windthread

a blur.

i am watering.  even tho there has been RAIN,  i need to water.  Watering the tomatoe plants and tonight…THERE.   She goes.  back.  forth.  She goes.  from the tomatoe plant stake to the twigs of the Wild Rose.  Back.  Forth.    my Heart fills and expands, watching.  Garden Spider.  

so focused.  so ancient a dance.  how i love, LOVE, seeing this.  such care i take, keeping the hose low to the ground to not interfere with her Work.  I Love Her.  I am Gratefull to her to have chosen just this place to carry out her Necessity.  Love.  i am filled with Love.  Filled.

then…

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Over in Jude's W hat If.  in the What if about Color.  she talked about a rainbow.  and showed us things about how Rainbow, how Color might appear to her.

and looking,  i saw it differently.  but i was energized.  and here….a color map of Walnut.  and they will remain.  un attached.  moving….relating to one another, to those that will come and i KNOW that i will LEARN more

about how i experience Color.

so…

because of all the RAIN, i continue to see the changes with the rocks…

Rain seeps into the porous parts,  allowing the Beauty to shine.   They are stunning.  and i can squat next to one for so long,  just admiring.

that Tie Dye from the thrift shop.  months ago.  Sun faded.  but still…
"pinkie"…so

into the cast iron walnut Vat.  almost dry., so YES.  

but is this about LUST?, no.  so…what IS?………

This.   This is about Lust.  This is

Fiona

our Spirit Cloth brother,  Montana Joe of Manhandled Threads on Jude's side bar,    Joe,  had been talking on his blog about opening his Shop again.  so i kept looking.  nope.  nope. nope.  and then

SUDDENLY, yes! and right there, was HER.  and i was FILLED WITH LUST!   it's been a Long Time  since that feeling, but it filled me to my bodily edges and then beyond.    i know something about lust, how it rises up, like a fever, but then subsides.  so i asked him to hold her a little so i could see if it would last through that initial RUSH.  and i remembered being asked to do Horse and Lama care for a week and had said no.  because i really don't want to keep doing those things.  I really just want to make cloth.  but then,  i thought about how my son's first and only child will be born at the end of September and how i really want to Honor her…little Giana Alluvial Fan, who will be a very girly girl because of her mother, but also will be my son's daughter and so.  

i took the horse care job and said YES to Joe and today, she arrived.  Fiona.  named after my Guinea Hens who were beautiful in the same way.  

i want to make her things.  in a certain way, i want to make her things for my son.    and i know what an Effort it seems to be to haul out my mother's old Singer Featherweight, which is such a Beauty but has that electical cord that i trip over both literally and figuratively.  i wouldn't do it.

but ….this, Fiona….no cord.  just waiting to make Her stitches.  Waiting to make pinafores that have many pockets to hold fishing lures and catch and release pliers.   she will be a Fly Fisherwoman, this little girl.  and she will need these pinafores.  yes.  and i can do it with this

truly Magnificant Machine.  Oh, and EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee,  just look.  

can you see the grass hay on the porch?  i brought it Through the house this morning, so there is hay, all across the floor, through the livingroom, part of the kitchen, the ROOM, out the back door to the Way Back.  it was Easier because it was still raining some…like drizzle but on going.  and i was quietly doing this.

THEN, this evening, just a few moments ago,  innocently calling the granddaughter Alyssia about sending a National Geographic photography book to HER half sister Veronica who is 16 and lives  with her…..come to find out that everything there has CHANGED.  like totally CHANGED.  and what that means for ME is that they,  Alyssia, my granddaughter, her boy, Julian 3 close to 4, and the budding photographer Veronica 16, very well may be coming to visit for 10 days on Sunday.

and

unlike any time in the past when i might have had a variety of responses,   This time, i just thought…oh!  wow .  and that's 

it.

how Great to see them!,   Veronica i've never met…Julian who will remember every single thing from his last summer's visit, and Alyssia.  Alyssia who is somehow very much like that Datura bloom.  i can't say why i say that.  but she IS.  Very Much.

