windthread

i took just random pics,  to capture  the sunlit grasses out by  the Oaks     

just right there between the resting chair and the horse trailer,   where i look everyday          And when i looked at them later in the pic gallery,    i saw these     straight  trees,   these slim straight trunked trees…????……i'd not seen them before????

i guess because i am always looking         down further,  past the fence line,  into the Doe Forest.      But seeing them in the pic felt Good….their plain straight selves right up here near the fence

 so much.  about looking,  seeing.   

and then,  in a different way.     the thing of Community comes up in so many different ways.    I think.      my lack of community in day to day life here since i came.   and I thought about   the  places i go.  Which would be the Dollar Store for one and i watched this play out in my mind……     The last time.  I often tell other people to go ahead of me in the check out line if they have only a little and i have a cart.  Toilet paper,  papertowel etc.    They say….are you sure?  and i say yes.   the last time,  a kind of sketchy guy,  skinny,  maybe in his 4o's   had two things that turned out to be a pint of ice cream and a box of Queen Anne's chocolate covered cherries.    He set them on the counter,  the cashier was doing something,   we had to wait.  People don't talk.   I do.  I said something about   "Good Choice ,  the Queen Ann's"   he didn't respond…am not sure he thought of them that way,  maybe just chocolate covered cherries?    but he was quiet.  Undaunted i went on,  how maybe because it's nearing Valentines  Day they are in the front middle isle,      he said     they're for my brother.    and i went on with things about how so really great they are          and that was that.    the cashier returned.   As i left the store   he was pulling away in his truck    looked over at me and    SMILED a tentative slight smile,  tilted his head.   and in that moment,  he was my community.  i was his.   a skinny sketchy guy and an old lady   in a place where people don't ordinarily speak,  stand silently in their own space      

i squat to search a brush pile for a lost Minnow ball….deep into it…looking looking until i do see it and reach in.   Leaning back,then,    there…right there…face to face….     I didn't ask permission    it hadn't occurred to me to need to    but there….Everything is Alive.  

a weave of threads….flowing from Deb G's post  Community and Cloth,    blog:    bee creative      that holds my attention     the Thing of

Resilience    

i wonder how many evolutionary iterations it took to have achieved this masterpiece of creative design we see in this pic?…..and then to multiply by a zillion    and the thing of Resilience

there's so much in her post …the link to the On Being exchange with  Andrew Zolli  which i listened so closely to but found over whelming in it's content…understanding each sentence as it was spoken but not able to hold beyond that    and     Octavia Butler,   recent  repeating reference to her,  her writings,  her presentience    but here in Deb's post,  related to Resilience.   Alyssia wanted me to read Parable of the Sower for years and i wouldn't,  couldn't.   i could not go close to the thing of   Dystopia.  but then finally some recent years ago i read it…or,  not read,  but how i do,,,,,  skimmed it but did not "take it in".      I found it today in the stack.   Opened it and on a blank page just beyond the cover,  it says:   Prodigy is,  at its essence,  adaptability and persistent, positive obcession.  Without persistence,  what remains is an enthusiasm  of the moment.  Without adaptability,  what remains may be channeled into destrucftive fanaticism.  Without positive obcession, there is nothing at all.   Earthseed: The Books of the Living  by Lauren Oya Olamina

resilience

i'll read it again.   this time,   READ it.   and look forward to learning more of Deb's investigation into    Playful Inquiry

stole my sunbeam

what is their reason?,  purpose?,  place?    i squat to study them,  they're  small,  not even 2 inches tall,  their SHAPES…the leaves,  flower like and they're in profusion in some places…here across from those Parasol Mushrooms by Jack's gate

i just wonder about them as i spend some of the day watching  the Lookout,   Zeke Lunder   with all his maps…him explaining fire behavior….how we got word today that Finally,   next Tuesday the septic guy will come,  dig the hole for the site evaluation,  the County will be there to grant their approval…or not…..and building here can begin   or not

and i see that the cemetary where Octavia Butler is buried in Altadena was spared

???

i like that they say    essential seeds       

the Garden will be different.   and      it's time to  focus on what i mean by that thought.    Why do i say it,  what do i    mean?   so in these next few days.   and then it's time to order.    February comes soon.   and i need to do the questioning and the ordering down There….at   the Garden.   Need to take the catalog ,  paper and pen and make the list  while sitting     There.   

the And More is a confession.   I succumbed 

to an advertisment on FaceBook.    Bells.   it began on a particularly hard morning of      News   .   and i looked and turned away and over the next days,   it appeared over and over and over and over i looked and turned away.   but then….i tapped…Order Now and because PayPal was an option,   i         DID IT.   because i couldn't decide which,    i got    BOTH.       fully accepting the possibility that they might not be as advertised and there might be regret…..

and since then,  every few days there has come an email notice of  Tracking  Status….and i was amazed to see that the first Bells were from Ireland,,,,???..,  the Witches Bells  which this evening are at customs

the second,  Serenity Bell is coming from     Czech Republic!   …!     ….   my   "mother land"   where my maternal grandmother was born and lived.   last tracking was Prague.   

it's embarrassing.   but somehow in this world of lies,    there is a crazy hope         always     for   Surprise and Beauty and Joy and somehow these Bells are representing  that for me….and well….we'll see.     Now you  know.   and can await the answer with me.  i'll keep you posted as their updates arrive.   

those beauty full Parasol Mushrooms.    Earth.   

the Bear Cats

another day.  Saturday.   I want to leave this here for whatever reason….i have no words for it,  really,   i just want it.

as half this nation remains in shock as we move forward into the NEXT,    just here.   A girl.    Whose school offers things.  She tries them out,  not knowing,  tries them out….sports….basketball….team sports….she goes and wears her colors.    I want to be like this…just going,  not knowing,   wearing my colors