windthread

how long has it been?  maybe since November?  give or take?  that i have needed to reintegrate the seperated does?   a long time.   but i was afraid.  Today it's done.  and it was not without some comotion,  but everything is just ok.   This morning early, i undid the gate that was seperating the two front pens.  and it was sudden.  Sudden could not be avoided.  opening a gate is opening a gate.

so there was a great rushing back and forth through the Corridor behind the Albatros.  there was some "shock".   the two little ones (who really aren't so little anymore) had finally gotten their wish and were amazed and calling for their mothers.   but Goat mothers can't really do a lot for their kids.  They can stand with them.  but that's about it.  it's the kid's work to stay close to the mother.  interesting.  and the big Surprise of the Day was that it seems that Snowbunny has abdicated her position as Enforcer of the herd.   I never guessed.  and amazingly, it's not OOna,  second in line.  She was not a player today at all.  It was Onday.  who Was 3rd and is now First.

 

here,  taking a break, she looks so innocent.  Not.  she was rough.  she was relentless.  while they were all in the Front Pens,  she battered Lucky Star.  would not let her move from whichever corner Lucky Star ended up in.   No Moving.  Stand There.   and interestingly enough, Magic was her right hand Goat.  Who would have ever guessed that.  no one.  there is mystery in their minds.   But also, the good thing to see was that no one was into stressing the two young ones.   i'd worried about that.  But it's a non issue.  Good to Know.  Carolyn,  the other seperated doe met with very little attention.   

 

Just Lucky Star.  Once i'd moved all of them to the Back  (an Event) (but not as hard as i'd imagined)

Lucky Star had to stay away.   She could not come to the food bowls.

 

 

she could drink water.  but not come to the food bowls.   as we see here, she is not a small Goat.  and the only reason for her position in this herd i guess is that she was Brought into it,  not Born into it but it has been YEARS.  you'd think they'd get over that.  Not.

 

the Enforcer, who looked so innocent in the pic above,  Enforced.  Period.  No food bowl.  i fed her by hand.

 

 

the little girls love it back in the Way Back.  Room to Run.  Fast.  really really Fast.  and they did.

There are a lot of things to record in Each Goat's Ethogram.  i'll do that tomorrow as i watch them more.  

 

and amidst it all,  the final scrap was added.   a setting Moon.  just right.  just perfect.  now for those Crows.

spent a lot of time with this Cloth…looking at the face….what that face means to me

 

thinking about how i want to leave threads     ~loose~   more and more

 

a lot of invisible baste,   a lot of very small stitches.  3 of what will be crows.  not yet, but they will be.   attending to what exactly says  "crow" in a form.   so…3 crows.

 

when i opened the gate and saw this truck, i KNEW that things were going to be better than i ever could have imagined.

 

 

older brother's truck,  girlfriends car and Owen's truck outside gate. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zarina's boots.  SOMEDAY, she will make me a pair. 

 

 

 

so they're gone till probably Sunday.  Hopefully be back to visit the Mustang Camp Sunday afternoon.  beyond that,  who knows.  

this though is just a surprise but now not a surprise at all.  Spirit's on the Move it seems and who can know?  

But they, all three, are such Very Very Fine people.  I would wholeheartedly put the well being of the Planet in their hands.   

it's been a long long time since i have been around people in their 20's that i don't know.  they are sure of themselves,  intent,  educated in so many ways,  sensitive and aware.  and

so so Ready.  yes.  they are very Ready.   i don't use the expression much,  but i feel truly Blessed by this experience.   Faith.  Faith in the Unknown.  Faith in the natural and spontaneous Occurring.

Lucky.

 

 

 

no picture to day.  too surprising.  i have COMPANY!

Julie of Threading the Dog,   her friend's  son, Owen,  who is 20 years old and has Set Out, is here, his brother and girlfriend, their dog.  they will stay the night and go off camping tomorrow.  so…

more in the morning.

but tonight, i have renewed Faith, yet again,  in how we will all Just Go.  that we all CAN, just go.  Life is really really quite Something.

Thank You, Julie, for trusting me.  LOVE to ALL of Us…

 

 

 

Work away.  some wheelbarrowing.  some raking in.  some sitting with Goats.  Floor vacuumed.  Went to feed dogs for people.

 

 

just a little.  seeing if it can be.  a mask of sorts….   Not for hiding, but for Seeing.  Like the  Native People do.    This probably takes away the peaceful feeling that some commented on,  but….

it's about Looking Through Your Wild Eyes .  Which for me, is when i see the most. 

