windthread

 

i used to grow gourds.  all sizes.  i drew on them, painted them with oils.   sometimes i'd get a good harvest of these very small ones,  which for me were the hardest to grow.   this is one of the only ones i have left.  it's missing the salt cedar twig that would go through it to allow it to hang…like  in a window.  i would put all manner of soft things inside.  sometimes paint the inside too.

i called them   Shelters For Wandering Spirits

 

 

this morning i remembered this.  and wanted to see if i could create such a Shelter with cloth.

??  maybe.

 

and the Sky,  at the end of this day, was the Largest Sky i have ever ever seen.  it was HUGE.  it was Everywhere,  it was more than i almost could look at.  

 

and as i turned to go inside, i was Startled by this….  

Thursday December 19th  the day before Solstice Eve.   I am an "eve" person.  that's when stuff happens for me.  the "day Of",  i just stand and LOOK.   New Year's eve,  Solstice eve.  so, with tomorrow eve in mind,  i go out to take a look at how things stand Out There.  and somewhere in my mind those words….."I am always behind"….are mumbling .   And as i do, really, just a few things, like move those 5 cement blocks,  stuff the gray water hose under the house,  rake some,   put the new feed/water tubs in the 2nd doe pen,  inbetween all that feeding some peanuts in the shell to my Friends,  it occured to me to wonder…Behind What?  What am i always behind?????

and yes,  this does look a little uhhhh,  unkempt,  

 

but really, all i have to do is change my Point of VIEW a little,  and it's ok.  Not like New Mexico Magazine photo shoot,  but…ok and ok enough.

 

even here, by the horse trailer.  it's ok.  from efforts a few weeks ago.  good enough.

So…what exactly am I behind?  and i have no good answer.  i am pretty much ok.  there is always a never ending occurance of things needing to be done Out There,  not to mention In Here,  and not to mention Cloth that wants to come into being,  but really,  i realize,  it's just all going along as it Can.   so i have a different View of Just Going tonight.  a lighter View,  a View with a happy hum.

 

and i have some very nice weed piles and if WIND stays over behind the Rim,  tomorrow Eve  i will burn them.

 

and set the hose to drip in the Magnificant Compost.

 

and i moved the Child Buddha from the Diamond Garden over here,  to the Raft for the next couple or few days,  or longer.   

morning

 

in the dark she caught my eye….

 

 

how ClothMaking can embody premonition.   This   is the energy i need to hold now.  just this.

 

almost. 

 

and what if i attached a piece of cloth to….cover….whatever will be in that center?  it will  NOT be this scrap…it was just atop the basket…, so not this scrap,  but something????

 

and Judith of N. California inadvertantly pointed me to this.   it arrived today.  i'd like to somehow incorporate more drawing in the cloths…thread drawing….but,  drawing.

 

referencing yesterday's post,  Jennann's Comment:

"When a caterpillar transforms into a moth,  it digests itself into a caterpillar soup inside the cacoon that still contains the cells needed to make the moth parts…same cells the caterpillar had all along…just transforming into something else."

 

the fishbird that i Integrated Applique'd  (taught by Jude Hill)  (to my absolute Joy then, as it is still now)  to the edge of the robe i made from a blanket last year (taught by Jude Hill).  

 

do you see the Eye on that piece of wood?

 

the beauty FULL worn spots in the curtain that hangs directly in front of me….the pleasure in looking at these almost holes.

so to begin this Full Moon day,   i think.

and repeat:

Whether or not Spirit Cloth continues to appear on this screen in front of me,  

Whether or not Jude Hill chooses to appear on the screen in front of me,

Clothmaking will remain.  it has been and continues to be the truest of the true.  She taught me.  And every thing i have learned remains.   Maybe i just need to understand that process that Jennann described above.  how it's all contained in the cells.   caterpillar cells and moth cells are the same cells.

This might not make sense…but…a long time ago, i was in a shop in Ann Arbor Michigan where i used to live.  There was something there that was just so incredibly beauty full to me…i can't remember now What it Was… (funny)…but i remember really really WANTING IT.  wanting to buy it.  but it was very expensive and i knew i couldn't.  so i was standing there lost in longing and my friend who worked in that shop came to stand next to me, looking too.  and after a bit she said very quietly… ," grace,  the reason you love this so much is because there is something Just Like It already Inside you." 

 

 

i knew it.  it's coming.  actually, it's happening, has been, but it's making itself known.   

 

i came home from work today did a few things and then lay down on the futon couch in the livingroom.  on my back.  lying on my back ensures that it will only be 15 – 20 minutes or so if i happen to fall asleep.   which i did.  and i woke with late afternoon SUN flowing around,  soft Goat sounds.  and i just lay there, not moving.   except my eyes.  which traveled the room, traveled the ceiling, into the kitchen, and then…over to the Room.  and Locked on this.  

it's been hanging there since we made the Room.  before that it hung over the place where the morning chair is now, but then, the table was there.  so…it hung over the table.  before that it hung over the little table in the Airstream trailer i lived in for 5 or so years.   the table is where everything happens.  where food is eaten, where Work is created,  letters written,  company sits.

it's some kind of a large vehicle gasket.  old.  i found it in an arroyo in Arizona when i was living there.   put it together with Things when i first moved to New Mexico…that first year.  i vividly remember doing that.  stringing what i strung.  looking, deciding.  

for a long time now,  i haven't really seen it.   it's so much just a part of things that it was well, kind of invisible.  but today,  i SAW it.  

