windthread

Patricia,  over at followingthread.wordpress.com  in her 3/18  Post talks about Inertia.  And i was very taken by it,  by the words she looked up.   I would have been surprised by the definition, too….

"the innate force of matter….by which every    body    endeavors to preserve it's present state…."

it's about physics.  but it's also about Everything.  and i guess, yes,  Everything is about physics.  This Cloth is about Physics as much as it is about Spirit…Both are involved in how Things Are.

 

 

a loose copper thread

and bowls.  How much

i do love

bowls.

and this work,  about transmigration,  it gets serious.  And today i don't want it to be.  I want to imagine if i could come back as some kind of Wisp Thing,  just going,  from this to that,  Looking at all of it,  Loving all of it?  Could i come back as a Wisp of Love?, ,,,  , , flitting around some herd of Goats,  flicking their ears and tails,  could i be a spin of light around a rim of bowls?  Could i….

Could i…..

 

AND IT"S NOT OVER YET….NOW….

that Day is longer

 

i brought them the grape vine trimmings from Bill and Nelia's

bizzy with this

 

 

the clock has broken

Everything kept being yellow through the lense of the camera.  I tried to tweak it in Picasa,  but no.  So a Yellow day.

there were yellow butterflies,  so pale and similar to the leaves of the Golden Currant

it is the strongest it's ever been.  I don't know what it might Want,  but it has never flourished,  simply Just Gone.   Something is different this time.

5 wheelbarrows of composted Goat manure and scrap hay.  It's a small corner bed.  I think i'll try the bell peppers here this time.  And i'm not starting them myself as i have done but will get seedlings from a young (ish) woman in Magdalena,  Green Girl,  who grows organic and also works with the schools there in a Tunnel Green House.  Bell pepper for some reason are difficult here.  Not so the hot peppers.  But i use a lot of Bell.  So the new earth is deep.  This year i will not dig anything in but follow the tenets of permaculture.  Just adding and then

a deep mulch.  In this case,  more scrap feed.  The sticks are to Lay Claim to the area …the dogs understand that and won't go there now.   And i realized that this is Tay's first Spring here.  She came in late summer last year.  She is finding all this spring work very interesting,  moves along with me.  I lifted the mulch in the long fence bed to see what was happening and right there,  Right There were so many WORMS and she found them very interesting.  I had to quickly cover them and after i did,  she rubbed herself over that mulch like things do when they want to preserve the scent of something.  Scent of worms.  Hadn't thought of that.

I'm LATE with this.  But it will be OK.   I got the Tomato seeds from Seeds of Change finally,  after a lost order.  Super Sioux Tomato.  Do well in hot dry areas.   So this for them and eggplant.  The rest of what i will plant will be direct seeding.  I don't know what those two pots are for on the left,  but Something.

And i Gave water to all the trees and bushes….it's Sunday.,  the day for that.  And this took the whole day,  beginning to end.  As the hose was running,  i would sit and just look.  How this Place is what it has become.   And i realized more deeply than ever that THIS is what will be so hard for me to Fly Free of….this Earth, Sky, magical Planet.  Not people or things,  but the Incredible ness of this Earth.  I will want to Cling.  So,  here is my work.  Here is my Practice.  How can it go,  i don't know.

MORE

and it wasn't quite dark yet…SUCH a GIFT,  the lingering LIGHT so i went out with the brush in hand that isn't really a brush,  it's metal,  but went into the middle pen to the doe Goats and brushed their winter undercoats away …from those that would allow it…Arctica,  Celia,  Just Going, and Karma  would not but they watched and maybe,  thought.  I don't know.  But to brush Goats as the day recedes into dark….this will be hard to let fly free too

 

 

