windthread

maybe?  I'll find out in a few minutes.   Didn't try to upload pics early today.  Just going instead.

Ta DA!  a pic!  so yes,  maybe whatever was wrong has righted its own self.  This is for Julie.   See how few green leaves?   So we will watch and see if the brush cut makes a good difference for the plant person.  Science.

and this is nearing IT for the Lilac…the scent has distilled,  is strong as some of the blooms dry.  A GOOD lilac year.

 

Soon.  I have Patricia's  Iris Cloth all year and now the beauty full papery blooms are coming…watching….

so many like this.  NEED to be separated and replanted.  So MUCH,  Out There to do

 

and i took off the gauze,  the Wind,  today     To make it easier to stitch the rings of the moon,  the thread beads.  And i look at it This way,  without the "wind",  the gauze wind….and i think how maybe 10 more people on the planet love gauze like i do and maybe this Cloth would make more sense this way,  without the gauze wind and i don't know.   But it would change the Name of it….,  House of Wind

if i didn't put the gauze back?

What to think?

But….i am Glad.  Glad that the pics uploaded.  Glad it was a very Fine day.  Glad for a LOT.

 

this goes back to Easter day.  Alz B's son Bill called….he was "in the neighborhood",  "could he stop by?"  I always know when he says these words that he  has something in mind that he knows i might not be enthused about.  And so it was true again.  He brought this.    He has his thoughts.  That differ from mine.  He wanted me to cut the Giant Sacaton clump grasses.  I tell him i can't.  He continues to think i should.  And so it goes.   So he brought this Best weed whacker and a helmet with ear things which i have since returned.  But he was persistent that i try it out.  "Just this once" to see the difference.  So…being me i was unable to say NO! and i did it.

 

 

 

What was maybe 6 or even 7 foot tall dried grasses …..fell….to the enormous noise of the blades.

 

the "Ghost Chair" as my granddaughter calls them,  moved back.

 

 

 

This evening i raked.

 

 

 

a Huge pile that will need to be hauled to the center of the "drive way" and burned.

 

 

 

and i worked again.   Three legs was really good.  But once you noticed that it was only three,  there was an uneasyness.  so…..i moved the 4th leg.  Over and over.  Over and over.  I think this is ok.  It's amazing how subtle this is.  To keep the Tension of the Dog's stance.  Just the smallest change could change everything…. I think it is ok now.  

 

 

 

This is what the screen is for.  I got it maybe 12 years ago for the Old Cowboy because he has 2 TVs going constantly and for some reason the TV in the diningroom was interfering with the TV in the living room.   It got resolved eventually,  but the screen that had been the intermediary has been folded up against the wall all this time.  Now…it might work for This.  That Art Event in Magdalena,  ….the fiber arts will be exhibited in the High  Country Lodge.  Everyone is responsible for their own display.  Maybe this will work.  

 

the new cottonwood leaves….i don't think you can see it here…but they are kind of waxy and they Glisten,  sparkle in the Suns Light like diamonds.  Both trees have Taken.  This year they will GROW.

 

here is the weed.   How perfectly she placed herself.  How beautifully she splayed her leaves… 

 

 

Wind kept moving the iris but they are coming…

 

 

this Being.  A sparrow Being.  I had kept hearing sparrow sounds so close which isn't normal for Spring….there is the one who seeks shelter from Winter in the opposite corner.  This was different and i pulled the curtain back just a small amount to look and there…there she is.  A NEST in this corner of the totally ugly awning that is useful nonetheless.  The remnant of the prayer flag and it's string incorporated in her nest.  I want to wash the window so i can take better pics of her but that might be a violation of her privacy…as it is ,  she is maybe about 18 inches from the window.  I just looked,  Wednesday,  as i write these words,  and she is there.  Sitting.  Her little button eyes wide. Sitting.

 

 

this really great shirt,  from the Thrift Store.  I'd gone to hunt for cloth for Deb Lacativa.  No dice, but this shirt is really great.  And a grey green,  sage green.  Maybe the shirt for the Art Thing.

 

 

no need to talk about this now.   

 

 

Thrift Shop

 

 

 

and…legs resolved…am writing this on Wednesday 

 

Maybe it's the degree to which i have become symbiotic with the Whole of this Place.  My words are my mind.  Which is less and less the self that i am now,  less and less the part of self that i hold of value.

