windthread

People that i used to work for,  years ago,  who moved to Colorado years ago,  who gave me the pick-up truck Sonny,  also gave me via a church fund,  a monthly amount of $100.  This was because they both kept inheriting too much money.  so…a check has come each month from that church marked  Stock Proceeds.  For some years.  And it didn't come for the last 2 months and this one,  so i contacted the church,  wondering and was told that the stock proceeds  were used up.  Done.

this means things for and about the Goats.   So.  On this SUNday,  i am thinking.

tried to see how to disable comments for this post and can't see it.  So just to say,  no comments necessary here.   Maybe just cross your fingers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

cloudiness,  Much Wind,  no Wind,  brilliant sunlight,  filtered light,  warm,  not warm,  cloudbursts and back and forth.   

The changes in light made it hard to see the line of the Face and with change in light,  the face seemed to change.  Watched it closely.

most of the time it doesn't matter so much.  This time it does because i really want to use this particular piece of cloth.  So there was a lot of trepidation.  I would need to walk back and forth, quieting self.    Just very very small marks at a time…the bridge of the nose,  eyelid,  nostril.

So light they are barely there.  And it will continue this way tomorrow until there is enough.

With ink and cloth,  you can't take it away.  

 

 

greatly tweaked in hopes you can see the face better?

The butterfly wings.   These are from a MUCH  LOVED  rayon shirt maybe 40 years old? to me,  but from a Thrift Shop way back in my other life in Michigan.  Am looking today…thinking about how some of the edges fray beautifully,  but others won't fray ….fibers are in a different direction?  cut?  Do i want to work with that?  I think so.  Turn them so the frayed edge can be at the bottom of the wing,  maybe even Turn the edge that won't fray?  …along the top of the wing?,  the "bone"?

This is an intense and very very quiet cloth.   or is it.  is intense the correct word?  what would be truer?….uhhhhhh,  hmmmm.  Don't know.    yet.

AND.  Tina is having problems with Comments.  She can't read them.  Gets bounced back or something.  Is  anyone else having this happen?  I know that beloved Martine always has an impossible time,  but anyone else who usually doesn't????  Would you let me know please?

 

 

the once a month Work Away and i came home with 6 asparagus starts and this,  OH, This,  young and elegant Fig Tree.  They are expert Growers….had started too many Fig Trees…can you

imagine

too many????Fig Trees????????   Will need to think very carefully about where to plant it.  They Can be container planted for a long time….but do it want to do that?  And if not,  how to plant when Tay is not watching.  She believes that Unplanting is the same as Planting.   It's Beauty FULL.  I so much want it to do well.

 

HUGE Wind .  Off and On i peeked at the "sparrow" when it began in early afternoon,  it was looking Ify.  Scrap of prayer flag caught each gust,  pulling at the nest.  But soon the small twittering sound and when i peeked again,  i saw one of the rose breasted ones  FEEDING her. FEEDING THE MOTHER,   FEEDING her like a baby bird and then she would adjust herself and FEED a hatchling!!!  Several times this went on and then once early evening i watched him feed the little one which is so little,  like just today,  that i can't really see…just the feeding movements of the parent and the smallest of small twitter sound.   So,  she is NOT a sparrow but a House Finch.  Who i ordinarily only see in early spring.  They have never stayed.   House Finch.  a House Finch.  Wow.  And did he only feed the mother because of WIND?  Because maybe she stayed with the nest to weigh it down?   It's like National Geographic 12" from my nose.

had been thinking since last night about how there is never time for Aesthetics here.  How i'd started to collage the front door door frame maybe 15 years ago.  This is as far as that got.  How i've always wanted to paint lizards on the legs of the Table.  That hasn't even ever begun.   All this has to do with Metta.  Which seems like Everything has to do with.

including the cloth that was supposed to be Pretty

 

almost finished the second side with Kantha.  Had originally thought to do top and bottom too,  but now i don't know.  It feels good that top and bottom are    OPEN.  

Don't know if you will be able to see the penciled lines of a profile?   This is yet another Butterfly atop a head…. maybe it's time to give words to what that means to me.   

It's going down to 27 degrees tonight.  The apricots Held in WIND.  Now tonight.  We'll see.

 

 

 

 

i was beginning to think it wouldn't happen.  But this morning,  i Knew some things about the Pretty Cloth.  And right away,  i Knew to look at the Maria's Cloths that remain on the middle back of the futon couch.  See if one would work and oh, yes.  One will work.  It is a very gentle sand pink color, really a sand blush .  Perfect.

so…stitched to a piece of gray lavender that i had somehow dyed of something sometime,  a piece of harem cloth in the middle.   Began the kantha,  all around,  more than half way down one side today. It feels very very good and right.  