 

maybe it had to do with having needed to be so "in the world/of the world" all week?   But being back with this Cloth was an experience today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All day i stitched.  My mind wandered at first from thing to thing i "knew",  like thinking about how i have arranged for a very Fine buckling from Deanna to Kelly.  How yesterday Kelly talked long on the phone about how they have defined their goals for the Micro Ag Loan they are asking for.  How they will move soon to the 20 acres she owns in San Marcial.  How she told her Dream for that land.  That Barbara and Magic,  the Goats from here would free range under the watchful eyes of Gardian Livestock Dogs.  How she has a very wide and deep arroyo whose rim would be planted with fruit trees,  the rest of the land near the homestead planted with Lavender….she will learn to Keep Bees.  I thought of this.  I thought of Jude's Small Journey's post about Illustrative…Conceptual….what is Conceptual?  Is Judy Martin's work Conceptual?  I really don't know what Conceptual is.  Mind wandered in this back and forth.  Then mind went to how the Old Cowboy is waiting to die, really.  I have told him over and over that maybe he should not just wait because it might well be a long long time.  There's no way to know,  but i thought about all the things i think about dying because he is interested in it.  And it would be good if i try to know some about what i think.  All the while i am stitching these hills and depressions in this piece of cloth,  looking so long and so closely at the subtle variations of it,  thinking where i might put those invisible baste clusters and what DO they mean to me and really…

I got lost.  But didn't know it.  But suddenly something Called me into the moment and i had an extremely uhhhh,  disorienting few moments.  It was an altered state,  even a dissociative state.  When i stopped the needle and set it to rest,  well….hmmmm,  this is hard to tell,  but i really didn't know uhhh,  Anything.  I didn't know any thing to THINK.  I was  just  floating free.  Mind just

Floating,  unattached to anything….and i realized that i had no idea what i'd been thinking for the last while…how long i don't know…but there was no sense of it.  And i began looking around,  groping for some sense of grounding and everything looked equally as well, equal…nothing really of any more importance than anything else.  And it was disconcerting and i wondered what had happened,  and i began to do small things to "see if i could do them",  i wasn't sure.  Wasn't sure i could.  I  checked the email.  Put the roast vegetables into a bowl and into the fridge.  I fed the dogs.  Looked out all the windows,  looked at where i'll put the seedling tray tomorrow on the shelf…made self think of the process of that.  Everything seemed Functional.  But i still wasn't sure.  So i went Out Side

 

 

 

 

yes.  the Sky was there.  The Rim.  and yes.  i knew how to download the pics in Picasa.  OK.  yes.

Things hadn't changed.  I pet Tay and Chinche and went out to feed the Goats.  Stuff was the same.  I hooked up the yard hose and watered the raised beds,  dug in a little, and it was good.  OK.

But that sense of disorientation remains.  This Cloth is about that.  It's called Transmigration.  It's to help me understand that period of "time",  that "space" between the last exhale of this form before an Inhale of another.  This is what i am looking for.  And i found it.  In buddhist terms,  Tibetan buddhist,  it's called Bardo.  And the important thing is to be ready to let go.  To Fly Free as we so glibbly say.  Fly Free,  we say.  But it's a liminal state,  with a quality of ambiguity or dis orientation.  We have to let go.  We have to Fly Free.  

Whether someone believes in successive  "lives" or if they believe in going to Heaven or if they don't believe in anything at all,  no matter.  There is the moment of Letting Go.  Of setting yourself asail.  Of all that is familiar.  All you know that you know to the complete unknown.

So…

It has been a really really GREAT DAY.

 

 

 

this morning, before i went to work,  before i went to the Old Cowboy's for a phone conference with his financial planner in Denver,  or whatever she is called,  her name is Margaret.  And then to work an extra day at the WindMill house.  Worked every day this week, except yesterday,  but Every Day has been full to the brim.  I just Went.

 

 

Cloth has waited.  

Yesterday, this came.   Here, it's pinned to the Door Blanket on the Way Back Door.  A stunning Rust GOLDEN gift from Liz.  This is It's Glow on a very overcast day…i can't imagine what  might happen with SUN…..and i had it on the table to share with Marti today, just folded,  and already Knew what would happen and it DID

Marti immediately said…a table runner!  and i smiled and said yes,  for Dana,  and Marti went to it.  They had brought a bouquet for Equinox tomorrow and she said…Patricia's Basket,  yes…right there and Ta Da….There we were.    Not quite Dana,  but with just as much Heart.  There was one more photo taken of me and her husband Rich but i am too VAIN to post it here.  I look like, well, a very small thing,  looking up with mindless eyes,  a dried rain drop on my glasses,  (it was, yes, raining) that somehow seemed way more than a dried raindrop,  and my hair is plastered flat and well…i am too Vain.  Rich however looked Great in one of his Hawiian Shirts,  he is a Big man,  partly why i looked so small and skinny,  but not really,  anyway he looked and IS great,  if i knew how to crop pics i would, so you could see him,  but will just leave it to your imagination.

and then…Marti has some issues  with large dogs.  So there was some concern.  But i am so so GLAD to report that Both of them,  Tay and Marti were just so so FINE!  More reason for a Joyfull Heart.   The feed bags were filled with compost and loaded,  the Goats were kind enough to demonstrate the Migration Corridor.  All in All,  a very Best and Fine and Heart filled Day.  I feel very Happy, very Blessed.