and how amazing it is.  as i am working on this Cloth, where the Stuff of Life ooozes out from under Spirit…

HERE IT IS.  oozing out.  and i just think ….oh!

how so so absolutely GREAT is THIS!!!!!

this is just to test.  Posting yesterday was ify and no comments were possible???? so,  this is just to see if it is an ongoing problem…

the second bloom.   somehow maintaining through an all night rain

and on the line,  a true rag, a pink cleaning rag i brought home from somewhere and put in the cast iron walnut dye pot…a pale purple lavendar.    interesting.  no brown or grey.  and it's cotton.  ????

it rained.  almost all night.  just a soft steady rain.  and during that, she opened this bloom.  i don't know this beetle at all.  ?

this is the bloom in the evening.  they last a night and a morning, as above.  and then, through the day, move to this… which i love so much.  i love even maybe more than in the morning.

and the Child Buddha, in a Glory of Marigolds

very CLOSE work.  what do i mean by that word?, Close?  i don't really know.  but it was.  very close work with very small scraps/fragments. 

this took a long time.  the tips had to be Right.

and while looking for a thread….this Appeared.  how will it fit in?  yes?,  no?, but i think, yes.

and i almost forgot.  

apple pie.  i made an apple pie.  When i was at the Old Folks Home yesterday to see Alz B,  i took her out on the side patio.  and  NOTICED that just out from the adobe wall was an APPLE TREE.  the beautiful green grannie smith.  so i asked around and no…no one had much of a thought about it, so before i left, i filled a bag.  enough for two pies.  and this is One of the Great things about living alone,  it's All Mine.  ahhhhh. and sigh.  .

it's very quiet out there.  i would even be able to say PeaceFull.  i think this is the first evening in maybe 3 weeks or a month that the two mother Goats have been able to lie down and chew their cud in the evening hours.  it's funny, that i'd not really clicked on the Whole of that.  i was aware that it was intense and noisey.  that Lucky Star and Caroline were calling out and calling out and nothing i could do seemed to relieve them.   i thought it was because LS had 4 kids.  and that Caroline is not so much a long time Mother.  she does what she needs to but also likes her own space.  but tonight, it seems that it may have been these two things, but also the increasing level of testosterone out there.  the two banded bucklings are quiet.  they are eating and drinking water.  Nursing too.  but then they lie down to rest.  they are not double ly driven…to nurse as babies and to nudge and prod and push like little buck Goats.  Nogal, the one that i left Whole, is more placid by nature.  

so..i am learning.  

i have to let this Daughter one go to full bloom.  One more time.  i will love her.  totally and Care Fully and completely.  and then, before she can seed, i will pull her.  but This, for now.

this morning.  the peacock feather had slid behind the curtain.

and here's whats happening here.   nothing that you see is necessarily going to stay.  it's all just Looking.  but i think it's how it's going to go.  Out from under the edges of Spirit,  life just Goes,  in all its ways and all its  forms.  ??????

i'd thought about some other things, but ….as the evening went, ….this is just it

thes two small things occured.   the bottom left is the cloth that represents for me the Spade Foot Toads.  Their Eggs.  that do or do not reach maturity.  This year, here, not.  the puddles dried up.  Nothing for this year.

and the 

line through the Center.  

The Line through the Center is the REAL.  not always easy.  

what else do i want to say about this right now????,  well, not always Easy.  But then, i don't know much, really, about living on this Planet.  i am Learning.  day by day.  and that Line reminds me that it's not about me.  it's about Life.    it's about How It All Goes.

yesterday, Nurse Cindy DID come.  but she had just given her resignation at the old folks home.  she was full, in Herself of what is ahead for her.  her final years of work, now being at a new and very challenging place.  and so…we talked.  and sorted through all that.   

this morning, i called Blain and Karen's.  they live down the way and Blain does Things.  Many Things.  They are Christian people.  you can count, on any given exchange, can count on listening to them Witness for Christ.  Especially Karen.  they home school their kids, have chickens, pigs and a Goat or two.  anyway, i called and told Karen about the little buck goats.  so,  just a while ago,  Blaine showed up and did the Deed.  it took maybe  3 minutes?  two little bucks banded.  just now, in this MOMENT, they have stopped crying.    they cry.  the pinching hurts.  but it's evening and by dark, they will have given in to it.  and by morning, it won't hurt much.  and by tomorrow night, it won't be much at all.  and by the next day, they will have forgotten.  and in 10 days their shriveled testicles will have dropped of into the dirt.