 

Wood box turned over,  copper tub for kindling,  Chinche's winter sleeping blanket.  Out.  Done for seven months.  Chiche's blanket and two other wool blankets,  the two door blankets,  will be off to the Laundromat,  then stored away until needed again.  

and it seems we might have another new neighbor.  The Sparrow neighbor under the awning at the far West and for now,  a new cat under the house to the farthest East.  This is the young cat that is the mother of that little yellow kitten that was in the Albatros a while ago?  I think she ordinarily lives under neighbor Margie's house.  I see her now and then,  over in the far place.  She needs to leave Margie's on the weekends when Margie's son Strong Man comes with his pitbull Fiona who is a very good dog,  but not so much about cats.  She's come here before for the weekend but here we are….Wednesday……

off and on through the day,  Tay has barked there.  I finally went out and squatted down with her, looking….into that crack and yes,  about 4" away,  it's her.  Staring back.  She looks so much like Tazmeena that i came in to see if Taz was in her usual spot…on the bed…yes…so back out and squatting again,  i explained to Tay that it's just another cat like Tazmeena,  no need to bark,  but then

as the words were said,  like lightning,  a forearm and paw whipped out the crack and caught Tay on the nose.

Still,  i thought how it might be good to have an OutSide cat,  an Under the House cat.  Maybe i should dribble some food into that crack.   But then i remembered that she has had two litters of kittens that i know of.  Hmmmm.  She is feral.  Hmmmm.    That i am trying to understand that last part of the Metta meditation…May i live with ease.   understand how i lovingly sabotage my self.

 

 

 

this post would have been one thing maybe if i'd not had a phone conversation previously with the granddaughter.  so it's different now….it's plainer.

I didn't go to Albuquerque.  For some good reasons.  That i would have enumerated here to soften the fact that i feel like i failed best nurse Cindy.  But i decided not to go.  Granddaughter brought me to this,  just saying i decided not to go.    I just decided not to go.  

eeee

i decided not to go.  ok.

i wandered through cloth,  thinking about making a Pretty One.  What DOES that mean?,  a pretty one?

took the chair Out.

thought about what it means to be     ……    happy.    To live with ease.

thought about how Metta begins,  always,  no matter who teaches it,  begins,  always with

May I……

May I…..

May I….

May I…

put arnica on my wrist.  It DOES work.  if you let it.

Tazmeena would like to be petted.   In a slow way.  A soft way. 

stuff wants to be Looked At     so you know what you Have

 

Hoping to stretch that Ease into this next week,  it looks today like it might not be possible.  Times like this,  i often find it usefull to think of myself in Third Person.  Tell myself a little story about…her.

 

Pretty much as soon as i arrived home from Work Away,  phone, and was the Best Nurse Cindy who had gone to the ER ,  the Big Time ER in Albuquerque last week.  She's been in the hospital there ever since.  Was difficult to understand a lot of what she was saying,  but i did understand the tears in her voice when she said   I'd really like to see you.   So….ok.  Tomorrow.  ok.  and i went Out and sat in the middle of the driveway to take these pics.   For a different Point of View.  Ordinarily i take them looking Out.  This,  looking Back.  And i sat a while,  telling myself the story about this woman who lives here.  About how pretty much every Sunday,  she imagines how things might go for the week and how pretty much every week,  it's different than she imagined.  i sat with the Question….

Why IS that?

I thought about that last line of Salzberg's version of Metta.  May you live with Ease.  About why i like it so much,  her choice of words.  May you live with Ease.  I thought about looking for Ease,  Finding a sense of Ease even inside life events or circumstances that are  uhhhh well,  challenging, to one degree or another.  How always INSIDE the challenge,  there is a place where you can breathe through it.  Always INSIDE there is a quiet corridor where you can walk through.  So i did the meditation,  both for myself and also for the Her that lives in that house.

May we be Safe.  May we be Happy.  May we be Healthy.  May we live with ease.   Simple things, really.   So…to live with ease.  To understand more about how i can Know what that means.  I like it a lot.