 

 

 

O K.   DONE!     This round of Brightening and Lightening.  OK.   And it's ended like it always does,  having gone through the phase of  how there is SO Much that i SHOULD/COULD do to finally, the point where suddenly …..it's Enough.  And i'm done.  All the thoughts of possibilities just fall, weightlessly like the petals of the Old Apricot's  blossoms.  Drift onto the earth then disappear.  

The shelves,  well, really,  only one shelf,   and then the floor there.  This is where I crapped out.  The will to be uhhhhh  regular,  normal,  like most other people,  just fell away as if i never imagined it.  Poof as Jude says.  In a single instant it was just gone,  when the instant Before,  i was painting the wall,  or part of the wall, in the kitchen.   I love how that happens.

This little cave place here holds all manner of what remains from a LifeTime of having Stuff.  There's not a lot left.   But there's This Much.   Boxes of photographs, string, beads, tubes of oil paints,  2 sewing machines,  uh…well….stuff.   It's covered with a very nice layer of dust,  which here, is really a kind of sand.  Remembering that i live in Polvadera,  which is Spanish for Nothing But Dust.

the far end and i did Windex the mirror

it's like this all the time.  The What Was a rocking chair in front of that corner.  Holding what else? than yet another basket of scraps.

Something RARE.  THE table.  the only table here.  Which is never used as a table,  as in how people sit at one to eat their meals….as it will be used tomorrow for me and Marti and her husband.  We will eat together here.  and then,  as i just go,  the thread basket,  the needle/pin basket,  the scrap basket will all return and ………

I remain Totally In Love with my clean and sparkling kitchen window….looking out and looking out because it's Raining and how wonder FULL it is to look out at the Rain World through this CLEAR window.  

 

 

 

 

 

bummer…the screen is what the Eye of the camera is insisting on seeing.  When i am looking,  with my own eye,  i  see an absolutely CLEAN kitchen window!!!!  It's …well,  that word i don't much like, but it's ………Lovely.  This Clean Clean kitchen window, Inside and Out.  

i washed the ceiling in the kitchen with less success…it's Better,  but not great.  Kind of smeary unless the light is on and then you can't see the smearyness.   But still,  the Vibration is much much higher.  

 

 

What could be bright was made bright

and back and forth i went,  from this Cleaning ritual to this Fragment of a Human experience…just the eyes, now,  floating Free of the concerns of this plane…..but just barely floating Free…still in a state of not knowing which is called Bardo,  the Ultimate of Just Going  and i asked.  What really matters?   Tay has not been much ok with the focus on cleaning.  She wants me to be OutSide in the afternoon,  not walking around with a bottle of Windex.   When i sit to rest a moment, she puts her whole mouth around my boot,  not biting down,  but holding….trying to express something…which i hear, but continue on with wet rags and windex.

and i dreamed last night.  An extraordinary dream that i won't go into the details of but it was a very different dream than ever before 

 

 

i have not been able to whole heartedly  "spring forward" .  The time here on this screen is one thing,  but the time elsewhere in the house is still the old time,  but eitherway,  it's almost dark.  It's Dusk.  Dusk.   and the door is still open.  Outside is right there,  on the porch,  at the door,  coming in and in is leaning Out.  Yes.

Looking again this morning.  What if i find a curved twig?  A Long one.  and then beside the simplicity of this,  there might dangle other things?

The Benevolence of these days has been,  uhhhh, well,  thick.  They are perfect.  Perfect being no challenge.  Just benevolence.  And i realized why that has had a feeling to it….just slight,  but felt none the less….

because March is usually the Month when we get Crazy here.  It's warm.  The SKY is sky blue,  the clouds Sail and sail so beauty fully,  but there is WIND.  The Crazy Wind.  Where you know to get anything done that NEEDs doing out side first thing in the morning because after that,  Wind will foil all efforts,  make you cry sometimes.  But,  now…no Wind.  not even wind.  Breeze,  yes.