 

 

 

 

came home from alz B and Mustang Camp.  Feed, change water.  Give Water to composts, to the garden beds

 

 

garden beds look wonder Full…

 

things begin.  Lilac

 

look to the earth of the Ornamental Onion…green shoots.

 

a peacefull Wind

 

it startles me to see the wooden fence gate gone

 

 

it's now sideways, afixed to the second shelter,  for Wind,  some Rain.

 

it is so Empty now.  Without Them.  What would it be like?,  if they were gone?  i try to remember what it was, here, before they came.  before they "took over".  What did it feel like?

 

and this.  at the Mustang Camp,  we are leaning on the fences,  she is talking to someone else  who comments about how thick their coats are.  and i say,  yes.  a lot of brushing.  and she says…

yes.  and i keep it and make…..Felt.

FELT!  fELT!  AND I SAY…….    Felt?   she says Yes!,  do you wanna make some? 

so i come home and use the now unused dog brush i picked up from the Old Cowboys today.  it wasn't the best time for brushing…they were still involved in eating,  but of course, Snowbunny wanted brushing.  Some have a thick undercoat in the winter.  Tomorrow i'll see how many.  and then Lucky Star who goes into an altered state with any brushing and scratching.  so.

it just keeps Going.  i don't know what to think.  

 

Why things DID so well,   is maybe, finally,  i was able to have a clear mind.   a quiet  mind.  ?? Maybe.  I think we have too many thoughts and we have them all at once and we have the past and future in our heads at the same moment we are trying to Do something in the moment.  How, then, could a Goat make sense of that?   so…maybe it was learning how to become so focused, so Clear of everything but the one small need.

and maybe too it was the Magic of  Hundertwasser  from Maria, and ALSO

 

i don't know how to describe this.  it is Yvette's Art.   a long time ago,  i inquired if she sold her Art.  and finally…here,  in my own home,  This.   it came the same day as the bracelet.   at first i put it against my skin,  letting it lie gently there,  so beauty FULL,  so Alive.  but on the morning of Yesterday,  wearing my bracelet…i carefully placed it around She who wears the Megamendung,  She who Guards the Goats….and look.  just look.   Yvette has no "shop".  but who knows.  maybe if enough of Us ask,  like with Roz ?,  maybe?  

But…here it All is.  and i cannot seperate any of these things.  they somehow were all for the purpose of the One Day when i was able to let go of the fear and let what COULD happen, Happen.

and today was a Good day.  A day of Ease for the Goats.  All was well.   

and i followed the Urge to make a "mask" for  this cloth of  Looking with one's Wild Eyes….

maybe.  and maybe i can stitch it with just two threads  over the eyes on the cloth beneath…, that's what i'm seeing now.  Maybe.  

 

Tomorrow i visit Alz B and stop on the way back at the Mustang Camp for just a little while.  but enough to see the horse with the Sunset on his nose…whose name,  i think i forgot to say?, whose name is Sugimoto.

 

 

 

i received something in the mail.  from Maria.  from far across an ocean.  she makes bracelets out of her love of Friedensreich Hundertwasser.  out of her Love.  and i was sitting there, thinking how it is that this one is now in Polvadera, New Mexico USA of the 5th skin.

 

and i felt myself holding my hand up,  that Gesture,  facing Me.  and i heard self say in a Bright and Soft voice….   "Ready?!?"   and yes.  i was finally Ready.

 

i unscrewed the hinges of the old gate,  exposing the NEW and see through gate that the helping Guy had made maybe a month ago now?,  probably.  There was great interest.  many screws were very hard to get out,  it took a long time.

 

 

 

 

it alternated between Close and then Farther Away.  They had no idea what was going on and i watched their Way of working with that Not Knowing.  

 

i had gone out early.  before i began doing anything, and talked to SnowBunny.  Telling her what i had in mind and why.  she starred off and listened.  All the while of getting the gate off, she came and went,  and i kept talking to her.   Toward the end, when it was just about time,  she layed down under the tree.  But her attention was there.  

When everything was In Place,  i just sat down.  outside the gate.  she was under the tree watching me.  Everyone else was milling.   i sat until i was    Ready.   then i stood up,  unlatched one of the gate hooks, made that GESTURE with my hand,  and said,  "Snowbunny?, READY?"    AND SHE GOT UP and walked slowly to the gate.  i unlatched the bottom and opened it, letting her through and said  "D!"…which sounds more like Deet!, i guess,  and gave her a peanut.  