It's the Being me,  the just going me the me that is Same as OutThere,  OutThere being the whole of it, Wind, Light, Air, Leaf, Dirt, Stone, Goat, Bird, on and on.  Their lives are my life, Same.  and maybe more so since the Goats…because they have tied me to a rhythm that is bigger than my single self.

With words,  i really can't tell of Them.  The photographs can, do…

ok…so i was going to show You a weed that had placed herself perfectly between two rocks,  creating an elegant rosette pattern.  Here are the WORDS for what i was going to show you.  But

oh well….it's happening again.  No pics.  

what to Do.  How to Feel.  

……………………………..OK.  I am going to stop whining.  OK.

What ELSE there was to this day was that the Old Cowboy was ecstatic.  Travis,  the new Angel in his life,  TRIMMED HIS TOE NAILS yesterday.  He says he feels like a new man.  He was HAPPY!  with his toe nails.   It was after his Monday shower.   And i think of this.  How in the so far to now past,  he wanted me to do everything.  Partly because he didn't want to PAY anyone to do things.  He wanted me to clean his house and supervise his shower and cut his toe nails all for no more than the Usual.  I was stubborn about that.  I would clean his house,  shop etc.,  but nope.  I would not do the other things.  So we had been at a stand off for a long time.  Then…with the disappearance of the possibility of moving UP to the relatives,  with his decision to stay put,  some how stuff changed and he was willing for more,  more being Travis.  But today,  as i cleaned his house and washed his clothes and put away the groceries,  he was ……THRILLED….with his toe nails.   THRILLED.  like, really, THRILLED.  and i was too.  Bless us.  Bless Us All as we figure out how to go.

and then…i got an Email from Kelly who has my goats, Barbara and Magic,  and who i bought a little Buckling goat for from Deanna who used to be friends with my daughter Jenny….got an email from Kelly who said that he arrived on Sunday,  little buck,  and his name is Moon,  his Family name,  his registered name is still to be decided,  but little Moon,  who is a bottle baby,  went with her this morning as she did her chores,  following along.  He will be the sweetest of the sweet,  these bucklings, and she will be IN LOVE with him,  but soon,  he will take on his Buckness and tho he will always continue to love her,  he will be totally preoccupied with Barbara and Magic,  the doe Goats from here and he will become Herd Sire.  

I'll go over there soon.  Take a pic.  Which i may or may not be able to show YOU here…..

 

 

 

try try try

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't know what to PUT here.   There are the pics from the other day….i had one of the green ladder that i'd dragged over to the young cottonwood tree so i could climb up it and take a close pic of it's tassle.   And then i had one of the NEST that a sparrow has decided on in the funky awning of the West window…whod've  guessed,  but there it is all fine and with the last shred of the prayer flags and their string woven in and then the one of when i realized that AGAIN i have depicted a 3 legged dog in the House of Wind cloth and Michelle,  my quality assurance person didn't catch it this time,  but i did and it caused all manner of Change and i took pics of those changes and what i ended up with and

I CAN'T SHOW YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I CAN'T SHOW YOU

and really,  if it's just WORDS here,  i honestly wouldn't go on.  

for Whatever reason,  i need to SHOW you stuff.  By showing YOU stuff,  i guess i can Place myself?  I don't know,  I don't know,  I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAAAAA.

What ARE the pics?   What do they MEAN,  to me,  for me, ???????????????????????

I watched/listened this morning to the Teaching by Sharon Salsberg that Michelle gave us the link to yesterday….about Metta Practice.  It is FINE.  Sharon Salsberg is FIIIIIINE.  Is it this???? that i need to hunker down and make my world smaller in order to let it become Vast?