Many of the blossoms on the Old Apricot are drying while some are still opening.  If there is no violent wind,  and if there is not some aberrant frost,  it very well might mean that this year there will be

Fruit

I'm trying to remember the last time and can't.  Years.  And usually,  it's because of WIND.

Mexican Elderberry.

 

literally translated in sanskrit to be Means to Accomplish Something.   

I finished watching and listening to the Blessing of Mortality Workshop that Michelle sent,  Ram Dass, Joan Halifax and Frank Ostaseski,  with Rameshwar Das.   Many times this thing of Sadhana came up as  Practice toward a Goal.  

As i've said,  every one of my days begins by calling the Old Cowboy to see if he answers the phone.  If he doesn't,  the plan is for me to drive in there to find out why.  So far, he has answered the phone.  This may go on for months or maybe even YEARS,   Who Knows,  but i agreed to it.  I am his partner for the Long Ride.  And watching and listening to these Souls speak of Life and Death,  i realized that this will become more and more the center of my Practice.  By Going with him,  i will take myself.   The learning will be our ride.  I don't remember which of them said it:  "welcome everything, push away nothing.  we don't need to like it, we just need to meet it."  I'll begin listening again and take notes this time.     

So i called him this morning and we had pretty much the same conversation we have every morning.  A report on his night and how difficult that was,  how many times he had to wake up and pee,  how hard that was to accomplish,  how his head is full of stuff,  (mucous),  and feels like a base drum,  how hard the coughing is,  the breath less ness of that.  Then into whatever it is he is dwelling on,  still the Money thing.  Then we drift into me saying well,  if we could stop dwelling on the Money thing, maybe we could feel free enough to use his new wheel chair to take a walk around the block.  He doesn't know.  That sounds like "dangerous territory" to him.  And at the end of all the Usual this morning,  after listening to Ram Dass,  Joan and Frank,  i just took a breath and was 

silent

didn't say  "well, OK,  talk to you later"     Was just quiet.

and he started up telling me how he tries to get up early enough on Sunday mornings to see the

"colored guy" on TV

who goes all kinds of places.  That today,  he took him to all kinds of beautiful places where no one lives any more.  And then to a place where they have Alpacas…he didn't know the word,  by context we figured out Alpacas,  and how they showed all the really beautiful things they made from their wool.  He was animated,  telling me this.  It was quite wonder Full, really,  that he had something to tell me that was beautiful.

So this is my Goal.  The Goal of the Sadhana.  To be more and more OPEN.  To Let what comes, Come.  Open to it.  To Welcome everything.   and today,  to understand that it takes time for Everything to appear.

i like looking at it from a distance.  Get more of a sense of things spinning Off

 

couldn't get the color True…but good enough.   I stitched the "kite" down…Invisible Baste,  Jude Hill.   I need to take it on and off the wall.  And forwhateverreason,  these initial scraps need to stay in place.  There will be more.  But these created the Beginning and need to be as is.

 

 

 

is coming.  Setting my house in order.   First, the Living Room.  And,  in sisterhood with Dana of ravenandsparrow.typepad.com,  i am taking advantage of the moment to be SURE that all these things that i am dusting  BRING a FEELING of JOY.  

Taken down from the Treasure Shelf

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

this basket, squashed into the wall at the far end of the futon couch,  Untouched.  Don't want to deal with it today.  I KNOW there is not joy here.  Later.

 

 

 

 

 

My grandson,  the one who is floundering,  made this for me in Middle School.

 

 

It took 2  1/2  hours to clean this shelf and this corner.   I continued on and finished the whole room,  or,  end of the house.   Vacuumed the walls,  the floors,  the books.  Curtain rods.  Sucked up whole Universes of cobwebs behind the shelves and draped from here to there on the ceiling and walls.  

I love it.  LOVE.  It.  Evening Sun shines through and as i've said before,  the Vibrational level is HIGH and Elegant.  I love it when it's like this.  But i also rarely do it.  Given an option for Cloth or OutSide,  it always remains unchosen.   Except when company is coming.  In this way,  I AM my mother's daughter.