windthread

double click.  Pollen.  How she Stands,  claiming her Place

 

two days now.  All of us,  Jenny, her man,  alyssia, Emrie,  Tay,  Puppy,  the Goats…down at campsite A….moving a large brush and branch pile.  From when they created the road up.  Before i was here.   There is a Chipper Program.  I signed up after the Camp Fire.  Last January.   They called last week.  In our area now.  Pile things no more than 4 ft high.  Like with like  (size).  Cut ends facing out.  Along the road.  They do not enter property.  They come,  chip it.  There is so much here…like a zillion times more,  but this much.  A start.  Two days worth of  work.  

and in between,  i look.  This Diaries Cloth…Jude Hill,  Spirit Cloth…

What now?

This is New Mexico.  I am no longer there.

What about if i turn it.  Begin again on the Other Side.   ????

What if i don't.  What if i leave it.  As Is.  As it was,  in the beginning of knowing about cloth making,  learning.  Before learning how to be here.

?

 

 

have been watching these Leaves.  At the edge,  just behind the wall garden,  up there,  with the Grass people i didn't pull.   Big leaves.  Alyssia kept saying,  I wonder what that is?  and i kept saying i don't know,  but sure looks like a Hollyhock.  

it couldn't possibly be a Hollyhock.  But it sure looked like a hollyhock.  One hollyhock.  Singular.  A hollyhock.  How could this possibly BE?   I have watched what appeared to be buds for days now.   Every time i give water.  Stand and look.

Today…..a bloom.  And

it's a Hollyhock.

it's a Hollyhock.  Here.  In the middle of a sort of nowhere.  

in New Mex i had hollyhocks from seeds i stoled from Georgia OKeefe's garden at Ghost Ranch.

Here…there are many flowers and plants and bushes and trees…California…but i don't see Hollyhocks….like in N Mex.

But it's for REAL.  It's a hollyhock.

I don't know what to think.

 

the bloom

 

the fruit

yet one more mystery,  compost volunteer

and so.

today is done.  Sunny,  the old Toyota truck is home.  the Hill home.  Not the desert home.    It was crucial that Sunny was good.  Is one of the trucks,  it takes two,  in case of evacuation.  Fire.  California.    To evacuate the Goats.  in case.  I have watched Self,  with that undercurrent of low level anxiety.  Nothing anyone might notice.  Just a quiet undercurrent,  but constant.  and i have worked with it.  Like the same kind of low level undercurrent of feelings about Tenzen's state of affairs.   I know that what IS, is.  I know that nothing is the end of the world.  I know that no amount of anxious energy will change anything.  Still,  tho  the undercurrent.  

and

the undercurrent of this HILL.  it's steep.  there is one "lane",  nothing on either side.  No room for error.

add that.

but Sunny was FIXED and running like NEW and we got back and i took a deep breath and remembered all i needed to remember and we drove UP the hill…only in second gear and kept coming steady up and up and we were HERE.  It's done.  It's over.  It happened.  All that anxiety,  for nothing.   

tonight i think about that.  All that anxiety for nothing.  All the anxiety over "what to do about Tenzen" for nothing.  Nothing.

it's just going.  I'd like to keep the knowing of that.  It's just going.    just going.

 

 

 

 

i woke to read Jude's post.   The goal isn't  to answer the question(s).  Magic Diaries.  Is it here?

yes.  and i hang it on the fence of B.

go.  to feed Goats and see that Tenzen has died.  He has been just going for a while now.  This morning,  he has died.  He has Gone.  Gone.  Tenzen.

there was Wind today and i am glad.    No need for condolence.  He was an old Nigerian buck Goat.  His life was good.  We loved him.  He is Earth now.  He will become this Hill.

so…i used the graphite…another word for pencil…the graphite,  product of the earth,  to darken the face.  Just so much a little.  And sat and looked and thought.

it's not like i am in art school,  or have thoughts of Fine Art,  or,  notFine art for that matter,  what i am doing here is telling a story.   Of how it is to live here and be OF this Place.  The need to let go of so much "humanness" .  Go back.  See if  i can find anything of the Beingness of Grass,  Lizard,  Tree,  Rocks and stone….Inside me.    And right now,  this is the best way i can learn.  The best way i can See.   The fact that it is what it is is a significant  part of the story.  So, here we are.