THIS STUFF is hard for me.   unlike Blaine, i was not raised on a ranch….with calves and pigs.  he didn't blink an eye.  my eyes are wide open and blurry.  it's hard for me.  but what i know is that their lives as neutered male goats, Weathers, will be longer and kinder than if it never happened.  Someone very well might Love them Forever.  as an unaltered Buck, there's not much chance.  and saying that, i did NOT band Nogal.  He remains whole.  and in a very short time he will be moved into the buck pen.  life there will be filled with challenges.  but i want to keep him.  he is Buckwheat's son.  carries that line.

so…life.  Life.  is what it is.  and looking at it through Goats,  i have to expand my View.  and I Don't Know.

a Hollyhock.  and as long as the leaf is not disturbed by movement, they are all mouth to the leaf.  but if it is, they rise up against one another and seem to fight?  so…are they Meek?  or  well, something else entirely????

and the Datura, that i had sadly Sacrificed because of the Goats, has continued.  there are Many,  all over the house garden area.  Do i pull these too?  or, take our chances?

and then.

the subtle difference is there in all these pics, maybe hard to really See, but….

at first i thought it is an Altar Cloth.   but the Image is really only visible in diffused light, or when it is hanging (pinned).  flat, on a surface in relative Sun light, it becomes obscurred.  ??????

the question is:  Do i somehow honor this ?  and leave it as is?  

OR, do i enhance the Image that appeared, even just some, even just a little.  i did that, just a very little with Pitt pen, sepia…so, i'm talking about just a little more….?????

and then, either way, i don't want to stitch on the Image.  i don't know why, but i don't want to.  Either way, whatever is stitched would be ummmm,  around the Image.  maybe even between the marks of the image, which would mean it would need to be very very small, that stitch…

?????????

as far as fabric…the top is the silk noile.  there is a walnut dyed harem cloth, then the back of some cotton, also walnut dyed.  i think the cotton is from the vestment of an altar boy.

one sixty.  seems important.  and it continues a little odd.  things happening for people.  Here and There, changes.  i just hung up from Nurse Cindy at the Old Folks Home where Alz B is and she has been offered a job elsewhere.  so…it was a kind of Looking conversation, of where she IS, where she might Go and we are relatively New to one another, but also, there is the Recognition of the Familiar.

Cindy speaks of ….God….and she knows that i speak of the….god thing….but we allow for the differences and look for the similarities and we are Good with it.  She will try to come tomorrow to help me castrate the little bucks.  and i know she will, if at all humanly possible.  

Today there was 4 significant storms.  one on the heels of the other with short pause inbetween.  This made for miserable sad Goats.  their Hay, soggy.  sad.  miserable.  and the way sad miserable Goats express their sad miserableness is with repetative blah blah blahs and this made me wish in the moment that i could say something to them, Loud, like to the dogs, and even Tazmeena the cat that would make them be

quiet.

but…Goats, no.  Bleah Bleah Bleah.  all day.  i'm glad it's dark.  maybe tomorrow will be different?  maybe not.  who knows.

and the cloth on the cloth line yesterday, dry, inside, ….a very significant difference.  so, Looking. 

and i wrapped some cloth with wire.  in this case, baling wire and a little copper wire, which there is in abundance around here and made even a "tool" of it  to retrieve the cloth from the depths of the vat.  felt quite accomplished by this.

and these.  from the vats….the canning pots, not caste iron, … look at the difference.  lacking the iron mordant.  so tomorrow i'll put some of the SAME cloth in an alluminum pot and see what happens.  I feel very scientific.