windthread

Stuff's going good.  Chinche and T have found some equilibrium.  Tazmeena Cat meets T nose to nose and gives her a sharp blow to that nose and a hiss.  I don't think she has ever needed to do that before.  Well,  when she was just a kitten.  But that's a long story i don't think i'll ever tell.  But maybe she has  PTSD?  Anyway,   sort of an improvement,  she spend the day under the house instead of on a shelf in the bedroom.   I put her food and water under there.  She's still there.  Soon as it's night crate time for T,  i'll go bring her in.    

The Noteworthy for the day,  which undaunted by almost 100 degrees,  T found self at loose ends towards late afternoon.

 

for the second time,  taking the  drill battery,  phone charger and curling iron from the bathroom sink counter.  Unhappy with the NO!

 

Likewise the NO! because of chewing the edge of the rug.

This eve, Dorothy called to see how Day 2 was going and to give me a list of T's vocabulary.  Interestingly enough,  NO was not on it.  What happened to NO?   Jan the trainer makes a kind of growling sound to signify No because she says that the word no is used often in just ordinary communication and so is not a Trigger word.  Well,  i might disagree.  No is a very clear word and obviously,  T is not all that responsive to it.   So that aside,  we went out to Give Water.  which went well for about a minute at which point T wanted to eat the nozzle thing.  She likes biting the hose water when i fill the buck's water tub and i've let her.  Mistake.  Note that, grace:  Everything Matters and relates to Everything Else.   So there was some disagreement about nozzle attacking and i ended up bring her in to the Breathing Star Crate by her collar.  Gave more water.  Let her out and on giving to the squash,  there she was again,  head stuck in squash plants.  Back to Breath.  Not so easy this time.

So half way through watering,  i stop to find her ball to burn off some energy.   The rules are that she must bring the ball to the extended hand.  This the rule she grew up with.  not mine,  and she knows this rule.   If she drops it in front of you,  that's not good…can become a competition then for who picks it back up first.  No.  she puts it in your hand and releases.  and well….you might guess,  this is not at all 100%.  So when she doesn't bring it and give it,  i go back to watering where she commenses to try to chew the nozzle and be told NO!  and not listen and need to be physically moved out of the way etc.  etc. etc.   There is a clear shift in energy tonight.  Already, she has educated herself about everything here.   So,  it's a Now What? moment.  and Now What is……

Alpha

having read about the breed and having known things about dogs for a long time,  why does this surprise me?  But it does.  and it goes back to that thought about Do Not Add.  Why did i think that things would be Easy?  She's actually a Big dog.  OR ,  the high end of Medium Dog.  Which equals the low end of Big.  She has never been mistreated or afraid, really,  like Chinche was.  So how she finds out things is by Trying.   In this case,  when you don't know what to do,  you could chew electrical cords or the carpet or the hose nozzel and if someone say NO,  so what?  Who cares.  Well, they do,  but still, so what.

so we are at the So What Moment.  Didn't take long.   And i like to imagine a world where Everyone and Everything innately understands Fair.  but ….. Fair means many different things to many different Entities.   So,  here we go.   Alpha.   Been a LOOOOOONG time since i needed this.   But just this morning,  before the rug chewing,  the electrical cord chewing,  the refusal to give the ball,  i had been thinking she is a dog that i could take into,  INTO the Goats.  I still believe that.  But i will need to find my Alpha.  First.  Clear.  First.  so…thinking of how Stuff just Is.  We can imagine a lot of things.  But what Is,  IS.

 

 

how she spends a day.  Moving.  non stop.

 

except when she heard a truck outside the fence.

 

and i tried to warp a loom on the fence.  But she kept sticking her head through it,  smelling it.

 

stitching down the jute string and adding this clay brown back…the clay brown back somehow Holds it,  more than i had anticipated.  Do I like this?  or Not?

and late,  at their Call,  i spent time with the Goats.  Sitting.  waiting for each to come.  Saying their names into them,  scratching,  caressing,  talking,  humming.   They were glad.  it's been 3 days since that and they were missing it.  I was too.

 ADDENDUM:  so…it's dark now.  but T  has gone back out.  Door is still open.  She's cruising.  Learning her world of Dark Time.  and i watch as the blur of her passes by and disappears again into the Night like weaving, Jude says.  appearing and disappearing.  so it is and i watch.  Waiting till whatever it is that says Enough and will call  Dog to her Crate, close it and retrieve Cat from under house.   