Hooked the latch and she was just looking around.  Got the little metal bowl of pellets that makes good sounds and shook it while walking toward the Inside Pen….she came.  D!  a mouthfull of pellets.   more walking,   ….  good,  making it past the Salt Cedar tree even….  D!  another mouthfull. The gate to that pen was already open and those 4 Goats on the Other Side with the back corridor gate closed…Snowbunny trotted over to visit the Bucks at their fence,  but when i called her name she came.  D!  a peanut and Into the Front Pen.

 

SIGH!!!!!!.  Part one.  there is a lot of Goat Calling.  a Lot.  19 voices.  Calling.  Wondering.  i sat with her there a while and she looked around,  remembering.  she went inside the Albatros and met the other 4 at the divider cattle panel.  lots of sniffing, rubbing.  so let this happen a while.  going back out to Both sides off and on.  

Then…i unlatched the Corridor gate and let the 4 through.  There was tension.  The does began panting.  their tongues were evident.  but interestingly,  it was mostly Caroline and Snowbunny.  Some HARD head butting,  a lot of maneuvering against each other.  and Amazingly,  Lucky Star, who i was most worried about did well.  a LOT of rubbing her head against Snowbunny,  a sign of Willingness to accept her Place,  but also,  she would rear up and meet Snowbunny, head to head.  This was new.  she's learned from her time alone  with just Caroline.  All the while,  the two little  girls were fascinated…staying behind their mothers, but right there in the thick of it.  no fear.  no fear at all and i took my cues from them.  

to make a long long story shorter, after a couple hours i opened the big pen gate for Snowbunny and the Out Back gate for the others and they all came through.  there was some running and milling, some visiting the bucks at their fence but after just a short time, everyone went in to the Front pen to get their afternoon food.  All but Snowbunny.  she had gone back to the OutBack to look around, see what had happened.  but when i called her, she came and though she spent a little time thinking about eating the Salt Cedar,  she did come.  Hand Gesture.  D!,  handfull of pellets.  and

IT WAS DONE.  What i'd worried SO about for a few months now,  was DONE.  and really,  it was all just OK.

 

at first it was like this…a lot of whirling and blurr

 

 

but then it got quieter,   with a lot of Remembering.  and i take my cues from the little girls who were not at all afraid.  They are Goats.  They have their own Way.  it is a way that is hundreds of years old.   i am learning.

 

 

 

 

and last,  the Buck Goats who everyone has such opinions about….the Buck Goats just quietly watched.  Commenting now and then.  Interested.  Very Much.  But very much the Gentlemen, too.

 

and mid morning,  this came…

 

 

for my great grandson, Julian.  a little late for Valentines day after i mail it to him,  but Heart to Heart, none the less.  he has already expressed his wish to build houses.  he know's the word Architect.  this is his dream.  he is 4 and a half.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

just going about quietly today.   watching.  looking.  Goats, Cloth,  self.   

 

a lot done here….  some Surprises.

 

and after some days of rest to be sure,  it IS finished.  it's in the little Shop.

i feel very Quiet.  a good, really good Quiet.  

i have no pics.   it didn't occur to me till long after they'd gone that i didn't take one single photograph.  it didn't even occur to me once they came through the gate.   There were 5 of them.  Patricia and her 4 Interns.  They All came.  Teaching Moment.    I am still lost in it.  So Much.  and she doesn't say anything unless asked.  Her focus was totally on the Scene.  Totally.  the Interns would say things to me, to eachother,  sometimes to her,  but she was Absolutely and Completely Focused,  talking to the GOATS.  she would laugh but to the GOATS.    and my attention was glued to what she was doing.  GLUED.  here is a picture,  on the last page so far of my notes in my stenographer's log of days….

i'll just leave this here for a minute.  but it's the first Gesture.   Hand relaxed, extended…a little,  in a relaxed way toward which ever Goat you are focused on.  They see it.  they see your gaze, or FEEL? it?  maybe both.  but they know.  they know it's them.    and of course, you also say their Name off and on.  but back to this later.

She decided to work in the OutBack where most of them are, just to see what would happen.  i think now to see what it's like for me,  day to day,  with this bunch of Goat Women.   seeing what i see.  Finding out how that feels.  she has a huge sense of curiosity.  and she watched, just watched for a while.  then we all went out and sat on the tree stumps in the middle of the Way Back.   

