windthread

while waiting for word this morning,  i fooled with  the new camera.   just random nothings,

 

 

 

 

and it really is ok.

 

i think this Cloth is hard to photograph because of the varied intensities of the different fragments.  To get one or two right,  others  are "off".  Change it and it's a repeat with other scraps.  But the camera will be just very much ok.  

and then….They didn't take him,  the Rehab place,  because his urine was clean.   He had stayed at a relatives the two days before,  no chance to use.  Clean urine.  Methamphetamine is out of your system  after 24 hours.   So no.  

She was dirty with alcohol so they will take her on Monday.  

So, now what.

Stitched a little,  but mostly just held the Cloth,  Felt the Cloth.  Looked.  Thought about how simple it is here,  just me,  the Goats, dogs, cat,  People of the land,  and how much commotion there's been about someone's choices.   Sat on the Raft a while.  Now,  am going to go to sleep early and just begin again tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

Tay waits at the gate for her to return,  not knowing she's left.  Flying back to California.  

How different our lives were for these two weeks….that seem like much longer, that really began with the Old Cowboy's active dying,  his death and then his Absence.  And really,  i guess Everything before that,  all our lives?     It's all part of the Whole,  isn't it.  yes.  

Tonight i feel completely porous.   Very light,  insubstantial.  Maybe like gauze.   I feel like gauze.  There are a trillion moments i want to remember,  to replay,  to see how they went,  one to another. To not remember all of them would be a great loss.  

I want to replay witnessing Alyssia,  the GrandDaughter,  my grand daughter,  so skillfully move inside an almost impossible situation.  The buddhists call it Skillful Means.   I want to re watch her,  her innate intuitive skillful means.  Enhanced, yes,  by her studies…Human Services….but this is way more.  This is a gift.  I watched her look quietly for any solid ground and then set the Guylines.  I watched her wait.  Quiet.  Just Waiting.  Doing what was needed as it arose,  but just so much.

There were Many people involved in it all,  many.  Sisters, Grandmothers, Grand father,  brothers, partners and lovers of them,  and all the fringe of the drug community that we have no idea about.

at the CENTER,  this baby human being,  so vulnerable,  meaning so many different things to so many people

I watched her set those guylines.  Firm.  Then let everyone begin to spin,  to throw threads.  Some taking hold.  Some not.  Some holding a while,  but then not.  How she would take hold of some and attach them,  weave them in,  let others fall away.  Quietly with no judgement, no personal ego.  She

wove

she watched for what might be strong and wove the loose ends in.  Firm.

And from it all,  which was really,  24 hours a day for the last several days,  the plan.   The beginnings of the enactment of the Plan that somehow Everyone feels they can be a part of.   They go to the Drug   Rehab Center  in Santa Fe.  Begin there.  The baby who i call Fate is with the aunt who at this point is thinking to take him to Alyssia and her mother in California in 2 weeks or so,  where he will stay until the second segment of the rehab program which can continue from Sacremento,  both parents and the baby in that.  

This is how it stands in the moment.  Many things can change.  But the very Best we could imagine has been imagined and set into motion.  So now we just wait.

 

all the While,  Cloth waits too.  And somehow in the midst of it,  the black and white that for me represents some kind of Natural Order,  has become diagonal.  Tomorrow i can stitch.  I long for this.

 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWEszRR3Ucc&feature=em-share_video_user   

she left this morning to take the baby to the mother's Mother's home.  There was a LOT of phone conversation between that Grandmother and her.  Ok.  Plans were made.   If the mother showed up as she said she was going to,  the Grandmother would call the police and insist on a drug test before letting the mother take the child.  The "father",  my grandson was incommunicado.  ok.    Since then, which was about 11 oclock,  much has transpired.  Both the mother and the "father"  have agreed to rehab.  We'll see.  They,  Alyssia,  her brother, the "father" and the mother of the baby are on their way here as i write this.  They will spend the night and Alyssia will take them in the morning to do what they need to do to set  "treatment" into motion.  Treatment being either here in N Mex or in California.  Either way.  The baby will be left here with the maternal grandmother or Alyssia will take him to California on Tuesday.  Either way.  Tonight will decide.  Will decide some stuff.  The DNA results on tomorrow or Tuesday will give other contributing factors.  If he,  the baby,  is not my grandson's child,  then we,  this family,  have no leg to stand on.  Only the mother.  If he IS my grandson's child,  he CAN be claimed.