But…Not.  Cat comes of her own accord…fast…through the door and to the ledge in the ROOM where her food bowls are.   New Dog rushes in and there are long low warning cat sounds and New Dog Rushing around sounds and i am tired.   So i just leave it to them.  Finally,  New Dog leaves to explore more of the Darkness.  Cat jumps down and heads for the shelf in the bedroom.  Crickets are unimpressed and simply continue their June Mantra.  

End of Day.  or close.  Dog still Out….doing her final cruise.  Now..as i type that, in.  looking around…no cat.  Ok.  into her crate.  I'll close the door.

 

 

 

 

Well, Well.

 

 

 

It started out good.   Lots of Personal sniffing,  tails wagging,  tentative friendliness.   Then it deteriorated a little with Chinche spending a large portion of the day in the bathroom sleeping.  Actually,  she normally does that.    It was 100 degrees today.  Bathroom is the coolest place.  But today…for a different reason and not coming out as much.   

She growls and snaps at attention.   And new dog, T,  backs off.  But always tries again later.  Am thinking it will get better.  Chinche has Never known Play.  When she came here she had been a road dog.   They are not of playfull spirit,  but rather,  very serious dogs.  She is a very serious dog.  T is a very Trying dog.  She just Tries everything.  If it works, good.  If it doesn't, well, maybe later.  She has a good attitude.

 

thinking about trying again later.

 

 

 

 

 

she is deep into Learning.  She is deep into knowing Every Single Thing here.  Every Single Thing.  She is memorizing Every Single Thing.    It's really something to see.

 

i was a little startled when Jan brought out this crate.  I have never thought about using a crate with a dog or anything,  ever.  But she is heavy about crates.    She says it avoids a lot of unnecessary grief for a dog.  I'd brought it home yesterday and set it up this morning.  It changed the decor of the Living Room.  It's right next to the door.  

I'd read an article in NY Times a while ago about changes in how Day Cares are working with kids and one of the things that stuck in my mind was the establishment of Breathing Stars.  A large Star is created on the floor,  off to the side some,  and when there is a moment of Stress of any kind,  the child is asked if they would like to go to the Breathing Star.  Where they sit.  no comotion at the Breathing Star.  so they can sit there.  Center themselves for as long as is needed.  And i watched T use her crate this way off and on off and on off and on  all day she would go into her Breathing Star Crate and just lied down.  or,  even just sit a minute.  As i write this now,  in the Dark,  she is all curled into sleep.  Door is open.  It's her space.  So i look at that.    I'll close her door tonight, after this so maybe the cat Tazmeena can learn that she can go in and out,  no worry.  Tazmeena spent the day sleeping on one of the Cloth shelves in the bedroom.  She has great worry.

 

 

 

 

Doe Goats were Startled!   she goes around,  doing her memorization work which includes their gate,  but really,  is no more interested in them than any blade of grass,  any small stick of wood,  any piece of the Earth.  And maybe this is the VERY BEST THING.  It's all the same to her.  Just Stuff she needs to Learn.  THIS,  THIS is quite Beauty Full.  and the real Blessing of it all.

She visited the buck pen a couple times and when i was changing their water early and at first,  they jumped back!…snorting…stomping their feet…but she stood at the fence and they came,  they touched noses….Taking eachother in through scent and it was just O K .

So…Day One.  and Really,  it couldn't have gone better.  Last night, in the middle of the night i woke and thought  oh, Jeez.  What have i done??????????   But again…it could not be better.  She is Happy and Willing and Curious and well,  just so absolutely perfectly Great.  Dogs.  Dogs are amazing Beings.   Tonight i look to my left and she is sleeping gently in her Breating Star Crate.  Totally WILLING to find all the ways to FIT here.  

so…i am feeling incredibly Lucky.  She will make her way and she will memorize the land,  she will run the peripheries over and over.  She will Claim it,  Claim Us and be Our Dog.

Though her vet papers say she is an Australian Shepard Cross,  if you google Catahoula,  that is much more what she is like.

 

and maybe Best,  i was able to work on this.

 

 

going to put this all here and then just GO ….OUT…..and watch the day fade into Peace.  then sleep and dream.

 

this is how my BeLoved dog Chinche is experiencing things.  This summer is seeming to be hard on her.  She sleeps.   Often now,  when i come home from Away somewhere,  i get all the way into the house before she realizes it and she is Startled! until she see's it's me and then is embarassed and glad at the same time.   and talking with Granddaughter,  we determine that she is probably 12 years.  Maybe 13.   But this has surprised me.   I guess because of the comotion of the 3 little dogs until their deaths some months ago,  i just hadn't noticed.   I just hadn't noticed that she was also Just Going.  Chinche.  