 

not even legs yet,  and the arrival has changed things.  as it would.  

and as if i already knew,  i woke this morning to thinking i would need to accept drawing the faces more with ink….give up the softness of graphite somehow.  And i then knew i would need to really ask the question of WHY THE DRAWN FACES anyway?  Why is that so important?  What does it mean to the Energy of the Cloth?  What does it mean to me?    So here we are.  Am hoping that tomorrow i can have time to go back through the Archives and look at faces over the 10 years.  And even further back to remembering the faces on the fiber figures from long before Jude and Spirit Cloth.  Those were done with modeling paste on gauze.  Carved with my father's jack knife.  Painted with oils that i bled with turpentine washes.  A long time to get to Here.  But Here i am.  How do i do this?  

i look so much forward to Legs,  feet.  I LOVE the arms and legs and feet of lizards.  Just moments ago i was down to give water at the Wall Garden…lizards appear and disappear,  their elegant selves.  How they pause,  perfectly still for a moment for eye contact, which feels like a Blessing to me.  I SEE you.

 

 

 

 

sitting again on the Resting Log.   mind drifts.  to Deb Lacativa's post today.  to the link she sent me for AEON.  you can google.  

The link was to the short documentary about natural dye in Kyoto,  ancient.   and a story came in my mind.  A creation Myth.  There was another story about asking children about the Big Bang,  so that too.

Before the beginning,  there was a woman,  the Feminine Principle,  who made colors.  Her name was Deborah. Her colors would magnetize to things,  be pulled to them even though there were no things yet.  Only the desire to Be a thing.  But that Will pulled her colors to them and this is how everything formed.  From the cosmos, to the planet that became Earth, to the forms of the Things, that  began changing and changing adding colors to themSelves,  layers, and moving next to one another, touching their Thing~ness,  merging and 

that's how it all began

and still is.  but we can't see it,  but it still is.

deb Lacativa   morewgalo.blogspot.com

 

 

 

and later,  the Lizard began appearing.  

 

 

invisibly basted down.  OR  collaged.   Once again,  once again,  the tactile pleasure of this.  The Base base,  the back,  Muslin. Then,  harem cloth.  Over,  Dana's gift and i did,  for the first time,  cut out the center….saved the center.  Joanne's encouragement.  The "components"….a  woman, the banks of a creek over all.  Stitch.  invisible stitches.  and it has become One.   The FEEL of that,  the becoming One.   Taking out the pins.   It is One.

the breeze this morning turns this Thing….it moves.  From over 20 years back.  Solstice.  Yet one more. On.

i really want to talk about these.  2 artifacts from the large pine cones   that fall in wild abandon here.   Found while sitting on that log.   They have great meaning to me.  Finding them.  Next to one another.  And for me,  connect so completely with Jude's post about Repetition …."  acting on a single thought many times can refine it.  A small thought might also grow,  expand,  more importantly, evolve."   She's talking about cloth.  But cloth for me is about Life.  So i go there.  Cloth Life.  and i go further  over into the sidebar here where the Tibetan Book of the Dead is but cannot be accessed anymore.  And i went to find it and did.  It's taken off the sidebar link because of some copyright  thing…but can be found googling,  a documentary produced by The National Film Board of Canada.  Tibetan Book of the Dead  Bardo Thodol  narrated by Leonard  Cohen.

 

 

 

,

pretty much the last two days have been taken up with trying to get the Toyota truck running enough to get to the mechanic just a short way down the road.  the old Toyota 1983 truck,  New Mexico truck,  that last ran when we evacuated all the Goats in November.  and then it sat.  that black widow taking up residence.  and we have gotten a different battery,  reconnected hoses and etc and started him up…his name is Sonny too.   Tonight something with the clutch.  

mid day,  a lul and i invisibly basted.  The PEACE of that.   The just so Great and Gentle Peace of that.