Snowbunny, of course, greeted them as they came out the door to the back porch.  Smelling each.  Bumping into each.  Was she checking their body tension?   Some stayed back and away, some came near.  but Snowbunny was the only one to make contact for a while.  Patricia asked me about them, different ones and for whatever reason decided to work with Onday.  but Snowbunny wanted to be first.  P decided we would just use one of the stumps out there for the Goat to stand on and said to Onday,  in a soft but bright voice….READY?  and tapped the stump.  Snowbunny jumped up.  and so it was SB for a while.  until she was so full of peanuts she got bored and went to lay inside a feed bowl to rest.  Back to Onday.  who, surprisingly to me, did not want to be touched.  so as Patricia watches this,  here comes Mercy.  Onday's daughter.  Hops up on the stump.  so…she got the actual first full Thing.  the extended hand,  READY?,  leg touch, D!, which is exclaimed brightly and a peanut given.  this goes on a while….leg touching,  and with successes, D!/Peanut.  then  READY? and leg lifted….a clip of the hoof.  same routine again over and over and over.  with each clip of the hoof, D!/Peanut.  

after her front feet, she jumped down.  and so the focus went back to Onday,  who would now come toward but not make contact.  this goes on and on and now,  Mercy is getting between all the rest when they get close to Patricia.  Arctica starts being close and head butting everyone else.  Onday is still considering what she wants to do.  

i could go on and on.  because this is what is in my mind.  i can replay it all, scene by scene.  What ended up was Patricia asked me to go get some of their pellets which they love.   The peanuts are rare and loved,  but the pellets are everyday and LOVED.  and she takes out a clicker.  i should have taken a pic of the clicker…but it's just a little metalic and plastic clicker used for dog training.  She begins again with Onday.  READY?  and extends her hand.  but this time with pellets folded in it, facing downward.  Onday says ok and nuzzles her hand….the clicker clicks and the palm turns up with pellets.  okey dokey.  this many many times.  then hand extends,  Ready?  and she ups the ante to actually touching…running her hand down her neck or across her back.  same deal,  accepted and a click and pellets.  Soon,  Onday is putting her feet on her and needing to get down to receive the pellets.  

but never up on the stump.  that would need to come another time for her and Patricia.  for me and Onday it can be tomorrow.   

So…there are just a million small details that go together  for the Whole of It.   First…you always begin by ASKING.  Extending that hand,  READY?    and if they're Not, they're just Not.  so you wait and ask again.  You spend a LOT of time waiting, Her way…a LOT.  you cannot hurry.  Hurry doesn't exist.  just does not exist.  and you are totally focused with what's going on.  you notice details.  not only with the one you want to do something, but you notice what all the others are doing while this is going on.    She did say one thing, somewhere half way through…"They're so different than horses."…really, to herself.  but i said how and she said because they are so interactive with eachother, so Other aware,  so more Active than the horses.   so there's a lot more i will remember.  but for now this is good.  and it also was clear that there needs to be a seperated off something for the one that is "Ready" to go into.  to indicate that they are The One Ready and things are happening for them.   out on the stump there was just a whole lot of milling around and as time went on and they all got more comfortable, a lot of pushing and interaction, making it a little rowdy.  So, if i want to do this in the OutBack, i'll need to create some kind of little Salon.  just of some fencing and bring the wooden Milking Stand out there.  The milking stands indicate serious business for them.  somehow, they understand that.  just naturally.  ?????  and how a Salon would work, is that you would say a general Ready??? and whoever went in would be…IT.   eventually, everyone would be Ready in their own time and all hooves would be trimmed.    Once the routine is KNOWN by them,  it will no longer require that immediate D! or Click and reward.  they would just know and the reward will be the Knowing in itself and the scratching where they each like it best and of course, the extra pellets in the milking stand bowl.  it will become…Old Hat.  

so….DEEP BREATH AND EXHALE.

i have been kind of paralyzed,  not knowing how to go about it all.  Now i know.  and ok.  i can do this.   It will Require TIME and FOCUS in this doing,  but really, probably no more time and focus than i have spent feeling lost with it all.  so…GOOD.  really really really GOOD!

and an update on the Beauty Full Love Object of mine, the horse with the Sunset nose and Ghost Moon.  i asked.  (having been trying to figure out a way to talk Nelia into letting him come to their place).   She said she's waiting for a 15 year old girl.  that he needs a 15 year old girl who can give him EveryThing She's Got.  To whom he will be THE WORLD.  he's only 3years old.  He needs and deserves Total Love.  so…ok.  I understand her even more.  she's waiting for that girl to appear.  until then,  they will just wait.  sooner or later.  All is Well.

 

and before they came and after they left,  i moved things around here.  Looked and Felt.  

I am looking very much forward to some focused Cloth time.  this cloth is …."Ready"