And i went,  this morning to look at the Maybe Dog.    I got lost.  Talk about living in the middle of Nowhere…the woman Jan who is a dog trainer….

off and over the Rio Grande, down that road and at the Y in the road, turn, past the only dwelling and down and dirt road and watch for the double pipe gate.  Neighbors have pipe gates, but singles, and the lock will be off but come in and close the gate behind you and go, go, go  until you see the house.  It's in a Salt Cedar FOREST.   and there….over to the left,  where her sheep and Goats are,

there,  going around is a dog.  Dog.  dog.  

Dorothy, an Elder,  who created the sane and humane Animal Shelter in this county is there too.  She has fostered this 

animal

since she was a very small pup.  She is now almost a year.  Her rabies papers say her birthday is July 5.    Dorothy, who as with all Shelter animals,  has named her a dorky name….Misty.

so, here is Misty.  I don't know what i had imagined from the garbled cell phone conversation with Jan the dog trainer…but it wasn't 

Misty.

Misty is an Australian Shepard X according to her vet papers.  She's a Blue Merle…With Rust.

a blue merle with rust.   she had one of those crazy eyes…but in her,  not a total blue eye, but a half moon eye.  I extended my hand and she growl/barked  backed off.   We went then to another part of the Salt Cedar forest and threw her a ball.  First Jan throwing, then me and she, soon brought it to me and licked my hand.  Three women,  a dog.  the Focus was on the dog.  dog was unsure.

WHY.  Why am i doing this?  Why.  i think of those words of Ramana Maharshi or Nisargadatta Maharaj….DO NOT ADD.   I can never remember which of them said it,  but …..DO NOT ADD.

 

this is a BIG.  BIG.  add.  Tomorrow,  the Elder who is OF the animals, Dorothy,  will bring her here.  We'll see.   I am taking myself In Hand,  reminding self of those words,  Do Not Add,  reminding myself that impulsive doing can CAUSE  so much that is unintended.   Dogs.  Their Willingness.  Her ….willingness.   She is really…Beauty Full.  she looks like a hyenna.  all brindle, grey and black and with that crazy half moon eye.   But she is so much MORE.  a Sentient Being.  that i am thinking i can WEAVE IN.  Weave in to an old dog,  and old cat,  a herd of 19 Goats and me,  really,  old too.

so this is a big day.

 

 

 

i can't think of a title.  

a long day away that wasn't supposed to be.    But that's really ok because i have been preoccupied by this web anyway,  

 

i keep looking at it.  There are three layers.   It's Extravagant.   I touched it lightly with a  blade of grass,  hoping the spider would come out but not.  I'll try again late evening.   

 

 

 

 

 

i DID weave.  i wove in Cloth to Cloth.   I wove the Daughter Cloth.  Had to stand on a ladder to do it.   Maybe what we might call a Twin size Coverlet.   So…i learned a little weaving.  2011.  

And in the new Considering Weave Diaries,  Jude Hill  Spirit Cloth,  i am looking.  listening.  Considering.  I am Considering.  yes.

 

bindweed weaves it's self to everything here,  weaves Everything to Everything.  Over/Under/Around/Over Under Around.

 

bird nests,  even for the departed

 

 

 

the cucumber trellis,  which i have moved to make way for the new Goat Corridor.  Maybe i might weave it STRONG in the case that i leave….Strong enough to take with me,  if i 

travel

 

then the holes in the Oasis fencing in the Way Back from when Arctica has gotten her horns stuck and i needed to cut the wire of the fencing….. here…mended with copper wire in a sloppy way…maybe i might Weave them well,  with mindfulness.  

 

 

that Whole Oasis fence could use Weaving with the coyote sticks.   Maybe that.

But there's too much stuff that requires weaving in from day to day to really make room for NewWeaving?   I think?  …..  I think?   This week,   a new dog will be woven in,  probably.  Because old dear Chinche doesn't hear much anymore.   and Old Women need a dog that hears well.  

Thinking a Lot about Weaving.  But not so much about threads on a loom.  But rather stuff that life requires…my life,  anyway.

?????????????????????

 

 

when i go out in the mornings,  after feeding Goats,  i see these here and there in the raised beds.  Toad huts.   not permanent homes,  just momentary shelters.  here today, gone tomorrow.