And while i was at Work Away i thought about how i want to make one "Pretty" cloth.   Just Pretty.  For the Art Thing in Magdalena.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And at the grocery store…   i hear   grace?   and turn….am not sure,  but     It's me,  Robin from the Mustang Camp.   YES!     She looked all different,  new haircut,  grocery store uniform,  not flannel shirt and levis,  but YES!,  Robin and do i still need help with Goats?  YES!  exchange of phone  #.

so…who knows?  It might happen,  that Robin might be the one?   

and look here.  Such an incredibly great scrap.  Lying on the floor over at the far end of the bookcase in the living room.  It's like they  somehow go around in the night a place themselves in such unlikely places so they are NOTICED.   It's so beauty full.  so Fine

 

 

 

Easy.  Some "times",  it's easy.   Continuous,  but slow.    I think about Salzberg's choice of words:

May you live with ease.    Today i lived with ease.

i stitched the Crow.

 

at one point,  it was probably exactly right.  But i took it just a barest fraction further and went too far.   So…now…..we'll see.  I might need to begin again.  Need to back off.   See again.

 

and i moved to this one.  Which i am surprised to find that i really WANT to take to the Art thing in Magdalena.  and as i worked on it it became clear to me what i really am looking for with participating there.   This is probably the most…uhhh,  raw,  or rough cloth i've made.  The combination of fragments are uneasy.  Them with the inked eyes, too.   But it's a Strong Story.  Every bit of it has meaning that Tells it's story.  So i will work to finish it and take it.   What i understood is that i want to use this Event in Magdalena to watch people's responses to these Cloths.  To talk with them,  get a feeling who they are and then see if i can get them to tell me what they are seeing.   This will INFORM the making as it goes.  I am not looking at all for general "acceptance".  Am looking for Response.  So i will take even this one that is "hard" and learn from it.

 

 

Salt Cedar beginning to bloom.  Soon there will be billions of BEEs

 

This year the most Ever "fruit" on the Three Leaf Sumac.   Bountyfull.

 

at the Raft

 

 

The Tubers

From tubers some 20 plus years ago

Jack.  I don't remember how i found out.  but people a couple miles down the way from where i was living at that time had an old burro.  They didn't want him anymore.  I remember walking home with him,  shaking a can of sweet feed to keep him going.  Maybe a couple miles?

 

These are pics from the actual Photo Album.  My grand kids.  the girl one is Alyssia now,  26 almost.  Jeff 24 almost.  They  "rode" him around .  Really,  they sat on him and he went where Ever he wanted to go.  He took them for rides.

This is me,  then.  With my Wolf/ Black German Shepard Hybrid, Sky.  Winter Sky At Twilight.

when i was living in the Airstream.  I had the kids friday through sunday.

 

 

we flooded the "front yard" .  The kids made a world there.   There some very old withered tubers.  I thought nothing of them.  But with this Making a World,  they began to send out green leaf shoots.

these are the continuation of that

 

 

 

 

i don't have any words for Iris in the Desert.  Look.  Look at them.  Look.

how they live.

 

i went to the Old Cowboy's.  and then on to the Feed Store for dog food.  and then over to Peggy's to load the pruned grapevines for the Goats

 

Tay is Easy now,  getting into the truck

 

and for AnyOne.  AnyOne,  looking for a softer way.  Because of Michelle directing me to the link for Sharon Salzberg,  yesterday,  my beloved UPS woman came and honked.    If you are looking for some softness to this life,  some gentleness.  Even though we might say…oh,  sure,  a 28 day program….and think,  oh, ha,  it is a very Excellent and very FINE teaching.  I let go of my Buddhist stuff and just go with her.

all the time with the Old Cowboy today,  internally,  i repeat….the Metta,  as Salzberg gives it:

May you be safe

May you be happy

May you be healthy

May you live with ease.

I watch him.  Talk.  Listen.  and internally i repeat the above.  It's GOOD.  no matter who we are.  It's good and is kind.  It  makes a HUGE difference in how it All feels

seems like a pattern is establishing itself.   Part of my days continue to be directed to Old Cowboy business and that part shares space with internal process which is often represented by cloth making.  And so,  today.

Yesterday i called the PA at OCB's doctors clinic,  who he saw in February for a refill of his blood pressure medicine,  (he actually goes there maybe every 18 mos. to 2 years,  whatever we can get away with).  When he had an O2 Sat of 81 and they again asked him if he wanted to be put on oxygen and again the answer was Hell no.  So ok.  We just go.  But as things seem to be racheting up incrementally,  i had some questions about honoring my commitment  to his wishes along with my own intuitive sense of things  versus what might be viewed as Neglect.  At the end of the conversation i understood him to say that he would wait for word from me and then enter a request for Hospice Evaluation.   But….he did not wait but sent in the order/request and a woman from there called OCB this morning,  introducing herself and asking him if they could send someone out to talk with him.  Bless his heart,  he said you need to talk to Grace.  She's the boss.  and he called me.   Long conversation that in a nutshell was that we are just very much OK with what we're doing right now.  That the future most likely will change that,  but for right now,  we're Good.  