 

 

i can't post pictures.  since yesterday evening.  Have a help ticket in and we'll see…but it has really set me adrift.  So will just wait.

so i am reading the Gawande book,  Being Mortal and reading about establishment of Communities and Hospice and the conversation over the last months with Granddaughter has deepened…her interest Forming about what she wants to DO with her degree when it's hers….we talk about her mother, brother,  her children, me, the world.  What might make a difference.  So that,  and then my own thoughts with Raya showing up yesterday and when we were at Walmart,  to get that Tub of Peanut butter,  we ran into Mike of my friends Mike and Thelma who i know through their Native Plant Nursery that no longer is in operation but we had become friends because there was an easy sense between all of us that included Thelma's parents who she spends Sunday's with or part of and they liked to come here now and then to see what was going on with the Goats.  Her dad, especially and he was a Well of information of " how it's always has been here".  A huge family,  Chavez.  The road he lives on is named after him….Fermin  Chavez…  phonetically,  FairMean,  sortof.  Hadn't seen any of them all winter, but that's kind of how it goes in the cold months but with the Warm,  i'd been thinking of them.  Fermin and Flora.  And Mike told me yesterday that Fermin hadn't been feeling well this winter and they went to the VA Hospital in March and they did some tests and he was Full of cancer.  Cancer that is inoperable.  Mike told me that yesterday,  Hospice came.  To their home,  there along the ditch bank and the Bosque on the road with his name. The old home that only about a year ago got hot water into it. For the first time.  They do things the old way.  I asked him to have Thelma call me last eve to see if her dad might be up for me to come see him.  or not.  Whatever she thought….and she did and said yes,  he would like that.   So i went this morning.  I had opened that Door.  

he is on a bed right there,  inside the front door.  Next to the table,  out a bit from the kitchen sink. Had oxygen…nasal canula….  and i sat next to him on the bed and laid myself as lightly as i could on him,  my arms around him,  hands behind his neck and we just breathed together for a while.  I'd brought him a good luck charm from the gas station.  There is a little basket there of stone animals,  and when i got gas before i went,  i looked through and chose him a bear  but when i got outside i saw that it had one blue eye from a blue chip but the other eye was empty because i guess the blue chip had fallen out but i thought it was OK anyway so i gave it to him.  He said it looks Just Like You.  We smiled.  So i stayed a while talking to everyone but still leaning into him and not too long and said i had to go…had stuff to do.  Goat stuff etc.  But that i'd come back.  He asked When?  Today?  and i said no,  not today,  and he said he might not be here then,  when i got back and i said well,  OK then i would keep looking for him.  That he should keep that one blue eyed bear and it would make it easier for me to find him.  And he said

OK.

and i can't in this moment get a pic to download from picasa.  so i will or will not finish this post this eve…we'll see.  It's Passover.  

NEXT DAY…SUNDAY  but to finish yesterday…try again to post the pics

still no.

Monday afternoon:

still

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I could not have asked for Better Company this morning.  I'd forgotten 9 year old girls.  Maybe they are the most perfect of all the earth's creations.  so on the Cusp of everything.   I have known her since she was born, really,  her father brought her around a lot when she was little.  And then over the last maybe 5 years,  every weekend they come.  But it's always a kind of in the middle of the road exchange with the adults talking,  the child listening.   So i knew her but i didn't KNOW her.  I do now.  She was already here when i made the Old Cowboy see if you are dead call this morning and he reported that he had forgotten to tell me that he had NO peanut butter left and was i coming to town…no…hadn't planned on it,  but i thought, why not.  She hadn't had breakfast yet so we decided to GO OUT FOR BREAKFAST….which i never do.  Never go out to eat.  I get those Green Chili Cheeze Burgers and Breakfast Burritos for OCB to take to his house.  But to go IN and sit?  So we went to the busiest restaurant in town,  the El Camino where probably half of Socorro is any morning.  Really.  And Everybody Knows Everybody.  Family place.    She said…except for your eyes, they probably think you are my grandmother.  And i said yes.  When the waitress asked her what to drink,  she did not hesitate and said  Coffee.  My eyebrows went UP and she looked directly at me and the waitress turned up her mug and said "cream?"  Yes please.  so, OK.  She is a people watcher like me and commented on how many people seemed to be drinking pop with their meal.  Talking about how her father had changed to eating healthy and that they no longer have pop in their house.  No junk food either.  He cooks.  She lives with him now.  Visits her mother only.  Now and then.  She said,  volunteered out of the blue,  that the reason for that is that her mother used to abuse her.  That her father went to court.  But that she loves her mother and wishes she would get well.  All this in a conversational tone.  Back to people watching.  Then we went to get the OCB's peanut butter at Walmart where they have an institutional  sized tub of Jiff Creamy that he likes.  Off to the other grocery where we got his Blue Bunny Chocolate Chip icecream that was on a previous list and hot dogs.  I got both of us a package of Peeps.  She showed me how the cardboard packaging was sticking into the bottom row of her rabbit peeps and then went on to have a conversation with them that they looked like really less than two years old,  but oh,  she could see they were suffering and so she would eat that row first as an act of mercy.  Right then i knew i could get hooked on this kid.  Off to the Old Cowboys.  I introduced them and he immediately launched in to getting me to look at his mail,  his auto pay thing to the city for his utilities,  the bill that finally came from his lawyer,  the payment notice for the disabled veterans and he off handedly said to her that i am his business assistant and she assumed a stance and said "then I will be her assistant" and we went through all the mail and i handed her the stuff to trash and she shredded it well and put it in the trash.  I wrote the check for the lawyer's bill,  he signed it and she put it in the return envelope and afixed the stamp and his return address label.   I showed her where and how to mark the ballot for the Electric Cooperative election and she did the envelope and return address stuff herself.    He asked her if she liked watching movies …yes….so some time spent in his pirated movie stash for disney ones and then some like Braveheart and The Gods Must Be Crazy and she asked if she could use his Sharpie to write her name on them.  She did.  We bagged them up and she went out to the car and came back in with one of her Peeps,  handing it to him saying thank you, Robert.    We left, and getting into the car,  she said  "He is a very sweet person".  