 

i climbed up on the chair and pulled off some greasy dust whisps, there were a couple dried dead flies stuck in the feather.  it has years of i don't know what coating things.  tomorrow i'll wash each small thing very Care fully.  

and in looking at this, i realized that it's happening and i don't know how to describe it, the words that are true about it, but it's a kind of ummm,  no…..i don't have it, so i won't try.  but what it's about is every 7 ~ 10 years,  there is a shift.  and i move into something, some way Different.  much of the "old" me remains but things are dropped, shed, like old cells of the skin are shed from the body.  this is an old skin, shed by the self.   i'd said something about wanting to become "plainer".  i think this is it.  plain.  plainer.  but i don't know, really.  it will just slowly happen.  and there's something about how i have all these little rules about how i need to be, how Stuff needs to be.  these at this point in my life have been self created, self imposed.  but they are going to change again.   So, Solstice comes and then soon the New Year.  the two points in the year that i am close to.  

 

and i cleaned at Alz B's son's house today.   company is coming so i paid close attention to the large guest room.  and dusting the bookshelves,  there is one space where a lot of B's stuff is.  Stuff from her house,  her life.  Most of it is stuff that she never really liked.  her adult children sorted through all of it and took the things that had meaning to her or them.  her son just keeps the residue there in the corner on the shelf.  and as i dusted i saw…in the same way i SAW the thing hanging from the ceiling…..i saw this little figure…just in front of Buddha…i don't know what it's made of, metal tho.  with that green cast to it.   i've seen this a million times before.  dusted it.  but suddenly today i saw that it's a

Goat

so i brought it home,  for Solstice.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

an odd day.  but OutSide, not odd at all, just some work.  This is the second half ton bale of alfalfa i've gotten.   there is a gallon jug of water on top, to give you a sense of it's size.  This is the kind of bales of feed that they haul to cattle free ranging through the winter in the mountains.  Big.  it's a little over 20 of the normal two string bales that i ordinarily have.   The first time, it was kind of a fiasco,  we couldn't get it off the truck so had to pull "flakes" off individually and stack them.  it was hard and i wasn't looking too much forward to repeating that.  But a new and improved plan and we DID it.    and then my neighbor's son was around for a few days, so i hired him to help me pound in,  well, he did the pounding,  some reinforcing Tposts in places i thought were weak in Goat fencing.  Done.  so, really, it was a good day.   and i guess at the end of it,  i'm thinking that i'm glad it's over.   Time for just going.  OK.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

this morning.  even more Beauty Full.

 

This is Chinche.  she knows when i am Thinking specifically of her.   She is shy of the camera.  Next to her is Tulip, the last of the band of Chihuahua Terriers.  She is dying.  Little by little.  She is deaf and demented. but she lingers.

 

CAUTION:  vegetarians and vegans.  Move on to the next pic.

FINALLY.  oh finally.  a Vat of red chile for Tomas, that resident at the Old Folks Home who knew what he wanted and ASKED.   Remember,  i only know Tomas from seeing him going about town for years, on foot,  in his very unmistakable peculiar way.   but when i saw him at the Old Folks Home when he first arrived a while ago, and asked him "how's it going" he said, without looking at me…"Bring me red chile".   i did.   and since then,  everytime i come his eyebrows go up? and i shrug and put my hands in the air and he goes off in his amazing walker thing made of PVC pipe.

but today…oh, yes.   You brown small pieces of tender pork till there is some carmelization on the bottom of the pan.  remove and drain.  in the pan,  with that carmelization you add enough

Lard

to pool a little when the pan is tilted up sideways.  just enough.  you then add two LARGE spoons of dry Chile Powder…FROM LOCAL grower….this would be about a cup.  then a part of a spoon of flour.  this you stir constantly as it "toasts" in the lard.  you know it's right when the fumes begin to burn your nose and eyes begin to water.  you have a quart mason jar of warm water at hand and slowly pour it in stirring constantly till it seems right.  add some salt and garlic powder, however much you think (this can be adjusted as it goes).  add back the pieces of pork.  cover and simmer until a skin forms.  it's done.  let it sit to cool.  When i came walking in today he must have had a premonition.  from Way Way down the hall, his eyebrows went up and i held up the container with his name written on it, the date.    he came.  fast.   as we put it in the Resident's refrigerator in the Arts and Crafts room,  people asked….and he said   "she makes good chili.  with meat."  i was Proud.   Tomas grew up, as many here have, eating this Every Day.  Beans.  Red Chili and Tortillas.  Period.  everyday.  it is Food.   and although they serve good meals there,  to him, it is not food.  since i made so much, i suggested that he might share and as he spun away, i heard "no".  well, ok then.  but this was good.  very very good.  it's no easy thing for an old hippy chick whose not FROM HERE to get this seal of approval.  that's one thing….the maniac i was married to taught me to cook.  So i wouldn't embarass him.  so ok and Bueno.

