windthread

why?   what does this mean to me?   'Why,  have I come back over and over to sit and look at it….        What might be the concerns of these women?     I'n sure they have them

Year 7 here in California.   How it is for me.:   have not shifted to Rain Season.  I wake,  way too early.  it's still dark.  and these days are upon us.   out there…I mean….in the "world".  Often it's raining.  cold.  and it's way too early and as I have all my life, I  bring into consciousness,  out of sleep,   all the things I might need to worry about or need immediate attention.    now days….it's hard.  So then there's the first tea.   and then the relatively new routine of the Little Sleep.  Always about 20 minutes and then, wake to Begin Again.  Let it all settle and wait for some balance.    Second tea and on with the day.       I don't know what I want to say here with this post.

Rain or no rain,  a lot of the days are about Goats.   When I can feed them,  how are they all fairing,  where are they sleeping,  do they seem easy with it all?????    I am aware of them all day and night.  I guess because of my own sense of vulnerability.  Taking care of them,  I take care of my Self.    and this time around it's Onday.   She's old.   of the original herd in New Mex.  Snowbunny's daughter.   For whatever reason I don't know,  she has always been my favorite.   Not because our relationship has been remarkable in any way…but I guess just because for whatever reason,  I love her.    She was bred only once.  Wasn't a great mother.  Did what she needed to do then moved on.  Would not participate in being milked.   but      she was a herd boss.  Made decisions.  called the shots.  was good at that.  Her and Oona but at first,  her.   Today she's beginning to distance herself from the rest of them but still makes her place at the feed bowl.  I watch.     But generally,  I watch them because I love watching them.  And then,  there's Minnow now….we do the tennis ball thing.  Over and over I throw.  Over and over she returns.  Off and on through a day.   Puppy when she feels like it.  The rest of days are mine and this Hill.   The Beauty  and the Joy.  Always that.  Even through Rain.  There is always Beauty and Joy.   So…..when it seems that  this country is falling apart,    life here is still the same as ever.  And while it is,   what I CAN do is remain witness to the  unspeakable cruelty happening to some already  and look for ways I might find for solidarity with them,  the Haitian community in Springfield Ohio.    Watch for those who might hold us through in the next times…research,  Are they who they say they are?   Harry Dunn?????  Continue to  look for opportunities for kindness  in my infrequent forays into this small world.   Appreciate all that comes through this blog…US.  Love US.  I am so grateful.  

I re read what i've written here.   I am missing the point.  but i'm not sure what the point is.  So,  enough for today.  This is the meantime.   So,  in the meantime…….

very old.  heavy.  warm.   as in,  W a r m.    Big Pink.   it somehow seems like years ago since she's been "out".  though I know it would have been last year.   and yes.  She was where i'd imagined her to be…the very bottom of that far bin in the bathroom closet.   Bed is made for tonight.  first the Tina,  then Her,  then Little Grey.   Close cotton then 2 Wool.  perfect.

Go look at Marti's comment on yesterday's post.  Truly Wonder Full.

Day was odd.   Rain off and on which means there was no rain off and on but the day was gray ,  the sky hung low.

SO many feelings and none of  them going so far as to become thoughts,      and on    until I read Nancy's post today in Pomegranate Trail.   OH….,  ok.         I was still caught in yesterday.     The every two week or so foray into town…Post Office,  Dollar Store etc.    Before I left,   and really the day before,   I realized I was curious about how it all might FEEL,   off the Hill…down there in the world.   It was the first time since the election.  Would I be able to notice any difference in vibe?  and if so,  what might be my response.    I thought I would go with the intention to be kind.  open to looking at anything.   Noticing.   I thought that maybe other people might be wondering too.      And I had 4 very specific experiences of this.  Two with homeless people 2 and really 3 in the Dollar Store.  and tho all were very different from one another,   all were…….well,   there was Goodness.   With one,   a maybe 40 yr old guy in the check out,  which was the longest and involved  several people waiting in line,   I found myself explaining that    "I want to take any opportunity to be  (and here I paused….choosing a word…not kindness but   nice) nice.  Because it feels good."   and that's when others in line chimed in…yes!  they said.

so…somehow,  reading Nancy's thoughts,  I realized this.     I came away tonight with these particular words of hers…."I ponder where I fall  into the world of everybody"    and   "not everybody can go incognito" 

n

on the first of the slope down into the Doe Forest.   In places,  like ground cover but everywhere,  green of the "winter" plants,  where just over a week ago had been only the wheat yellow  and brown of dry grass and pine needles.   Up,  along the side of the road up,  everywhere scatterings of the tiny 2 birth leaves of something else…green.   I don't remember it being quite like this.  But  maybe it's that i've learned to See better.    

some sky,  some earth

the first real night/day of Rain Season.   all night.   through morning.   till around 1:30    Nothing but RAIN.  then,  off and on drizzle,  overcast,   Brilliant       moments       of SUNLIGHT.

Holding Space.   This space   of two Magic Ribbons.      As I go "out there",  take my mind  out there,  looking for any ways to go forward,    it's grim.   but   I have this  place now.   to return to.  I can come back,  for rest, for comfort,    For Joy.   For the Basic Goodness that Chogyam Trungpa taught.    the Wren and Others will preside.  

the Ribbons hold Space.     Just as  we   must hold Space.    There was a sudden thought:   it will Implode

and then  I thought ….we need to be here,   holding space,  having held space          for  the Children.   and so we go.

squatting at the hose connections.    Just out there,  fluttering.   at first I wonder if it might even be a moth…one of the large ones,   like Cecropia…  because of the size,   the time of day ,   but then…flight pattern…no.  a bird.

a couple days]

but not close enough for me to 
SEE.   until      then    Close.  maybe 3 and a half feet away.      The size of a humming bird maybe,   even smaller.   I see as well as I can,  as much as I can and then….searching….

a wren

I share space with a wren.

and,   EVEN,               the rim of the wing feathers….black/white/black/white