But i called her,  the manager of Hospice Care here in Socorro and her name is Sharon….wouldn't we know….since Michelle sent the link to Sharon Salzberg's Teaching,  i am loving Sharon Salzberg who i'd never paid any attention to before,  and my dead sister's name was Sharon.  She died when i was 7 years old.  Sharon is not that common a name to run into.  So here,  in just a matter of days,

2 other Sharons to make 3 altogether.  When stuff comes the third time,  i pay attention.

Sharon of Hospice here was UNBELIEVABLY WONDERFULL…..really.  Every other sentence was a beauty full surprise.   and all the details are unnecessary now,  but what was the most AMAZING thing is that a person does NOT need to be stated to be probably dead in 6 months to receive their services.  All that is necessary is that they do have medical conditions that are certain to end in death.  For him,  it's the COPD,  one,  and then his prostate situation which has not been diagnosed as cancer and which he does not want to fool with the tests that would make a diagnosis,  but the symptoms and elevated blood levels that make it Likely.  These are Enough to get him going.  He can decide exactly how much involvement he is comfortable with.   The minimum right now would be a social worker and RN coming to interview him.  Next would be a RN visiting once a week,  just to say hi.  To establish a relationship.   It can stay this much for however long.   From there,  life events would dictate anything else he might want.  He remains in a position of Choosing.  

The thing i loved most about it is that it addresses the Scenario that we have been working with for a while now.  It is highly possible he can fall.   The plan of the moment is that i call every morning to see if he answers the phone.  If he doesn't,  i drive in there to find out why.  His mailman lets himself into the front door all 6 mail days to see if he is up.  There is a card in the mailbox that has my phone number if the door is still locked.  he would call me.  His across the street neighbors are familiar with his habits and if something appeared unusual,  they have my number too.  

But often things take on a life of their own.  If 911 were called FIRST,  they would come, and even if his advanced directives were on his refrigerator,  they are bound to use all at their hand to keep him going.  Which would mean oxygen,  cpr,  etc.  The advance directives,  in his case NOTHING to prolong life,  would only click in after he was seen by a physician in the ER.  This is NOT what he wants.  If he can't breathe,  he is prepared to be afraid for a while,  but then just not breathe.  We talk about this often enough.  He's ready.  

and IF he would connect with Hospice,  instead of calling 911,  Hospice would be called.  Their nurse would arrive,  24/7 and evaluate the situation,  contact his physician and chances are,  he could stay home.  He could be made comfortable.  He could not be Afraid.  He could take his Chances,  he could face the RISK.  and he would be surrounded with HELP in this.  

Sharon and i talked and agreed that he could be their Poster Boy.  He is a perfect candidate for what they can offer.   So this was BEYOND WONDER FULL.  WAY beyond.  WAY.  I'll talk with him and we will decide what to think and when.  

AND,  in New Mexico, at least,  their services are 100% covered by Medicare.  THIS IS HUGE.

so….the mundane.

and then the Numinous.   This is First Iris,  a cloth that i bought from Patricia of followingthread.wordpress.com.  

 

I am not sure what she had in mind when she called it First Iris.  But what it was/is to me is the ESSENCE of Iris…the first time this ESSENCE of Iris took form on this planet,  whenever that might have been.  To me,  it is the very Finest Cloth i have ever seen.  It hangs on the wall just to the right of this computer corner.  I look at it Every Day and am filled by the Spirit of it.  EVERYTHING about it…the colors,  the stitching,  the forms just FILL me.  Every day.  Today i took it over to the screen to look at it there and was fill with wonder just like on the first day it arrived to live here last year.

the gauze is back.

These are just thoughts that came:

it's real name is House of Wind,  House of Sand

i don't ordinarily "name" cloths,  but give them words to identify them

House of Wind is a Spirit house that has formed and is constantly reforming around us.

a simultaneous existing Shelter,  whether or not we allow ourselves to be aware that it is there.  It is in a certain way autonomous because it is a naturally occuring phenomenon OF this Earth.

The dog and the crow are of that world of the Spirit.  The dog chooses relationship with the Temporal.  The crow does not.  The crow does not enter the world of humankind,  remains aloft,  aloof,  is OF the Wind.

 

so.  i will move to the Crow now…make it identifiable as Crow.