 

there's the back of that CD  and my test bowl.  i had to eat a Lot to get the seasoning right.

 

the altar cloth.  more Kantha.  it feels right too.   Today,  everything felt right.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so with the Magic Diaries Cloth atop the plasticed West Window,  the Wall is again FREE.  this is good and maybe even very Necessary.   here are three strips of a wool blanket that i had put into the Walnut pot on the wood stove.  and then, two the original color of the blanket.  i began  doing this thinking that when What If Diaries resumed in January and focused on weaving,  i would need something to show for myself.  i am NOT a weaver,  other than the cloth weaving i've learned from Jude which i love, but i really am saving Weaving for my next life.   But, i need and my normal dog Chinche needs,  a small very warm utilitarian rug for in front of the wood stove.  my feet,  her butt.

i like this.  the wool of the blanket allows the walnut to seep in slowly if i put the strip on edge.  i'll keep adding strips to the pot until i have enough for a small rug.  then stitch them, woven.  i love the feel of the needle going through the wool.  

Yvette…it makes me wish i was you…a felter, and  and Martine and Suzanna.   but…next life.

 

 

 

 

sometimes i feel like going so much to hang out with Alz. B  isn't good.  that it takes too much time away from Cloth.   even tho it's only a couple hours incl. driving time,  i prevents the momentum i like of working days in a row without interruption.  and i guess that's what was in my mind as i drove today for Music Thursday.  and she was all squished and curled in her big wheel type chair looking for all the world like an old fetus.  so i wheeled her into the dining room, where Music Thursday takes place, set my chair next to her, made her feel my oh so cold cold hands,  she mumbled something and the Music began.  and there went her foot…keepin time and her hands, one that i held and one to tap the arm of the chair and even tho her face was squashed into her pillow,  she 

Sang.   

Her son arrived a little late and took the other side and we all sang.  and when we didn't know the song we just hummmed or da da'd  because gospel, folk and bluegrass tunes are easy to follow along even if you don't know them.  and then suddenly B was into harmonizing…well, for the most part.  whod've guessed?   and forwhatever reason, we got a little Rowdy.  there's a resident who is much younger than the average, but with many disabilities,  most noticably no legs below the knee,  and i remembered him telling me that they don't sing Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog often enough.  so at a pause i called out a request.  and there it came and Johnny was using his cups for percussion and and people SANG.  family visitors SANG.   Joy to the World, All the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, Joy to you and me.  through all the verses and when it was over, Johnny called Encore!  and yup, all over again till we were worn out.  

So….what's there to say?  Everything has a Front and a Back.  the bigger the Front, the bigger the Back.  and so it is.

and home to Goats/Wood.  Re build the fire that went out when i was gone.  

 

 

and the Magic Diaries Cloth is back up over that plastic

and while i was looking at that, this one scrap basket was just so glowy…

 

and then…

i have said a few times in the past how when a cloth is on the Wall and i'm trying to figure out what scrap is next,  i just press something on with my fingers and look.  and it reminds me of those flannel boards they used to use in Sunday School,  with the figures of the story they were trying to teach…i remember most Moses and the burning bush and then  there was one that really bothered me,  of i think Jesus with dark heathens somewhere in the Congo,  where all the missionaries went.

anyway  i always liked the idea of flannel boards.   and i think this is all this amazing span of cloth is going to get.  not a stitch.  but small things, pressed onto it,  as i think about it all.  today was a tiny ink figure.  can you see her?  about nine inches to the left of Jude's fringe?  i don't know what she's doing there.  haven't gotten that far.  due to the Singing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i woke at 2: 30 am or something needing to pee.  OK, thinking..i'll get the Fire going and it will warm up and i'll be ready for this day.  This day i had PLANS for.  so, i did start the fire.  i did read comments here, i did go over to the Mother Ship.  i DID spend a LOT of time watching that cloth of Marti's on the wall.   Things came and went through my mind, like Ira Progroff said in this teaching of Intensive Journal Process…."like flocks of birds.  we let them come, we let them go".  i did this.  and kept feeding the fire.  by somewhere around 6:30,  it was STILL COLD.  i could feel my Resolve dwindle.  SO

i went back,  into the bed,  under the covers,  wearing all the layers of clothes and my hat and just layed there, listening for the Goats until i fell  asleep.

8:45 a.m.  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee   and i think i only woke up because the dream had come to some point of needing Resolution   and i guess my mind thought the best Resolution would be for me to get going with the Day.  Which didn't amount to much as my Dad would say.   Just Goat care, trying to thaw hoses, Looking at Stuff.  but late in the afternoon

i had a SUDDEN BURST of PURPOSE  and hauled out that plastic stuff that i really DO NOT LIKE

and push pinned it over the West Window of the ROOM  and then vacuumed all the Earth that Wind had brought me that was all over everything and moved the Magic Diaries Cloth from the Looking Wall over,  atop the horrible plastic