remember."

the word that came to mind when i held the pouch was gabardine.  I don't know what gabardine is.  But i associate it as Male,  as like maybe a suit.  A scrap of a suit?  or a left over from the making of a suit?  It's plain and strong woven.  Quiet.  It's a quiet fabric.  The stitching,  done with honor of that quietness.  Bordering it,  but quietly.  Respecting something.  and to learn that it had held his rosary.  

 

 

The snaps.   Does anyone Out There have old snaps?  The brass/copper kind?  If you do,  i would be so so so happy to buy them from you.  Please Email me.  Please.

 

 

Irene's prayer,  so soft,  almost a whisper and then today,  oh!,  this fierceness!  This STAND and FACEness….she will know.

the Kidding Pen.   For all practical purposes,  Done.

 

there are two partitions like this one.  They are removable.  To open the entire space which would be the case when there are not kidding does,  when it's the Milking Station.  

Daughter dreamed it up this way because it looked like there might be multiple births…?

We don't know what to do.  They are still fat.  Especially Celia.  They are still calm.  as in not coming into heat.  The Bucks are still peaceful as in not performing all the rut behaviors.   We are at the point of wanting to call the Vet back….if her  Ultrasound is working….?….     But does she know what she's doing?   Goats are different to some degree than other livestock.  We sit…look off and Wonder What To Do,  or the other option is to just wait.  See what happens.  They have totally recovered from the Evacuation.  Are all well and normal.   Maybe just wait?  or Not.    ??????????????

 

the rock at the center bottom.   From Lake Superior,  Upper Peninsula,  Michigan.  To Oregon,  Arizona,  New Mexico,  Michigan,  New Mexico,  California.   Are rocks the Breast of the Earth?

 

a Prayer for Irene.  I hope everyone reads the comments…it's more than half of what this is,  this  blog

i have cloth.  BEAUTY FULL cloth,  all kinds.

 

Baskets with Things.   Scraps and thread and string.  Bells and leather and a crows eye.  a white colored pencil and a magic stone

 

rocks from the Other Home in New Mexico.

i have so Much.  

this morning was Bright and Crisp.  the Season will change.  Soon.  I have so much.

finished unloading all the stuff i took.  Not much.  And  re evaluated what should be permanently in a tub in the truck bed.

We will be good to go.  

It's like beginning again.   There's a shift in the day today…the air is lighter,  no more the honey thick air of summer…today, the first day,  it's lighter.   As i sat waiting for Julian to get home from school,  i watched the flow of the creek…going going going,  always a creek but the water constantly different and flowing,  so same but not same at all…????

so today i feel that i will be able to do my best and my best will be good enough.    I type this sentence and pause to look at it.

yes.   so ok.  Now we go again.  And i am grateful.

 

 

 

i don't know what they call this kind of land here.  The word i know is prairie.  So, prairie in 3 directions.  Out there,  if you click to magnify is a large crescent moon.  I asked but no one i asked knew.  So…a large crescent moon.  Sitting in the prairie.

So back to Saturday.  We could have gone here Saturday night.  Jenny had called the North Valley Animal Disaster Group inquiring about places willing to take Goats.   Got this Camelot place and called,  and yes,  they said,  come.  You are welcome.  This was their first time to volunteer.    So we could have gone Saturday night.  But by the time we got out,  it had become dark.  Alyssia doesn't know how to drive a stick shift  (she will learn now).  Jenny's man wasn't here.   That left me.  OR,  i guess i could have driven the Old Cowboy truck with the horse trailer?…i think of that just now….?….but it didn't come up and it was the Toyota pick up with the doe Goats in the Goat Boat.   My vision isn't good at night.  I have never pulled anything with the Toyota.  I haven't pulled anything for 20 some years,  period.   Last year,  when we evacuated for the Paradise fire,  i just said  "I can't".    because i just couldn't.   It was all still  too  new,  Everything.   I still had no real sense of my self  since moving.  I was vague.  But this time,  i needed to try.   I voted to stay the night in the Casino parking lot…huge…about a mile away.   Jenny was unsure about the wisdom of that…an old woman a dog and a trailer of Goats in a lot with myriad forms of humanity.  But she let it go and  went home for a couple hours,  came back and slept in her car.  Tay and i slept in the truck…only a small front seat,  but good enough.  Early morning we set out.   

i was afraid.   But the Goat Boat pulls smooth.   I found the Big Highway way more easy to negotiate than i'd imagined.   Tay did well.  Lying down on the seat when asked instead of standing and panting.  We did it.  

And now,  it's done.  The first time is over.   That's all it takes.   I am READY.   I've Got It.  We left things hooked up because there is nothing that says we won't need to leave again.   Fire season is not over until the Rain begins in October maybe.  This fire was not expected because it lit in the footprint of the Carr Fire of 2017.   So it's understood that no one can predict anything.

While at Camelot,  that boards many horses and otherwise hosts equestrian Events…dressage,  jumping,  trail etc.   I watched people work.   How they begin at first light,  their particular tasks,  maybe cleaning stalls and hauling with a fourwheeler out to where they dump it.  Or exercising horses…riding out with one,  coming back and riding out again with another.   And i met over the course of the day with the North Valley Animal Disaster Group people who were there to care for any evacuees….in this case,  horses.   They too,  worked.  Steady.  Through the Days.  And when i say people,  it's Women.  There was an elder man and one younger man,  employees of Camelot,  but all otherwise were women.    The North Valley  group,  all women in their 60's, except for the one…maybe mid 40's who was in charge.  Women.  Steady.  All day.  Their energy,  steady.  They smiled and shared gentle conversation.   But they worked.  And the Vibe there was an incredible Hum.  Strong and full of a soft glow light.

i watch.  Learn how to live here,  in a land that can be in flames at any time.   When it's in flames,  you do certain things.  When it isn't,  you just go,  with Love and Commitment to Life.   You don't hold on to the Flame days.   Like the Goats.  You take up where you left off.  Like Talkie.  Like Puppy.   

It's a beauty FULL evening.