windthread

Emrie's chromosomes are paired.  Two.  all of them.  There is no Third chromosome.

Emrie.  Emrie Grace.

Emrie.

 

We GO.  

 

 

this small figure.  I don't remember when or how i got her.  It's been so long.  she has lived Out Side wherever i have lived.  Out in the rocks and with the plant people.  In my mind,  never really spoken aloud,  i call her The Heathen.   She connects to that time in my own life when i had a Creek for a Mother.  When i found out that i was a heathen.

 

viewed from a distance,  the Cloth makes total sense

 

First Iris.  Viewed from up close,  at a distance,  from my body when it's back is turned,  First Iris makes total sense.  Always.

I watch the thin thread of smoke from the stick of incense, the Nag Champa,  watch as it ascends straight upward to the ceiling and through the ceiling, through the roof,  up and OUT carrying the hope,  the Asking.

 

how to do this.  

 

Jude has a word for this.  I never remember it.  But it is about how the "weight",  both visual and literal of the entirety of the cloth is evenly distributed.  Here…obviously Not.  So i thought maybe doing Kantha in the "spaces" and began that.  But i don't think that's it.  The spaces are the Womb.  Multiple.   Earth Womb is multiple.  So those stitches will need to come out.  

The incongruence remains.

 

but, even tho,  there is something that i really LIKE about that…that feels Good in me,  a pleasurable discomfort.  I am going to need to do something i've not done before.  ok.

and while i was standing at the table either stitching or placing so small scraps,  i was ONLY there.  Only.  Single minded.  Right there.  IN the cloth.  It's what i'd hoped for.

 

Waiting for something to come for a Cloth to work on during the next weeks.  Just a beginning would be enough.  Waiting on the table.  I could come and go from it whenever i could.  This brings equilibrium.  But nothing was coming until some words from Yvette…."being in the never ending womb of mother nature" set it in motion. 

 

how the whole planet, Earth,  really IS a never ending womb.

 

There is a two strand braid of heavy fencing  wire all along the North line of fence.  I've never known why.  Doesn't seem to serve any purpose but maybe did initially when the panels were being put in place?  Maybe to steady them until they were afixed to the posts?  I noticed that it was looped down and sagging in SunnyRay and Jack Flash's yard.  Not a good thing for a young buck with scur horns…entanglement…so got the big wire cutters and cut it off.  Turning,  i saw this,  as if it had just been set there some distance behind me.

 

 

 

about 20" long…horizontal.  Not broken off,  but sawed on both ends that must have been part of a larger branch.   An amazing configuration of growth pattern.   It  seems alive.  

 

go to the primal

 

gathering the papers.  Titles,  everything i can think of to take to the DMV  ….department of motor vehicles.   To get legal to move the horse trailer and the airstream.  I am faced with,  for the first time, the reality that i might not have anything useful to present as far as the airstream.  ????????????

i bought it in Oregon and at that time i was in the company of a man friend,  traveling companion.  It was fresh from leaving Michigan and i was in the "I will NEVER own anything again" mode.  So i bought it but put it in his name.  So i have some kind of Title in his name,  but with his signature, too,

which maybe will help?  1989.  It was never licensed in N. Mex.  It had the plate from Oregon,  last i looked but i went out this morning to see that Nogal and Tenzen changed that.  Gone.  somewhere there in the sand,  but buried.  So i gathered what Proof i have and set out for the DMV.   It was PACKED to the door.  All manner of hopeful souls,  waiting till their number would be called.  I took a number and stood by the door.   2 hours passed and still there were more in front of me.  All,  seemingly with complicated circumstances.  Many were those hopeful to get just a formal New Mexico Identification.  You can feel the tension.  This world i live in is predominately spanish.  I assume many,  watching the changes taking place and doing what they feel is toward safety.  a picture ID with a "permanent" address.  Left and went to P.O. then to drop off the first wave at the Thrift Store which is closed on Friday.  A woman was dangling over and into their dumpster in the parking lot.  We exchanged smiles.  I gestured toward my bags.  She nodded.  

i had a vision of lasagna.  

went to grocery.  shopped slow.  

went back to DMV after their lunch break was over and once again,  many in front of me.  ok.

I'll try again next week but for now,  Lasagna.

 

Addendum

Went back to Gmail when finishing the above to find this 

 

was entitled:  Emrie Grace   5   7/8s  months.    so…

so.

my Alyssia.   Her Emrie Grace.

Our,  ourSelves.  We go.

