windthread

i need to be OutSide tonight….SomeThing says go sit Out Side.  ok.

i spent a long day with Emrie.  We  did a lot of things.  We went to look at this Cloth on the tree.  I held her up.  She looked.  A long time.  Silently,  and then said… MomMom.   That's who she saw.  Her mother.  

i thought this morning,  when i had free space for thinking,  i thought how incredibly DUMB we had chosen to be.  There were signs that might have made a difference…but really,  or not…and maybe that's why they didn't make a difference because we were SPENT and coudn't?  Probably.    I thought about how the buck Goats have been so peacefull,  no jiz on their faces,  all sparkly spring clean.  I thought about how all the doe Goats have been quiet.   We should have known.  We could have known if we needed to.  But i guess more than that,  we needed some space and now we have the result of that.

ok. and it can't happen again.  

It's a new thing,  Free Range.   how do we work it?  It's necessary,  for Defensible Space.  How do we work it?

it's complex.

it was a morning how it is here.  Gentle,  opening Out.  Two scraps had risen to the top of the basket next to me here on the table bench.  I added them.  thinking how so much has changed for me…intensity and color,  since coming to live in a Forest.

 

 

 

 

the Vet came at 10:00,  prompt.  Drove up the Hill in a big Vet truck.  We had snagged Puppy most fortunately and put her in that back room of this travel trailer.  She needed her booster shots.  Tay was wild with her what to do about Intruders,  so she was closed in too.  the front part.  

and we set about working to get Goats singly out from the corridor where we had lured them.  The Vet set up her ultrasound equipment.   We decided to do Puppy first…she,  not used to being confined at all and she was looked over  Care full y,  the wound on her nose from the incident with a bird,  her lack of tail etc.  All Care full y noted by the vet.  Alyssia held her wrapped in the jacket that i had made from 21st Century Rags…Jude Hill.  We hadn't had time to get a towel ready,  so this jacket was convenient on a hook by the door.   And Puppy got her booster shots and rabies.   She only hissed twice.

to the Goats.   Oona came out first.  Oona,  who i hadn't imagined involved in this scenario.  OOna with more Woman Integrity.    The ultrasound machine wasn't working.   Alyssia straddled her head.  I was behind ,  pushing against her,  gripping her tail, Up.

we tried and tried.  She couldn't get a picture,  and finally ended up using her hands.  Yes.  Yes.  Feel it?

we captured Celia and a repeat of the ultrasound not working,  but with hands,  o…yes.  yes.  

What were we thinking?  I joked that they were either pregnant or had some really LARGE parasites.  What were we thinking?

well…

  Onday,  Oona, Caroline, Ginger, Lucky Star, Wendy, Mercy, Just Going, Arctica, Celia, and Karma.  

Lucky Star kids 4.  She's "old".  maybe not.  All the rest who knows.  2 or 3 is common.  Say two.  and that includes two of Lucky Stars daughters who we don't know.   so just say 2 for Lucky Star…hope….  22 kids.

Where there is Free Range,  there is Free Will.

we fenced.  refenced and refenced.  All seemed well.  Secure.  Bucks IN.   and then we took a break.  Winter was over.  Spring came and the Doe Goats roamed and cleared the land.  Buck Goats were peacefull.  Tenzen grew Old.    We let a blind of innocence fall over our eyes.  Spring and the Doe Goats were HOT…they pushed against the Buck gates but we smiled and needed to take a break.  Bucks couldn't get a way to mount.   And there was that moment when Alyssia saw Celia backed up to Tenzen,  him positioned on his gate,  his "pink" extended and she ran to get her camera but when she got back it was Over,  it's fast with Goats…seconds.  But that's all we ever witnessed.   They were discreet.  

the elder does.  are elder.  they haven't kidded in 5 years.  the "younger" ones who have never kidded are not young.  There might be difficulties.  But here we go.

it's Goats that hold us together here…before here and now here.  Emrie attended today.  When we were holding a Goat for the ultrasound,  Emrie held too.  She layed on her stomach on the milk stand and sorted leaves and sticks she would show the Vet who responded because she has a son of the same age.  She attended when Puppy was held for her shots and Tay,  she attended while Tay had blood drawn from her neck for heart worm.  With no instruction,  she attended.  All of it.  Her world.