On the way to town and back,  the people were Walking.  along the road,  along the freeway.  Some carrying crosses they had made.  We talked about what we knew about Jesus and how he had to walk and carry his cross to where they nailed him to it.  It was just a sharing of information.  Neither of us knowing a whole lot.   But we waved to the Walkers.  They waved back.  She asked if i had ever walked and i said yes,  twice.  Was i Catholic?,  no,  i just like the idea of it.   She thought she might too someday.  

We got back and hung around with the Goats who had a really interesting response to her.  The Doe Goats were feeling Frisky anyway,  so there was a lot of head butting and a lot of hormonal energy,  them being bucky with eachother and for some reason they wanted to do all that very close to us as we sat on the picnic table in the middle of it all.  She wondered if they were lesbian.  I said it's hard to know with Goats.  They just have FEELINGS and express themselves.  So there was some conversation about that and about when and why i let them breed or not.  She said  "well, as long as they are good mothers"  and i said yes.  They were ALL very good mothers.  We cut lilacs for her grandma and when she got home,  she had not taken the right keys so we had to break in to one of the windows that was covered very tightly with plastic.  I stood on a cooler that we put atop a wooden chair and Raya stepped up on my shoulder and dropped in to the window to come unlock the door.  We congratulated ourselves at being capable and efficient and that was that.  A totally Satisfying  exchange.  All the way around.  Could NOT have possibly been better.

the Least robust of the two young Narrow Leaf Cottonwoods!   BEAUTY FULL pollen tassels!!!!!  Trees and bushes here….the first year planted either live or die.  the second year their roots search for water source in the earth which indicates if they might sustain themselves.  The THIRD year,  they actually begin to flourish.  This is year Three.  We made it!  They will grow large.  Goats are ecstatic to eat the crispy fallen leaves in fall and winter.  I am VERY happy about this.  VERY.

 

 

and LOOK.   It might happen.   An Apricot Year!!!   Apricot Chutney.  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEE  maybe.  

 

this afternoon,  still time for some changes here that feel Right….

for more wheelbarrows of compost to the big raised bed

for Tay time who was beside herself with the excitement of Raya who she just wanted to Absorb into herself,  she LOVED Raya but didn't know how to.  Raya was firm but kind and said to me

she doesn't know the meaning of No.  True.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

just got a call…kinda "late"  from neighbor Margie across the road.  She has her granddaughter Raya for this Spring Break.  Tomorrow she has a doctors appointment in Belen,  some miles up the freeway.  Could i just know that Raya will be alone and kind of keep aware of that?  Raya is a little nervous.

So

I will take Raya with me to feed the cats over at Allan's house i say.  She can stay here till the Medical Transport brings her Grandmother home.  How about That?,  i say….Margie says Yes! and i ask to

talk to Raya and her voice is small and she says,  yes,  yes she will do this.  This is good.  yes.  ok.

So.

Life.  it Goes.  Stuff.  ok.