 

 

 

Travis and Everett came at about 10 am and we went to get the Old Cowboy's Chevy Truck from where it is kept parked over at Bill's.  Brought it here and in the Big Gate.  Where it got almost all it's new parts for the Trip.  Except for the flushing of the radiator and Travis decided to do that at the Old Cowboy's house in town because of how fond Tay is of tasting everything and if antifreeze might spill….

So they finally left around 5.  A long day.  But i liked it very much because of the EASE of the comradery.  The Comfort level is so HIGH.  At the end of it all,  while Travis was working at this computer to order parts for the Toyota,  Everett and i fooled with his smart phone and looked at potential gear shift knobs for the Journey.  He,  who generally finds this World so challenging was totally at Ease and FUNNY and Smart and Kind and we were truly happy as clams.  He showed me a site he'd found of someone who makes incredible and i mean incredible shells for hermit crabs…like castles  and sailing ships.  

And i am so soft right now in knowing that when i go,  they will be here and make of this Place something totally different than i have,  but it will be their dream that wouldn't have been except for this Circumstance.

i did two things.  I did a second sweep of What to Take and have narrowed down.  What person needs more than 5 denim skirts?   Maybe 5 is too much?  But now it's 5.  The Cloth possibilities also have been reduced.  There will be more of this,  but for today,  it's Enough.

I DID weed

 

and gave water with a slow seep of the hose.  This second year Vitex

 

and its partner across the way,  both with small,  small buds of leaves…..

and what i forgot from yesterday was when all the Law Enforcement was across the road,  the 5 vehicles with flashing lights…at some point it seemed excessive i guess,  so i watched as two of the Sherif's Department guys stood on the porch there

and did

Rock Scissors Paper

Rocks Sissors Paper

and then one left

 

How so totally New Mexico this is

 

 

this is what i had first on my list.  Everything green, except for the few clumps of feather grass is weeds.  the good old Kochia and this year an abundance of  wild mustard.  More than an abundance.  There hasn't been so much of it ever.   And it's not just here,  it's all around,  all around town.  There was a mild wet winter.  So if i was staying,  i would write this down,  the connection.  But for now,  i'd just like to get this uhhh, presentable.  My mother would spend at least a couple weeks before we went on a vacation  Cleaning House.  Washing the insides of cupboards.  Any corners.  Stuff had to be spic and span,  "in case".    This feels a little like that,  but also i would like it nice for Travis and Everett.  At least the House Yard.  

But it was overcast and dreary all early day so i sorted through the utility shelves of rolled cloth along the North bed room wall.  And went through two baskets of stuff on the floor,  finding things i didn't know i had,  and some i'd not seen in a long time.  Sorting through.  There will be a primary KEEP decision but i know as it goes,  that will dwindle.  And i'd thought i didn't have any "real" clothes,  like clothes one would wear when going to the farmer's market with one's family.  I thought i pretty much only had my seasonal "uniforms".  But it's not true.  I found all manner of things,  most of which need their collars removed, but a lot of things that are nice and i like.  I thought about how in the last maybe 2 years,  i'd lost interest in clothing,  wearing just some very basic practical few things.  and i'm thinking about why i care now?  They wouldn't care,  but there is an urge to ummm,  i don't know,  an urge to…..uhhhh….be an interesting representative of that Clan?  something like that.

and when SUN began to break through,  the energy across the road at neighbor Margie's began to heat up.   During the time when her own kids were teen agers and then very young adults,  there was always comotion.  Then some years now that many have actually died and those left,  moved away.  Now there is a second wave of nephews showing up.   a ReRun.  Today the tension was palpable.  The doe Goats stayed clustered in their Middle Yard,  not liking the sounds.  Tay layed by the gate, alert but not barking.  and then it blew up,  a lot of yelling,  all the preliminary blustering and shoving,  going in and out out and in and then finally culminating in Great Noise and Comotion and the vehicle there skidding out and down the road and the remaining persons still loud and confusion and

i thought about how in past days,  i would have called her to see if she needed something,  but that today i didn't have any such response.  She knows all this.  Has seen it so many times before.  In and out the people were on their phones,  talking loud,  so there were working phones,  ok and then

police began to arrive,  sheriff and State,  at one point 5 police cars and eventually an ambulance which i think was for Johnny,  a nephew who seemed completely unmoored in it all,  he is a drama queen, combine that with drugs and well…. 

so the peaceful weeding got lost in the Vibes.  