I'll look at that Goat Deva and add things.  "Finish"….???? that cloth with this new Place of Hill.  for Emrie.

 

 

 

so…how to make a Picture of them?,   around the central image of the Feeling/Sensing of them?  Around  the EYE that sees for all of Us?  That shows us how to look….?

Crows came today.

washing the scraps,  pinning them to dry and the Pleasure in just this much.

everybody came and we spend the large part of the day working on panels that will be kidding pens.   It's what we do Best,  Us,  build things for Goats.   And they,  the Goats wandered in and out of the work.   Emrie told them things.  She suddenly has All Words.   She worked too,  like a two year old does,  pounding with a stick.  Pouring dirt and pine needles here and there.  And all  the while,  this Cloth received Wind.   It felt like how Life should be.

 

as a surprise,  on this ochre cloth,  the Coyote Bush Green photographs True.  Green.  

 

washing scraps,  hanging to dry

 

 

speaks for Her Self

Morning light…shadow.   Etymology:  Subliminal.  Threshold.   Latin.  limen limin  Beneath the Threshold.  

the Threshold that has been defined in constricted focus  over generations.  But somewhere,  IN US,  still,  remains the Subliminal.   

 

 

laundry.  in a bucket.  on the line.

every evening i move this basket of cloth off the couch bed over to the table bench.  i move the stack of books.  Make my bed.  In the morning the basket is across from me.  It's cover of the worn pillow  cover,  from when Tazmeena would camp out on any basket.  There's some cloth on there that i was looking at.   So everymorning it is my companion,  this arrangement of cloth.  We sit.  Enjoy each other.  Very much.

 

 

so…here….?  The word that comes is

the Subliminals.   Subliminal being commonly defined as:  of a stimulus or mental process below the threshold of sensation or consciousness,  perceived by or affecting someone's mind without their being aware of it

what if the Subliminals are in fact,  occurences   of the Earth,  the doings  of the myriad Things,  the Thousand Things,   nudging us.  Talking TO us?  Requesting.    What if they are ABOVE that Threshold?  Asking  More?

in the bottom left corner you might get a sense of the green.  Its such a gentle subtle green grey.  I love it so much.

i spent the whole day with Cloth.   I was    IN   Cloth.   All day.   I was not in my own mind.  I was in Cloth.  First the Moment with Lizard and then on,  into this one that has such an otherworldly quality,  a dream quality,  and i don't have any idea quality.  It was a little unsettling

 

and then,  when looking for a piece of sky,  i came upon this.   One of YOU will recognize it as yours.  Again,  i am so uhhhh,

bummed that all the cloths have gotten mixed with one another and i don't know who sent this?  I am so wishing i were better at keeping things,  but i'm not and it doesn't take away from the FACT that this is an extraordinary piece of botanical print.

here,  it's on a piece of silk noile that was dyed with the coyote bush.  It's green….not so much evident here,  but it is.  It's green,  the softest green,  green.

it was a day that felt like a dream.

we are thinking that Celia is pregnant.

we will call the vet.  she'll come.  confirm or deny.  One way or the other,  something is going on with Celia.  She is WIDE.  She is moving differently,  her legs stiffened against the slant of this world.  She is slow to get up from lying down.  It takes work.

there was a day that Alyssia remembers and she talked about then,  but we didn't give it credence.  She saw Celia,  backed up to Tenzen's fence.  She saw Tenzen,  his crippled front legs UP on the wires of his fence,  his  "pink" extending through.  She ran to get the camera but when she got back,  nothing was happening.  Goats just standing there.  But it only takes a moment.  Goats are quick.  

so we'll have the vet come.   just for reassurance of Celia's well being.  Goats kid in an obvious way.  First you see them "bag up",  their udder plumps.  Then,  they move away from the herd.   On the day,  they don't eat.  They  paw the ground.  At the moment of birth,  there is a LOUD bleat,  then more,  softer.  it's unmistakable.  Celia is 5.  never kidded.  Her mother Lucky Star has 4 kids.