 

Yesterday,  Solstice,  i moved  two  of the Toad Spas here,  by the Child Buddha and the brass goat who stand over the baby dead Goat's grave.   it will be easy to keep them filled with water when i Give Water to the buck goats.   This is next to the Raft.

 

waiting to see what the Considering Weave Diaries will be…Jude Hill….Spirit Cloth.   i have no idea, so,  i think about weave but am just kind of blank.   but this morning i had this image of a kind of pinwheel thing with a weaving,  weaving , weaving around….made the marks.  Just in case.

 

everything is stitched in place.   Am going to just BE with it for however long.  Let it say what it can.  i fiddled some with the Eye of the Beholder,  but not much.   i like it as is.  i think.

the cloth of the Eye of the Beholder…the earth cloth,  and then the BLUE behind….these are from Deb Lacativa's hand,  she who creates Spirit with her Colours

 

 

am looking for naturally occuring Weave out there.   at about 10 oclock in this pic is a seed wad of the Feather Grass.   Tightly woven,  these seeds,  but not in any kind of aesthetic way,  pretty way….

i had imagined posting a lot more here.   But is not to be.  Instead,  had a long conversation by phone with GRANDdaughter.  Long.  and Deep.   So….that is the Gift of this Solstice day,  to me.  To me, as a singular small being on a large and FULL planet and it's just as it needed to be.  So, ok.  ok.

 

everything that needs,  like NEEDS to be present here, is.  Much left to be done, but they are things that simply hold it in place.  Hold IT in Place.  but the Players are here.    And it's Good.  and it

will HOLD me,  Us,  will Hold us.  ok.

My wish to All for a deep and strong Solstice Day/Night.   Love,

Addendum:

 

 

and the cloth of the Flag….this is all i have left in the world.  I will truly grieve whenever it's gone.  It was once an old WWII vintage kimono,  one of several,  that i got at that oh so Grand place,  Ragstock in Minneapolis.   Many bodys of the fiber figures were made with this.  All were either Coyote,  Crow or Raven.    It's almost impossible to photograph the color true,  i  have never had another piece or scrap of cloth this color,  which is a Mars Violet,  one of my most used and loved colors of the oil paints that i colored the faces of the figures with.   Some of the circles are a very pale greyblue.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so i put this here early because i need to be Out now, until dark.

 

i stitched a narrow sleeve and threaded through the string.   Will go on the stick masts of the Raft at last light tonight so it can await tomorrows Sun Rising.

 

this far.  and enough.  Can finish the flag tomorrow.  

This morning when i was turning on the water,  there was a large Whiptail.   and as they are beginning to do,  this time of year,  as we move into the patterns of the summer,  they no longer Run.   But simply move away some,  then stop.  Stop to turn and consider.  Eye to Eye.   This one.  and  i saw that she was not stripped as they are.   This one had DOTS.  many.   I was so startled,  i don't remember exactly,  but tomorrow i will be up and totally READY,  take the camera in my pocket,  see if i can record this as Witness.    She was extremely

Beauty Full.

 

 

i would just repeat yesterdays's pics…but yesterday is gone.  It's to day and was again a work away day.  This whole week, really,  and i long to just hang out with Rocks.  So  i came back home,  to where the Rocks wait

 

and built the cairn

 

at a certain point when what's next is important,  so …stopped for the day

 

coming through the Way Back saw this.  Lying in the sand.  Where WAS it before????????????????

it looks like a Being…at first i saw it as one thing,  but then i changed to many.   i was too tired to photograph it so it's Beingness appeared…

 

i'll try again.

 

when i was at the point of needing the next single rocks for the Cairn,  i thought to go out and take down the two cloths that Marti and I had done when she was here.  But, bringing them in,  i saw why it is really of no good use to me to dye cloth.  I can't use them.  They are WHOLE of themselves and i can't cut them up,  use them.  So…i end up with cloth that is beautiful in and of itself but just and well…just that.  It is there.  Its Self.  so.

 

 

 

 

 

a Party.  A Comotion.   The back of the truck full of Cottenwood branches that Wind had showered down and i brought home for them.  Picked off the seed pods because i didn't know if they were OK for them to eat,  but flung the rest over the fence.   They stood…looking…at a distance,  until i came out there are said "Come, Come"  in a bright voice as the daughter taught me…Come Come!

and they came and DEVOURED everything.