I think as i go about this Place that i have loved for so long.  I think how it's kind of like a marriage.  How you have SO much energy for it for the whole beginning of it when it still is new,  like years.  And then because of that,  you go a long time being just ok.   And then at some point, when you even entertain the first single though of 

going

something shifts and you begin to no longer soften your gaze so much but the edges begin to become more focused and you realize that maybe,  maybe,  it's possible to Go.  Maybe,  even,  it's Time.

 

 

 

 

i could make you crazy telling all the complications and I don't,  because those complications change,  almost moment by moment so by the time i explained one,  it would all be different.  But it's FLUID.  Day to day.  Sometimes less.  Everything is dependent on so many things.

I could go this next month.  april.  OR it might take longer.  There are considerations…the Electric,

the land surveys,  the water run,  permits,  a retaining wall for Alyssia's place,  on and on.  It COULD go fast,  it might go slow…. all there is to do is just One Thing and One Thing and One Thing and they will add up to

Being There.

These are pics that Daughter sends me email that i take a pic of on the screen of this computer thing

 

This is my Spot.  Where i will live.  All that looks white, isn't.  It's a very pale green native grass.  I can't capture it better.    A little spontaneous clearing.  Where the hut will be.  Inbetween Alyssia's place and Jenny's.  Midway on the Hill.   

I look.

Place.

She said,  Jenny,  on phone today,  that the MOSS has begun to show itself.  Hazel has been talking about Moss.  Moss.  Living in this desert world,  moss hasn't been.  Lichen,  yes,  but no moss.  

Moss.

hmmm.  a whole World of its own.  Moss.  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Dakota has ducks.   This is the canal road.  The canal is part of the Hill land,  the Hill Place.  it includes the canal.  the canal road is used by the forest service.

Ducks.

what about Ducks?

As said.  There's just SO MUCH.  TOO much.  today,  which might change in a minute,  the Plan,  which is maybe Plan F by now,  the Plan is that Jenny and her man will come in his SUV kind of thing.  Her man's SUV kind of thing will pull the horse trailer that will bring the Bucks.  The Old Cowboy's Silverado Truck,  Jenny will drive that will pull the Faux Airstream full of doe Goats.  Sometime in

April.

MAYBE,  in one fell swoop,  I will load a Uhaul with all my stuff.  Travis will drive the Uhaul.  Which will tow the Honda car.    Today,  the NEW ADDITION to plan whatever,  is that i will drive the Toyota truck, Sunny!?????? with all my Stuff, that won't fit into the Uhaul…with Tay and Tazmeena.  

When?  well,  that all depends on when there is some place there for us to Be and all that depends on so many other threads.  

There is just so much not knowing.  We go.  We move.  Day to Day.

 

 

some of them

 

packing Goats.  Packing books.

it's begun

i said a couple days ago that this is Emrie's Cloth About Magic and it is.  But i realize it is not FOR Emrie,  but for All of us that will gather on that Hill in California.  It's a Cloth for the human endeavor there,  what will occur as it goes;   getting there and then being there.  It's a Cloth for the Hill itself that will receive us and what we bring to It.   Being wide open to Magic will be the key.  All the past(s) will be brought and Planted.  Magic will grow us.  Will grow the Life.

Only so many days now.  

Throughout the days and nights i find self  ~ off and on~  feeling almost overwhelmed by the not knowing and it is a waste of energy.  Needing to work with that and work hard at that,  i have found self going way back to when i was in Ann Arbor…same feeling but different circumstance.  I studied meditation with a woman who was psychic,  Cathy Florida.   That's a long story but i came away with the most fundamental,  Sanskrit,  Soham.   So.. the in breath,  ham… the exhale.  Soham.  I am or I am that.   It is said when a child comes into the universe, he/she cries by making the sound "Koham" to which the Universe replies back….Soham.  The universe tells her   "you are the same as I am".  

This is what i am doing.   Stopping,  whenever that wasted energy begins and repeating this until i quiet then continuing the just going.   It's Good.  And last night i actually got up and Sat for some time…it was warm enough in the house for this,  then fell into a sound sleep again,  waking this morning to stand in front of this Cloth.  Looking.  Then walking over to the small scraps baskets.  These arose.

 

were quickly placed and stitched without  "thought",  without hesitation.  and this is how it will continue as this time goes along.  First thing in the morning.  without thought,  without hesitation.  Whatever arises.  And then no "interpretation".   Just what is.   This Cloth will tell its own story.