windthread

the flight of a bat

national geographic  August 2024 issue

when i like them the most.    early,  just pick up the pencil.   in seconds.  not even a minute.    and it says what i could not /cannot say with words.

my whole life i thought my best feature was my feet.    until i guess almost 2 years ago when that changed during one winter of rain and cold when they seemed to succumb to Raynaud's Syndrome   and i searched for answers but found really none.   At one point they having a purple cast,  the nails being  strange and  i thought….eeeeeeeeeeee.   but then…that spring,  when they were feeling particularly bad,   i chewed up some Plantain leaves from B Garden walkway….at the suggestion of a YouTube,  pressed those leaves on the toes and there was     relief.   Remember???     From there,  using the last of the Heals All Salve from TakingRootVT.com and when that was no longer available,  a similar salve a woman in Paradise made….and continuing the Plantain Leaves   and all the while thinking about my feet…what was Different? from my whole life?  and understanding it finally to being how i was confining  them in socks and tight boots…..changing that to less socks,  just enough socks,  and whenever possible,  just my crocs,  even in winter…….and now…..today   this pic.   My feet.    Still,  the  sensations of Reynaud's Syndrome but otherwise,  they are just my toes.   My beloved toes.  all pink and ok.    

Point of this?    trust your Self.   experiment.   take whatever Time is necessary to Learn.   You can heal your self.  

'

both the button bush and the butterfly.  unfazed

it's been since the evacuation that i've left the Hill.   and in that short/long time,  the Button Bush has

bloomed.,

after having been reduced to stubs by the powers that be,    has regrown and today i saw…..not just that,  but  BLOOMING

and

this butterfly.    I've never seen a torn winged Butterfly before…that hindwing almost gone.   But it went.  Button to button,   as if nothing was different at all?????????????

 

 

     

to let it be however long    just going back to  FEEL it    and then it begins to tell you what it wants you to know.   dont know if you can see,  but upper right,  the Essential Beings appeared and i thought…????   have nothing to do with this but they did and do.   They say

go back.

go back to the Garden no matter how you think you feel.   Just go back.    OK.   OK and OK.    

my son and his family…his woman.  his daughter,   Giana.   Her man,  her father.      Family vacation to  Glacier Nat'l Park

Project 2025    advocates  the sale of Public Lands    for private enterprise.

it was Typepad last night.   Just  "wouldn't"   and  i  gave up and went to sleep.

but i'm in the same place today.   These numbers are from Sunday morning.  They have changed but not significantly.    This fire is the largest active blaze in the United States.    It is expected to burn            several more weeks,  if not months     sometimes expanding  5,000 acres an hour.   It began in Chico,  where Jenny lives.  Often  "weather"  she has,  moves to S. Oroville where Alyssia lives and then over here,  East Oroville,  the Hill.   It could have come here but the wind blew North and we were spared.    There are 4,000 firefighters.   There are 4,400 people under  evacuation orders within Butte County,  my county.    More than 8,000 in Butte and Tehama counties together.   That's   order.   Warnings are another story.    The Watch Duty app  pings  over and over all day,   updating these numbers,  updating  "your" particular place by  the map.   What else should i say here?     to make a point.    ?   the word   inferno.      I can say     birds burn in flight.  

before i moved here i didn't think much of California.   California to me  meant Hollywood,   LA.  Berkeley.    to a New Mexican,  well….   I had no clue what a large part of this state IS…VAST ELEGANT WILDLANDS .  pure and untouched.   It is incredibly Beauty FULL…it is beyond incredibly Beauty FULL.   and this is  climate   Crisis.    it burns.   …,

Fire has come nearby.   It burned the town of Paradise.  it has burned even more nearby in  small  wildland fires.  I can drive to see that land,  in maybe 10 minutes.   But not like this…not so     complete.   VAST swaths of forest.   and i am finding myself lost in the wondering about that.   At some point,  all will become still.  It will be over.    There will be a silence.   something more than a silence.    and then

things will Begin Again.

i am looking for  the        science    of this.     What?,  exactly    happens?     What is     first      to animate?,   to "come to life""   How does that happen?    i want the SCIENCE of it    because in that science,  there is the story.   of   Beginning Again.   

so…if you come across things you read or hear about this…please let me know.   I'm limited to how much i can search.   I will be grateful.  

  by the turn of events

i read and read and read….look,  look,  look.     this is a once in a lifetime thing that's happening.   i want to know it in all its variations.   i want to understand what's happening.   and the day goes so quickly….    i thought i had a lot of time and suddenly noticed that it was an hour till evening feed…..eeeee,    noticed how i'd gotten lost in it all    and     i guess,     wanting to claim at least a little of my own mind,    i got the pencil and the drawing book   

for an hour then,   this.    at first fast moving lines but then the pencil lingered   and i grounded self here on this page.   Have no idea what i was drawing,   but the pencil knew.   I'll wake up to it tomorrow.

once in a while i have moments of Absolute Clarity upon waking from a nap.     Today.     a Fire that cannot be contained in this time of climate crisis.   239,000 acres   advancing at 4 to 5,ooo  acres/hour    In my mind,  i see this.   Understand this.       My 78 year old self…both able and unable simultaneously.    A laughing Woman   poised on the brink of becoming president of these united states.   young people …. who came of age during the pandemic  HUNGRY for optimism.   Snoop Dog   carries the torch at the Paris Olympics.   and on.     All so very     clear.   and more.    so very very clear.