 

 

 

Either way.  This Being.   This Human Being,  born,  living,  is

elegant

 

 

 

for the two nights and three days we had him,  he was nothing but RESPONSE.  So fine tuned.  So AWARE.  So just perfect and Fine.  

So vulnerable.

If i could name him,  i would name him Fate.  

He showed up to them,  to All of Us.  He presented.  He presents.  

What to say?  born to two methamphetamine addicted, previously capable and just fine and ok human beings,  but who are now so lost in their addiction that they have no minds left to make their way.  Their own ways,  let alone something for him.

 

and i don't know how to work the new camera yet.  There's been no space for the learning,  but i go back and forth past this Earth Pocket Cloth and ask it to hold me.  Ask it to wait for me till this part is over for the Time Being,  till i am alone again,  inside my solitary and plain life,  and as i ask that,   i know that my solitary and plain life that holds endless time for Cloth Making is only Part of It all.  Not the Whole of it.  The Whole of it is about Love.  Cloth being Part of that Love,  but there is so much More and 

Nothing can be denied.

 

 

 

 

He doesn't have a name yet.  No birth certificate.  He is three weeks old.  There was a DNA test today because his mother is unsure.  But the truth is,  neither his mother or my grandson, the maybe father,  are capable of caring for him.  So,  who will?

 

 

 

so,  Felicia the Care Giver and her daughter came.  Then,  Jonathan too, Felicia's son,   the other end time Care Giver.  and they took things they could use….in their three different households.  Beds, shelves, pretty much.  Dishes.

 

i kept saying how about This???  and they kept saying,  uh,  well, no.   no and no.   Here it is,  squashed next to the bin of dog food and the big wall table made of a door.  I really have no idea what i could use it for,  or where it really could Be here,  in this house.  But it kept being hard for it to have no meaning,  no use,  so Alyssia stuck it in the trunk of her rental car and here it is.   It probably was his most Important household component.  It was to his left as he sat at that kitchen table for the last several years.  All the drawers were filled in a very specific and organized way with his wallet,  check book,  stamps,  return labels for envelopes, envelopes,  rubber bands,  pocket knives,  tweezers,  relatively recent birthday and christmas cards,  batteries,  paper clips,  vitamins,  keys, photographs from over the years,  fishing lures,  various bits of hardware,  and the bottom drawer,  all the important Current papers for his life.   He knew where every single thing could be found.

Until the last maybe 6 months.  It had become ify.

But it was the File  for Everything Important.

I really don't want it.  But i also really can't just let it Go,  in this moment.  

 

the Ease with which She glides through technology,  the same technology that leaves me blank minded.

So timing.  as it has been going.  Timing in many ways….over the last months.  

First the computer crashed,  then the printer.  Then the camera has been doing odd things,  not crashed,  but odd.  The phone,  not allowing me to dial numbers with 4 and sometimes 7.      The DREAD of new stuff on my part.  So here we are.  Already the new computer which she registered today since i had talked to "George" some days ago about trying to register it's warranty until i could not stand one more sentence in the conversation and told him to Never Mind.  She did it.  We got a new printer from Walmart and it's installed etc….the phone a few days ago.  A new camera will arrive on Friday and she will hook it in and answer any questions i might have.

How She glides through it all….just glides….her voice all soft,  with soft laughter. 

And then She says i'm going out to the Goats now,  it's almost dark and She goes out with a handful of wild rice sticks for them because it has rained all day and this morning there was MUCH RAIN and also hail,  and they don't like it,  the Goats,  they don't like it all all so she takes wild rice sticks to comfort them.

And just a little history to repeat,  that She is the child of my daughter who had her at age 16 and i was so bummed about that,  that the daughter was only 16,  what mother wouldn't,  but anyway,  here She came,  this Girl Child,  and here She IS today,  a young woman, 27 years old,  so Brilliant and Elegant like a Rainbow or a Flower or a Star or or or well the whole Universe,  She is Brilliant and Shining and Soft and Loving and Giving and Receiving and and and

 

 

we took a day off from cleaning at the Old Cowboy's.

 

for Her,  a Goat day

 

 

 

 

 

 

for me, Cloth.  The Earth Pocket.

 

and then,  almost Suddenly,  but not really,  there was this.  GREAT vertical and horizontal lightning strikes,  GREAT flow of Storm over the rim and She ran,  with them,  the Goats,  through their cooridor,  in Her copper glitter flip flops.  And stayed there with them,  singing,  until it was done.

I could NOT ask for a more perfect day.  I could not ask for one single thing more in this lifetime.  THIS DAY is enough.

 

 

 

 

Arctica, who does Not allow touch remembers her